Dalson Chen

Windsor-Essex program focuses on men's mental health and suicide prevention

Around 75 per cent of all suicide deaths in Canada are men — yet plenty of stigma remains around men's mental health concerns, according to the Canadian Mental Health Association.

That's why the Windsor and Essex County branch of the CMHA is continuing its Healthy Minds 4 Men program, the next edition of which launches in late February.

The free four-week course offers guided group sessions where adult males are able to explore their emotions, show vulnerability and learn about mental health in a non-judgmental environment.

"We know that men should reach out for help more. We encourage it," said Adrian Deschamps, a mental health educator with CMHA Windsor-Essex, who designed the program last year.

"But a lot of men, even though they see this invitation — deep down, they still feel that fear of reaching out."

Despite many public awareness campaigns and efforts to normalize talking about mental health, Deschamps says avoidance and self-isolation remain the most common response among men when confronted with emotional challenges.

"It's one of those things were I can sit with a group of guys, and I can say, how many of you have been told real men don't cry? And every hand goes up," Deschamps said.

"How many of you have been told that if you show weakness or show vulnerability, that you're not going to be respected? Every hand goes up."

Each of the four sessions of the Healthy Minds 4 Men program is meant to examine a different area of men's mental health.

For example, the first session delves into male-specific stressors, such as social dynamics and societal pressures.

Deschamps says economic factors and traditional "provider expectations" can put men "in a really bad headspace," especially when it comes to employment and the workplace.

"Workplace mental health is one of the biggest areas that can be overlooked," Deschamps said. "We often spend a lot of our waking life at work, right? If you're going to work for seven, eight hours a day, and you're walking in with a sense of dread and a sense of stress, it's going to affect you."

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

According to CMHA data, in 2022, there were 3,589 suicides in Canada — and 2,686 of them were male. Deschamps says the most represented age group among those male suicides was 44 to 64 years old.

Asked why there is continued reluctance to engage men's mental health concerns, generation after generation, Deschamps says he believes there's a difference between understanding an issue with one's head and understanding with one's heart.

That may have been the case with Jacob Lamont — a 24-year-old Windsor man who died of a fentanyl overdose in June 2023.

Lamont's mother, Melissa Bianchi, says her son was not a regular user of fentanyl, but she doesn't know if he meant to take his own life. He had struggled since childhood with anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation.

"I used to make him promise me: One more day," Bianchi said. "I would know when he was having a bad moment, a bad day, a bad week. And I'd say: 'Just promise me one more day.'"

"And I remember him laughing at me and saying, 'Yeah, and then what happens, Mom, with one more day? If I feel the same?'"

"And I'd say, 'Then you promise me one more, Jacob.'"

Bianchi says that at the time of her son's death, he was dealing with "monsters in his head" — despite the fact that he had loving family members, and had recently become a father.

She believes her son would have benefitted from programs like Healthy Minds 4 Men, as well as better public understanding of men's mental health.

"I think that there is such a stigma around it that it creates a silence, and I think that that silence is deadly," Bianchi said.

"When you talk about men's mental health, or when they try to open up, there's an embarrassment. There's shame. There's fear of being judged. It's not good enough. It's not being manly enough. And I know my son struggled with that." https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16481

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Mental health and suicidal feelings are still taboo subjects for men, says Windsor-Essex CMHA

Dalson Chen

Windsor-Essex program focuses on men's mental health and suicide prevention

Around 75 per cent of all suicide deaths in Canada are men — yet plenty of stigma remains around men's mental health concerns, according to the Canadian Mental Health Association.

That's why the Windsor and Essex County branch of the CMHA is continuing its Healthy Minds 4 Men program, the next edition of which launches in late February.

The free four-week course offers guided group sessions where adult males are able to explore their emotions, show vulnerability and learn about mental health in a non-judgmental environment.

"We know that men should reach out for help more. We encourage it," said Adrian Deschamps, a mental health educator with CMHA Windsor-Essex, who designed the program last year.

"But a lot of men, even though they see this invitation — deep down, they still feel that fear of reaching out."

Despite many public awareness campaigns and efforts to normalize talking about mental health, Deschamps says avoidance and self-isolation remain the most common response among men when confronted with emotional challenges.

"It's one of those things were I can sit with a group of guys, and I can say, how many of you have been told real men don't cry? And every hand goes up," Deschamps said.

"How many of you have been told that if you show weakness or show vulnerability, that you're not going to be respected? Every hand goes up."

Each of the four sessions of the Healthy Minds 4 Men program is meant to examine a different area of men's mental health.

For example, the first session delves into male-specific stressors, such as social dynamics and societal pressures.

Deschamps says economic factors and traditional "provider expectations" can put men "in a really bad headspace," especially when it comes to employment and the workplace.

"Workplace mental health is one of the biggest areas that can be overlooked," Deschamps said. "We often spend a lot of our waking life at work, right? If you're going to work for seven, eight hours a day, and you're walking in with a sense of dread and a sense of stress, it's going to affect you."

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

-

According to CMHA data, in 2022, there were 3,589 suicides in Canada — and 2,686 of them were male. Deschamps says the most represented age group among those male suicides was 44 to 64 years old.

Asked why there is continued reluctance to engage men's mental health concerns, generation after generation, Deschamps says he believes there's a difference between understanding an issue with one's head and understanding with one's heart.

That may have been the case with Jacob Lamont — a 24-year-old Windsor man who died of a fentanyl overdose in June 2023.

Lamont's mother, Melissa Bianchi, says her son was not a regular user of fentanyl, but she doesn't know if he meant to take his own life. He had struggled since childhood with anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation.

"I used to make him promise me: One more day," Bianchi said. "I would know when he was having a bad moment, a bad day, a bad week. And I'd say: 'Just promise me one more day.'"

"And I remember him laughing at me and saying, 'Yeah, and then what happens, Mom, with one more day? If I feel the same?'"

"And I'd say, 'Then you promise me one more, Jacob.'"

Bianchi says that at the time of her son's death, he was dealing with "monsters in his head" — despite the fact that he had loving family members, and had recently become a father.

She believes her son would have benefitted from programs like Healthy Minds 4 Men, as well as better public understanding of men's mental health.

"I think that there is such a stigma around it that it creates a silence, and I think that that silence is deadly," Bianchi said.

"When you talk about men's mental health, or when they try to open up, there's an embarrassment. There's shame. There's fear of being judged. It's not good enough. It's not being manly enough. And I know my son struggled with that."

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-mental-health-and-suicidal-feelings-are-still-taboo-subjects-for-men-says-windsor-essex-cmha/

Fighting unrealistic and unhealthy ideas about sex

Writer: Christina Frank

Clinical Experts: Dave Anderson, PhD , Alexandra Hamlet, PsyD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82Tal13t2PA

What You'll Learn

- How should you bring up porn in a conversation with your teen?

- What’s important for your teen to know if they watch porn?

- How can you keep little kids from seeing porn?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Be direct

- Delay exposure

- Explain that porn is not real sex

- Know when help is warranted

Chances are your teen isn’t going to walk up to you and say, “I watch porn.” So, it’s up to you to start that talk. When you bring it up, keep the conversation short. Otherwise, your teen might get nervous and shut it down. It doesn’t have to be one Big Deal Talk. It can be a casual, ongoing conversation. The point of these talks is for your teen to learn that porn isn’t real life. It can give them wrong information about sex. You’re not there to shame or guilt them about what they watch.

When you talk to your teen, let them know that porn is acting. In real life, there are many more kinds of bodies than pornography shows. There’s more intimacy and more foreplay. In real life, people need to check in about consent and what feels good. It’s not just about male pleasure. Having safer sex means talking about condoms, birth control, and STIs. You won’t see those conversations in porn, but they’re still important.

With kids spending more time online at younger ages, they’re also more likely to see porn well before they start having sex. Use parental control settings to limit what younger kids can access. You might also make a rule that young kids can only use the computer in the living room or with a grown-up. Older siblings — and parents, too — need to remember to wipe their browser history after watching porn. Otherwise, younger kids may stumble across a website by mistake.

Older teens watching porn is usually no cause for concern. There may be a problem if your kid is watching so much porn it’s cutting into other areas of life. If an older person shows a young child porn, that’s a huge problem and a sign of sexual abuse. If you’re worried about either of these issues, you can talk to a therapist.

Gabe was in eighth grade when his mom discovered he’d been watching porn on the computer. “I routinely checked his browser history because I assumed he was probably watching it,” says Gabe’s mother, Greta.

Greta told her son she saw that he’d been watching. “He was so embarrassed, he literally hung his head in shame,” she says. “I told him that it was completely fine and natural to be curious about sex, but I warned him that looking on the web for porn sites would take him places he wouldn’t want to go. I also reminded him he had a little brother who was not, under any circumstances, to see it.”

With porn sites readily available on all digital devices and social media use soaring, it is inevitable that most kids will be exposed to porn at some point. Representative studies show that many adolescents have seen pornography, whether intentionally or not, with statistics ranging from 60 to 75 percent of boys and 40 to 52 percent of girls. Meanwhile the median age of first exposure to porn ranges from 12 to 15 years old.

Talking to your child about watching porn can be awkward and something you’d rather avoid, but it’s a critical conversation to have. Kids can get seriously misleading information about sexual relationships from watching it. Here are some tips on how to address the topic:

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

Be direct

The likelihood of your child saying, “Hey, mom, I watch porn,” is zero to nil, points out Alexandra Hamlet, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. That means it’s up to you to bring it up. Ideally, you’ll be able to have a conversation before you think your child has seen porn, but this isn’t always possible.

“It doesn’t have to be a one-time monologue,” says Dr. Hamlet, “but something you bring up casually over time. Keep the conversations short so your child doesn’t become uncomfortable and shut it down.”

David Anderson, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, acknowledges that parents might worry that bringing up the subject could give kids who aren’t watching porn the idea to do so. “We’re not telling parents to authorize watching porn, any more than talking about drinking is giving them permission to drink,” he says.

“It’s just being realistic and saying, ‘Listen, I know you may see porn at some point, here’s what you need to know.’ You can also tell them that if they have questions about sex, they can talk to you or another trusted adult.”

Finally, when you talk to your son or daughter, keep in mind that the goal is to let them know that ideas they might get from watching porn can be damaging when it comes to real sex. It’s not to shame or moralize.

Delay exposure

The average age when kids first have sex is about 17. With kids as young as 8 being given laptops and smart phones, they are therefore likely to see porn long before they actually have sex.

The first priority is to delay seeing porn as long as possible, says Dr. Anderson. As teenage brains are still developing, kids are better able to handle potentially disturbing material and make good judgments about what they see in later adolescence.

Controlling what children see every step of the way is not realistic, especially because they are probably more tech-savvy than their parents and may be able to override parental controls. But using parental controls and limiting screen time might help.

With younger kids, for example, you might limit screen use to a computer in the living room and not allow them to use a phone or iPad in their room. It’s also critical that parents and older siblings understand that if they are watching any type of porn, they must be vigilant about clearing their browser.

Explain that porn is not real sex

One 2016 survey of a group of teens aged 16 to 17 found that they got most of their information about sex from porn, which can lead to a lot of confusion and unhealthy messages.

Typically, a porn video revolves around a flimsy “plot” or premise that quickly leads to sex.

“The focus is usually exclusively on male pleasure and the sex is often rough and includes many different positions,” says Dr. Anderson. Furthermore, the woman climaxes quickly, suggesting that her partner doesn’t have to do much of anything to make that happen. “There’s no lead-up, no intimacy.”

Male porn actors are well-muscled, well-endowed, and have an unrealistic amount of stamina. The female characters are unusually slender and curvaceous and willing to have sex of any kind at any time. Research shows that women and men can both be negatively impacted from viewing porn, Dr. Hamlet notes, because it affects their self-perception and self-esteem. Girls may worry about the size of their breasts or their pubic hair. Boys may worry that their penis is too small, and that they can’t “last” long enough.

Boys may also assume that girls are always ready to have sex, which can lead to issues with consent in a real-life situation. The misleading takeaway for girls, says Dr. Anderson, can be that they have to be willing to do anything. In one survey, 44 percent of teens interviewed said they have been asked to do something their partner saw in a porn video.

Teen boys and girls both need to know that women don’t climax right away, nor do they respond only to a man who is unusually well-endowed or able to have sex indefinitely. “The message should be that physical attraction is only one element of a relationship and that finding someone whom you trust, and who loves you and understands you is the most important thing,” says Dr. Anderson.

Know when help is warranted

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, porn can lead to unhealthy behaviors in children. Clues that could indicate a problem:

- Your teenager seems to be avoiding making connections and developing romantic relationships in real life.

- Your child seems to spend an inordinate amount of time watching porn, to the point where it’s interfering with other areas of their life.

- A very young child talks about porn and seems very disturbed or stressed. “There are situations where an older person shows a young child porn against their will,” says Dr. Anderson. “This can suggest that the person is ‘grooming’ the child for sexual abuse by testing their reactions to the imagery.”

If you notice any of these behaviors in your child, you may want to consider seeking the help of a therapist to help figure out what’s behind them.

Frequently Asked Questions

How should you talk to your son about porn?

When talking to your teen about porn, remember that it doesn’t have to be one Big Deal Talk. It can be a casual, ongoing conversation. Let them know you’re not there to shame or guilt them. The point is for your teen to learn that porn isn’t real life and that it can give them wrong information about sex.

How should you talk to your teen about porn? https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16478

James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Talk to Teenagers About Porn

Fighting unrealistic and unhealthy ideas about sex

Writer: Christina Frank

Clinical Experts: Dave Anderson, PhD , Alexandra Hamlet, PsyD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82Tal13t2PA

What You'll Learn

- How should you bring up porn in a conversation with your teen?
- What’s important for your teen to know if they watch porn?
- How can you keep little kids from seeing porn?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- Be direct
- Delay exposure
- Explain that porn is not real sex
- Know when help is warranted

Chances are your teen isn’t going to walk up to you and say, “I watch porn.” So, it’s up to you to start that talk. When you bring it up, keep the conversation short. Otherwise, your teen might get nervous and shut it down. It doesn’t have to be one Big Deal Talk. It can be a casual, ongoing conversation. The point of these talks is for your teen to learn that porn isn’t real life. It can give them wrong information about sex. You’re not there to shame or guilt them about what they watch.

When you talk to your teen, let them know that porn is acting. In real life, there are many more kinds of bodies than pornography shows. There’s more intimacy and more foreplay. In real life, people need to check in about consent and what feels good. It’s not just about male pleasure. Having safer sex means talking about condoms, birth control, and STIs. You won’t see those conversations in porn, but they’re still important.

With kids spending more time online at younger ages, they’re also more likely to see porn well before they start having sex. Use parental control settings to limit what younger kids can access. You might also make a rule that young kids can only use the computer in the living room or with a grown-up. Older siblings — and parents, too — need to remember to wipe their browser history after watching porn. Otherwise, younger kids may stumble across a website by mistake.

Older teens watching porn is usually no cause for concern. There may be a problem if your kid is watching so much porn it’s cutting into other areas of life. If an older person shows a young child porn, that’s a huge problem and a sign of sexual abuse. If you’re worried about either of these issues, you can talk to a therapist.

Gabe was in eighth grade when his mom discovered he’d been watching porn on the computer. “I routinely checked his browser history because I assumed he was probably watching it,” says Gabe’s mother, Greta.

Greta told her son she saw that he’d been watching. “He was so embarrassed, he literally hung his head in shame,” she says. “I told him that it was completely fine and natural to be curious about sex, but I warned him that looking on the web for porn sites would take him places he wouldn’t want to go. I also reminded him he had a little brother who was not, under any circumstances, to see it.”

With porn sites readily available on all digital devices and social media use soaring, it is inevitable that most kids will be exposed to porn at some point. Representative studies show that many adolescents have seen pornography, whether intentionally or not, with statistics ranging from 60 to 75 percent of boys and 40 to 52 percent of girls. Meanwhile the median age of first exposure to porn ranges from 12 to 15 years old.

Talking to your child about watching porn can be awkward and something you’d rather avoid, but it’s a critical conversation to have. Kids can get seriously misleading information about sexual relationships from watching it. Here are some tips on how to address the topic:

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

Be direct

The likelihood of your child saying, “Hey, mom, I watch porn,” is zero to nil, points out Alexandra Hamlet, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. That means it’s up to you to bring it up. Ideally, you’ll be able to have a conversation before you think your child has seen porn, but this isn’t always possible.

“It doesn’t have to be a one-time monologue,” says Dr. Hamlet, “but something you bring up casually over time. Keep the conversations short so your child doesn’t become uncomfortable and shut it down.”

David Anderson, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, acknowledges that parents might worry that bringing up the subject could give kids who aren’t watching porn the idea to do so. “We’re not telling parents to authorize watching porn, any more than talking about drinking is giving them permission to drink,” he says.

“It’s just being realistic and saying, ‘Listen, I know you may see porn at some point, here’s what you need to know.’ You can also tell them that if they have questions about sex, they can talk to you or another trusted adult.”

Finally, when you talk to your son or daughter, keep in mind that the goal is to let them know that ideas they might get from watching porn can be damaging when it comes to real sex. It’s not to shame or moralize.

Delay exposure

The average age when kids first have sex is about 17. With kids as young as 8 being given laptops and smart phones, they are therefore likely to see porn long before they actually have sex.

The first priority is to delay seeing porn as long as possible, says Dr. Anderson. As teenage brains are still developing, kids are better able to handle potentially disturbing material and make good judgments about what they see in later adolescence.

Controlling what children see every step of the way is not realistic, especially because they are probably more tech-savvy than their parents and may be able to override parental controls. But using parental controls and limiting screen time might help.

With younger kids, for example, you might limit screen use to a computer in the living room and not allow them to use a phone or iPad in their room. It’s also critical that parents and older siblings understand that if they are watching any type of porn, they must be vigilant about clearing their browser.

Explain that porn is not real sex

One 2016 survey of a group of teens aged 16 to 17 found that they got most of their information about sex from porn, which can lead to a lot of confusion and unhealthy messages.

Typically, a porn video revolves around a flimsy “plot” or premise that quickly leads to sex.

“The focus is usually exclusively on male pleasure and the sex is often rough and includes many different positions,” says Dr. Anderson. Furthermore, the woman climaxes quickly, suggesting that her partner doesn’t have to do much of anything to make that happen. “There’s no lead-up, no intimacy.”

Male porn actors are well-muscled, well-endowed, and have an unrealistic amount of stamina. The female characters are unusually slender and curvaceous and willing to have sex of any kind at any time. Research shows that women and men can both be negatively impacted from viewing porn, Dr. Hamlet notes, because it affects their self-perception and self-esteem. Girls may worry about the size of their breasts or their pubic hair. Boys may worry that their penis is too small, and that they can’t “last” long enough.

Boys may also assume that girls are always ready to have sex, which can lead to issues with consent in a real-life situation. The misleading takeaway for girls, says Dr. Anderson, can be that they have to be willing to do anything. In one survey, 44 percent of teens interviewed said they have been asked to do something their partner saw in a porn video.

Teen boys and girls both need to know that women don’t climax right away, nor do they respond only to a man who is unusually well-endowed or able to have sex indefinitely. “The message should be that physical attraction is only one element of a relationship and that finding someone whom you trust, and who loves you and understands you is the most important thing,” says Dr. Anderson.

Know when help is warranted

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, porn can lead to unhealthy behaviors in children. Clues that could indicate a problem:

- Your teenager seems to be avoiding making connections and developing romantic relationships in real life.
- Your child seems to spend an inordinate amount of time watching porn, to the point where it’s interfering with other areas of their life.
- A very young child talks about porn and seems very disturbed or stressed. “There are situations where an older person shows a young child porn against their will,” says Dr. Anderson. “This can suggest that the person is ‘grooming’ the child for sexual abuse by testing their reactions to the imagery.”

If you notice any of these behaviors in your child, you may want to consider seeking the help of a therapist to help figure out what’s behind them.

Frequently Asked Questions

How should you talk to your son about porn?

When talking to your teen about porn, remember that it doesn’t have to be one Big Deal Talk. It can be a casual, ongoing conversation. Let them know you’re not there to shame or guilt them. The point is for your teen to learn that porn isn’t real life and that it can give them wrong information about sex.

How should you talk to your teen about porn?

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-talk-to-teenagers-about-porn/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Teens and Online Gambling

What to know and how to talk to kids about the risks

Writer: Sam Brodsky

Clinical Experts: Megan Ice, PhD , Matt Missar, LCSW

Key Takeaways

- Despite age limits, many teens are gambling online. And because their brains are still developing, they run a higher risk of developing a problem.
- Teens may be “primed” through things like loot boxes in video games, social casino apps, fantasy sports, or watching streamers gamble.
- Talking openly to kids about gambling doesn’t encourage them to do it — it helps protect them.
- How are kids gambling online?
- Why are kids gambling online?
- What is gambling disorder?
- Signs a teen might be struggling with gambling
- How to talk to kids about online gambling
- If you think your teen might have a gambling problem
- How gambling disorder is treated?

When adults worry about what keeps kids entertained in this digital age, they might not picture gambling. Despite legally binding age restrictions — in states where online betting is legal, players must be at least 18 or 21 years old — it is becoming increasingly common among teens, particularly teenage boys.

Matt Missar, LCSW, a therapist and certified gambling counselor, says the number of young people he treats for gambling issues is steadily growing. And even as he treats teens for other mental health concerns, he’ll later learn that they’ve placed bets.

While the majority of people who gamble don’t develop an addiction, participating in online gambling has been associated with an increased risk of gambling issues, especially in boys and men, according to a systematic review of research involving young people between ages 10 and 25. And studies suggest the earlier kids get exposed, the higher the chance of these behaviors yielding a problem.

Young people are specifically at risk for gambling addiction because their brains are still developing. Teens are often impulsive and think they have more control over outcomes (in this case, betting outcomes) than they really do, says Megan Ice, PhD, a psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. And their sensation-seeking and risk-taking tendencies can set them up for excessive online gambling, adds Suzanne Allen, PsyD, a psychologist who primarily works with children, adolescents, and their families.

How are kids gambling online?

In some cases, parents allow access to their own accounts with or without realizing how frequently their kids use them, Missar says. But children and teens are also finding loopholes and dodging safeguards meant to keep them from gambling virtually.

Kids may use someone else’s ID (or fake IDs), VPNs, or older friends’ accounts to bypass age restrictions. And offshore crypto casinos or other gambling sites operating outside of the United States aren’t as stringent.

Underage people may have indirect access to online betting by watching streamers gamble or by placing bets with peers who have found a way in. High school students with access to accounts like FanDuel or offshore platforms will, essentially, act as bookies and take bets from other kids, Missar explains.

“Teenagers are already very resourceful in circumventing restrictions, and so they’re pretty easily available if a teenager is looking in the right place,” he notes.

Saul Malek, now a public speaker on gambling addiction, says he gambled virtually for the first time as a 19-year-old college sophomore. Bookies hooked him up with online sportsbooks (he imagines they were offshore accounts but can’t confirm), and he started down what he describes as a “rabbit hole” — losing money on one online sportsbook, blocking the bookie’s number once he owed them, and then finding another bookie to repeat the cycle.

It got to the point where he couldn’t sit through entire games anymore; he had to bet on individual rounds during a match, then move on. Over the span of two years, Malek amassed about $20,000 in debts. It’s been six years since his last bet, and the 28-year-old is still paying off what he owes.

Why are kids gambling online?

When you’re winning, gambling can be exciting, especially now that you can wager on anything, anytime — even the color of Gatorade poured on a coach or the length of the national anthem. Malek says part of the fun was “living in the daydream of the next big win.” Young people may also see online gambling as a way to relieve stress and cope with hard things, says Dr. Allen.

There’s a social component as well, offering teens a way to fit in and make new friends. “Anything that’s going to help you get accepted by your friends is going to be very, very reinforcing,” says Dr. Ice.

Kids may naturally transition into virtual gambling after participating in certain activities that “prime” them for it. For one, they can download apps that mimic casino-style gambling and sports betting with virtual currency — some of which are advertised as “social casinos” and “social sportsbooks” (think: Fliff).

Additionally, features in video games can mimic gambling. Kids, for instance, can pay for loot boxes that hold mystery prizes; it’s the luck of the draw in exchange for cash. “I’ve seen families be out tons of money on a video game based on their kids’ purchases. And that’s kids as young as 6 or 7,” Dr. Ice notes. (Some countries are regulating these types of boxes due to their resemblance to gambling.)

Similarly, young people place bets on outcomes of their own or others’ video games using “skins” — physical features that customize how an avatar/character looks — as currency. It’s not the exact same thing as betting money, but skins have real-world value, says Missar. (Skins gambling sites are also largely unregulated.)           

Some argue that, just as social casinos and video game features may prime kids for online gambling, so can fantasy sports simply by exposing youth to sports betting content on those platforms. Missar notes that he thinks fantasy sports can be completely separate from online sports betting (and, legally, they are), but “there’s a potential gateway” for kids due to gambling ads.

What is gambling disorder?

Gambling in general can become addictive because of the “dopamine rush” of betting, says Missar. Eventually, you can develop a tolerance, where you need to bet more money and gamble more often to get the same effect. “Gambling is absolutely as addictive as substances,” Missar adds. Gambling disorder, when a persistent preoccupation with gambling majorly interferes with your day-to-day life, is included in the DSM-5 alongside substance use disorders.

Gambling — and the financial, academic, and social strain that may come with it — can also lead to stress, anxiety, depression, shame, low self-esteem, and even suicide, Missar notes. In fact, gambling disorder has the highest suicide risk of any other substance use or addictive disorder.

Signs a teen might be struggling with gambling

All this said, gambling doesn’t have to be a full-blown addiction to impact a teen’s mental health. “We see negative impacts on mood, damage to relationships, and financial consequences occur even when an individual doesn’t meet the criteria for a gambling disorder,” says Missar.

Red flags specific to kids include:

Preoccupation with a new sport

Kids might not openly talk about gambling, so one warning sign is that they’re frequently checking stats on sports they never used to care about, says Dr. Allen. If they’re overwhelmingly upset about a random volleyball match they usually wouldn’t be interested in, that might be an indication they had a stake in the results.

Strange money behavior

If large sums of money seem to be missing or showing up out of nowhere, it’s worth looking into, says Dr. Allen. And if your kid lies to conceal the extent of their gambling, it might be cause for concern, says Missar.

Failure to take care of themselves

Kids might be staying up gambling, skipping meals or showers, or not taking care of their bodies because they’re so preoccupied, says Dr. Ice.

Academic struggles

Grades can fluctuate for many reasons, but they can certainly tank due to gambling. “I’ve had clients skip school because they’re so depressed, so anxious, from losing however much money they had in their checking account,” says Missar.

Withdrawal from relationships and activities

When teens start to build an obsession with gambling, they can disengage from friends, hobbies, and extracurriculars, says Missar. This isolation can snowball into feelings of loneliness, he adds.

How to talk to kids about online gambling

Talking to kids about online gambling will not encourage them to do it or continue doing it, health educator and prevention specialist Brittany Sue Hines, MEd, said during a National Council on Problem Gambling webinar on youth gambling. “It just gives them the information that they need in order to make informed decisions.”

Here are some tips for getting started:

Bring it up at a relevant, appropriate time

An easy way to broach the topic is when you hear an ad for a gambling site or leading up to Sunday night football. You could ask them about loot boxes when they take a break from gaming. For older kids, you can flag gambling lawsuits in real time.

But if your kids have friends over during a game, it might not be a good time to dive in, says Missar. Hines even suggests bringing gambling up during other prevention talks about sex, drugs, and alcohol, because it’s just as important.

Lead with curiosity instead of judgment

You don’t want your kids to get defensive and tune you out, which might happen if you start rattling off all the risks of online gambling. Whether you know they’re gambling or not, ask questions. Missar suggests saying something like, “Man, I see these DraftKings commercials all the time. What do you and your friends know about it? Have you guys ever bet on sports online?” Then, if they’re upfront with you, you can ask what they or their buds get out of it. Your kid may say their friends gamble online to gauge how you’ll respond to their own betting habits. So be careful how you react if you’re looking for honesty, says Dr. Allen.

Level set on the realities of gambling

Kids might have a hard time getting perspective when they’re basking in the highs of winning. You can remind them that just because they know a lot about sports doesn’t mean they’ll find actual success as a sports bettor, notes Malek. You can also underscore that even if someone wins one day, the odds are still against them, and it’s not a sustainable way to make money, says Missar.

Plus, things are not what they seem. Even if it looks like popular streamers are winning a ton, they’re often playing with an online casino’s money. And, when you’re seeing influencers and celebrities promoting gambling, “you’re not seeing the person who has gambled away their paycheck and has to tell their parents that they stole their credit card,” says Dr. Allen. “That’s not a glamorous commercial.”

Name the risks

Highlighting the financial, social, and emotional toll gambling can take is fair game, as is talking about why gambling can be addictive, says Missar. When addressing his teen clients, Missar will reinforce the fact that their brains are still developing and are naturally wired to be highly impulsive — so gambling can seem more appealing even though it can have serious consequences. (He’ll show young clients this short animated video that depicts what addiction can look like.) Ultimately, “youth who understand that gambling has risks are less likely to develop a gambling problem,” says Hines.

Talk about your own experiences

If you gamble virtually or in person, be mindful of what you’re modeling, says Dr. Ice. Talk about financial responsibility, then bring up times where you may have lost more than you’d hoped. (Dr. Ice cautions against being too honest, but gauge what’s best for you and your kids.) Touching on your relationship with gambling can lower their guards.

If you think your teen might have a gambling problem

Consider the context

Underage gambling is illegal; there’s no denying that. But take a beat to assess, suggests Hines. If your kid is spending a small amount to join a fantasy league, that’s one thing. If they’re in major debt and can’t seem to stop betting despite the financial, social, and mental toll, that’s another. 

Try not to shame them

If you lead with anger and frustration, they will shut you out, notes Hines. Shame is dangerous because it teaches kids that they, rather than just their actions, are bad, says David Tzall, PsyD, a psychologist who treats adolescents and adults struggling with addiction. It’s ideal to give off the vibe that your kids’ gambling issues are separate from their identities. That way, they’ll feel like they can get help and fix things. 

Encourage professional support

Even if you’re on board with therapy, your kid may not be. Seeing a mental health professional can be scary, so you have to find the right selling point. Dr. Allen suggests being specific. Try, “‘You’re losing a lot of money,’ or, ‘I’ve noticed you’re not having as much fun watching games anymore,’ or, ‘You lost your friends’ money and now they’re all pissed at you,’” she says. It’s difficult for them to argue with the truth.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-teens-and-online-gambling/

What to know and how to talk to kids about the risks

Writer: Sam Brodsky

Clinical Experts: Megan Ice, PhD , Matt Missar, LCSW

Key Takeaways

- Despite age limits, many teens are gambling online. And because their brains are still developing, they run a higher risk of developing a problem.

- Teens may be “primed” through things like loot boxes in video games, social casino apps, fantasy sports, or watching streamers gamble.

- Talking openly to kids about gambling doesn’t encourage them to do it — it helps protect them.

- How are kids gambling online?

- Why are kids gambling online?

- What is gambling disorder?

- Signs a teen might be struggling with gambling

- How to talk to kids about online gambling

- If you think your teen might have a gambling problem

- How gambling disorder is treated?

When adults worry about what keeps kids entertained in this digital age, they might not picture gambling. Despite legally binding age restrictions — in states where online betting is legal, players must be at least 18 or 21 years old — it is becoming increasingly common among teens, particularly teenage boys.

Matt Missar, LCSW, a therapist and certified gambling counselor, says the number of young people he treats for gambling issues is steadily growing. And even as he treats teens for other mental health concerns, he’ll later learn that they’ve placed bets.

While the majority of people who gamble don’t develop an addiction, participating in online gambling has been associated with an increased risk of gambling issues, especially in boys and men, according to a systematic review of research involving young people between ages 10 and 25. And studies suggest the earlier kids get exposed, the higher the chance of these behaviors yielding a problem.

Young people are specifically at risk for gambling addiction because their brains are still developing. Teens are often impulsive and think they have more control over outcomes (in this case, betting outcomes) than they really do, says Megan Ice, PhD, a psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. And their sensation-seeking and risk-taking tendencies can set them up for excessive online gambling, adds Suzanne Allen, PsyD, a psychologist who primarily works with children, adolescents, and their families.

How are kids gambling online?

In some cases, parents allow access to their own accounts with or without realizing how frequently their kids use them, Missar says. But children and teens are also finding loopholes and dodging safeguards meant to keep them from gambling virtually.

Kids may use someone else’s ID (or fake IDs), VPNs, or older friends’ accounts to bypass age restrictions. And offshore crypto casinos or other gambling sites operating outside of the United States aren’t as stringent.

Underage people may have indirect access to online betting by watching streamers gamble or by placing bets with peers who have found a way in. High school students with access to accounts like FanDuel or offshore platforms will, essentially, act as bookies and take bets from other kids, Missar explains.

“Teenagers are already very resourceful in circumventing restrictions, and so they’re pretty easily available if a teenager is looking in the right place,” he notes.

Saul Malek, now a public speaker on gambling addiction, says he gambled virtually for the first time as a 19-year-old college sophomore. Bookies hooked him up with online sportsbooks (he imagines they were offshore accounts but can’t confirm), and he started down what he describes as a “rabbit hole” — losing money on one online sportsbook, blocking the bookie’s number once he owed them, and then finding another bookie to repeat the cycle.

It got to the point where he couldn’t sit through entire games anymore; he had to bet on individual rounds during a match, then move on. Over the span of two years, Malek amassed about $20,000 in debts. It’s been six years since his last bet, and the 28-year-old is still paying off what he owes.

Why are kids gambling online?

When you’re winning, gambling can be exciting, especially now that you can wager on anything, anytime — even the color of Gatorade poured on a coach or the length of the national anthem. Malek says part of the fun was “living in the daydream of the next big win.” Young people may also see online gambling as a way to relieve stress and cope with hard things, says Dr. Allen.

There’s a social component as well, offering teens a way to fit in and make new friends. “Anything that’s going to help you get accepted by your friends is going to be very, very reinforcing,” says Dr. Ice.

Kids may naturally transition into virtual gambling after participating in certain activities that “prime” them for it. For one, they can download apps that mimic casino-style gambling and sports betting with virtual currency — some of which are advertised as “social casinos” and “social sportsbooks” (think: Fliff).

Additionally, features in video games can mimic gambling. Kids, for instance, can pay for loot boxes that hold mystery prizes; it’s the luck of the draw in exchange for cash. “I’ve seen families be out tons of money on a video game based on their kids’ purchases. And that’s kids as young as 6 or 7,” Dr. Ice notes. (Some countries are regulating these types of boxes due to their resemblance to gambling.)

Similarly, young people place bets on outcomes of their own or others’ video games using “skins” — physical features that customize how an avatar/character looks — as currency. It’s not the exact same thing as betting money, but skins have real-world value, says Missar. (Skins gambling sites are also largely unregulated.)           

Some argue that, just as social casinos and video game features may prime kids for online gambling, so can fantasy sports simply by exposing youth to sports betting content on those platforms. Missar notes that he thinks fantasy sports can be completely separate from online sports betting (and, legally, they are), but “there’s a potential gateway” for kids due to gambling ads.

What is gambling disorder?

Gambling in general can become addictive because of the “dopamine rush” of betting, says Missar. Eventually, you can develop a tolerance, where you need to bet more money and gamble more often to get the same effect. “Gambling is absolutely as addictive as substances,” Missar adds. Gambling disorder, when a persistent preoccupation with gambling majorly interferes with your day-to-day life, is included in the DSM-5 alongside substance use disorders.

Gambling — and the financial, academic, and social strain that may come with it — can also lead to stress, anxiety, depression, shame, low self-esteem, and even suicide, Missar notes. In fact, gambling disorder has the highest suicide risk of any other substance use or addictive disorder.

Signs a teen might be struggling with gambling

All this said, gambling doesn’t have to be a full-blown addiction to impact a teen’s mental health. “We see negative impacts on mood, damage to relationships, and financial consequences occur even when an individual doesn’t meet the criteria for a gambling disorder,” says Missar.

Red flags specific to kids include:

Preoccupation with a new sport

Kids might not openly talk about gambling, so one warning sign is that they’re frequently checking stats on sports they never used to care about, says Dr. Allen. If they’re overwhelmingly upset about a random volleyball match they usually wouldn’t be interested in, that might be an indication they had a stake in the results.

Strange money behavior

If large sums of money seem to be missing or showing up out of nowhere, it’s worth looking into, says Dr. Allen. And if your kid lies to conceal the extent of their gambling, it might be cause for concern, says Missar.

Failure to take care of themselves

Kids might be staying up gambling, skipping meals or showers, or not taking care of their bodies because they’re so preoccupied, says Dr. Ice.

Academic struggles

Grades can fluctuate for many reasons, but they can certainly tank due to gambling. “I’ve had clients skip school because they’re so depressed, so anxious, from losing however much money they had in their checking account,” says Missar.

Withdrawal from relationships and activities

When teens start to build an obsession with gambling, they can disengage from friends, hobbies, and extracurriculars, says Missar. This isolation can snowball into feelings of loneliness, he adds.

How to talk to kids about online gambling

Talking to kids about online gambling will not encourage them to do it or continue doing it, health educator and prevention specialist Brittany Sue Hines, MEd, said during a National Council on Problem Gambling webinar on youth gambling. “It just gives them the information that they need in order to make informed decisions.”

Here are some tips for getting started:

Bring it up at a relevant, appropriate time

An easy way to broach the topic is when you hear an ad for a gambling site or leading up to Sunday night football. You could ask them about loot boxes when they take a break from gaming. For older kids, you can flag gambling lawsuits in real time.

But if your kids have friends over during a game, it might not be a good time to dive in, says Missar. Hines even suggests bringing gambling up during other prevention talks about sex, drugs, and alcohol, because it’s just as important.

Lead with curiosity instead of judgment

You don’t want your kids to get defensive and tune you out, which might happen if you start rattling off all the risks of online gambling. Whether you know they’re gambling or not, ask questions. Missar suggests saying something like, “Man, I see these DraftKings commercials all the time. What do you and your friends know about it? Have you guys ever bet on sports online?” Then, if they’re upfront with you, you can ask what they or their buds get out of it. Your kid may say their friends gamble online to gauge how you’ll respond to their own betting habits. So be careful how you react if you’re looking for honesty, says Dr. Allen.

Level set on the realities of gambling

Kids might have a hard time getting perspective when they’re basking in the highs of winning. You can remind them that just because they know a lot about sports doesn’t mean they’ll find actual success as a sports bettor, notes Malek. You can also underscore that even if someone wins one day, the odds are still against them, and it’s not a sustainable way to make money, says Missar.

Plus, things are not what they seem. Even if it looks like popular streamers are winning a ton, they’re often playing with an online casino’s money. And, when you’re seeing influencers and celebrities promoting gambling, “you’re not seeing the person who has gambled away their paycheck and has to tell their parents that they stole their credit card,” says Dr. Allen. “That’s not a glamorous commercial.”

Name the risks

Highlighting the financial, social, and emotional toll gambling can take is fair game, as is talking about why gambling can be addictive, says Missar. When addressing his teen clients, Missar will reinforce the fact that their brains are still developing and are naturally wired to be highly impulsive — so gambling can seem more appealing even though it can have serious consequences. (He’ll show young clients this short animated video that depicts what addiction can look like.) Ultimately, “youth who understand that gambling has risks are less likely to develop a gambling problem,” says Hines.

Talk about your own experiences

If you gamble virtually or in person, be mindful of what you’re modeling, says Dr. Ice. Talk about financial responsibility, then bring up times where you may have lost more than you’d hoped. (Dr. Ice cautions against being too honest, but gauge what’s best for you and your kids.) Touching on your relationship with gambling can lower their guards.

If you think your teen might have a gambling problem

Consider the context

Underage gambling is illegal; there’s no denying that. But take a beat to assess, suggests Hines. If your kid is spending a small amount to join a fantasy league, that’s one thing. If they’re in major debt and can’t seem to stop betting despite the financial, social, and mental toll, that’s another. 

Try not to shame them

If you lead with anger and frustration, they will shut you out, notes Hines. Shame is dangerous because it teaches kids that they, rather than just their actions, are bad, says David Tzall, PsyD, a psychologist who treats adolescents and adults struggling with addiction. It’s ideal to give off the vibe that your kids’ gambling issues are separate from their identities. That way, they’ll feel like they can get help and fix things. 

Encourage professional support

Even if you’re on board with therapy, your kid may not be. Seeing a mental health professional can be scary, so you have to find the right selling point. Dr. Allen suggests being specific. Try, “‘You’re losing a lot of money,’ or, ‘I’ve noticed you’re not having as much fun watching games anymore,’ or, ‘You lost your friends’ money and now they’re all pissed at you,’” she says. It’s difficult for them to argue with the truth.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

How gambling disorder is treated?

A therapist who has expertise in treating addiction (or gambling addiction) can help. They can formally assess your child’s gambling and mental health, provide resources, and reshape a young person’s relationship with betting.

Therapists may use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to reframe distorted thoughts or beliefs that fuel kids’ gambling, says Missar. These distortions include the illusion of control and overestimating winning. Therapists might also help your teen find good reasons to change via motivational interviewing, says Dr. Tzall. 

Young people can also make independent changes — with or without the help of a therapist — that will decrease their gambling. For example, kids of legal gambling age can sign up for an exclusion program. This means “legitimate gambling apps” they can access from their state will block them, says Missar. Underage gamblers who can’t sign up for those programs can use blocking software instead, he notes.

Then they can work on filling free time with new or old hobbies and unfollowing social media accounts that promote betting, Missar says. As a parent, you can help facilitate this by providing closer financial supervision on shared bank accounts and adding transaction alerts. 

In addition to working with a mental health professional and modifying their lifestyles, adolescents might want to try peer support groups like Gamblers Anonymous (GA), which the American Psychiatric Association recognizes as a resource.

Malek found great success with GA. He saw a therapist briefly in 2019, then felt like he was getting enough support through GA to drop therapy. Healing with like-minded people has influenced him to stop gambling — and “stay stopped.” Malek is actively recovering from his gambling addiction, and he says he’s working with his sponsor on step 10 of a 12-step program.

A young person struggling with a gambling problem can call the National Council on Problem Gambling Helpline (1-800-522-4700) or SAMHSA’s National Helpline (1-800-662-4357) to connect with local resources. Or, you can call on their behalf. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16475

Support related to suicide exists, but it's not always easy to find

By John Bateson

THE BASICS

- Suicide Risk Factors and Signs

- Take our Depression Test

- Find a therapist near me

Key points

- Suicide deaths tend to be traumatic for family members and friends.

- Support groups for those who survive a suicide attempt or parents whose children attempt suicide are rare.

- An hour-long video, “Supporting Parents," is one new resource.

Many crisis centers that operate 24-hour suicide prevention hotlines also provide grief counseling to people who are mourning a death. That’s because many people who have lost a loved one to suicide are more at risk for suicide themselves.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

The crisis center I directed provided individual counseling and also operated multiple grief support groups. Four of the groups were for survivors of suicide—parents who lost children, youths who lost parents, individuals who lost partners, and others who lost siblings or friends because of suicide. Typically, there were 15 to 20 people in each of these four groups, although sometimes the number was greater, and we needed extra facilitators.

The first night of each group was memorable for one main reason. Upon entering the room, many people gasped. They couldn’t believe that so many other people were there, that so many others had experienced the same tragedy they had experienced, the suicide of a loved one. Until that moment, they felt completely alone.

Our grief counseling director, who was a nationally recognized death educator, started every first night the same way: “I’m so sorry that you’re here, and I’m so glad that you’re here.”

Anytime someone dies, it can be traumatic for survivors. Suicide deaths tend to be the most traumatic of all because of the guilt and stigma attached to them. Survivors think back on every interaction they had with the deceased, especially recent ones, questioning what they did or didn’t do—all of the “what ifs.” Did they miss warning signs? Did they take something the decedent said too lightly? Were they slow to act or did they not act at all, even in the face of what, in retrospect, was ominous?

Support groups for people who have attempted suicide are rare. A few agencies operate them, but they are hard to find, in part because leading this kind of group is daunting. Not only is everyone in it at high risk of suicide, but many suicidal people have emotional needs that can be overwhelming for the facilitator.

Support groups for parents whose children have attempted suicide are even rarer. More often than not, parents seek individual counseling for their child and/or counseling for the family with a private therapist. This, too, can be challenging to find, however, because many clinicians don’t have experience or aren’t comfortable providing this kind of therapy.

One new resource is an hour-long video developed by Zero Suicide titled Supporting Parents. It’s specifically for parents whose child has attempted suicide, and recognizes the fears, anxieties, and questions parents have; the helpless feelings they experience; and the fact that they might feel alone in this, but are not. Many others, sadly, are in the same position.

Having a loved one die or attempt suicide is an isolating experience, but a person doesn’t have to be alone. Help exists.

Zero Suicide is a global health care initiative whose goal isn’t just to prevent suicides but to end them. For anyone who is worried about the safety of a loved one, the only acceptable number when it comes to suicide is zero. Four other resources are noteworthy: The national, three-digit Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988) connects callers seamlessly to the nearest, certified crisis center so that they can receive immediate, free, confidential counseling. The Crisis Text Line (741741) does the same thing for texters. The Trevor Project (1-888-488-7386) provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth under the age of 25. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has local chapters throughout the country and provides a variety of support services for mental health consumers and family members. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16451