James Donaldson on Mental Health - Tips for Blended Families

How to help stepchildren feel supported and happy in both of their homes

Clinical Expert: Ann-Louise Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP

- We are linked together by choice
- You are my child who happened to be born before we met
- We don’t give up on any child
- We continue to take steps together
- Not being biologically related doesn’t make you any less important
- We will be supportive of our stepchildren without overstepping boundaries

By Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart

Being a parent brings so many joys and so many challenges. Parenting looks different for every person and family based on ethnicity, geographic region, and size. Being a stepparent can be even more challenging as the children move from one home environment to the next. It is important for every child to feel included in all their home environments.

Here are some of the most significant messages that should be shared and felt by children who live in homes with stepparents:

We are linked together by choice

You decided to partner with another adult who happens to have children of their own from another relationship or marriage. You inherit these children by choice. When you decide to join with an individual who also has children, this comes with a unique responsibility and should be taken seriously. Ideally, you will have met, interacted with, and gotten to know the children in advance. However, if that didn’t happen, take a step back and be intentional about developing that relationship with their children. Prioritizing your relationship with your partner’s children sends a clear message of acceptance.

You are my child who happened to be born before we met

It is hard enough for children when they are unable to live together with both parents/caregivers under one roof. For many children, it can be a traumatic and heart-breaking adjustment coming to terms with having a different family. Some children may not be happy with their parent’s new partner or spouse and may take it out directly on the stepparent. It is important not to take that personally since it is not about you. It is about them. Allow them to grieve. Give them space. Communicate acceptance, empathy, and validation. There is no need to rush the process. Provide stability and a sense of consistency to help them rebuild the family system they lost.

We don’t give up on any child

If you had a rocky start with your stepchild, continue to be an emotionally and physically stable adult who plans on being in their life and their parent’s life for the long-term. If you had a smooth start, then continue to build and nurture that relationship by remaining connected with the child, asking about their thoughts, dreams, and wishes. Ideally, co-parenting will make this process easier if it is possible to do so. When children see all parents/caregivers working together for their benefit, they feel safe and secure.

We continue to take steps together

This occurs through healthy and consistent communication with the co-parents, teachers, and children. What’s even more important is to communicate directly to the co-parent and not through the child. If you disagree with something done by the biological parent, express your concerns in private with your partner and not in front of the child. Also, be honest about the child’s behavior when they’re with you and curb the temptation to try to make it sound as if there are no problems in your home. Try not to over-compensate or make excuses for the other household. If one home is strict, you might feel tempted to be lenient. This is an expected response, but not helpful. Communication is key and it is important both households meet in the middle.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Not being biologically related doesn’t make you any less important

Have family meetings often and discuss openly what the kids and you (the stepparent) would like to be called. Brainstorm name ideas until you find one that feels right. No need to rush the process.

Finding a title and a name you all feel comfortable with matters. It creates a sense of identity, belonging, and even safety for all family members involved. You are not trying to replace their biological parent, but you are still an important figure in their life.

We will be supportive of our stepchildren without overstepping boundaries

Maintain a consistent weekly, monthly, and holiday schedule. Of course, plans will change, but developing a schedule created collaboratively helps instill a sense of security and predictability for the child.

When the children spend the week or weekend with you, try not to be the “fun house” in an attempt to be liked by the child. This can create tension between you and the biological parent since children may have a difficult time transitioning back.

Talk about discipline, privileges, and rewards across households to remain consistent, reduce confusion, and communicate a unified front. This helps reduce the likelihood the child will play parents and caregivers off one another as well. They will know all adults who are responsible for their care speak openly and will receive the same message regardless of which house they’re in.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some tips for blending families?

What are good communication tips for blending families?

What is some advice for blending families?

Blended families should maintain a consistent schedule including holidays and weekends. Developing a schedule as a family unit helps instill a sense of security and predictability for the child. Talk about discipline, privileges, and rewards across households to remain consistent and communicate a unified front.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-tips-for-blended-families/

How to help stepchildren feel supported and happy in both of their homes

Clinical Expert: Ann-Louise Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP

- We are linked together by choice

- You are my child who happened to be born before we met

- We don’t give up on any child

- We continue to take steps together

- Not being biologically related doesn’t make you any less important

- We will be supportive of our stepchildren without overstepping boundaries

By Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart

Being a parent brings so many joys and so many challenges. Parenting looks different for every person and family based on ethnicity, geographic region, and size. Being a stepparent can be even more challenging as the children move from one home environment to the next. It is important for every child to feel included in all their home environments.

Here are some of the most significant messages that should be shared and felt by children who live in homes with stepparents:

We are linked together by choice

You decided to partner with another adult who happens to have children of their own from another relationship or marriage. You inherit these children by choice. When you decide to join with an individual who also has children, this comes with a unique responsibility and should be taken seriously. Ideally, you will have met, interacted with, and gotten to know the children in advance. However, if that didn’t happen, take a step back and be intentional about developing that relationship with their children. Prioritizing your relationship with your partner’s children sends a clear message of acceptance.

You are my child who happened to be born before we met

It is hard enough for children when they are unable to live together with both parents/caregivers under one roof. For many children, it can be a traumatic and heart-breaking adjustment coming to terms with having a different family. Some children may not be happy with their parent’s new partner or spouse and may take it out directly on the stepparent. It is important not to take that personally since it is not about you. It is about them. Allow them to grieve. Give them space. Communicate acceptance, empathy, and validation. There is no need to rush the process. Provide stability and a sense of consistency to help them rebuild the family system they lost.

We don’t give up on any child

If you had a rocky start with your stepchild, continue to be an emotionally and physically stable adult who plans on being in their life and their parent’s life for the long-term. If you had a smooth start, then continue to build and nurture that relationship by remaining connected with the child, asking about their thoughts, dreams, and wishes. Ideally, co-parenting will make this process easier if it is possible to do so. When children see all parents/caregivers working together for their benefit, they feel safe and secure.

We continue to take steps together

This occurs through healthy and consistent communication with the co-parents, teachers, and children. What’s even more important is to communicate directly to the co-parent and not through the child. If you disagree with something done by the biological parent, express your concerns in private with your partner and not in front of the child. Also, be honest about the child’s behavior when they’re with you and curb the temptation to try to make it sound as if there are no problems in your home. Try not to over-compensate or make excuses for the other household. If one home is strict, you might feel tempted to be lenient. This is an expected response, but not helpful. Communication is key and it is important both households meet in the middle.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Not being biologically related doesn’t make you any less important

Have family meetings often and discuss openly what the kids and you (the stepparent) would like to be called. Brainstorm name ideas until you find one that feels right. No need to rush the process.

Finding a title and a name you all feel comfortable with matters. It creates a sense of identity, belonging, and even safety for all family members involved. You are not trying to replace their biological parent, but you are still an important figure in their life.

We will be supportive of our stepchildren without overstepping boundaries

Maintain a consistent weekly, monthly, and holiday schedule. Of course, plans will change, but developing a schedule created collaboratively helps instill a sense of security and predictability for the child.

When the children spend the week or weekend with you, try not to be the “fun house” in an attempt to be liked by the child. This can create tension between you and the biological parent since children may have a difficult time transitioning back.

Talk about discipline, privileges, and rewards across households to remain consistent, reduce confusion, and communicate a unified front. This helps reduce the likelihood the child will play parents and caregivers off one another as well. They will know all adults who are responsible for their care speak openly and will receive the same message regardless of which house they’re in.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some tips for blending families?

What are good communication tips for blending families?

What is some advice for blending families?

Blended families should maintain a consistent schedule including holidays and weekends. Developing a schedule as a family unit helps instill a sense of security and predictability for the child. Talk about discipline, privileges, and rewards across households to remain consistent and communicate a unified front. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-tips-for-blended-families/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - 7 Tips for Helping Kids Deal With Death and Grief

- Be the one to tell them. Deliver the news in a comfortable private space like your home. It’s okay if you or the person speaking with your child are sad or crying, but if you are too overwhelmed then another trusted adult can do it instead.
- Be direct. Kids can be very literal, so vague phrases like “passed away” or “in a better place” can be confusing. Be direct with your child, stay calm and compassionate, and say outright that the person or pet has died.
- Be ready for questions. Some kids may need time to digest the news, but many children will have immediate questions. Answer them honestly with brief, age-appropriate explanations. Follow their lead rather than overwhelming them with information they may not be ready for.
- Let the feelings flow. Showing your own feelings will model for your child that it’s okay to express their emotions. Let them know that it’s okay to be sad and that they may experience a multitude of feelings, and that there’s no wrong or right way to grieve.
- Offer reassurance. Your child may worry that other people or pets they love will die soon too, so offer reassurance that everyone is safe.
- Share memories together. Whether your child has lost a loved one or a beloved pet, normalize talking about them and looking at pictures so they know it’s not a taboo topic but rather an important part of the healing process.
- Create a support network. If your child is having a hard time, don’t be afraid to alert teachers, the school counselor, or other adults who care for them. This will let them know that your child might need some extra support and monitoring. Everyone can look for signs of anxiety or depression such as trouble sleeping or eating, increased irritability, separation anxiety, and/or loss of interest in preferred activities.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-7-tips-for-helping-kids-deal-with-death-and-grief/

- Be the one to tell them. Deliver the news in a comfortable private space like your home. It’s okay if you or the person speaking with your child are sad or crying, but if you are too overwhelmed then another trusted adult can do it instead.

- Be direct. Kids can be very literal, so vague phrases like “passed away” or “in a better place” can be confusing. Be direct with your child, stay calm and compassionate, and say outright that the person or pet has died.

- Be ready for questions. Some kids may need time to digest the news, but many children will have immediate questions. Answer them honestly with brief, age-appropriate explanations. Follow their lead rather than overwhelming them with information they may not be ready for.

- Let the feelings flow. Showing your own feelings will model for your child that it’s okay to express their emotions. Let them know that it’s okay to be sad and that they may experience a multitude of feelings, and that there’s no wrong or right way to grieve.

- Offer reassurance. Your child may worry that other people or pets they love will die soon too, so offer reassurance that everyone is safe.

- Share memories together. Whether your child has lost a loved one or a beloved pet, normalize talking about them and looking at pictures so they know it’s not a taboo topic but rather an important part of the healing process.

- Create a support network. If your child is having a hard time, don’t be afraid to alert teachers, the school counselor, or other adults who care for them. This will let them know that your child might need some extra support and monitoring. Everyone can look for signs of anxiety or depression such as trouble sleeping or eating, increased irritability, separation anxiety, and/or loss of interest in preferred activities.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-7-tips-for-helping-kids-deal-with-death-and-grief/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - How do I help my child with difficult experiences such as separation and divorce?

Family and Community Stress

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Nyly4Dg8Oo

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Stability and structure are so important when children experience divorce, but how do you create that? Learn how to develop routines and protect your children from conflict.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-do-i-help-my-child-with-difficult-experiences-such-as-separation-and-divorce/

Family and Community Stress

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Nyly4Dg8Oo

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Stability and structure are so important when children experience divorce, but how do you create that? Learn how to develop routines and protect your children from conflict. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-do-i-help-my-child-with-difficult-experiences-such-as-separation-and-divorce/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - 3 Ways to Prevent Suicide Death

Word In Black’s health reporter shares three things she’s learned in the last three years of reporting to prevent suicide death.

by Anissa Durham

Every September, we mark National Suicide Prevention Month, and after nearly four years reporting on mental health in the Black community, I know we can’t afford to stop talking about it. I’ve also seen how dangerous the mix of misinformation, stigma, and sensationalized coverage can be — especially when the focus is on how someone died instead of how we stop it from happening.

I get it. I remember being a teenager when Netflix’s “13 Reasons Why” sparked a national conversation about suicide. Today, it doesn’t take much scrolling to find graphic images or videos of people harming themselves on social media. But for all the headlines and hashtags, too much about suicide — especially in Black and Brown communities — remains unsaid.

That silence is dangerous. Instead of glamorizing death or offering only thoughts and prayers, we need to ask a harder question: How do we actually prevent suicide death? That’s the question I’ve asked mental health journalists and experts. And it’s pushed me to dig deeper into why suicide has become a growing mental health crisis in many Black and Brown communities. 

A Community in Crisis

In a 2023 report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics, between 2016 and 2020, Black people went to the emergency room due to suicidal ideation more than any other group. Clearly, folks in our community are struggling.

Last summer, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention invited me to join its pilot ethical reporting committee. The goal is to assemble leading media experts to weigh in on coverage, collaborate on projects, and build connections across journalism. Earlier this year, I also co-wrote a course for the Poynter Institute to help journalists report on mental health in an ethical manner. It has been a rewarding experience to help educate both journalists and readers — even if the work sometimes feels small.

I’m passionate about mental health reporting. But gaps remain in how media covers suicide. Here are a few things I’ve learned we can do as a community to reduce suicide deaths in the Black community:

Acknowledge Black Americans are dying by suicide

I’ve interviewed mental health professionals, therapists, physicians, and advocates, and they all stress the same point: Suicide is preventable. But the first step is acknowledging that people in our community are struggling and often suffering in silence. Too often, suicide gets dismissed as a “white people problem.” The reality is it affects every age group — and while rates differ across demographics, there’s nothing to suggest you can’t be affected by it. 

Here’s what you can do:

- Know the warning signs: Pay attention to shifts in mood, withdrawal from family or friends, talk of hopelessness, or risky behavior. These can all be signals that someone is in crisis.
- Engage in the community: Isolation fuels despair. Checking in on friends, neighbors, and loved ones — especially young people and elders — can help create the sense of community that protects against suicide.
- Support health equity initiatives: Support initiatives that expand access to affordable, culturally competent mental health services. From advocating for more Black therapists to backing school-based programs, equity saves lives.

My loved one is expressing suicidal behavior, should I make the call?

A few years ago, I was out with a group of friends when I found myself in the middle of someone’s mental health crisis. This was before I became a health reporter and know what I know today. But nonetheless, a friend of mine, a relatively new one, was engaging in very risky behavior. At first, I didn’t think it was an issue until it became clear she was trying to end her life. 

I won’t say how or what she did. But the point is, I kept asking myself and those around me if we should make the call. Do I call 911? Do I call 988, the suicide prevention hotline? While the other people in the group turned into makeshift social workers, something just didn’t sit right. 

It was late, after midnight, and I was in a city I didn’t know well. If I called the police on a friend I hardly knew, would it do more harm than good? The group around me was all people of color, and a flood of questions ran through my mind: How would this play out? Would she be placed on a 5150 hold? Could we help her where we were? Would we get arrested?

Everyone tried to console her while I stepped back and tried to think strategically. I didn’t want my emotions to cloud my judgment — even though they did, and in the end we didn’t call for help.

The fear of the unknown and the idea that we could make things worse was in all of our minds. We were young men and women of color who were out drinking and dancing — how well would that have played out? I’ll never know.

I wish I had called.

As far as I know, she later got help, but that night stayed with me. I’m now hyperaware of behaviors that can lead to suicidal ideation or attempts, and I think of all the people I’ve known who hid their pain. So, I implore you to be braver than I was that night. 

If you see someone suffering and talking about or attempting to end their life — make the call. In recent years, a number of states, including California where I live, operate mobile crisis teams. Instead of dispatching police officers to high stakes mental health crises, social workers and mental health professionals provide assessment and intervention. This has also reduced the rate of criminalization of Americans who experience a mental health crisis.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Normalize talking about mental health

There’s an incredible amount of stigma associated with mental health. Within the Black community, it’s common to dismiss mental health as something we can individually work through. But the reality is, in order to prevent suicide death, we have to normalize talking about mental health. It’s easy to get caught in the mentality of just pushing through the hard stuff and being that strong Black woman or strong Black man.

Nearly everyone at some point struggles with their mental health. Including you. This can look like stress, anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts. A simple way to start opening up about your own mental health or that of a loved one, is creating a safe non-judgmental environment. Maybe this looks like talking about certain challenges with a loved one over a cup of coffee or during a relaxing dinner. 

It’s OK to ask questions, but how you frame them matters. Instead of saying, “How could you feel that way?” try, “Are there certain things that lead to those feelings?” Another good question is, “How can I best support you?” As a reporter, I’m always mindful of how I phrase questions so they aren’t invasive, while still seeking clarity and accuracy.

In interviews where the topic becomes a little heavier, I always offer my sources a break. I always emphasize that this is their story and if they are uncomfortable sharing certain details, that is OK. It’s always OK to stop. 

However, if you are talking to someone and it becomes clear that they are in a dangerous or distressing situation — it’s always best to call for help. It’s always better to make decisions, even if they are difficult, that prioritize mental health safety. And when you normalize conversations on mental health, this in turn can help prevent suicide death. 

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-3-ways-to-prevent-suicide-death/