James Donaldson on Mental Health - Why mental health crises look different in men and women

Both may be slow to spot signs of their own crisis. It helps to know what they look like

Eliza Anderson, Deseret News Purchase Image

By Lois M. Collins

Lois is a longtime Deseret News special projects and family issues reporter, including health, parenting, aging and policy.

Significant differences exist in mental health crisis symptoms for men and women.

- In men and boys, a crisis may be interpreted as simply problem behavior.
- Reducing stigma opens up helpful discussions about mental health.

For years, women died of heart attacks and other heart-related events because they simply didn’t recognize what was happening and thus failed to seek help quickly. A lot was known about the symptoms of a heart attack in men. But it turned out that signs in women tend to be vastly different and were often missed.

The same is too often true now when it comes to men struggling with mental health issues.

The traditional list of signs that folks have been coached to look for more often apply to girls and women than to boys and men.

Males and females are apt to respond very differently to severe mental distress, according to Dr. Eric Monson of the Huntsman Mental Health Institute. Because their mental health symptoms are more classic — and women are generally more likely to seek medical care than men anyway — women are more likely to recognize when they’re in mental distress and ask for help.

For women, those signs include feeling more tearful and disinterested in things that are normally enjoyed, including activities with other people, said Monson, who is also a child and adolescent psychiatrist, computational geneticist, assistant professor at the University of Utah and a suicide researcher.

Women are more apt to know when they feel down or anxious, he said.

Men are less likely to recognize their mental health challenges and more apt to brush them off, probably in part because mental health crisis stigma still exists.

Stigma is, in fact, enough of a challenge for both males and females that world-renowned psychiatrist and brain expert author Dr. Daniel Amen has launched a national campaign to reframe the conversation to one of “brain health,” not mental health or illness.

Amen, who founded the Amen Clinics and is the author of a number of books including 2025’s “Change Your Brain, Change Your Pain,” recently told Deseret News that the brain health crisis is getting worse, with one-fourth of Americans on psychiatric medication, the number of youthful suicides growing and anxiety and depression diagnoses on the rise.

But just as women ignored signs of a cardiovascular crisis, men are brushing off their mental health crises in part because they don’t know what those look like.

And the signs with which they are familiar are more common in females than males.

A gender look at symptoms

Irritability can signal that a man is depressed or otherwise struggling with a mental health crisis, Monson said. Men in such crisis “may be really short with people around them. I feel like they’re more on edge. They may feel a drive to lose themselves in their work. That’s a kind of ‘socially acceptable’ way to deal with a mental health crisis, right?”

He said hard work acts to camouflage the problem, because working hard is a desirable trait. It makes employers happy. And others say things like “Wow, you’re doing so good. You’re working so hard.”

“But for the man who’s experiencing this, it could actually be a really significant crisis and they’re not feeling well, but they are trying to do this to escape the sensation, the feelings of this mental health crisis they’re experiencing,” Monson said.

There are other differences between males and females regarding mental health, he said. Among them:

- Men show more externalizing behaviors in a mental health crisis and those behaviors can affect people around them. Meanwhile, women in crisis tend toward more internalizing behavior, like self-critical thinking and suicidal ideation.
- The externalizing behaviors can land men in legal trouble. “They can end up actually being put into jail as kind of a repercussion of their mental health crisis because they’re not having it managed effectively,” Monson said.
- Men are more apt to use substances like alcohol and marijuana to numb negative feelings.
- Women make more attempts to end their lives, but men more often die by suicide.
- A woman’s attempt that wasn’t lethal may get her the help she needs, because the fact she’s in crisis is clear.
- Since a man’s death is often the first recognized sign of his mental health struggle, there’s no way to help him after the fact. “It’s very difficult to catch them, if you will, with the way the system is currently built,” Monson said, sadness evident in his voice.
- It’s extremely common for males and females alike suffering from a significant mental health issue to be less aware of it than those around them are.
What others see

When men misbehave, it’s not typically viewed as proof of a personal crisis, per Monson. A more common response might be to write someone off as irresponsible or mean or whatever negative fits the situation.

During a recent Sutherland Institute event, state Rep. Steve Eliason, R-Sandy, said that across the nation, correctional institutions are “far and away the largest mental health institutions.”

It’s problematic in multiple ways, including a dearth of resources to effectively treat the mental health crisis aspects and the long-term consequences of the stigma that incarceration can place on someone, making it harder to move forward upon release.

In Utah, for instance, Eliason said about a third of inmates have a serious mental illness. “And 98% of inmates will go back into communities that are ill-equipped to deal with their challenges and will then wonder ‘why recidivism and homelessness are so high,” he said.

While noting the significant role mental health crisis can play in landing someone in jail, Monson is careful to note that “that’s not to say that if everybody had great mental health care, that there would be no bad behavior. That would be a very simplistic viewpoint.

“But I do think that if mental health were better recognized in men, it would absolutely help reduce some of those problematic behaviors, especially in those that are more susceptible to alcohol, drug use and things like acting out and getting aggressive with other people.”

He also noted that a plea for more understanding of men’s symptoms in no way pits the sexes against each other. In fact, better understanding of mental illness regardless of the person’s gender would go a long way toward making treatment effective and attainable.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

Age makes a difference

Many of the challenges that are different in men and women when it comes to mental health are also different in boys and girls, particularly starting in adolescence.

“I would say there’s a fairly clear distinction between kids before they go through puberty and after,” Monson said.

In younger children, there’s more overlap in symptoms between males and females. But little boys are still more likely to have behavior challenges — behaviors like hyperactivity and impulsivity in classrooms, as well as irritability and acting out. Little girls can show those traits, too, but it’s more common to find the girls more tearful or “more intolerant of some of the environments they’re in and more avoidant,” Monson said.

Often girls are diagnosed with anxiety and mood disorders, while boys are diagnosed with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder and oppositional defiant disorder, “things like that,” per Monson.

Boys are sometimes just treated like they’re being jerks, when something else entirely is going on. “Especially little boys are more likely to become a ‘problem child’ of a classroom, and I think that does have a really profound impact on their mental health as well,” he said.

Worse, school officials can create an expectation that’s hard for the child to overcome. Something along the lines of “Oh, I had Joey last year. It was awful.”

Said Monson, “I think it usually demonstrates that there’s an underlying issue that’s probably not being managed effectively, and if we could manage it effectively — and sometimes it is truly just ADHD, it’s not necessarily anxiety or depression — but if we were to manage it effectively, that relieves so much of that environmental stress that’s being put on that person, because they’re not getting into trouble so much.

“It can really change their self-perception that they’re not a bad person,” he said.

Changing the script

Monson said careful, well-considered research that includes considering sex differences in how mental health crises may appear is vital.

That’s also vital in suicide prevention.

Alternative ways to connect with men in crisis are important, too, Monson said. He points to the I Love You Bro Project based in Lehi, Utah, which links men to peers in support groups.

“You would think this is such a clear and obvious thing to do, setting up support groups that are run by men to support men,” Monson said. “It’s not a widespread phenomenon. This is something that’s fairly new.”

The I Love You Bro founder, Joe Tuia’ana, also spoke at the Sutherland event, noting the value of having a group of peers who are similar in age and other demographics that makes it feel safer to talk about what’s going on. Having a sponsor willing to walk with you helps, too.

What’s been shown to be less than productive is having a spouse or partner that nags a man to get help. Plenty of research says that doesn’t work for men, though it does usually work for women. A woman told she needs help is much more likely to seek it.

Monson said it may feel to the man like he’s exposing weakness and “they don’t feel good about that.”

Male friends can approach it differently and one of the best approaches might be, “I was thinking of checking this out. Would you go with me and support me?” That can be a soothing way to introduce someone to the process.

That doesn’t mean women can’t help the men in their lives who are in crisis. The key is to listen, Monson said.

“Being able to just listen and be open, try not to push too hard or make a lot of suggestions, but be a space where this man feels safe talking to you about it as much as he’s comfortable doing — that can be very helpful,” he said.

That’s true for both men and women. Monson said someone who wants to help should make himself or herself a safe space, willing to just listen and hear someone out.

Other helps include normalizing talking about issues like suicide and mental health so people are not afraid to discuss their challenges. And reducing stigma is a societal task.

Monson — and many other mental health experts — emphasize that talking about suicide is not going to trigger suicide. That’s old and thoroughly debunked thinking.

Among the good news, health care providers across specialties are getting better at asking about mental health as a routine part of a patient visit, he said. “That’s a good thing.”

“Mental health problems are a real health problem,” Monson said, noting if it was a heart problem or diabetes, no one would say “You just have to stop worrying” or “If you’d just think about things differently.”

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-why-mental-health-crises-look-different-in-men-and-women/

Both may be slow to spot signs of their own crisis. It helps to know what they look like

Eliza Anderson, Deseret News Purchase Image

By Lois M. Collins

Lois is a longtime Deseret News special projects and family issues reporter, including health, parenting, aging and policy.

Significant differences exist in mental health crisis symptoms for men and women.

- In men and boys, a crisis may be interpreted as simply problem behavior.

- Reducing stigma opens up helpful discussions about mental health.

For years, women died of heart attacks and other heart-related events because they simply didn’t recognize what was happening and thus failed to seek help quickly. A lot was known about the symptoms of a heart attack in men. But it turned out that signs in women tend to be vastly different and were often missed.

The same is too often true now when it comes to men struggling with mental health issues.

The traditional list of signs that folks have been coached to look for more often apply to girls and women than to boys and men.

Males and females are apt to respond very differently to severe mental distress, according to Dr. Eric Monson of the Huntsman Mental Health Institute. Because their mental health symptoms are more classic — and women are generally more likely to seek medical care than men anyway — women are more likely to recognize when they’re in mental distress and ask for help.

For women, those signs include feeling more tearful and disinterested in things that are normally enjoyed, including activities with other people, said Monson, who is also a child and adolescent psychiatrist, computational geneticist, assistant professor at the University of Utah and a suicide researcher.

Women are more apt to know when they feel down or anxious, he said.

Men are less likely to recognize their mental health challenges and more apt to brush them off, probably in part because mental health crisis stigma still exists.

Stigma is, in fact, enough of a challenge for both males and females that world-renowned psychiatrist and brain expert author Dr. Daniel Amen has launched a national campaign to reframe the conversation to one of “brain health,” not mental health or illness.

Amen, who founded the Amen Clinics and is the author of a number of books including 2025’s “Change Your Brain, Change Your Pain,” recently told Deseret News that the brain health crisis is getting worse, with one-fourth of Americans on psychiatric medication, the number of youthful suicides growing and anxiety and depression diagnoses on the rise.

But just as women ignored signs of a cardiovascular crisis, men are brushing off their mental health crises in part because they don’t know what those look like.

And the signs with which they are familiar are more common in females than males.

A gender look at symptoms

Irritability can signal that a man is depressed or otherwise struggling with a mental health crisis, Monson said. Men in such crisis “may be really short with people around them. I feel like they’re more on edge. They may feel a drive to lose themselves in their work. That’s a kind of ‘socially acceptable’ way to deal with a mental health crisis, right?”

He said hard work acts to camouflage the problem, because working hard is a desirable trait. It makes employers happy. And others say things like “Wow, you’re doing so good. You’re working so hard.”

“But for the man who’s experiencing this, it could actually be a really significant crisis and they’re not feeling well, but they are trying to do this to escape the sensation, the feelings of this mental health crisis they’re experiencing,” Monson said.

There are other differences between males and females regarding mental health, he said. Among them:

- Men show more externalizing behaviors in a mental health crisis and those behaviors can affect people around them. Meanwhile, women in crisis tend toward more internalizing behavior, like self-critical thinking and suicidal ideation.

- The externalizing behaviors can land men in legal trouble. “They can end up actually being put into jail as kind of a repercussion of their mental health crisis because they’re not having it managed effectively,” Monson said.

- Men are more apt to use substances like alcohol and marijuana to numb negative feelings.

- Women make more attempts to end their lives, but men more often die by suicide.

- A woman’s attempt that wasn’t lethal may get her the help she needs, because the fact she’s in crisis is clear.

- Since a man’s death is often the first recognized sign of his mental health struggle, there’s no way to help him after the fact. “It’s very difficult to catch them, if you will, with the way the system is currently built,” Monson said, sadness evident in his voice.

- It’s extremely common for males and females alike suffering from a significant mental health issue to be less aware of it than those around them are.

What others see

When men misbehave, it’s not typically viewed as proof of a personal crisis, per Monson. A more common response might be to write someone off as irresponsible or mean or whatever negative fits the situation.

During a recent Sutherland Institute event, state Rep. Steve Eliason, R-Sandy, said that across the nation, correctional institutions are “far and away the largest mental health institutions.”

It’s problematic in multiple ways, including a dearth of resources to effectively treat the mental health crisis aspects and the long-term consequences of the stigma that incarceration can place on someone, making it harder to move forward upon release.

In Utah, for instance, Eliason said about a third of inmates have a serious mental illness. “And 98% of inmates will go back into communities that are ill-equipped to deal with their challenges and will then wonder ‘why recidivism and homelessness are so high,” he said.

While noting the significant role mental health crisis can play in landing someone in jail, Monson is careful to note that “that’s not to say that if everybody had great mental health care, that there would be no bad behavior. That would be a very simplistic viewpoint.

“But I do think that if mental health were better recognized in men, it would absolutely help reduce some of those problematic behaviors, especially in those that are more susceptible to alcohol, drug use and things like acting out and getting aggressive with other people.”

He also noted that a plea for more understanding of men’s symptoms in no way pits the sexes against each other. In fact, better understanding of mental illness regardless of the person’s gender would go a long way toward making treatment effective and attainable.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

Age makes a difference

Many of the challenges that are different in men and women when it comes to mental health are also different in boys and girls, particularly starting in adolescence.

“I would say there’s a fairly clear distinction between kids before they go through puberty and after,” Monson said.

In younger children, there’s more overlap in symptoms between males and females. But little boys are still more likely to have behavior challenges — behaviors like hyperactivity and impulsivity in classrooms, as well as irritability and acting out. Little girls can show those traits, too, but it’s more common to find the girls more tearful or “more intolerant of some of the environments they’re in and more avoidant,” Monson said.

Often girls are diagnosed with anxiety and mood disorders, while boys are diagnosed with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder and oppositional defiant disorder, “things like that,” per Monson.

Boys are sometimes just treated like they’re being jerks, when something else entirely is going on. “Especially little boys are more likely to become a ‘problem child’ of a classroom, and I think that does have a really profound impact on their mental health as well,” he said.

Worse, school officials can create an expectation that’s hard for the child to overcome. Something along the lines of “Oh, I had Joey last year. It was awful.”

Said Monson, “I think it usually demonstrates that there’s an underlying issue that’s probably not being managed effectively, and if we could manage it effectively — and sometimes it is truly just ADHD, it’s not necessarily anxiety or depression — but if we were to manage it effectively, that relieves so much of that environmental stress that’s being put on that person, because they’re not getting into trouble so much.

“It can really change their self-perception that they’re not a bad person,” he said.

Changing the script

Monson said careful, well-considered research that includes considering sex differences in how mental health crises may appear is vital.

That’s also vital in suicide prevention.

Alternative ways to connect with men in crisis are important, too, Monson said. He points to the I Love You Bro Project based in Lehi, Utah, which links men to peers in support groups.

“You would think this is such a clear and obvious thing to do, setting up support groups that are run by men to support men,” Monson said. “It’s not a widespread phenomenon. This is something that’s fairly new.”

The I Love You Bro founder, Joe Tuia’ana, also spoke at the Sutherland event, noting the value of having a group of peers who are similar in age and other demographics that makes it feel safer to talk about what’s going on. Having a sponsor willing to walk with you helps, too.

What’s been shown to be less than productive is having a spouse or partner that nags a man to get help. Plenty of research says that doesn’t work for men, though it does usually work for women. A woman told she needs help is much more likely to seek it.

Monson said it may feel to the man like he’s exposing weakness and “they don’t feel good about that.”

Male friends can approach it differently and one of the best approaches might be, “I was thinking of checking this out. Would you go with me and support me?” That can be a soothing way to introduce someone to the process.

That doesn’t mean women can’t help the men in their lives who are in crisis. The key is to listen, Monson said.

“Being able to just listen and be open, try not to push too hard or make a lot of suggestions, but be a space where this man feels safe talking to you about it as much as he’s comfortable doing — that can be very helpful,” he said.

That’s true for both men and women. Monson said someone who wants to help should make himself or herself a safe space, willing to just listen and hear someone out.

Other helps include normalizing talking about issues like suicide and mental health so people are not afraid to discuss their challenges. And reducing stigma is a societal task.

Monson — and many other mental health experts — emphasize that talking about suicide is not going to trigger suicide. That’s old and thoroughly debunked thinking.

Among the good news, health care providers across specialties are getting better at asking about mental health as a routine part of a patient visit, he said. “That’s a good thing.”

“Mental health problems are a real health problem,” Monson said, noting if it was a heart problem or diabetes, no one would say “You just have to stop worrying” or “If you’d just think about things differently.” https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16524

James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Help Kids Through a Friendship Breakup

What to do to support teens and preteens when they lose a friend

Writer: Molly Hagan

Clinical Expert: Dave Anderson, PhD

Key Takeaways

- For kids and teens, losing a close friend can feel as painful as a romantic breakup. Parents should recognize this pain as normal and valid. 
- The most helpful thing parents can do is listen and validate emotions. Kids don’t always want solutions — they want to be heard. 
- A friendship breakup doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Frame the experience as an opportunity to think about building healthier relationships. 
- Why do friendship breakups happen?
- Why does a friendship breakup hurt so bad?
- What can you do to help?
- How to break up better

From the ages of 6 to 16, Margaret and her best friend were inseparable. “But then one week, it was just like she decided she didn’t want to hang out with me anymore,” Margaret says. “I felt like we were one person and then we split into two.”

When we separate from a really close friend, we tend to use language typically reserved for romantic relationships — we call it a breakup.

While a normal part of growing up, friendship breakups can still be uniquely painful for adolescents and teens, affecting the way they think about themselves and their relationships. So, it’s important for parents to understand why they happen, what to say to help kids cope, and how to talk to them about ending a friendship that no longer feels right.

Why do friendship breakups happen?

“I think it’s important to distinguish a friend breakup from just natural shifts in relationships,” says Jenna Klorfein, LCSW, a former high school counselor. Friends may drift apart, say, when they’re no longer in the same classes together, but a friend breakup is an intentional rupture, either between two people or an ouster of one person from a group.

Friend breakups are rarely attributed to one thing or event. “With female friendships in particular, I feel like there’s a narrative that it’s usually about a guy or a romantic relationship, and I have not found that to be true,” Klorfein says. “I think there’s usually much more nuance than that.”

In Klorfein’s experience, kids often drop friends when their interests diverge or when they feel smothered, like they can’t hang out with other people — though they don’t seem to say these things directly. More often she hears things like, “‘She’s so annoying. She’s been acting weird,’” Klorfein says. “There’s some disconnect. Usually, it’s a couple of instances and then one that kind of breaks the camel’s back. It’s a pattern of behavior.”

These behaviors vary by individual but also by age group. A 2021 study found that middle schoolers most often reported “conflict or betrayal” as the reason they broke up with a friend. But among college kids, “lack of companionship,” meaning a lack of pleasurable time spent together, was a more common reason.

Why does a friendship breakup hurt so bad?

A friend breakup can hurt no matter how old you are. But for a preteen or teen, grieving can be especially tough for a few reasons.

It can feel unresolved

A number of surveys report that young people tend to use avoidance strategies to end their friendships. Avoidance can be, and often is, gradual. It can look like making excuses to hang out less or — a tactic cited among middle schoolers — saying something mean but covering up how mean it was by faking a nice tone of voice or a smile until a friend takes the hint. But avoidance can also be sudden.

“Ghosting” — when a person abruptly cuts off all communication — was coined in 2006. The term is often applied to romantic relationships, but its original definition referred to “disappearing” on friends. The concept isn’t entirely new — you could certainly make a point of avoiding your friends before the invention of the internet — but research suggests that it might be newly popular. A study conducted in 2019 found that about 45 percent of teens and young adults had both been ghosted and ghosted someone else.

Obviously, being ghosted feels bad. But it feels bad in a very specific way, lending itself to rumination — “What did I do wrong?” The most extreme form of avoidance, it is a method of breaking up that offers no explanation or resolution.

Unresolved breakups can be harder for teens to process because former friends don’t actually disappear. “They’re still at school. You’re still having to interact with them in the lunchroom,” Klorfein says. “In adulthood, if you have a friendship breakup, you can go years without seeing them.”

It can feel like it’s your fault

Of course, preteens and teens still end friendships directly. But even then, those on the receiving end of a friend breakup can be left without satisfying answers and start to blame themselves.

Take Margaret, for example. She asked her former best friend what she had done wrong, and the response was less than satisfactory. “She was just like, ‘I just don’t want to hang with you,’” Margaret recalls.

We don’t choose our family members, but we choose our friends, Klorfein points out. “So, if somebody’s saying they don’t want to be friends with you anymore, it feels like a really personal rejection or like it says something about you.”

She also explains that a lot of teens look to their friends for their identity. “So, if you lose a friend, it feels like you’ve lost a part of yourself.”

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

What can you do to help?

If your child is on the receiving end of a friendship breakup, actively recognize the emotions they are feeling and offer support in navigating them.

Validate emotions

Dave Anderson, PhD, a psychologist at the Child Mind Institute and host of the parenting podcast Thriving Kids, says it’s important for parents to act as a sounding board. “A lot of this is just listening. It’s validating. It’s telling kids, ‘Hey, I hear you,’” he says on an episode.

Teens crave being listened to and heard, Dr. Anderson says. You can ask if they want your help solving a specific problem — “Do you need me to help you think through the ways that you might confront this situation tomorrow?” — but be prepared to stand down if your child says no, he warns. “Sometimes it can be really, really hard, but you just have to realize what they’re telling you.”

Share your own story — if it makes sense

You can also share your own stories about a friend breakup to help them feel less alone. In Klorfein’s experience as a school counselor, this has been particularly helpful. “It’s important for them to see that adults have experienced that and survived,” she says. “It makes it less isolating.”

But Dr. Anderson advises parents and caregivers to use their own judgment as to whether their experience is useful in the moment. “Sometimes teens find that to be irrelevant,” he says. “You can gauge with whatever teen you’re talking to.”

“De-personalize” the breakup

Klorfein says the pain of a friend breakup can be an opportunity to help kids “deal with psychological pain in ways that are more adaptive.” You can tell them it’s okay to be upset or angry but ask them to consider less emotionally driven ways of thinking about the breakup, too.

She often tells students who are going through a breakup: “This relationship isn’t serving either of you. If they’re feeling this way, if they’re feeling annoyed with you or like they want space, then this is giving you an opportunity to make other relationships with people who don’t feel that way about you.”

Klorfein says this is a way to “de-personalize” the breakup and help a teen understand the parts about the relationship “that weren’t good for them without bashing the other person.”

Advise them to check their impulses

It’s normal to feel upset after a friend breakup, but counsel kids to cool down before trying to rehash it with their friend. Teens are prone to acting on strong emotions, Klorfein says.

Revenge-seeking is common and can be insidious — like passive-aggressive social media posts or needling the other person in class. If your teen expresses that they want to reach out to their friend, ask them what they want to communicate and why. “If you’re going to communicate when you’re still upset it’s not going to get the point across,” Klorfein says.

How to break up better

While it’s important to validate the pain kids’ feel when a friend breaks up with them, “it’s also important to teach kids that they don’t need to stay in a friendship that doesn’t feel good,” Klorfein says. Granted, that’s easier said than done. Here are things parents can do to help:

Have them practice “I” statements

Kids and teens are still learning how to communicate in their relationships — give them some language they can use to do it. Encourage them to focus on how they feel and what they need, not what the other person is doing wrong. Using “I” statements helps check the instinct to place blame.

Instead of, “You’re driving me crazy” or “You’re a bad friend,” have them try something like, “I need some space,” suggests Klorfein. Or “I really enjoy our friendship, but I want to have the opportunity to meet other people.” Neither phrase may entirely fit the bill, but having something concrete to say can help prevent avoidant behavior, which research suggests, can become an uncomfortable crutch — something one does out of habit, not because it feels good.

Let kids know this conversation will likely be awkward, but stress that it’s important to have it with their friend directly, not talk to their other friends about it instead.

Model friendship maintenance

Consider your own friendships and try to model healthy friendship maintenance, rather than ignoring it or passively hoping it will resolve itself. Talk about how you address and work out problems with your friends to show kids that not every conflict signals an ending. In general, encourage kids to see challenges as opportunities to grow or maintain the friendship before they consider dissolving it.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is friendship important for kids?

How should my child end a friendship?

How can I tell if my child is struggling after a friendship breakup?

How do I help my child get over a friendship breakup?

You can help your child by listening to them and validating their feelings. Don’t rush to fix the situation. Reassure them that it’s okay to feel upset but steer them away from placing blame on themselves or the other person. Focus on what to look for in healthier friendships to come.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-help-kids-through-a-friendship-breakup/

What to do to support teens and preteens when they lose a friend

Writer: Molly Hagan

Clinical Expert: Dave Anderson, PhD

Key Takeaways

- For kids and teens, losing a close friend can feel as painful as a romantic breakup. Parents should recognize this pain as normal and valid. 

- The most helpful thing parents can do is listen and validate emotions. Kids don’t always want solutions — they want to be heard. 

- A friendship breakup doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Frame the experience as an opportunity to think about building healthier relationships. 

- Why do friendship breakups happen?

- Why does a friendship breakup hurt so bad?

- What can you do to help?

- How to break up better

From the ages of 6 to 16, Margaret and her best friend were inseparable. “But then one week, it was just like she decided she didn’t want to hang out with me anymore,” Margaret says. “I felt like we were one person and then we split into two.”

When we separate from a really close friend, we tend to use language typically reserved for romantic relationships — we call it a breakup.

While a normal part of growing up, friendship breakups can still be uniquely painful for adolescents and teens, affecting the way they think about themselves and their relationships. So, it’s important for parents to understand why they happen, what to say to help kids cope, and how to talk to them about ending a friendship that no longer feels right.

Why do friendship breakups happen?

“I think it’s important to distinguish a friend breakup from just natural shifts in relationships,” says Jenna Klorfein, LCSW, a former high school counselor. Friends may drift apart, say, when they’re no longer in the same classes together, but a friend breakup is an intentional rupture, either between two people or an ouster of one person from a group.

Friend breakups are rarely attributed to one thing or event. “With female friendships in particular, I feel like there’s a narrative that it’s usually about a guy or a romantic relationship, and I have not found that to be true,” Klorfein says. “I think there’s usually much more nuance than that.”

In Klorfein’s experience, kids often drop friends when their interests diverge or when they feel smothered, like they can’t hang out with other people — though they don’t seem to say these things directly. More often she hears things like, “‘She’s so annoying. She’s been acting weird,’” Klorfein says. “There’s some disconnect. Usually, it’s a couple of instances and then one that kind of breaks the camel’s back. It’s a pattern of behavior.”

These behaviors vary by individual but also by age group. A 2021 study found that middle schoolers most often reported “conflict or betrayal” as the reason they broke up with a friend. But among college kids, “lack of companionship,” meaning a lack of pleasurable time spent together, was a more common reason.

Why does a friendship breakup hurt so bad?

A friend breakup can hurt no matter how old you are. But for a preteen or teen, grieving can be especially tough for a few reasons.

It can feel unresolved

A number of surveys report that young people tend to use avoidance strategies to end their friendships. Avoidance can be, and often is, gradual. It can look like making excuses to hang out less or — a tactic cited among middle schoolers — saying something mean but covering up how mean it was by faking a nice tone of voice or a smile until a friend takes the hint. But avoidance can also be sudden.

“Ghosting” — when a person abruptly cuts off all communication — was coined in 2006. The term is often applied to romantic relationships, but its original definition referred to “disappearing” on friends. The concept isn’t entirely new — you could certainly make a point of avoiding your friends before the invention of the internet — but research suggests that it might be newly popular. A study conducted in 2019 found that about 45 percent of teens and young adults had both been ghosted and ghosted someone else.

Obviously, being ghosted feels bad. But it feels bad in a very specific way, lending itself to rumination — “What did I do wrong?” The most extreme form of avoidance, it is a method of breaking up that offers no explanation or resolution.

Unresolved breakups can be harder for teens to process because former friends don’t actually disappear. “They’re still at school. You’re still having to interact with them in the lunchroom,” Klorfein says. “In adulthood, if you have a friendship breakup, you can go years without seeing them.”

It can feel like it’s your fault

Of course, preteens and teens still end friendships directly. But even then, those on the receiving end of a friend breakup can be left without satisfying answers and start to blame themselves.

Take Margaret, for example. She asked her former best friend what she had done wrong, and the response was less than satisfactory. “She was just like, ‘I just don’t want to hang with you,’” Margaret recalls.

We don’t choose our family members, but we choose our friends, Klorfein points out. “So, if somebody’s saying they don’t want to be friends with you anymore, it feels like a really personal rejection or like it says something about you.”

She also explains that a lot of teens look to their friends for their identity. “So, if you lose a friend, it feels like you’ve lost a part of yourself.”

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

What can you do to help?

If your child is on the receiving end of a friendship breakup, actively recognize the emotions they are feeling and offer support in navigating them.

Validate emotions

Dave Anderson, PhD, a psychologist at the Child Mind Institute and host of the parenting podcast Thriving Kids, says it’s important for parents to act as a sounding board. “A lot of this is just listening. It’s validating. It’s telling kids, ‘Hey, I hear you,’” he says on an episode.

Teens crave being listened to and heard, Dr. Anderson says. You can ask if they want your help solving a specific problem — “Do you need me to help you think through the ways that you might confront this situation tomorrow?” — but be prepared to stand down if your child says no, he warns. “Sometimes it can be really, really hard, but you just have to realize what they’re telling you.”

Share your own story — if it makes sense

You can also share your own stories about a friend breakup to help them feel less alone. In Klorfein’s experience as a school counselor, this has been particularly helpful. “It’s important for them to see that adults have experienced that and survived,” she says. “It makes it less isolating.”

But Dr. Anderson advises parents and caregivers to use their own judgment as to whether their experience is useful in the moment. “Sometimes teens find that to be irrelevant,” he says. “You can gauge with whatever teen you’re talking to.”

“De-personalize” the breakup

Klorfein says the pain of a friend breakup can be an opportunity to help kids “deal with psychological pain in ways that are more adaptive.” You can tell them it’s okay to be upset or angry but ask them to consider less emotionally driven ways of thinking about the breakup, too.

She often tells students who are going through a breakup: “This relationship isn’t serving either of you. If they’re feeling this way, if they’re feeling annoyed with you or like they want space, then this is giving you an opportunity to make other relationships with people who don’t feel that way about you.”

Klorfein says this is a way to “de-personalize” the breakup and help a teen understand the parts about the relationship “that weren’t good for them without bashing the other person.”

Advise them to check their impulses

It’s normal to feel upset after a friend breakup, but counsel kids to cool down before trying to rehash it with their friend. Teens are prone to acting on strong emotions, Klorfein says.

Revenge-seeking is common and can be insidious — like passive-aggressive social media posts or needling the other person in class. If your teen expresses that they want to reach out to their friend, ask them what they want to communicate and why. “If you’re going to communicate when you’re still upset it’s not going to get the point across,” Klorfein says.

How to break up better

While it’s important to validate the pain kids’ feel when a friend breaks up with them, “it’s also important to teach kids that they don’t need to stay in a friendship that doesn’t feel good,” Klorfein says. Granted, that’s easier said than done. Here are things parents can do to help:

Have them practice “I” statements

Kids and teens are still learning how to communicate in their relationships — give them some language they can use to do it. Encourage them to focus on how they feel and what they need, not what the other person is doing wrong. Using “I” statements helps check the instinct to place blame.

Instead of, “You’re driving me crazy” or “You’re a bad friend,” have them try something like, “I need some space,” suggests Klorfein. Or “I really enjoy our friendship, but I want to have the opportunity to meet other people.” Neither phrase may entirely fit the bill, but having something concrete to say can help prevent avoidant behavior, which research suggests, can become an uncomfortable crutch — something one does out of habit, not because it feels good.

Let kids know this conversation will likely be awkward, but stress that it’s important to have it with their friend directly, not talk to their other friends about it instead.

Model friendship maintenance

Consider your own friendships and try to model healthy friendship maintenance, rather than ignoring it or passively hoping it will resolve itself. Talk about how you address and work out problems with your friends to show kids that not every conflict signals an ending. In general, encourage kids to see challenges as opportunities to grow or maintain the friendship before they consider dissolving it.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is friendship important for kids?

How should my child end a friendship?

How can I tell if my child is struggling after a friendship breakup?

How do I help my child get over a friendship breakup?

You can help your child by listening to them and validating their feelings. Don’t rush to fix the situation. Reassure them that it’s okay to feel upset but steer them away from placing blame on themselves or the other person. Focus on what to look for in healthier friendships to come. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16516

James Donaldson on Mental Health - ‘I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up’: even passive suicidal thoughts are a worry. Here’s how to respond

Authors
- Maddison CretharPhD Candidate, Youth Mental Health, University of the Sunshine Coast
- Daniel HermensProfessor of Youth Mental Health & Neurobiology, University of the Sunshine Coast

Suicide is the leading cause of death among Australians aged 15 to 49. Approximately one in eight Australians have seriously considered suicide.

These numbers highlight why it’s crucial to understand the different ways suicidal thoughts – also known as suicidal ideation – can show up in everyday conversations.

Researchers once assumed people move along a single continuum from early thoughts to more concrete plans and actions. However, recent research suggests there are substages within this continuum, and people might flip-flop between different types of suicidal thoughts.

Suicidal thoughts can be active or passive. But what’s the difference, and how should we respond when we hear loved ones talking this way?

Passive versus active

Passive suicidal ideation involves thinking about death or not wanting to live, without intention to act and engage in suicidal behaviour.

These thoughts can sound like:

I don’t want to live, but I don’t want to die.

I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up.

My life is not worth living.

I don’t want to be here, but I don’t want to be dead.

I wish I could just disappear.

Everyone would be better off if I wasn’t around.

Active thoughts, in contrast, include thoughts about ending one’s life with some degree of intent or planning. These thoughts can sound like:

I’m having thoughts about how I would end my life.

I’m going to kill myself.

But the two categories are not always clear cut.

Researchers have tried to group related questions to reveal core themes of suicidal thinking but have struggled to articulate an exact distinction between passive and active ideation.

Research published in 2023 found some thoughts – such as “I wish I were dead” or “maybe I should kill myself” – may represent both active and passive ideation.

Passive and active thoughts often co-occur and each independently predicts suicide attempts.

Recognising the signs

These thoughts can be difficult to recognise – in yourself, or in a loved one.

People may not openly express them, or may not know how to put these thoughts into words and ask for help.

Regardless of whether thoughts are passive or active, certain patterns suggest increasing risk.

Warning signs include:

- thoughts becoming more frequent or intrusive
- increased hopelessness or despair
- creating plans to end one’s life or preparing to act, and
- engaging in risky behaviour.

There may also be behavioural changes, such as:

- shifts in sleep and eating habits
- withdrawing socially
- losing interest in hobbies
- irritability
- decreased academic or work performance, or
- a person putting their affairs in order.

More than two thirds of people who die by suicide do not engage with mental health professionals in the year prior to their death.

This underlines the crucial role of friends, family and peers.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

What should I do if I hear someone talking this way?

First, thank the person for trusting you. Then get curious, listen more than you talk and identify patterns in what they are describing.

Ask about the frequency, intensity and controllability of their thoughts, and whether they are doing anything to prepare to act on them.

Asking about suicide does not put the idea in someone’s head.

Ask questions such as:

How long have you been having these thoughts?

When do these thoughts occur?

How would you rate the intensity of these thoughts?

Do you have a plan to act on these thoughts?

Importantly, passive thoughts are not “safer thoughts.”

They are often a warning sign the person is in significant distress and may move into more active planning if they do not receive support.

Talking about suicidal thoughts can reduce stigma and encourage people to get help.

The National Australian Suicide Prevention Strategy 2025–2035 recognises the importance of a whole-of-community response to suicide prevention, with specific emphasis on laypeople recognising and responding to suicidal distress.

The Black Dog Institute provides a four-step guide for suicide prevention that can help structure your response.

First, directly ask if they are having thoughts of suicide.

Second, listen and take what they are saying seriously, and check their safety to ensure there is nothing they can use to harm themselves.

Third, get help. If someone’s life is in immediate danger, call 000, call a helpline such as Lifeline (13 11 14), or take them to the emergency department; if they are not in immediate danger, help them make an appointment with a GP or psychologist or call a helpline.

Fourth, follow up and check on the person. Let them know you care about them and ask how often would be appropriate to check in with them.

Of course, suicide is complex. Warning signs are not always apparent in the moment. If you have lost someone to suicide, please know you are not responsible for their death. Their decision was shaped by many factors beyond just one person’s control.

No feeling is final

Crisis does eventually pass. While it may not feel possible in the moment, remind the person that things will not stay this way forever and that help is available.

Passive or active, thoughts of suicide are a sign of deep distress.

When we notice and respond with calm curiosity, compassion and practical support, we may help save a life.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-i-wish-i-could-fall-asleep-and-never-wake-up-even-passive-suicidal-thoughts-are-a-worry-heres-how-to-respond/

Authors

- Maddison CretharPhD Candidate, Youth Mental Health, University of the Sunshine Coast

- Daniel HermensProfessor of Youth Mental Health & Neurobiology, University of the Sunshine Coast

Suicide is the leading cause of death among Australians aged 15 to 49. Approximately one in eight Australians have seriously considered suicide.

These numbers highlight why it’s crucial to understand the different ways suicidal thoughts – also known as suicidal ideation – can show up in everyday conversations.

Researchers once assumed people move along a single continuum from early thoughts to more concrete plans and actions. However, recent research suggests there are substages within this continuum, and people might flip-flop between different types of suicidal thoughts.

Suicidal thoughts can be active or passive. But what’s the difference, and how should we respond when we hear loved ones talking this way?

Passive versus active

Passive suicidal ideation involves thinking about death or not wanting to live, without intention to act and engage in suicidal behaviour.

These thoughts can sound like:

I don’t want to live, but I don’t want to die.

I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up.

My life is not worth living.

I don’t want to be here, but I don’t want to be dead.

I wish I could just disappear.

Everyone would be better off if I wasn’t around.

Active thoughts, in contrast, include thoughts about ending one’s life with some degree of intent or planning. These thoughts can sound like:

I’m having thoughts about how I would end my life.

I’m going to kill myself.

But the two categories are not always clear cut.

Researchers have tried to group related questions to reveal core themes of suicidal thinking but have struggled to articulate an exact distinction between passive and active ideation.

Research published in 2023 found some thoughts – such as “I wish I were dead” or “maybe I should kill myself” – may represent both active and passive ideation.

Passive and active thoughts often co-occur and each independently predicts suicide attempts.

Recognising the signs

These thoughts can be difficult to recognise – in yourself, or in a loved one.

People may not openly express them, or may not know how to put these thoughts into words and ask for help.

Regardless of whether thoughts are passive or active, certain patterns suggest increasing risk.

Warning signs include:

- thoughts becoming more frequent or intrusive

- increased hopelessness or despair

- creating plans to end one’s life or preparing to act, and

- engaging in risky behaviour.

There may also be behavioural changes, such as:

- shifts in sleep and eating habits

- withdrawing socially

- losing interest in hobbies

- irritability

- decreased academic or work performance, or

- a person putting their affairs in order.

More than two thirds of people who die by suicide do not engage with mental health professionals in the year prior to their death.

This underlines the crucial role of friends, family and peers.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

What should I do if I hear someone talking this way?

First, thank the person for trusting you. Then get curious, listen more than you talk and identify patterns in what they are describing.

Ask about the frequency, intensity and controllability of their thoughts, and whether they are doing anything to prepare to act on them.

Asking about suicide does not put the idea in someone’s head.

Ask questions such as:

How long have you been having these thoughts?

When do these thoughts occur?

How would you rate the intensity of these thoughts?

Do you have a plan to act on these thoughts?

Importantly, passive thoughts are not “safer thoughts.”

They are often a warning sign the person is in significant distress and may move into more active planning if they do not receive support.

Talking about suicidal thoughts can reduce stigma and encourage people to get help.

The National Australian Suicide Prevention Strategy 2025–2035 recognises the importance of a whole-of-community response to suicide prevention, with specific emphasis on laypeople recognising and responding to suicidal distress.

The Black Dog Institute provides a four-step guide for suicide prevention that can help structure your response.

First, directly ask if they are having thoughts of suicide.

Second, listen and take what they are saying seriously, and check their safety to ensure there is nothing they can use to harm themselves.

Third, get help. If someone’s life is in immediate danger, call 000, call a helpline such as Lifeline (13 11 14), or take them to the emergency department; if they are not in immediate danger, help them make an appointment with a GP or psychologist or call a helpline.

Fourth, follow up and check on the person. Let them know you care about them and ask how often would be appropriate to check in with them.

Of course, suicide is complex. Warning signs are not always apparent in the moment. If you have lost someone to suicide, please know you are not responsible for their death. Their decision was shaped by many factors beyond just one person’s control.

No feeling is final

Crisis does eventually pass. While it may not feel possible in the moment, remind the person that things will not stay this way forever and that help is available.

Passive or active, thoughts of suicide are a sign of deep distress.

When we notice and respond with calm curiosity, compassion and practical support, we may help save a life. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16514

James Donaldson on Mental Health - The complicated link between social media and adolescent mental health

By Sierra McDonald

Why does social media seem to both endanger and protect young people’s mental health? 

Growing research links excessive online use to addiction, cyberbullying and suicide risk among adolescents. However, those same digital platforms simultaneously provide connection, understanding and community support to many. 

As researchers continue to uncover these conflicting effects, it is clear that the relationship between social media use and suicide risk is not a simple one. Emerging research shows that the relationship between social media use and suicide ideation is correlational not causational. 

People need to stop blaming social media for teen’s poor mental health, as it is not directly correlated to suicidal thoughts; however, many patterns of use do coincide with higher risk. The issue is complex and evolving that demands our attention, exploration and evidence based reasoning.

TMH posted an anonymous survey to its Instagram story on Jan. 20, which received 60 responses. A junior survey respondent explains their experience with comparing themself with others on social media. 

“Just watching people’s stories and posts sometimes contributes to a feeling of loneliness and that I’m not experiencing college ‘the right way.’”

As a result of the digital age, young people often feel pressured to participate online in order to maintain friendships, express themselves or stay relevant within their peer networks. This pressure is often intensified by fear of missing out (FOMO), where the expectation to stay constantly updated and visible online highlights anxiety and reinforces feelings of exclusion. The constant connectivity can blur the line between genuine connection and performance, often leaving teenagers empowered, but more importantly, exposed and isolated. 

Marcia Gomez, professor of social media messaging and coordinator of social media internships at the University of Miami offers her thoughts on FOMO. 

“FOMO can be understood as a psychological response to constant exposure to curated online lives rather than a superficial social trend,” Gomez said. “The concern is less about social media itself and more about the intensity and comparison-driven nature of exposure, which can subtly shape emotional well-being over time.”

Many studies suggest that the way adolescents engage with social media matters more than the platforms themselves. They highlight how excessive engagement can foster addiction-like behaviors, expose young people to cyberbullying and intensify feelings of isolation, inadequacy and social comparison. In the most extreme cases, these online experiences correlate with self harm and suicide ideation. 

The data collected by TMH’s anonymous survey further reinforces the distinction between social media itself and how it is used. A majority of respondents reported spending several hours a day on social media platforms, with many acknowledging compulsive checking behaviors, pressure to post and concern over likes and comments. 

While many participants also reported positive outcomes such as staying connected with friends or finding community, negative experiences were just as prevalent.

Feelings of comparison, insecurity, loneliness and exposure to cyber bullying appeared repeatedly across responses, particularly among those with higher daily usage. Notably, approximately 70% of respondents out of 60 selected “strongly disagree” for the statement “social media is good for my mental health”. This indicates a clear majority perceived social media as having a negative impact on their mental well-being. 

An article published by Leonido Mendes and Marta Morgado found that “addiction to social media was a statistically significant predictor of suicidal ideation, after controlling for gender and physical activity.” 

While the study captures data from a single point in time, it reveals that it isn’t simply the time spent on social platforms that correlates with suicidal thoughts, but rather the addictive behaviors surrounding social media use. These addictive behaviors include compulsive checking of social media, interference with everyday tasks and dissociation from relationships and social encounters. 

One respondent from the survey, who identified herself as Elena, emphasized a negative experience with ‘doom scrolling’. 

“I spend hours scrolling and it messes with my attention span, consumes a lot of time and isn’t productive at all,” Elena said. 

Additional warning signs linked to online activity include cyberbullying and digital self harm. Most probably already know what cyberbullying is, but digital self harm refers to individuals posting or sharing negative content about oneself. Overall, the CDC’s national?scale data supports the conclusion that frequent social media engagement is associated with increased risk of suicidality among adolescents and helps researchers identify particularly vulnerable sub?populations.

Despite these findings, social media is not solely harmful, it has the ability to both harm and heal ultimately mirroring adolescents itself. It’s a developmental stage marked by both vulnerability, growth, and the formation of identity and belonging. 

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

To understand social media’s true relationship to adolescent mental health, it is crucial to examine not only its risks, but also its potential to serve as a lifeline. 

Researchers and mental health organizations increasingly emphasize that these digital spaces can be used as a tool to combat depression and suicide ideation. A 2023 psychological autopsy study by Elias Balt and colleagues in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health underscores this dual nature of online engagement. 

The researchers examined the digital histories of teens who died by suicide, analyzing their social media activity, communication patterns and online communities. These findings revealed a complex dynamic of both harmful and protective factors. 

For many victims, cyberbullying, exposure to self-harm content and imitation behaviours were present. These are all clear indicators that social media amplifies vulnerability and contagion effects. 

However, other adolescent victims had participated in online support groups, expressed empathy for others and used their platforms to reach out for help. In several cases, peers within these digital spaces had even encouraged the individuals to seek counselling or talk to trusted adults. 

This highlights the fact that adolescents’ digital footprint encompasses both risks and protective influences, and cannot be attributed to just one cause. Researchers argue online behaviour often mirrors the complexities of offline life, reflecting both suffering, resilience, risk and recovery.  

After properly understanding the complex and sometimes contradictory relationship between social media and youth mental health, it is important to focus on the work that can be done to make digital engagement safer. 

UM Professor David Berry teaches a course on social media messaging and strategies. He argues that the evidence linking social media to negative mental health outcomes is now strong enough to warrant meaningful safeguards for young users. 

“I feel that the research is statistically significant enough; the impact is clear,” said Berry. “And we are at a point where social media should be treated with consideration as getting a driver’s license to drive a car, having a legal drinking age limit, and so on.” 

The APP’s framing of social media as a protective factor challenges the public opinion that frames these platforms as purely detrimental. Rather than telling teens to stay off of social media, the organization calls for digital education on its intentional use. 

They encourage parents, educators and health professionals to guide adolescents in appropriate online habits and foster healthy online connections. This shift is known as restriction to regulation as we must acknowledge that social media is an inseparable part of our modern society. Eliminating these platforms is not realistic or productive as we have seen several different platforms come and go over the years.

Instead, the goal should be to teach young users how to interact with digital platforms in ways that nurture self-expression, empathy and safety. Unfortunately, it is also vital to acknowledge that many children, particularly those who are neglected or lack attentive caregivers, can fall through the cracks, missing these protective interventions and remaining at heightened risk. This gap underscores the importance of community, education and mental health systems in providing the guidance and oversight that may be absent at home. 

When looked at together, these findings position social media as both a potential risk factor and site of opportunity. This underscores the need for balanced approaches that acknowledge its dangers while harnessing its capacity to support youth well-being. 

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-the-complicated-link-between-social-media-and-adolescent-mental-health/