James Donaldson on Mental Health - We Have Seen the Mental Health Crisis Up Close. We Can Fix This.

After Ashley Judd lost her mother Naomi, she teamed up with the Health and Human Services secretary to promote a national suicide prevention plan.

By Ashley Judd and Xavier Becerra

Naomi Judd was a musician who left country music better than she found it, a caring nurse, a proud mother and a wife who adored her partner of 42 years. She died by suicide on April 20, 2022, the day before she was to be inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville.

Naomi was living with depression, a disease that many Americans experience. In 2023, more than 49,000 Americans died by suicide, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In 2022, more than 13 million adults seriously thought about suicide, 3.8 million planned a suicide attempt and 1.6 million attempted suicide, according to the CDC estimates. Suicide is also the second-leading cause of death in the U.S. among Americans aged 10 to 34.

We have witnessed this mental health crisis up close. One of us is Naomi’s younger daughter, Ashley; the other is the U.S. secretary of Health and Human Services. In Naomi’s memory and the memory of so many other lost loved ones, we have worked together to elevate our national discussion about mental health.

Perhaps more than any single event in recent years, the COVID-19 pandemic magnified feelings of social isolation and loss and exposed inequities in access to mental health care and counseling. The lasting effects of the pandemic, along with a toxic political climate, negative and addictive social media content and substance abuse have all contributed to damaging mental health in this country.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Under President Joe Biden, the Health and Human Services department has worked to ensure broader access to mental health services and support. But we know that stigma about depression and anxiety often prevents people from seeking help.

Last April, we released the 2024 National Strategy for Suicide Prevention and a federal action plan to implement that strategy. The strategy makes behavioral health services available to everyone regardless of race, geography or income, and looks into the impact of social media and drug and alcohol use on mental health. Crucially, the strategy prioritizes equity to address populations disproportionately affected by suicide, including members of the LGBTQ+ community and people in rural areas.

Our plan identifies more than 200 concrete actions to be initiated and evaluated over the next three years. HHS will fund mobile crisis centers, increase support for survivors of suicide loss, decrease access to lethal means by promoting secure storage of firearms, medications, poisons and much more. The goal is a coordinated and comprehensive approach to suicide prevention at all levels of government, along with partnerships between the public and private sectors.

Among our most successful work has been to expand the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, which has answered more than 10 million calls, texts and chat messages in the past two years, helping desperate individuals and saving countless lives. The lifeline now has specialized tools for veterans, Spanish speakers, members of the LGBTQ+ community and the hearing impaired.

The Biden administration announced $36.9 billion in behavioral health funding last year – the largest commitment in U.S. history to address the overdose and mental health crises. That includes support to states building crisis systems, federal incentives for 24/7 mobile crisis benefits through Medicaid, community behavioral health centers and training for first responders.

As President-elect Donald Trump and his new administration prepare to take office, the tools are in place to continue this important work to reduce suicides. The priority must be to save lives and help people thrive, no matter who sits in the White House or who leads HHS.

For every Naomi, there are families who experience their own confusion and traumas from the disease that affects their loved ones. Those of us who have lived through this, who have felt helpless and scared, can seek help and support for our own healing too. We can honor our loved ones for their whole being, with our grief and joy, as we confront the disease together in our communities.

It is critical that we continue to encourage a dialogue about these issues, even when those conversations can be complicated and personal. We can and must do these things together.

A few years before her death, Naomi Judd wrote about her struggle with depression, a battle well known to many Americans. “If you’ve got a pulse, then you’re fighting some battle, whether it’s a diagnosis of depression…or something else,” she wrote. “There’s power in numbers…You’re not alone.”

Death by suicide devastates families, friends, neighbors and the wider community. We all have a role to play in promoting suicide prevention, and we pray that our next leaders will continue the important work of the Biden administration in this field. Together, we will make a tangible and powerful difference in so many precious lives.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-we-have-seen-the-mental-health-crisis-up-close-we-can-fix-this/

How irritability and anger can be signs of depression in children and teenagers

Writer: Caroline Miller

Clinical Expert: Lauren Allerhand, PsyD

What You'll Learn

- When are irritability and anger signs of depression in children and teenagers?

- How is this different from typical teenage irritability?

- What should you do if your child seems unusually irritable and angry?

- Quick Article

- Full Article

- What does irritability look like when it’s part of depression?

- What to do if you’re concerned

- Talk to a mental health professional 

We usually think of someone who’s depressed as being sad or “down” for a very long time. But children and teenagers who are depressed can also be irritable or angry a lot of the time. They may seem on edge. Some depressed kids are irritable instead of sad. Others are both: they alternate between sad and irritable.

Since teenagers are often irritable, how can you tell if your child’s irritability might be associated with depression? Normal irritability is intermittent, a reaction to something specific. In depression, it’s their mood most of the time. It’s also normal for kids to be cranky at home, but not at school or when they’re with friends. Or cranky in the morning, and then in a better mood later. But if they’re irritable all the time, and not just at home, but in all settings, it could be depression.

To be diagnosed with depression a child would need to meet other criteria for depression, too. Those include losing interest in things they used to enjoy, lacking energy, changes in eating and sleep habits, among other things. If they are irritable but high in energy, it’s more likely to be connected to anxiety.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

If you’ve noticed that your child has been unusually irritable and angry, the first step is to talk to them. Ask them if there’s something bothering them. If they’re upset about something specific, listen to their concerns without being judgmental. If not, and it seems to be a generally irritable mood, it’s a good idea to get care from a mental health professional.

Especially when it’s caught early, depression is very treatable. Treatment for depression includes both medication and specialized forms of cognitive behavioral therapy that focus on helping kids learn to cope with difficult emotions.

We usually think of depression as a form of prolonged sadness, being “down” for a disturbingly long time. But depression can also take the form of irritability in children and teenagers. And irritability — a tendency to react angrily to slight annoyances or provocations — can result in everything from angry outbursts in younger children to cutting or snide remarks in teenagers.

“What we see with younger kids and teenagers is they’re always feeling annoyed or feeling on edge,” explains Lauren Allerhand, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “They always appear to be a little bit frustrated, like they’re simmering under the surface.”

In some kids, irritability replaces the depressed mood that we think of as the defining symptom of depression. In others it appears along with feeling down. “What I see most often is kids who experience both,” adds Dr. Allerhand. “It’s like an inability to experience positive emotions. They’re waffling between this irritability and low mood.”

Dr. Allerhand notes that it can be helpful for parents to know that anger can be what is called a “secondary emotion.” That means that for some people – kids or adults — it’s easier to experience anger than sadness or loss or grief. “The locus of anger is usually external,” she notes, so it can be easier to be angry with those around you than to acknowledge some very painful negative feelings. It makes sense, then, that kids who are feeling deep sadness might express anger instead.

What does irritability look like when it’s part of depression?

There are many things that can prompt irritability and anger in young people. What are the signs that these negative moods might be associated with depression?

If the irritability is constant rather than conditional. We expect some level of irritability from teenagers in general, especially when they’re being asked to do something they don’t want to do, like put down their phones and join the family for dinner. But that typical kind of irritation or anger is intermittent, and it’s provoked by something specific.

“However, if irritation is the main way that a teenager is throughout the day,” says Dr. Allerhand, “and not only at home but also at school or in other environments, it may be related to a mood disorder rather than an environmental circumstance.”

If the irritability is accompanied by other symptoms of depression. In addition to depressed mood or irritability, to be diagnosed with depression a child would have to have at least four of these symptoms:

- Losing interest in things they once enjoyed

- Feeling worthless, saying negative things about themselves

- Lacking energy, feeling tired or seeming lazy

- Trouble concentrating or making decisions

- Gaining or losing weight, changes in appetite

- Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much

- Thinking about or attempting suicide

Irritability with high energy could be caused by anxiety. Depression generally comes with low energy levels. So when irritability appears with high energy, or it is accompanied by a lot of worried behavior, Dr. Allerhand says it’s more likely to be associated with anxiety. Or, in some cases, it can be a sign of bipolar disorder. “I would look at anxiety first,” she said, “unless there was a very strong family history of bipolar or some very strong indicators, because that’s much less common.”

If the irritability is explosive, it could be DMDD. When a child regularly has explosive outbursts of anger with seemingly little provocation, they may have the relatively new disorder called disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, or DMDD. “Those are the kids who go from zero to 100, throwing stuff, hitting — those really big tantrums, big displays,” notes Dr. Allerhand. The kind of irritability associated with depression is more of a steady state of being on edge, and prone to snap at someone or lash out verbally. DMDD usually shows up before age ten, but it isn’t diagnosed in kids younger than six, since temper tantrums are common in very young children.

What to do if you’re concerned

If you’re wondering if the irritability or anger you’re seeing from a child or teenager could be a sign of depression, Dr. Allerhand has these recommendations:

Talk to them about how they’re feeling. If your child seems unusually irritable, something may be going on that’s driving the behavior. A good place to start is having a conversation with them to see if there’s something at school or at home that’s causing them stress.

“Start with something open-ended like, ‘How have you been feeling lately? I know things have been tough,’ ” she suggests. “See what the child says. If they are open to talking about how they feel, great! Parents should listen and validate without jumping immediately to problem solving — unless the child is specifically asking for problem solving.”

If the child is unresponsive to first attempts, Dr. Allerhand encourages parents to let it go and let the child know they are always available to chat. “I’d recommend doing this often — even daily — so they will come to you when they’re ready,” she says. “This shouldn’t be a power struggle, or kids will never want to share.”

If it’s less than constant, try to ignore it. If your child’s irritability seems to be triggered by things they don’t want to do, or they’re irritable in the morning but pleasant in the afternoon, it’s less likely to be a sign of a mood disorder. “If it’s more conditional and not happening all the time, I would ignore it as much as you possibly can,” advises Dr. Allerhand. “It’s best to avoid saying things like, ‘That’s disrespectful,’ or, ‘You don’t talk to me like that.’ Any of that kind of attention is going to increase the likelihood that you see more of it.”

On the other hand, do praise behavior you do want to see: “So anytime they come down to the dinner table and sit down and grunt one word at you, you say, ‘Thank you so much. I love when you have dinner with us.’ No sarcasm either.”

If it’s only happening at home, you probably don’t need to worry. Even if a teenager is irritable most of the time at home, if they’re happy at school or in other environments, then it’s more likely to be typical edginess than a mood disorder, Dr. Allerhand advises.

Teenagers tend to direct anger and irritability towards parents, since venting is less risky where you are most secure. “Forming strong peer relationships is a high priority for teenagers. And if you’re irritable and blow up at people, they don’t generally want to be your friend. So oftentimes kids save it for the people who they have the most secure relationships with,” adds Dr. Allerhand.

And since parents have control over so much of a child’s – and even a teenager’s — life, they’re very easy targets for irritation and anger.

Talk to a mental health professional 

If your child’s irritability and anger are a pattern that’s going on every day, for more than a couple of weeks, and outside the home as well as with the family, it’s a good idea to consult a mental health professional. Especially when it’s caught early, depression is very treatable. Treatment for depression includes both medication and specialized forms of cognitive behavioral therapy that focus on helping kids learn to cope with difficult emotions. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-depression-and-anger-2/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Depression and Anger

How irritability and anger can be signs of depression in children and teenagers

Writer: Caroline Miller

Clinical Expert: Lauren Allerhand, PsyD

What You'll Learn

- When are irritability and anger signs of depression in children and teenagers?
- How is this different from typical teenage irritability?
- What should you do if your child seems unusually irritable and angry?
- Quick Article
- Full Article
- What does irritability look like when it’s part of depression?
- What to do if you’re concerned
- Talk to a mental health professional 

We usually think of someone who’s depressed as being sad or “down” for a very long time. But children and teenagers who are depressed can also be irritable or angry a lot of the time. They may seem on edge. Some depressed kids are irritable instead of sad. Others are both: they alternate between sad and irritable.

Since teenagers are often irritable, how can you tell if your child’s irritability might be associated with depression? Normal irritability is intermittent, a reaction to something specific. In depression, it’s their mood most of the time. It’s also normal for kids to be cranky at home, but not at school or when they’re with friends. Or cranky in the morning, and then in a better mood later. But if they’re irritable all the time, and not just at home, but in all settings, it could be depression.

To be diagnosed with depression a child would need to meet other criteria for depression, too. Those include losing interest in things they used to enjoy, lacking energy, changes in eating and sleep habits, among other things. If they are irritable but high in energy, it’s more likely to be connected to anxiety.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

If you’ve noticed that your child has been unusually irritable and angry, the first step is to talk to them. Ask them if there’s something bothering them. If they’re upset about something specific, listen to their concerns without being judgmental. If not, and it seems to be a generally irritable mood, it’s a good idea to get care from a mental health professional.

Especially when it’s caught early, depression is very treatable. Treatment for depression includes both medication and specialized forms of cognitive behavioral therapy that focus on helping kids learn to cope with difficult emotions.

We usually think of depression as a form of prolonged sadness, being “down” for a disturbingly long time. But depression can also take the form of irritability in children and teenagers. And irritability — a tendency to react angrily to slight annoyances or provocations — can result in everything from angry outbursts in younger children to cutting or snide remarks in teenagers.

“What we see with younger kids and teenagers is they’re always feeling annoyed or feeling on edge,” explains Lauren Allerhand, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “They always appear to be a little bit frustrated, like they’re simmering under the surface.”

In some kids, irritability replaces the depressed mood that we think of as the defining symptom of depression. In others it appears along with feeling down. “What I see most often is kids who experience both,” adds Dr. Allerhand. “It’s like an inability to experience positive emotions. They’re waffling between this irritability and low mood.”

Dr. Allerhand notes that it can be helpful for parents to know that anger can be what is called a “secondary emotion.” That means that for some people – kids or adults — it’s easier to experience anger than sadness or loss or grief. “The locus of anger is usually external,” she notes, so it can be easier to be angry with those around you than to acknowledge some very painful negative feelings. It makes sense, then, that kids who are feeling deep sadness might express anger instead.

What does irritability look like when it’s part of depression?

There are many things that can prompt irritability and anger in young people. What are the signs that these negative moods might be associated with depression?

If the irritability is constant rather than conditional. We expect some level of irritability from teenagers in general, especially when they’re being asked to do something they don’t want to do, like put down their phones and join the family for dinner. But that typical kind of irritation or anger is intermittent, and it’s provoked by something specific.

“However, if irritation is the main way that a teenager is throughout the day,” says Dr. Allerhand, “and not only at home but also at school or in other environments, it may be related to a mood disorder rather than an environmental circumstance.”

If the irritability is accompanied by other symptoms of depression. In addition to depressed mood or irritability, to be diagnosed with depression a child would have to have at least four of these symptoms:

- Losing interest in things they once enjoyed
- Feeling worthless, saying negative things about themselves
- Lacking energy, feeling tired or seeming lazy
- Trouble concentrating or making decisions
- Gaining or losing weight, changes in appetite
- Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
- Thinking about or attempting suicide

Irritability with high energy could be caused by anxiety. Depression generally comes with low energy levels. So when irritability appears with high energy, or it is accompanied by a lot of worried behavior, Dr. Allerhand says it’s more likely to be associated with anxiety. Or, in some cases, it can be a sign of bipolar disorder. “I would look at anxiety first,” she said, “unless there was a very strong family history of bipolar or some very strong indicators, because that’s much less common.”

If the irritability is explosive, it could be DMDD. When a child regularly has explosive outbursts of anger with seemingly little provocation, they may have the relatively new disorder called disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, or DMDD. “Those are the kids who go from zero to 100, throwing stuff, hitting — those really big tantrums, big displays,” notes Dr. Allerhand. The kind of irritability associated with depression is more of a steady state of being on edge, and prone to snap at someone or lash out verbally. DMDD usually shows up before age ten, but it isn’t diagnosed in kids younger than six, since temper tantrums are common in very young children.

What to do if you’re concerned

If you’re wondering if the irritability or anger you’re seeing from a child or teenager could be a sign of depression, Dr. Allerhand has these recommendations:

Talk to them about how they’re feeling. If your child seems unusually irritable, something may be going on that’s driving the behavior. A good place to start is having a conversation with them to see if there’s something at school or at home that’s causing them stress.

“Start with something open-ended like, ‘How have you been feeling lately? I know things have been tough,’ ” she suggests. “See what the child says. If they are open to talking about how they feel, great! Parents should listen and validate without jumping immediately to problem solving — unless the child is specifically asking for problem solving.”

If the child is unresponsive to first attempts, Dr. Allerhand encourages parents to let it go and let the child know they are always available to chat. “I’d recommend doing this often — even daily — so they will come to you when they’re ready,” she says. “This shouldn’t be a power struggle, or kids will never want to share.”

If it’s less than constant, try to ignore it. If your child’s irritability seems to be triggered by things they don’t want to do, or they’re irritable in the morning but pleasant in the afternoon, it’s less likely to be a sign of a mood disorder. “If it’s more conditional and not happening all the time, I would ignore it as much as you possibly can,” advises Dr. Allerhand. “It’s best to avoid saying things like, ‘That’s disrespectful,’ or, ‘You don’t talk to me like that.’ Any of that kind of attention is going to increase the likelihood that you see more of it.”

On the other hand, do praise behavior you do want to see: “So anytime they come down to the dinner table and sit down and grunt one word at you, you say, ‘Thank you so much. I love when you have dinner with us.’ No sarcasm either.”

If it’s only happening at home, you probably don’t need to worry. Even if a teenager is irritable most of the time at home, if they’re happy at school or in other environments, then it’s more likely to be typical edginess than a mood disorder, Dr. Allerhand advises.

Teenagers tend to direct anger and irritability towards parents, since venting is less risky where you are most secure. “Forming strong peer relationships is a high priority for teenagers. And if you’re irritable and blow up at people, they don’t generally want to be your friend. So oftentimes kids save it for the people who they have the most secure relationships with,” adds Dr. Allerhand.

And since parents have control over so much of a child’s – and even a teenager’s — life, they’re very easy targets for irritation and anger.

Talk to a mental health professional 

If your child’s irritability and anger are a pattern that’s going on every day, for more than a couple of weeks, and outside the home as well as with the family, it’s a good idea to consult a mental health professional. Especially when it’s caught early, depression is very treatable. Treatment for depression includes both medication and specialized forms of cognitive behavioral therapy that focus on helping kids learn to cope with difficult emotions.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-depression-and-anger-2/

Are you living with anxiety that’s starting to affect your day-to-day? If so, keep reading for some helpful tips that can make coping and living with anxiety easier.

Limit Caffeine

If you love caffeine, then this entry may be a little disappointing. However, there’s a likelihood that if you’re living with anxiety, that morning cup of coffee is making your anxiety worse.

The reason why is that coffee mimics the natural state the body goes in when it’s in a fight or flight mode. This includes feelings of nervousness, increased heart rate, sweating, and faster breathing. It also can lead to insomnia, which if you’ve ever drank coffee late at night and couldn’t sleep, you certainly know this to be true.

Quitting coffee cold turkey isn’t the right call. Instead, gradually lower your intake over a few months so you’re not experiencing common caffeine withdrawal symptoms. With time and perhaps, a switch to decaf, you can experience reduced symptoms of anxiety and an improved quality of life.

Identify Your Triggers

If you have anxiety, avoiding things that make you uncomfortable isn’t a long-term strategy. But, in the interim, it could be.

Per the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, a trigger refers to “...something that brings on or worsens symptoms.” This leaves the definition of a trigger wide open, as what worsens your symptoms may not be the same as what worsens someone else’s.

That being said, the most common emotional triggers that bring about anxiety include but aren’t limited to social events, the death of a loved one, specific personality traits, moving, the birth of a baby, making small talk, working stressful jobs, and going through a divorce.

Triggers can be anything stressful or life-changing, as mentioned above, or simply hearing a song, a word, or seeing an object that triggers a painful memory. Regardless of what causes it, triggers can be scary and overwhelming. That’s why identifying them is so beneficial.

By knowing what is bound to trigger a painful memory for you, you can learn to either avoid situations that will affect your mental health or set boundaries that limit your exposure. For example, if your mom died of cancer and it triggers a lot of pain and anxiety for you, shutting off a TV or radio commercial that talks about treatment may be helpful while you’re working to address the root of the anxiety.

Over time, and with therapy, you’ll be able to expose yourself to triggers more easily. However, when you’re starting out and learning to cope, reducing your exposure to things that will worsen recovery is a smart idea.

Identify Your Support System

You may have a huge group of friends or people you know, but not everyone will be the right support system for you. That’s why, if you have anxiety, you should identify a support system that can help you through it.

This person or these people should be sympathetic to your struggle with anxiety and be open to listening about it without dismissing it or offering unwarranted insight. Sometimes, when your anxiety level is high, the last thing you want is to hear someone else’s opinion. Instead, what you need is to vent.

Venting will untangle your anxious thoughts so you can think more clearly. Find a friend who will allow this process to unfold naturally, and then when it’s time, offer supportive suggestions or practices you can do together, like breathing or grounding techniques.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Practice Aromatherapy

Do you have some essential oils lying around? Maybe something lavender or bergamot scented? If so, you may want to turn to them next time you’re feeling anxious.

According to Timothy K.H. Fung et.al, in the article Therapeutic Effect and Mechanisms of Essential Oils in Mood Disorders: Interaction between the Nervous and Respiratory Systems published in the National Library of Medicine, there is sufficient evidence that indicates that essential oils (EOs) “...can successfully reduce anxiety and relieve pain when combined with conventional treatment.”

When inhaled, essential oils help regulate mood by sending signals to the brain that activate serotonin and dopamine, two neurotransmitters that help improve and stabilize mood. The most successful scents include those mentioned above, as well as rose, lemon, and sandalwood.

If you don’t have essential oils, you can also try lighting a candle or using a room spray of a similar scent. Keep in mind that the practice of aromatherapy shouldn’t be relied upon as the only coping mechanism for treating anxiety. Instead, it should be used in conjunction with the other methods listed here and therapeutic treatment.

Practice Better Sleep Hygiene

Last but not least, one of the best everyday coping strategies for addressing anxiety is to practice better sleep hygiene.

Sleep is when your brain goes to work, helping to maintain your cognitive skills and regulate emotions. Without it, your brain can’t perform these necessary actions, and the result is going to be increased anxiety and worsening mood and cognitive function.

Of course, when you’re living with anxiety, practicing good sleep hygiene may be easier said than done because being in a consistent fight-or-flight mode makes it hard to fall and stay asleep. That’s why you have to take proactive action.

Here are some steps you can take:

- Power off your phone or stop using it at least an hour before you go to bed

- If you wake up in the middle of the night, don’t try to fight going back to sleep; instead, get up and read some pages of a book in another room

- Limit both caffeine and alcohol intake, especially before bed

- Wake up and go to bed at the same time every day, limiting naps, if possible

These tips aren’t foolproof, but they can offer some immediate help to get you back to sleep. Try them out and see what works for you.

Remember, dealing with anxiety is stressful and often overwhelming. However, with the right everyday coping strategies, you can help reduce symptoms, so you enjoy a happier and healthier quality of life moving forward. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-coping-with-anxiety-5-strategies-for-everyday-life/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - What to Do if You Think Your Teenager Is Depressed

Start by listening without judgment, not trying to 'fix' them

Writer: Stephanie Dowd, PsyD

Clinical Experts: Stephanie Dowd, PsyD , David Friedlander, PsyD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moS9tNzJkMk&t=1s&ab_channel=ChildMindInstitute

What You'll Learn

- What are the signs of depression in teenagers?
- What can parents to do to help teenagers who may be depressed?
- How is depression treated?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- Be supportive
- Accentuate the positive
- Helping kids with depression get treatment
- Why depression treatment might not be working
- Taking care of yourself

Signs that a teen might be depressed include being sad or irritable, losing interest in things that they used enjoy, changes in eating or sleeping habits, and low energy. Feeling worthless or hopeless about the future is a big warning sign. And a drop in grades or trouble concentrating at school can also be a symptom. If your teen shows more than a few of these signs and they don’t go away after a couple of weeks, they may have depression. And while you can’t make them want to get better, there are some things you can do to help.

Kids who are grumpy and down can be frustrating, especially if they don’t seem to be trying to help themselves. But it’s important to let them know you’re taking their feelings seriously. For example, you could say, “It seems like you’ve been really down lately. Is that true?” Make it clear you want to understand what’s troubling them without trying to jump in and solve the problem.

Ask questions and try not to judge. By listening, you’re letting them know that you hear them and you’re trying to understand. Remember, you’re not there to “fix” them. Listening without judgment will make them feel more comfortable reaching out when they’re ready to talk.

Depression can make doing even the smallest things more difficult. Make a point of noticing even simple positive things your teen does, like going to school or doing the dishes. And highlight ways they’re taking care of themselves, like doing homework, spending time with family, or keeping up with friends. Remember, this is not the time to be critical. They don’t want to feel this way. If they could snap their fingers and feel better, they would.

Try to give them opportunities to do things without being critical. Instead of saying, “Honey, you should really get up and do something,” you might say: “I’m going to do an errand. Do you want to come with me? Maybe we can get lunch together.”

Getting depressed teens into treatment can be tricky. If your child doesn’t want to go, be patient and persistent. Give them space, and let them know you’re there when they’re ready. When your teen is ready, let them choose a therapist they connect with. Make sure that whoever they decide on practices a therapy that works well for depression. Interpersonal therapy (IPT), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) are often good choices. Many teens with depression also benefit from medication.

If your child is already in treatment but it isn’t helping, it may be time to make a change. This could be a different course of treatment, a new medication, or changing therapists.

When kids are young, parents are used to swooping in and rescuing them whenever they need help. As your kids get older and their problems become more complex, you have to transition into more of a supporting role, and that can be difficult. This is especially true with teens who are struggling with depression. They need help to get better, but first they have to want that help.

Signs your child is depressed:

- Have they been sad or irritable most of the day, most days in a week for at least two weeks?
- Have they lost interest in things that they used to really enjoy?
- Have their eating or sleeping habits changed?
- Do they have very little energy, very little motivation to do much of anything?
- Are they feeling worthless, hopeless about their future, or guilty about things that aren’t their fault?
- Have their grades dropped, or are they finding it difficult to concentrate?
- Have they had thoughts of suicide? If so it’s crucial you have them evaluated by a mental health professional immediately. If the thoughts are really serious and there is imminent threat, you will need to take them to an ER.

If your teen shows more than a few of these signs they may have depression that warrants professional attention. While you can’t make them want to get better, there are some things that you as their parent can do. And it starts with simply being there for them.

Be supportive

One of the most important things you can do for your teen is to work on strengthening your relationship. Try to build empathy and understanding by putting yourself in their shoes. You might be frustrated that they seem down and irritable a lot of the time and don’t seem to be doing much of anything to help themselves. But if there isn’t much in their life that is making them happy, or something intensely disappointing has happened to them, it’s understandable that they might avoid things they used to enjoy and retreat to their room. Depression makes even doing the smallest things more difficult.

Try to validate their emotions, not their unhealthy behavior. For example, you could say, “It seems as though you’ve been really down lately. Is that true?” Make it clear that you want to try to understand what’s troubling them without trying to problem solve.

Be compassionately curious. Ask them questions about their mood gently, without being emotional. Even parents with the best intentions often don’t realize that their concern can come across as critical rather than loving. Do not be judgmental or try to solve their problems, even if you disagree with their point of view. Listening to them talk about their problems might seem as though you’re highlighting the negative, but in fact, you’re letting them know that you hear them, you see them, and you’re trying to understand — not fix them. People don’t like to be fixed. Listening without judgment will actually make them more likely to view you as an ally and someone they can turn to when they’re ready to talk.

Try also to give them opportunities to do things without being critical of them. Instead of saying, “Honey, you should really get up and do something. How about calling an old friend?” you might say, “I’m going to the mall to do an errand. Let me know if you want to come with me, and maybe we can get lunch together.”

For some parents, this can feel passive, as though you’re not doing enough. But being there for them and communicating your acceptance is exactly what they needs from you right now. It’s actually a very active way to strengthen your relationship.

Accentuate the positive

Make sure you’re noticing the positive things your teen does, too. Going to school, holding down a part-time job, doing the dishes or picking up their brother from soccer practice: These are all good things they’re doing, and it’s important to recognize them rather than thinking, “This is what they should be doing.” We all like to be appreciated and recognized for doing a good job even when it’s expected of us.

Ask yourself how many positive things have you said to them today? How many negative things have you said? How many times have you highlighted their problems or tried to fix them? The positive should outweigh the negative. Let them know that you’re proud of them, that they’re doing a good job if you see them taking care of themselves, doing homework, interacting with the family, or doing other things that take effort. They’ll likely appreciate that you noticed.

Likewise, you don’t need to mention that you’re disappointed they aren’t hanging out with friends as much or taking the interest they used to in guitar, for example. They probably feel disappointed, too, and don’t need to be reminded of what’s not going well in their life. They don’t want to feel this way. If they could snap their fingers and feel better, they would.

Helping kids with depression get treatment

Some teens will want to go to therapy when you ask them and some won’t. For those who are resistant, know that they aren’t going to suddenly open up to the idea of therapy (or to you) quickly, but you can help guide them towards treatment by opening the door and then waiting patiently for them to walk through it.

Try saying, “I know you’re having a hard time, and I have some ideas of things that could help. If you’d like to talk with me about them, let me know. I’m here for you.” It’s also a good idea to ask them if they has any suggestions on how you might be able to help. You might be surprised with what they have to say.

Be aware that your teen might tell you to back off. That’s fine; it’s their way — albeit a slightly irritable one — of telling you that they need space. It’s normal for teenagers to want independence, and it’s important for you to respect that. You can respond by saying, “I’ll give you more space, but know that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk or hear my suggestions.”

If they do come to you wanting help, be prepared. Do your research. Find two or three therapists they can interview and tell them that they can choose the one that they feel most comfortable with, and think will help the most. Finding a therapist who is a good fit is extremely important, and making the choice theirs will help them feel ownership over their own treatment, which is extremely important to teens and sets the stage for effective therapy.

It’s also important to know that there are several different kinds of therapy that might be helpful for your teen, including some well-studied behavioral therapies. Interpersonal therapy (IPT),cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) have all been shown to be helpful for teenagers with depression. Make sure that your child has had a thorough evaluation that includes treatment recommendations to help guide you.

Many teens with depression benefit from medication, such as an anti-depressant. While therapy alone may be effective with mild to moderate depression, the best results are usually gained with a combination of medication and therapy. If depression medication is a consideration, it is strongly recommended that you make an appointment with a board certified child and adolescent psychiatrist (rather than a general physician) for a consultation.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Why depression treatment might not be working

If your child already is in treatment but it isn’t helping, ask them why they think that is. What isn’t helpful or what don’t they like about therapy? Are there things about therapy they do like? Maybe you can work together to find a therapist who does more of the things they like. If you do consider changing therapists, it’s important to discuss this with their current therapist before the decision to change is made. Many times, the therapy and/or the therapeutic relationship can be improved.

Keep in mind that therapy usually isn’t effective if the person in treatment isn’t committed to it, or is doing it to please someone else. Your child should want to get better for themselves. Unfortunately, sometimes people have to get worse before they want help. But the good news is that if you lay the groundwork by strengthening your connection now, they’ll be more likely to turn to you for support when they’re finally ready.

Taking care of yourself

Lastly, it’s important to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself. It can be emotionally and physically exhausting to be a parent of someone who is struggling with depression. Know that you are not alone, and get support for yourself. Make sure that you make time to do things you enjoy and go out with friends. The phrase: happy mommy (or daddy) = happy baby (read: teenager) still applies!

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-what-to-do-if-you-think-your-teenager-is-depressed/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Coping With Anxiety - 5 Strategies For Everyday Life

Are you living with anxiety that’s starting to affect your day-to-day? If so, keep reading for some helpful tips that can make coping and living with anxiety easier.

Limit Caffeine

If you love caffeine, then this entry may be a little disappointing. However, there’s a likelihood that if you’re living with anxiety, that morning cup of coffee is making your anxiety worse.

The reason why is that coffee mimics the natural state the body goes in when it’s in a fight or flight mode. This includes feelings of nervousness, increased heart rate, sweating, and faster breathing. It also can lead to insomnia, which if you’ve ever drank coffee late at night and couldn’t sleep, you certainly know this to be true.

Quitting coffee cold turkey isn’t the right call. Instead, gradually lower your intake over a few months so you’re not experiencing common caffeine withdrawal symptoms. With time and perhaps, a switch to decaf, you can experience reduced symptoms of anxiety and an improved quality of life.

Identify Your Triggers

If you have anxiety, avoiding things that make you uncomfortable isn’t a long-term strategy. But, in the interim, it could be.

Per the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, a trigger refers to “...something that brings on or worsens symptoms.” This leaves the definition of a trigger wide open, as what worsens your symptoms may not be the same as what worsens someone else’s.

That being said, the most common emotional triggers that bring about anxiety include but aren’t limited to social events, the death of a loved one, specific personality traits, moving, the birth of a baby, making small talk, working stressful jobs, and going through a divorce.

Triggers can be anything stressful or life-changing, as mentioned above, or simply hearing a song, a word, or seeing an object that triggers a painful memory. Regardless of what causes it, triggers can be scary and overwhelming. That’s why identifying them is so beneficial.

By knowing what is bound to trigger a painful memory for you, you can learn to either avoid situations that will affect your mental health or set boundaries that limit your exposure. For example, if your mom died of cancer and it triggers a lot of pain and anxiety for you, shutting off a TV or radio commercial that talks about treatment may be helpful while you’re working to address the root of the anxiety.

Over time, and with therapy, you’ll be able to expose yourself to triggers more easily. However, when you’re starting out and learning to cope, reducing your exposure to things that will worsen recovery is a smart idea.

Identify Your Support System

You may have a huge group of friends or people you know, but not everyone will be the right support system for you. That’s why, if you have anxiety, you should identify a support system that can help you through it.

This person or these people should be sympathetic to your struggle with anxiety and be open to listening about it without dismissing it or offering unwarranted insight. Sometimes, when your anxiety level is high, the last thing you want is to hear someone else’s opinion. Instead, what you need is to vent.

Venting will untangle your anxious thoughts so you can think more clearly. Find a friend who will allow this process to unfold naturally, and then when it’s time, offer supportive suggestions or practices you can do together, like breathing or grounding techniques.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Practice Aromatherapy

Do you have some essential oils lying around? Maybe something lavender or bergamot scented? If so, you may want to turn to them next time you’re feeling anxious.

According to Timothy K.H. Fung et.al, in the article Therapeutic Effect and Mechanisms of Essential Oils in Mood Disorders: Interaction between the Nervous and Respiratory Systems published in the National Library of Medicine, there is sufficient evidence that indicates that essential oils (EOs) “...can successfully reduce anxiety and relieve pain when combined with conventional treatment.”

When inhaled, essential oils help regulate mood by sending signals to the brain that activate serotonin and dopamine, two neurotransmitters that help improve and stabilize mood. The most successful scents include those mentioned above, as well as rose, lemon, and sandalwood.

If you don’t have essential oils, you can also try lighting a candle or using a room spray of a similar scent. Keep in mind that the practice of aromatherapy shouldn’t be relied upon as the only coping mechanism for treating anxiety. Instead, it should be used in conjunction with the other methods listed here and therapeutic treatment.

Practice Better Sleep Hygiene

Last but not least, one of the best everyday coping strategies for addressing anxiety is to practice better sleep hygiene.

Sleep is when your brain goes to work, helping to maintain your cognitive skills and regulate emotions. Without it, your brain can’t perform these necessary actions, and the result is going to be increased anxiety and worsening mood and cognitive function.

Of course, when you’re living with anxiety, practicing good sleep hygiene may be easier said than done because being in a consistent fight-or-flight mode makes it hard to fall and stay asleep. That’s why you have to take proactive action.

Here are some steps you can take:

- Power off your phone or stop using it at least an hour before you go to bed
- If you wake up in the middle of the night, don’t try to fight going back to sleep; instead, get up and read some pages of a book in another room
- Limit both caffeine and alcohol intake, especially before bed
- Wake up and go to bed at the same time every day, limiting naps, if possible

These tips aren’t foolproof, but they can offer some immediate help to get you back to sleep. Try them out and see what works for you.

Remember, dealing with anxiety is stressful and often overwhelming. However, with the right everyday coping strategies, you can help reduce symptoms, so you enjoy a happier and healthier quality of life moving forward.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-coping-with-anxiety-5-strategies-for-everyday-life/

Don't minimize their feelings, but do praise them for being resilient

Photo by samer daboul on Pexels.com

Writer: Rae Jacobson

Clinical Expert: Rachel Busman, PsyD, ABPP

What You'll Learn

- How can we help kids who feel embarrassed?

- What can parents do to model good coping skills?

- When should you be concerned about a child who feels embarrassed?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Model behavior

- Take your child’s embarrassment seriously

- But don’t overreact

- Praise positive skills

- Create perspective

- When to step in

- Embarrassment and social anxiety

- Life lessons

For grown-ups, minor embarrassments are no big deal. But for kids, being embarrassed can be very upsetting. Helping kids build resilience and confidence will make sure they have tools to deal with embarrassment in a healthy way. 

Kids look to parents to see how to behave. When you feel embarrassed, set an example by responding calmly and keeping your cool. This doesn’t mean you should hide embarrassments. Instead, let kids see you handling embarrassing experiences in a reasonable way: “Whew! That was embarrassing! But it was kind of funny, too.” 

Embarrassment can be a powerful emotion for kids. Something that sounds small to you — like giving the wrong answer in class— may feel huge to your child. When kids are embarrassed it’s important not to dismiss their feelings, even if the situation that caused them sounds like no big deal.  

Instead, let them know you take their feelings seriously. Then, focus on moving on and modeling healthy coping skills. Offer perspective: “It might feel like everyone will remember this forever, but…” And praise resilience: “Sure, you made a mistake, but I loved how you just kept playing! That was amazing!” 

Embarrassing situations happen to everyone from time to time. But if a child regularly comes home from school upset, or has a major change in behavior or mood, there may be something more serious going on. Bullying could be a problem. Or if your child is so worried about being embarrassed that they avoid activities most kids enjoy, they could be struggling with social anxiety disorder, and may need help.

For most adults minor embarrassments are just a part of life — annoying, but inevitable and hardly a big deal. But for many kids, embarrassing experiences can be very upsetting and, in some cases, may lead to serious issues like anxiety and avoidance.

We can’t protect our children from embarrassment, but we can help them build the resilience and confidence they need to deal with it in a healthy way.

Model behavior

Kids look to parents for cues on how to manage difficult emotions like embarrassment. “As parents we set the behavioral tone for our kids,“ says Rachel Busman, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, “So when we’re helping children learn healthy emotional habits, the first step is to consider how we handle similar situations in our own lives.”

Taking a look at how you deal with embarrassing experiences at home will help you set an example of healthy behavior for your child.

- Don’t obsess: If you tend to dwell on mistakes you’ve made (“I can’t believe I did that!” “I could have died of embarrassment!”), it’s more likely your child will do the same.

- Stay calm: If you lose your cool when an embarrassing situation happens to you, or react by becoming angry or upset, you’re sending a message to your child that it’s a big deal.

- No teasing: Kids accidentally do and say some very funny things, but it’s important not to mock mistakes or poke fun at embarrassing incidents. If small embarrassments are treated with ridicule, kids may start associating even minor missteps with feelings of shame and humiliation. Teasing — even if it seems gentle — can be very upsetting to kids, especially if they’re already feeling sensitive.

Take your child’s embarrassment seriously

There’s no yardstick for embarrassment. Something that sounds small to you — giving the wrong answer in class for example — may feel huge to your child.

If your child is embarrassed it’s important not to dismiss their feelings, even if the situation that caused them sounds like no big deal.

“We naturally want to downplay embarrassing experiences by saying things like ‘it’s not as bad as you think,’” says Dr. Busman. “But when kids are experiencing these big, really upsetting emotions that can feel like a brush-off.”

But don’t overreact

If your child comes home upset, what they don’t need is for you to get upset, too, or angry on their behalf. (“That sounds awful!” “Those kids should be ashamed of themselves for laughing!”) And don’t assume that they want or need you to do something about it. When a self-concious child worries that a parent will overreact or make an embarrassing situation worse, they’re likely to be reluctant to share their feelings.

“When a child is hurting, as parents we want to do all we can,” says Dr. Busman, “but if your kid is feeling embarrassed, heaping more attention on the situation can make it worse, not better.”

Praise positive skills

If your child shares an embarrassing situation with you, take care to validate their feelings, but don’t dwell on them or over comfort. Instead, praise positive coping skills. If they made a mistake during a piano recital, praise them for staying focused and finishing the piece. Reframing negative experiences will help your child identify healthy reactions and practice them, building what we call metacognitive skills. You could say: “I’m so sorry that happened today. I know it was upsetting but I am so proud of how you handled it. It takes a really brave person to keep playing when things are hard.”

Create perspective

If your child fell in gym class and other kids laughed, it may seem to them as though everyone saw, everyone laughed and no one will ever forget it — ever.

Of course you know that’s not true but kids, especially younger ones, often struggle to see beyond their own feelings, which can make embarrassing situations feel like front-page news. “Kids can be egocentric,” explains Dr. Busman, “so when something embarrassing happens to your child it can feel like everyone is thinking about it as much as they are, when in reality most kids will have moved on by the next day.”

Learning to put their feelings and experiences in context will help your child gain perspective and build resilience.

- Unpack: Help your child take a metacognitive approach to their feelings by asking open-ended questions. For example: Your child isn’t the only one who’s ever fallen down in gym class, so you could begin by asking how they felt when other kids did the same thing. Learning to put their own experiences in context can help your child start to see embarrassing situations from a better angle.

- Share: Sharing examples from your own life will help normalize embarrassment. “I dropped my handbag at the grocery store the other day. It practically exploded all over the floor. Everyone laughed, but then several people helped pick things up.”

- But don’t compare: Offering perspective is good but be careful to avoid comparing your experiences with your child’s. (“You think that’s bad, when your brother was your age…”) Your child may end up feeling like their experiences are unimportant — or not serious enough to warrant how upset they’re feeling — which can make them feel worse for not being tougher.

- Let your child take the lead: Sometimes questions are helpful, but there may be times when your child just doesn’t want to talk about it. “Letting kids take the lead is important,” says Dr. Busman. “If your child says, ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ or seems too upset, don’t push.” Embarrassment is a big feeling and sometimes kids just need space to cool down.

Helping your child gain perspective without minimizing their feelings will make it easier for them to move past negative experiences — and give them an important tool for building self-awareness in the future.

When to step in

Embarrassing situations happen to everyone from time to time, but if your child regularly comes home from school upset, or has a major change in behavior or mood, there may be something more serious going on.

- Bullying: Unfortunately, kids aren’t always kind. Most children will be made fun of at some point during their lives. Sporadic episodes of embarrassment are unpleasant — but not unusual. However, if your child regularly reports being teased or humiliated by their peers — especially kids who are bigger, older or more “popular” — there’s a chance they’re being bullied, and it’s time to step in.

- Behavioral changes: Feeling a little down or anxious after an embarrassing incident is normal, but lingering behavioral changes — not sleeping, low appetite, excessive worrying — are not.

- Overreacting or obsessing: If your child’s reaction to something embarrassing seems out of proportion to the situation or they seem unable to move past it, they may need support.

- Avoidance: Most kids who’ve had an embarrassing experience feel reluctant about returning to the class or social group where the problem occurred for a little while, but persistent avoidance is cause for concern. Some signs to watch for include frequently being too sick to go to school or asking to go to the nurse during a particular class, making excuses to avoid seeing friends, cutting class, skipping extracurricular activities or refusing to attend school entirely.

Embarrassment and social anxiety

For some kids, fear of being embarrassed itself can become a serious issue. If a child seems to live in perpetual fear of embarrassment — even when there’s no obvious reason to worry — they may be experiencing social anxiety.

Social anxiety usually occurs in children who’ve reached adolescence, but it can develop earlier. A child with social anxiety panics at the thought of participating in day-to-day activities because they worry chronically about what other people will think of them, obsess on how they appears to others, or fear making a mistake.

These fears can be very debilitating. For kids who see potential for humiliation at every turn, even basic interactions can feel like a minefield, and social, school and personal interactions often suffer. Withdrawal is common, but kids with social anxiety are also prone to lashing out when the threat of embarrassment overwhelms them.

The good news is that kids who develop social anxiety respond well to cognitive behavioral therapy, and with help can return to their normal activities.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Life lessons

It’s natural to want to protect your child from experiences that are hurtful or upsetting, but in the end, the best way for your child to build coping skills is through experience — with a side of support.

“Being embarrassed is part of life,” says Dr. Busman. “It’s tempting to try to shield our kids from difficult things, but in reality learning how to deal with those experiences in a healthy way is a skill that will serve your child well as they grow up.”

Photo by samer daboul on Pexels.com https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-help-kids-deal-with-embarrassment-3/