James Donaldson on Mental Health - More struggling with mental health than you think

By SARA ARTHURS
saraarthurs@thecourier.com

FINDLAY — It’s likely that more of your friends, relatives and neighbors are struggling with their mental health than you realize.

Nationwide, 61.5 million adults experienced mental illness and 14.6 million adults experienced serious mental illness in 2024, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

The most common are anxiety disorders, affecting 19.1% of U.S. adults, and major depressive disorder, affecting 15.5%. Additionally, 4.1% of adults have post-traumatic stress disorder, 2.8% have bipolar disorder and 8.1% have a co-occurring substance use disorder and mental illness.

Among youth ages 6-17, more than 1 in 7 children experience a mental health disorder each year.

Although progress is happening around encouraging people to discuss their mental health concerns, many would still argue there is a stigma preventing people from getting the help they need.

A July 2025 Ohio Suicide Prevention Foundation fact sheet defines stigma as negative attitudes, beliefs and stereotypes people may hold toward those who experience mental health conditions. This can include structural stigma, such as laws, regulations and policies limiting these individuals’ rights; public stigma from individuals or groups such as families or health care providers; or self-stigma, in which people living with a mental health condition “believe they are flawed” or blame themselves.

This stigma creates a barrier to seeking help, OSFP reports. The organization advocates for using non-stigmatizing language and setting policies and practices to support individuals in settings like workplaces and health care, along with “treating those living with mental health conditions with empathy and acceptance, so that no one feels the need to hide their struggles.”

Precia Stuby, executive director of the Hancock County Board of Alcohol, Drug Addiction and Mental Health Services, said more people are recognizing the importance of mental health since the COVID-19 pandemic, and this is beginning to reduce the stigma.

The pandemic also created its own challenges, however.

“We all experienced some level of trauma,” she said. “This includes loss: loss of loved ones; jobs; opportunities for socialization, etc. Each of us must resolve this loss to move forward.”

Unaddressed mental health concerns can have significant consequences. NAMI reports that 12.3% of emergency department visits made by U.S. adults each year are related to mental health, for example.

Suicide was the 11th leading cause of death overall and the second leading cause of death among people ages 10-24 in the U.S. in 2023.

One person dies by suicide about every 11 minutes.

Around 5.5% of U.S. adults have serious thoughts of suicide each year, NAMI reports. The figure is lower for some ethnic groups, but rises to 10.7% for non-Hispanic multiracial adults. Additionally, 18% of lesbian, gay or bisexual adults have serious thoughts of suicide each year, and transgender adults are nearly nine times more likely to attempt suicide at some point in their lifetime compared to the general population.

In 2025, at least 13 Hancock County residents died by suicide. There may be more, as Hancock Public Health reports that there are some deaths still pending a final coroner’s ruling.

Mental health was identified as a top concern among Hancock County residents surveyed in the 2024 Community Health Assessment. A total of 36% of survey respondents said community mental health care access is lacking.

County residents between the ages of 25 and 44 were most likely to rank mental health as a top concern, and lower-income residents were particularly likely to have mental health challenges.

“Struggles such as finances, relationships, housing, etc. intensify the symptoms associated with any mental illness or substance use disorder,” Stuby said. “Helping individuals seek and/or identify solutions will reduce the stress.”

She added that simply talking with someone “who will listen with empathy” can make a difference.

Struggles to find and pay for mental health care were among the issues cited by several community members surveyed in the Community Health Assessment.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

“The issue with mental health is that we don’t have enough counselors,” said one community member interviewed.

“Mental health services should be provided on a sliding fee scale,” another said. “There is too much turnover for mental health providers and case managers, leading to a lack of services and long wait times.”

The 2026-2028 Hancock County Community Health Improvement Plan, released in January, identified behavioral health and substance use as a priority area to address. Goals include building a more stable long-term workforce and working to make sure individuals are connected to primary care.

“Workforce continues to be a challenge for our community,” Stuby said.

She said people often leave the field entirely, or seek an opportunity outside of community mental health for higher pay. The most difficult positions to fill are for individuals with an independent license to provide counseling, Stuby said.

A recent report by the Ohio Council of Behavioral Health and Family Services Providers states that, while the need for mental health care among adults and adolescents is growing, Ohio’s behavioral health workforce “is shrinking, as stagnant wages, funding shortfalls and limited career pathways leave current workers underpaid, undervalued and overburdened – driving record turnover and deterring new professionals from entering the field. If left unaddressed, this crisis will stifle economic growth, disrupt workforce productivity and increase healthcare and public assistance costs.”

Vicarious stress and burnout are high among professionals in this field, and insufficient insurance coverage, reimbursement and funding sources mean salaries are not competitive, leading to workforce shortages, the report states.

The Hancock County Community Health Improvement Plan states that Hancock County has fewer mental health providers relative to its population when compared with Ohio.

NAMI reports that the average delay between onset of mental illness symptoms and treatment is 11 years. In 2024, only 52.1% of U.S. adults with mental illness and 70.8% of adults with serious mental illness received treatment.

The same year, 9.6% of U.S. adults with mental illness and 10.9% of those with serious mental illness had no insurance coverage. More than 120 million people in the United States live in a designated Mental Health Professional Shortage Area, NAMI reports. Rural areas are particularly affected by these shortages.

Warning signs of mental illness may include excessive worrying or fear, feeling excessively sad or low, confused thinking or problems concentrating and learning, extreme mood changes, avoiding friends and social activities, changes in sleeping or eating habits, and difficulty perceiving reality, among others, NAMI reports. People may also overuse substances like alcohol or drugs.

Anyone experiencing a crisis, or concerned about a loved one, can call or text the 988 Lifeline by calling 988 or chatting online at https://988lifeline.org.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-more-struggling-with-mental-health-than-you-think/

By SARA ARTHURSsaraarthurs@thecourier.com

FINDLAY — It’s likely that more of your friends, relatives and neighbors are struggling with their mental health than you realize.

Nationwide, 61.5 million adults experienced mental illness and 14.6 million adults experienced serious mental illness in 2024, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

The most common are anxiety disorders, affecting 19.1% of U.S. adults, and major depressive disorder, affecting 15.5%. Additionally, 4.1% of adults have post-traumatic stress disorder, 2.8% have bipolar disorder and 8.1% have a co-occurring substance use disorder and mental illness.

Among youth ages 6-17, more than 1 in 7 children experience a mental health disorder each year.

Although progress is happening around encouraging people to discuss their mental health concerns, many would still argue there is a stigma preventing people from getting the help they need.

A July 2025 Ohio Suicide Prevention Foundation fact sheet defines stigma as negative attitudes, beliefs and stereotypes people may hold toward those who experience mental health conditions. This can include structural stigma, such as laws, regulations and policies limiting these individuals’ rights; public stigma from individuals or groups such as families or health care providers; or self-stigma, in which people living with a mental health condition “believe they are flawed” or blame themselves.

This stigma creates a barrier to seeking help, OSFP reports. The organization advocates for using non-stigmatizing language and setting policies and practices to support individuals in settings like workplaces and health care, along with “treating those living with mental health conditions with empathy and acceptance, so that no one feels the need to hide their struggles.”

Precia Stuby, executive director of the Hancock County Board of Alcohol, Drug Addiction and Mental Health Services, said more people are recognizing the importance of mental health since the COVID-19 pandemic, and this is beginning to reduce the stigma.

The pandemic also created its own challenges, however.

“We all experienced some level of trauma,” she said. “This includes loss: loss of loved ones; jobs; opportunities for socialization, etc. Each of us must resolve this loss to move forward.”

Unaddressed mental health concerns can have significant consequences. NAMI reports that 12.3% of emergency department visits made by U.S. adults each year are related to mental health, for example.

Suicide was the 11th leading cause of death overall and the second leading cause of death among people ages 10-24 in the U.S. in 2023.

One person dies by suicide about every 11 minutes.

Around 5.5% of U.S. adults have serious thoughts of suicide each year, NAMI reports. The figure is lower for some ethnic groups, but rises to 10.7% for non-Hispanic multiracial adults. Additionally, 18% of lesbian, gay or bisexual adults have serious thoughts of suicide each year, and transgender adults are nearly nine times more likely to attempt suicide at some point in their lifetime compared to the general population.

In 2025, at least 13 Hancock County residents died by suicide. There may be more, as Hancock Public Health reports that there are some deaths still pending a final coroner’s ruling.

Mental health was identified as a top concern among Hancock County residents surveyed in the 2024 Community Health Assessment. A total of 36% of survey respondents said community mental health care access is lacking.

County residents between the ages of 25 and 44 were most likely to rank mental health as a top concern, and lower-income residents were particularly likely to have mental health challenges.

“Struggles such as finances, relationships, housing, etc. intensify the symptoms associated with any mental illness or substance use disorder,” Stuby said. “Helping individuals seek and/or identify solutions will reduce the stress.”

She added that simply talking with someone “who will listen with empathy” can make a difference.

Struggles to find and pay for mental health care were among the issues cited by several community members surveyed in the Community Health Assessment.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

“The issue with mental health is that we don’t have enough counselors,” said one community member interviewed.

“Mental health services should be provided on a sliding fee scale,” another said. “There is too much turnover for mental health providers and case managers, leading to a lack of services and long wait times.”

The 2026-2028 Hancock County Community Health Improvement Plan, released in January, identified behavioral health and substance use as a priority area to address. Goals include building a more stable long-term workforce and working to make sure individuals are connected to primary care.

“Workforce continues to be a challenge for our community,” Stuby said.

She said people often leave the field entirely, or seek an opportunity outside of community mental health for higher pay. The most difficult positions to fill are for individuals with an independent license to provide counseling, Stuby said.

A recent report by the Ohio Council of Behavioral Health and Family Services Providers states that, while the need for mental health care among adults and adolescents is growing, Ohio’s behavioral health workforce “is shrinking, as stagnant wages, funding shortfalls and limited career pathways leave current workers underpaid, undervalued and overburdened – driving record turnover and deterring new professionals from entering the field. If left unaddressed, this crisis will stifle economic growth, disrupt workforce productivity and increase healthcare and public assistance costs.”

Vicarious stress and burnout are high among professionals in this field, and insufficient insurance coverage, reimbursement and funding sources mean salaries are not competitive, leading to workforce shortages, the report states.

The Hancock County Community Health Improvement Plan states that Hancock County has fewer mental health providers relative to its population when compared with Ohio.

NAMI reports that the average delay between onset of mental illness symptoms and treatment is 11 years. In 2024, only 52.1% of U.S. adults with mental illness and 70.8% of adults with serious mental illness received treatment.

The same year, 9.6% of U.S. adults with mental illness and 10.9% of those with serious mental illness had no insurance coverage. More than 120 million people in the United States live in a designated Mental Health Professional Shortage Area, NAMI reports. Rural areas are particularly affected by these shortages.

Warning signs of mental illness may include excessive worrying or fear, feeling excessively sad or low, confused thinking or problems concentrating and learning, extreme mood changes, avoiding friends and social activities, changes in sleeping or eating habits, and difficulty perceiving reality, among others, NAMI reports. People may also overuse substances like alcohol or drugs.

Anyone experiencing a crisis, or concerned about a loved one, can call or text the 988 Lifeline by calling 988 or chatting online at https://988lifeline.org. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16531

Don't minimize feelings. Do encourage resiliency

Writer: Katherine Prudente, RDT, LCAT

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

Rejection and disappointment are two difficult feelings to have. We often blame ourselves when we don’t reach some of our goals. Resiliency is a valuable character trait that we can foster in our children. It is inevitable that our kids will feel disappointed, rejected, and defeated at times. Here are five tips that can help build resilience:

1. Comfort and validate their experience

When kids feel validated and understood, it helps them build a sense of self. It also normalizes their feelings and builds up what I like to call “psychic muscle.” Like working out, when we can lift heavier weights we get stronger and it becomes easier. The better we are able to feel and tolerate uncomfortable feelings, the stronger and easier it is to handle the next time around.

For example, if your child is disappointed because they did not get into their dream college you could say, “That’s so disappointing, I know you were really hoping to get in.” Many well-intentioned parents attempt to minimize feelings of disappointment for their kids, but miss the big picture. Your child is disappointed and may need some comfort before they can consider the other alternatives.

2. Make failing safe

Adolescents (and adults!) are often afraid of failure. Failure is an excellent learning experience, albeit an uncomfortable one. It can help us reassess our goals and come up with a new game plan to try again.

3. If you don’t succeed, try again

This is not a new euphemism but often after failure a lack of motivation kicks in. If we can make failing part of the process, then a second chance (or third, or fourth!) is always there.

4. Tie your children’s value to their character, not their achievements

It’s easy for parents to want their kids to go to the best schools, get straight A’s, and be superstars. The whole world should see what we see and love in our kids. Yet, this pressure to succeed can send a message that your self-worth is directly correlated to your achievement.

Recently, I had a group of sixth graders share their worries about getting into Ivy League schools! When your child achieves a goal like getting exceptional grades, focus on their work ethic and determination, not the end result. “That’s great! You worked really hard this semester.”

5. Take a back seat

We all want to protect our kids from trials and tribulations. But if we shelter them for too long, it stunts their ability to develop a sense of self-efficacy. When we try to solve problems for them or intervene on their behalf, it sends a message that we don’t think they can do things on their own… and they start believing that. Try problem-solving together, and let your child take the lead. It will give them confidence to handle situations in the future, and give you the peace of mind that they can, indeed, handle it. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16526

James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Help Kids Deal With Rejection

Don't minimize feelings. Do encourage resiliency

Writer: Katherine Prudente, RDT, LCAT

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

Rejection and disappointment are two difficult feelings to have. We often blame ourselves when we don’t reach some of our goals. Resiliency is a valuable character trait that we can foster in our children. It is inevitable that our kids will feel disappointed, rejected, and defeated at times. Here are five tips that can help build resilience:

1. Comfort and validate their experience

When kids feel validated and understood, it helps them build a sense of self. It also normalizes their feelings and builds up what I like to call “psychic muscle.” Like working out, when we can lift heavier weights we get stronger and it becomes easier. The better we are able to feel and tolerate uncomfortable feelings, the stronger and easier it is to handle the next time around.

For example, if your child is disappointed because they did not get into their dream college you could say, “That’s so disappointing, I know you were really hoping to get in.” Many well-intentioned parents attempt to minimize feelings of disappointment for their kids, but miss the big picture. Your child is disappointed and may need some comfort before they can consider the other alternatives.

2. Make failing safe

Adolescents (and adults!) are often afraid of failure. Failure is an excellent learning experience, albeit an uncomfortable one. It can help us reassess our goals and come up with a new game plan to try again.

3. If you don’t succeed, try again

This is not a new euphemism but often after failure a lack of motivation kicks in. If we can make failing part of the process, then a second chance (or third, or fourth!) is always there.

4. Tie your children’s value to their character, not their achievements

It’s easy for parents to want their kids to go to the best schools, get straight A’s, and be superstars. The whole world should see what we see and love in our kids. Yet, this pressure to succeed can send a message that your self-worth is directly correlated to your achievement.

Recently, I had a group of sixth graders share their worries about getting into Ivy League schools! When your child achieves a goal like getting exceptional grades, focus on their work ethic and determination, not the end result. “That’s great! You worked really hard this semester.”

5. Take a back seat

We all want to protect our kids from trials and tribulations. But if we shelter them for too long, it stunts their ability to develop a sense of self-efficacy. When we try to solve problems for them or intervene on their behalf, it sends a message that we don’t think they can do things on their own… and they start believing that. Try problem-solving together, and let your child take the lead. It will give them confidence to handle situations in the future, and give you the peace of mind that they can, indeed, handle it.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-help-kids-deal-with-rejection/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Why mental health crises look different in men and women

Both may be slow to spot signs of their own crisis. It helps to know what they look like

Eliza Anderson, Deseret News Purchase Image

By Lois M. Collins

Lois is a longtime Deseret News special projects and family issues reporter, including health, parenting, aging and policy.

Significant differences exist in mental health crisis symptoms for men and women.

- In men and boys, a crisis may be interpreted as simply problem behavior.
- Reducing stigma opens up helpful discussions about mental health.

For years, women died of heart attacks and other heart-related events because they simply didn’t recognize what was happening and thus failed to seek help quickly. A lot was known about the symptoms of a heart attack in men. But it turned out that signs in women tend to be vastly different and were often missed.

The same is too often true now when it comes to men struggling with mental health issues.

The traditional list of signs that folks have been coached to look for more often apply to girls and women than to boys and men.

Males and females are apt to respond very differently to severe mental distress, according to Dr. Eric Monson of the Huntsman Mental Health Institute. Because their mental health symptoms are more classic — and women are generally more likely to seek medical care than men anyway — women are more likely to recognize when they’re in mental distress and ask for help.

For women, those signs include feeling more tearful and disinterested in things that are normally enjoyed, including activities with other people, said Monson, who is also a child and adolescent psychiatrist, computational geneticist, assistant professor at the University of Utah and a suicide researcher.

Women are more apt to know when they feel down or anxious, he said.

Men are less likely to recognize their mental health challenges and more apt to brush them off, probably in part because mental health crisis stigma still exists.

Stigma is, in fact, enough of a challenge for both males and females that world-renowned psychiatrist and brain expert author Dr. Daniel Amen has launched a national campaign to reframe the conversation to one of “brain health,” not mental health or illness.

Amen, who founded the Amen Clinics and is the author of a number of books including 2025’s “Change Your Brain, Change Your Pain,” recently told Deseret News that the brain health crisis is getting worse, with one-fourth of Americans on psychiatric medication, the number of youthful suicides growing and anxiety and depression diagnoses on the rise.

But just as women ignored signs of a cardiovascular crisis, men are brushing off their mental health crises in part because they don’t know what those look like.

And the signs with which they are familiar are more common in females than males.

A gender look at symptoms

Irritability can signal that a man is depressed or otherwise struggling with a mental health crisis, Monson said. Men in such crisis “may be really short with people around them. I feel like they’re more on edge. They may feel a drive to lose themselves in their work. That’s a kind of ‘socially acceptable’ way to deal with a mental health crisis, right?”

He said hard work acts to camouflage the problem, because working hard is a desirable trait. It makes employers happy. And others say things like “Wow, you’re doing so good. You’re working so hard.”

“But for the man who’s experiencing this, it could actually be a really significant crisis and they’re not feeling well, but they are trying to do this to escape the sensation, the feelings of this mental health crisis they’re experiencing,” Monson said.

There are other differences between males and females regarding mental health, he said. Among them:

- Men show more externalizing behaviors in a mental health crisis and those behaviors can affect people around them. Meanwhile, women in crisis tend toward more internalizing behavior, like self-critical thinking and suicidal ideation.
- The externalizing behaviors can land men in legal trouble. “They can end up actually being put into jail as kind of a repercussion of their mental health crisis because they’re not having it managed effectively,” Monson said.
- Men are more apt to use substances like alcohol and marijuana to numb negative feelings.
- Women make more attempts to end their lives, but men more often die by suicide.
- A woman’s attempt that wasn’t lethal may get her the help she needs, because the fact she’s in crisis is clear.
- Since a man’s death is often the first recognized sign of his mental health struggle, there’s no way to help him after the fact. “It’s very difficult to catch them, if you will, with the way the system is currently built,” Monson said, sadness evident in his voice.
- It’s extremely common for males and females alike suffering from a significant mental health issue to be less aware of it than those around them are.
What others see

When men misbehave, it’s not typically viewed as proof of a personal crisis, per Monson. A more common response might be to write someone off as irresponsible or mean or whatever negative fits the situation.

During a recent Sutherland Institute event, state Rep. Steve Eliason, R-Sandy, said that across the nation, correctional institutions are “far and away the largest mental health institutions.”

It’s problematic in multiple ways, including a dearth of resources to effectively treat the mental health crisis aspects and the long-term consequences of the stigma that incarceration can place on someone, making it harder to move forward upon release.

In Utah, for instance, Eliason said about a third of inmates have a serious mental illness. “And 98% of inmates will go back into communities that are ill-equipped to deal with their challenges and will then wonder ‘why recidivism and homelessness are so high,” he said.

While noting the significant role mental health crisis can play in landing someone in jail, Monson is careful to note that “that’s not to say that if everybody had great mental health care, that there would be no bad behavior. That would be a very simplistic viewpoint.

“But I do think that if mental health were better recognized in men, it would absolutely help reduce some of those problematic behaviors, especially in those that are more susceptible to alcohol, drug use and things like acting out and getting aggressive with other people.”

He also noted that a plea for more understanding of men’s symptoms in no way pits the sexes against each other. In fact, better understanding of mental illness regardless of the person’s gender would go a long way toward making treatment effective and attainable.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

Age makes a difference

Many of the challenges that are different in men and women when it comes to mental health are also different in boys and girls, particularly starting in adolescence.

“I would say there’s a fairly clear distinction between kids before they go through puberty and after,” Monson said.

In younger children, there’s more overlap in symptoms between males and females. But little boys are still more likely to have behavior challenges — behaviors like hyperactivity and impulsivity in classrooms, as well as irritability and acting out. Little girls can show those traits, too, but it’s more common to find the girls more tearful or “more intolerant of some of the environments they’re in and more avoidant,” Monson said.

Often girls are diagnosed with anxiety and mood disorders, while boys are diagnosed with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder and oppositional defiant disorder, “things like that,” per Monson.

Boys are sometimes just treated like they’re being jerks, when something else entirely is going on. “Especially little boys are more likely to become a ‘problem child’ of a classroom, and I think that does have a really profound impact on their mental health as well,” he said.

Worse, school officials can create an expectation that’s hard for the child to overcome. Something along the lines of “Oh, I had Joey last year. It was awful.”

Said Monson, “I think it usually demonstrates that there’s an underlying issue that’s probably not being managed effectively, and if we could manage it effectively — and sometimes it is truly just ADHD, it’s not necessarily anxiety or depression — but if we were to manage it effectively, that relieves so much of that environmental stress that’s being put on that person, because they’re not getting into trouble so much.

“It can really change their self-perception that they’re not a bad person,” he said.

Changing the script

Monson said careful, well-considered research that includes considering sex differences in how mental health crises may appear is vital.

That’s also vital in suicide prevention.

Alternative ways to connect with men in crisis are important, too, Monson said. He points to the I Love You Bro Project based in Lehi, Utah, which links men to peers in support groups.

“You would think this is such a clear and obvious thing to do, setting up support groups that are run by men to support men,” Monson said. “It’s not a widespread phenomenon. This is something that’s fairly new.”

The I Love You Bro founder, Joe Tuia’ana, also spoke at the Sutherland event, noting the value of having a group of peers who are similar in age and other demographics that makes it feel safer to talk about what’s going on. Having a sponsor willing to walk with you helps, too.

What’s been shown to be less than productive is having a spouse or partner that nags a man to get help. Plenty of research says that doesn’t work for men, though it does usually work for women. A woman told she needs help is much more likely to seek it.

Monson said it may feel to the man like he’s exposing weakness and “they don’t feel good about that.”

Male friends can approach it differently and one of the best approaches might be, “I was thinking of checking this out. Would you go with me and support me?” That can be a soothing way to introduce someone to the process.

That doesn’t mean women can’t help the men in their lives who are in crisis. The key is to listen, Monson said.

“Being able to just listen and be open, try not to push too hard or make a lot of suggestions, but be a space where this man feels safe talking to you about it as much as he’s comfortable doing — that can be very helpful,” he said.

That’s true for both men and women. Monson said someone who wants to help should make himself or herself a safe space, willing to just listen and hear someone out.

Other helps include normalizing talking about issues like suicide and mental health so people are not afraid to discuss their challenges. And reducing stigma is a societal task.

Monson — and many other mental health experts — emphasize that talking about suicide is not going to trigger suicide. That’s old and thoroughly debunked thinking.

Among the good news, health care providers across specialties are getting better at asking about mental health as a routine part of a patient visit, he said. “That’s a good thing.”

“Mental health problems are a real health problem,” Monson said, noting if it was a heart problem or diabetes, no one would say “You just have to stop worrying” or “If you’d just think about things differently.”

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-why-mental-health-crises-look-different-in-men-and-women/

Both may be slow to spot signs of their own crisis. It helps to know what they look like

Eliza Anderson, Deseret News Purchase Image

By Lois M. Collins

Lois is a longtime Deseret News special projects and family issues reporter, including health, parenting, aging and policy.

Significant differences exist in mental health crisis symptoms for men and women.

- In men and boys, a crisis may be interpreted as simply problem behavior.

- Reducing stigma opens up helpful discussions about mental health.

For years, women died of heart attacks and other heart-related events because they simply didn’t recognize what was happening and thus failed to seek help quickly. A lot was known about the symptoms of a heart attack in men. But it turned out that signs in women tend to be vastly different and were often missed.

The same is too often true now when it comes to men struggling with mental health issues.

The traditional list of signs that folks have been coached to look for more often apply to girls and women than to boys and men.

Males and females are apt to respond very differently to severe mental distress, according to Dr. Eric Monson of the Huntsman Mental Health Institute. Because their mental health symptoms are more classic — and women are generally more likely to seek medical care than men anyway — women are more likely to recognize when they’re in mental distress and ask for help.

For women, those signs include feeling more tearful and disinterested in things that are normally enjoyed, including activities with other people, said Monson, who is also a child and adolescent psychiatrist, computational geneticist, assistant professor at the University of Utah and a suicide researcher.

Women are more apt to know when they feel down or anxious, he said.

Men are less likely to recognize their mental health challenges and more apt to brush them off, probably in part because mental health crisis stigma still exists.

Stigma is, in fact, enough of a challenge for both males and females that world-renowned psychiatrist and brain expert author Dr. Daniel Amen has launched a national campaign to reframe the conversation to one of “brain health,” not mental health or illness.

Amen, who founded the Amen Clinics and is the author of a number of books including 2025’s “Change Your Brain, Change Your Pain,” recently told Deseret News that the brain health crisis is getting worse, with one-fourth of Americans on psychiatric medication, the number of youthful suicides growing and anxiety and depression diagnoses on the rise.

But just as women ignored signs of a cardiovascular crisis, men are brushing off their mental health crises in part because they don’t know what those look like.

And the signs with which they are familiar are more common in females than males.

A gender look at symptoms

Irritability can signal that a man is depressed or otherwise struggling with a mental health crisis, Monson said. Men in such crisis “may be really short with people around them. I feel like they’re more on edge. They may feel a drive to lose themselves in their work. That’s a kind of ‘socially acceptable’ way to deal with a mental health crisis, right?”

He said hard work acts to camouflage the problem, because working hard is a desirable trait. It makes employers happy. And others say things like “Wow, you’re doing so good. You’re working so hard.”

“But for the man who’s experiencing this, it could actually be a really significant crisis and they’re not feeling well, but they are trying to do this to escape the sensation, the feelings of this mental health crisis they’re experiencing,” Monson said.

There are other differences between males and females regarding mental health, he said. Among them:

- Men show more externalizing behaviors in a mental health crisis and those behaviors can affect people around them. Meanwhile, women in crisis tend toward more internalizing behavior, like self-critical thinking and suicidal ideation.

- The externalizing behaviors can land men in legal trouble. “They can end up actually being put into jail as kind of a repercussion of their mental health crisis because they’re not having it managed effectively,” Monson said.

- Men are more apt to use substances like alcohol and marijuana to numb negative feelings.

- Women make more attempts to end their lives, but men more often die by suicide.

- A woman’s attempt that wasn’t lethal may get her the help she needs, because the fact she’s in crisis is clear.

- Since a man’s death is often the first recognized sign of his mental health struggle, there’s no way to help him after the fact. “It’s very difficult to catch them, if you will, with the way the system is currently built,” Monson said, sadness evident in his voice.

- It’s extremely common for males and females alike suffering from a significant mental health issue to be less aware of it than those around them are.

What others see

When men misbehave, it’s not typically viewed as proof of a personal crisis, per Monson. A more common response might be to write someone off as irresponsible or mean or whatever negative fits the situation.

During a recent Sutherland Institute event, state Rep. Steve Eliason, R-Sandy, said that across the nation, correctional institutions are “far and away the largest mental health institutions.”

It’s problematic in multiple ways, including a dearth of resources to effectively treat the mental health crisis aspects and the long-term consequences of the stigma that incarceration can place on someone, making it harder to move forward upon release.

In Utah, for instance, Eliason said about a third of inmates have a serious mental illness. “And 98% of inmates will go back into communities that are ill-equipped to deal with their challenges and will then wonder ‘why recidivism and homelessness are so high,” he said.

While noting the significant role mental health crisis can play in landing someone in jail, Monson is careful to note that “that’s not to say that if everybody had great mental health care, that there would be no bad behavior. That would be a very simplistic viewpoint.

“But I do think that if mental health were better recognized in men, it would absolutely help reduce some of those problematic behaviors, especially in those that are more susceptible to alcohol, drug use and things like acting out and getting aggressive with other people.”

He also noted that a plea for more understanding of men’s symptoms in no way pits the sexes against each other. In fact, better understanding of mental illness regardless of the person’s gender would go a long way toward making treatment effective and attainable.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

Age makes a difference

Many of the challenges that are different in men and women when it comes to mental health are also different in boys and girls, particularly starting in adolescence.

“I would say there’s a fairly clear distinction between kids before they go through puberty and after,” Monson said.

In younger children, there’s more overlap in symptoms between males and females. But little boys are still more likely to have behavior challenges — behaviors like hyperactivity and impulsivity in classrooms, as well as irritability and acting out. Little girls can show those traits, too, but it’s more common to find the girls more tearful or “more intolerant of some of the environments they’re in and more avoidant,” Monson said.

Often girls are diagnosed with anxiety and mood disorders, while boys are diagnosed with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder and oppositional defiant disorder, “things like that,” per Monson.

Boys are sometimes just treated like they’re being jerks, when something else entirely is going on. “Especially little boys are more likely to become a ‘problem child’ of a classroom, and I think that does have a really profound impact on their mental health as well,” he said.

Worse, school officials can create an expectation that’s hard for the child to overcome. Something along the lines of “Oh, I had Joey last year. It was awful.”

Said Monson, “I think it usually demonstrates that there’s an underlying issue that’s probably not being managed effectively, and if we could manage it effectively — and sometimes it is truly just ADHD, it’s not necessarily anxiety or depression — but if we were to manage it effectively, that relieves so much of that environmental stress that’s being put on that person, because they’re not getting into trouble so much.

“It can really change their self-perception that they’re not a bad person,” he said.

Changing the script

Monson said careful, well-considered research that includes considering sex differences in how mental health crises may appear is vital.

That’s also vital in suicide prevention.

Alternative ways to connect with men in crisis are important, too, Monson said. He points to the I Love You Bro Project based in Lehi, Utah, which links men to peers in support groups.

“You would think this is such a clear and obvious thing to do, setting up support groups that are run by men to support men,” Monson said. “It’s not a widespread phenomenon. This is something that’s fairly new.”

The I Love You Bro founder, Joe Tuia’ana, also spoke at the Sutherland event, noting the value of having a group of peers who are similar in age and other demographics that makes it feel safer to talk about what’s going on. Having a sponsor willing to walk with you helps, too.

What’s been shown to be less than productive is having a spouse or partner that nags a man to get help. Plenty of research says that doesn’t work for men, though it does usually work for women. A woman told she needs help is much more likely to seek it.

Monson said it may feel to the man like he’s exposing weakness and “they don’t feel good about that.”

Male friends can approach it differently and one of the best approaches might be, “I was thinking of checking this out. Would you go with me and support me?” That can be a soothing way to introduce someone to the process.

That doesn’t mean women can’t help the men in their lives who are in crisis. The key is to listen, Monson said.

“Being able to just listen and be open, try not to push too hard or make a lot of suggestions, but be a space where this man feels safe talking to you about it as much as he’s comfortable doing — that can be very helpful,” he said.

That’s true for both men and women. Monson said someone who wants to help should make himself or herself a safe space, willing to just listen and hear someone out.

Other helps include normalizing talking about issues like suicide and mental health so people are not afraid to discuss their challenges. And reducing stigma is a societal task.

Monson — and many other mental health experts — emphasize that talking about suicide is not going to trigger suicide. That’s old and thoroughly debunked thinking.

Among the good news, health care providers across specialties are getting better at asking about mental health as a routine part of a patient visit, he said. “That’s a good thing.”

“Mental health problems are a real health problem,” Monson said, noting if it was a heart problem or diabetes, no one would say “You just have to stop worrying” or “If you’d just think about things differently.” https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16524

James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Help Kids Through a Friendship Breakup

What to do to support teens and preteens when they lose a friend

Writer: Molly Hagan

Clinical Expert: Dave Anderson, PhD

Key Takeaways

- For kids and teens, losing a close friend can feel as painful as a romantic breakup. Parents should recognize this pain as normal and valid. 
- The most helpful thing parents can do is listen and validate emotions. Kids don’t always want solutions — they want to be heard. 
- A friendship breakup doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Frame the experience as an opportunity to think about building healthier relationships. 
- Why do friendship breakups happen?
- Why does a friendship breakup hurt so bad?
- What can you do to help?
- How to break up better

From the ages of 6 to 16, Margaret and her best friend were inseparable. “But then one week, it was just like she decided she didn’t want to hang out with me anymore,” Margaret says. “I felt like we were one person and then we split into two.”

When we separate from a really close friend, we tend to use language typically reserved for romantic relationships — we call it a breakup.

While a normal part of growing up, friendship breakups can still be uniquely painful for adolescents and teens, affecting the way they think about themselves and their relationships. So, it’s important for parents to understand why they happen, what to say to help kids cope, and how to talk to them about ending a friendship that no longer feels right.

Why do friendship breakups happen?

“I think it’s important to distinguish a friend breakup from just natural shifts in relationships,” says Jenna Klorfein, LCSW, a former high school counselor. Friends may drift apart, say, when they’re no longer in the same classes together, but a friend breakup is an intentional rupture, either between two people or an ouster of one person from a group.

Friend breakups are rarely attributed to one thing or event. “With female friendships in particular, I feel like there’s a narrative that it’s usually about a guy or a romantic relationship, and I have not found that to be true,” Klorfein says. “I think there’s usually much more nuance than that.”

In Klorfein’s experience, kids often drop friends when their interests diverge or when they feel smothered, like they can’t hang out with other people — though they don’t seem to say these things directly. More often she hears things like, “‘She’s so annoying. She’s been acting weird,’” Klorfein says. “There’s some disconnect. Usually, it’s a couple of instances and then one that kind of breaks the camel’s back. It’s a pattern of behavior.”

These behaviors vary by individual but also by age group. A 2021 study found that middle schoolers most often reported “conflict or betrayal” as the reason they broke up with a friend. But among college kids, “lack of companionship,” meaning a lack of pleasurable time spent together, was a more common reason.

Why does a friendship breakup hurt so bad?

A friend breakup can hurt no matter how old you are. But for a preteen or teen, grieving can be especially tough for a few reasons.

It can feel unresolved

A number of surveys report that young people tend to use avoidance strategies to end their friendships. Avoidance can be, and often is, gradual. It can look like making excuses to hang out less or — a tactic cited among middle schoolers — saying something mean but covering up how mean it was by faking a nice tone of voice or a smile until a friend takes the hint. But avoidance can also be sudden.

“Ghosting” — when a person abruptly cuts off all communication — was coined in 2006. The term is often applied to romantic relationships, but its original definition referred to “disappearing” on friends. The concept isn’t entirely new — you could certainly make a point of avoiding your friends before the invention of the internet — but research suggests that it might be newly popular. A study conducted in 2019 found that about 45 percent of teens and young adults had both been ghosted and ghosted someone else.

Obviously, being ghosted feels bad. But it feels bad in a very specific way, lending itself to rumination — “What did I do wrong?” The most extreme form of avoidance, it is a method of breaking up that offers no explanation or resolution.

Unresolved breakups can be harder for teens to process because former friends don’t actually disappear. “They’re still at school. You’re still having to interact with them in the lunchroom,” Klorfein says. “In adulthood, if you have a friendship breakup, you can go years without seeing them.”

It can feel like it’s your fault

Of course, preteens and teens still end friendships directly. But even then, those on the receiving end of a friend breakup can be left without satisfying answers and start to blame themselves.

Take Margaret, for example. She asked her former best friend what she had done wrong, and the response was less than satisfactory. “She was just like, ‘I just don’t want to hang with you,’” Margaret recalls.

We don’t choose our family members, but we choose our friends, Klorfein points out. “So, if somebody’s saying they don’t want to be friends with you anymore, it feels like a really personal rejection or like it says something about you.”

She also explains that a lot of teens look to their friends for their identity. “So, if you lose a friend, it feels like you’ve lost a part of yourself.”

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

What can you do to help?

If your child is on the receiving end of a friendship breakup, actively recognize the emotions they are feeling and offer support in navigating them.

Validate emotions

Dave Anderson, PhD, a psychologist at the Child Mind Institute and host of the parenting podcast Thriving Kids, says it’s important for parents to act as a sounding board. “A lot of this is just listening. It’s validating. It’s telling kids, ‘Hey, I hear you,’” he says on an episode.

Teens crave being listened to and heard, Dr. Anderson says. You can ask if they want your help solving a specific problem — “Do you need me to help you think through the ways that you might confront this situation tomorrow?” — but be prepared to stand down if your child says no, he warns. “Sometimes it can be really, really hard, but you just have to realize what they’re telling you.”

Share your own story — if it makes sense

You can also share your own stories about a friend breakup to help them feel less alone. In Klorfein’s experience as a school counselor, this has been particularly helpful. “It’s important for them to see that adults have experienced that and survived,” she says. “It makes it less isolating.”

But Dr. Anderson advises parents and caregivers to use their own judgment as to whether their experience is useful in the moment. “Sometimes teens find that to be irrelevant,” he says. “You can gauge with whatever teen you’re talking to.”

“De-personalize” the breakup

Klorfein says the pain of a friend breakup can be an opportunity to help kids “deal with psychological pain in ways that are more adaptive.” You can tell them it’s okay to be upset or angry but ask them to consider less emotionally driven ways of thinking about the breakup, too.

She often tells students who are going through a breakup: “This relationship isn’t serving either of you. If they’re feeling this way, if they’re feeling annoyed with you or like they want space, then this is giving you an opportunity to make other relationships with people who don’t feel that way about you.”

Klorfein says this is a way to “de-personalize” the breakup and help a teen understand the parts about the relationship “that weren’t good for them without bashing the other person.”

Advise them to check their impulses

It’s normal to feel upset after a friend breakup, but counsel kids to cool down before trying to rehash it with their friend. Teens are prone to acting on strong emotions, Klorfein says.

Revenge-seeking is common and can be insidious — like passive-aggressive social media posts or needling the other person in class. If your teen expresses that they want to reach out to their friend, ask them what they want to communicate and why. “If you’re going to communicate when you’re still upset it’s not going to get the point across,” Klorfein says.

How to break up better

While it’s important to validate the pain kids’ feel when a friend breaks up with them, “it’s also important to teach kids that they don’t need to stay in a friendship that doesn’t feel good,” Klorfein says. Granted, that’s easier said than done. Here are things parents can do to help:

Have them practice “I” statements

Kids and teens are still learning how to communicate in their relationships — give them some language they can use to do it. Encourage them to focus on how they feel and what they need, not what the other person is doing wrong. Using “I” statements helps check the instinct to place blame.

Instead of, “You’re driving me crazy” or “You’re a bad friend,” have them try something like, “I need some space,” suggests Klorfein. Or “I really enjoy our friendship, but I want to have the opportunity to meet other people.” Neither phrase may entirely fit the bill, but having something concrete to say can help prevent avoidant behavior, which research suggests, can become an uncomfortable crutch — something one does out of habit, not because it feels good.

Let kids know this conversation will likely be awkward, but stress that it’s important to have it with their friend directly, not talk to their other friends about it instead.

Model friendship maintenance

Consider your own friendships and try to model healthy friendship maintenance, rather than ignoring it or passively hoping it will resolve itself. Talk about how you address and work out problems with your friends to show kids that not every conflict signals an ending. In general, encourage kids to see challenges as opportunities to grow or maintain the friendship before they consider dissolving it.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is friendship important for kids?

How should my child end a friendship?

How can I tell if my child is struggling after a friendship breakup?

How do I help my child get over a friendship breakup?

You can help your child by listening to them and validating their feelings. Don’t rush to fix the situation. Reassure them that it’s okay to feel upset but steer them away from placing blame on themselves or the other person. Focus on what to look for in healthier friendships to come.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-help-kids-through-a-friendship-breakup/