James Donaldson on Mental Health - Does Your Child Lack Motivation?

What it could mean when kids just don't seem to be trying very hard in school

Writer: Danielle Cohen

Clinical Expert: Matthew Cruger, PhD

What You'll Learn

- Why do some kids lack motivation in school?
- What should you do if your child is not motivated?
- What kinds of underlying challenges can get in the way of kids’ motivation?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- Gather information
- Are there social factors?
- Does your child have a skills deficit?
- It could really just be boredom
- What other things undermine kids in school?
- It’s a process

Kids of all ages sometimes struggle to get motivated in school. Maybe they fight doing homework, let their grades drop, or just don’t seem excited about learning. If you notice that your child has issues with motivation, the first step is to figure out what is standing in their way.

Start by gathering information about what exactly worries you. Talking to the child’s teacher can help you understand whether your expectations are reasonable and whether they’ve noticed a problem. If your child recently changed schools or started a new phase of school (like kindergarten or middle school), they may be adjusting to the transition. Talk to your child, too. If they say they’re bored, what do they mean by that? Kids who are feeling anxious or frustrated might need help to find the right words. It could also be that they’re withdrawing from academics in order to fit in with friends or seem cool to other kids.

One of the most common reasons that kids lack motivation is trouble with academic skills. They might have a learning disorder, a language disorder, or difficulty with executive functions. The issue could also be an underlying mental health challenge like ADHD, anxiety, depression or OCD. In rare cases, students who are academically gifted may be simply bored by school and need more challenging work to stay motivated.

If you think that a learning or mental health issue might be holding your child back, getting them evaluated by a professional can help. Treatment can often reduce their symptoms and help them get excited about school again. And if your child does not have a diagnosable problem, there are still parenting strategies you can use to support them.

It can happen at any point between kindergarten and high school graduation — and even after that. It’s a common but serious source of worry for parents: You start to notice a lack of motivation and commitment in your child’s attitude towards school.

Maybe they don’t seem enthusiastic to learn new things. Maybe they’re not doing their homework. Maybe their grades are dropping. Maybe a fight occurs whenever you try to sit them down to do work.

Whatever the specific problem is, many parents find themselves wondering why a child just doesn’t seem to be trying very hard in school, and how they can help them get motivated.

Gather information

There are many potential reasons that a child might be turned off by school. Here are some first steps you can take to investigate what might be happening:

- Define your concerns clearly. What are the behaviors that make you think they’re not engaged? A close look at what they’re doing — or not doing — will help you identify what may be happening.
- If they say they’re bored, what do they mean? Many children use the word “bored” to describe how they feel in class, but their definition of “bored” may not match yours. Sometimes kids who are challenged or frustrated aren’t sure what to call the feeling.
- Talk to the teacher. Your child’s teacher is one of the best resources you can use to both help you identify the issues and then find ways to address them. “The teacher can offer six hours of a day worth of information about what the child is doing,” notes Rachel Busman, PsyD, a clinical psychologist.
- Clarify your expectations. Get a reality check from the teacher to make sure your expectations are realistic for your kid’s age and developmental level.
- Is it part of the learning process? “There’s a normal amount of trepidation that comes with learning new things,” explains Dr. Busman. “A child who’s learning to read, for instance, may not be ‘motivated’ because it’s new for them and it’s not the easiest thing.” The teacher can let you know if they think your child is just going through a rough patch.
- Are there changes at school? It’s common for students to stumble during their first couple months of kindergarten or middle school because these transitions require a lot of adjustment. “A lot of preschool settings are much more social and emotional and not so academic, so it’s a big change to go from being in preschool to kindergarten,” notes Laura Fuhrman, PsyD, a neuropsychologist. Ken Schuster, PsyD, a neuropsychologist at the Child Mind Institute and former teacher observes a similar pattern at the beginning of middle school, where kids are expected to be much more independent and organized.
- Has your child changed schools? In the same way, changing schools also may involve some academic struggles as your child adjusts to a new environment.

Are there social factors?

Dr. Fuhrman notes that starting in middle school, kids’ attitudes become subject to a host of new social interactions and pressures. Unfortunately, kids who do well in school sometimes encounter social isolation, and to avoid being labeled as a geek or a nerd they may withdraw from academics.

“In middle school, kids don’t want to be different,” she says, “and they might try to develop an identity that reduces their experience of shame and humiliation in front of their peers.”

While you may have little control over this situation as a parent, the best thing you can do to resist it is to continue fostering a love of learning. Look for opportunities for your child to pursue their interests outside of school and meet other kids who share their interests.

Does your child have a skills deficit?

If you continue to see an unmotivated kid who is underperforming, it may be because they haven’t developed the skills they need to thrive, because of a learning or language disorder, or executive function challenges. When a child encounters difficulty, especially if the problem hasn’t been identified, their reaction may be to stop trying in the area that’s frustrating for them.

“We call it a learned helplessness,” Dr. Fuhrman explains. “When they find they’re not meeting the level of success, kids have a tendency to give up, because whatever they’re doing just isn’t working.”

These difficulties may pop up at different times, as each year’s curriculum requires higher levels of skill. Kids with reading disorders like dyslexia may begin to struggle around first grade, when reading becomes important, as well as third grade, when material starts to get more complex. Many executive functioning issues become visible at the beginning of middle school, where students are expected to be a lot more independently organized, both with their work and with their belongings.

As these skills deficits become more and more difficult to hide, students who are embarrassed or frustrated by their struggles often stop trying to conquer them. With help, kids with skills deficits can eventually start to excel in school by learning ways to manage these difficulties and by utilizing school resources that enable them to play to their strengths.

It could really just be boredom

Though it occurs a lot less often than parents suspect, some children are simply not being stimulated enough by their school settings. These may be what experts call “gifted” kids, whose intellectual capabilities are much stronger than most of their peers. These students will often pursue their own academic interests (whether these be reading, writing, math, or science) outside of school and find the curriculum, which is going over what they’ve already learned on their own time, unstimulating.

Another way that giftedness can cause kids to disconnect is when they’re gifted in very specific areas, and they’re so fascinated with those areas that they’d rather think about them during class than pay attention to what their teachers are saying.

But Matthew Cruger, PhD, a psychologist at the Child Mind Institute who has worked with a lot of gifted children, is skeptical that a child’s lack of motivation can be caused solely by giftedness. “I would expect the most gifted kids to find something compelling about the curriculum,” Dr. Cruger says. If nothing in school piques a child’s interest, the child could be gifted and also have a diagnosis that’s holding them back and undermining motivation.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

What other things undermine kids in school?

While learning disorders and other skills deficits are most commonly associated with a lack of interest in school, there are other common diagnoses that manifest in this way.

- ADHD After learning disorders, ADHD is probably the most common cause for kids to fall behind in school. The combination of energy, impatience, impulsivity, and distractibility can make it incredibly difficult for a child with ADHD to function in a typical classroom. “Kids with ADHD may find school particularly challenging because they often miss out on cues and information that’s important for them to do well,” explains Kristin Carothers, PhD, a psychologist. “They also may be getting lots of negative attention from teachers because their behavior can be disruptive, and that might result in them being less motivated to perform.”
- Anxiety Separation anxiety might cause a child to be distracted or even refuse to attend school because they’re so worried something might happen when they’re away from their parents. The problem could also be social anxiety, where interacting with their classmates and teachers makes a kid so worried they’d rather skip class than participate in a small work group, or never raise their hand. Kids with generalized anxiety also worry about academics, and may become so stressed about their work being perfect that they just give up because they feel it’s not good enough.
- Depression One of the key symptoms of depression is a reduced interest in activities that once interested a child. If there was once a time when your child did feel stimulated by school, and the newfound disinterest is coupled with other symptoms like irritability or sadness, it’s possible they are suffering from depression.
- OCD In the same way that anxiety can prevent a child from focusing in class, OCD can also become a barrier to their learning. Kids with OCD could be so worried about making a mistake that they feel the need to reread everything or erase and rewrite their homework over and over again until it’s perfect. They may even feel like their desk is contaminated, and spend so much time worrying about it that they’re not aware of what’s going on in class. They might develop obsessions and rituals that can get in the way of their schoolwork and make it seem as if they have very little desire to learn.

It’s a process

If your child has a disorder that is getting in the way of learning, treatment will help them become more engaged and motivated in school.

For kids who don’t need treatment but do need help getting motivated, there are some things parents and teachers can do to help. And keep in mind that some kids will develop motivation as they get older. “Your kid may be at a developmental period where it’s harder to have their own motivation,” says Dr. Carothers, “but that doesn’t mean they won’t be successful in the future.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I motivate my child?

To motivate your child, you can start by gathering information from your child about what’s getting in the way of their motivation. It could be that they are experiencing anxiety or a mental health disorder, or maybe they are bored and not being challenged enough.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-does-your-child-lack-motivation-2/

What it could mean when kids just don't seem to be trying very hard in school

Writer: Danielle Cohen

Clinical Expert: Matthew Cruger, PhD

What You'll Learn

- Why do some kids lack motivation in school?

- What should you do if your child is not motivated?

- What kinds of underlying challenges can get in the way of kids’ motivation?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Gather information

- Are there social factors?

- Does your child have a skills deficit?

- It could really just be boredom

- What other things undermine kids in school?

- It’s a process

Kids of all ages sometimes struggle to get motivated in school. Maybe they fight doing homework, let their grades drop, or just don’t seem excited about learning. If you notice that your child has issues with motivation, the first step is to figure out what is standing in their way.

Start by gathering information about what exactly worries you. Talking to the child’s teacher can help you understand whether your expectations are reasonable and whether they’ve noticed a problem. If your child recently changed schools or started a new phase of school (like kindergarten or middle school), they may be adjusting to the transition. Talk to your child, too. If they say they’re bored, what do they mean by that? Kids who are feeling anxious or frustrated might need help to find the right words. It could also be that they’re withdrawing from academics in order to fit in with friends or seem cool to other kids.

One of the most common reasons that kids lack motivation is trouble with academic skills. They might have a learning disorder, a language disorder, or difficulty with executive functions. The issue could also be an underlying mental health challenge like ADHD, anxiety, depression or OCD. In rare cases, students who are academically gifted may be simply bored by school and need more challenging work to stay motivated.

If you think that a learning or mental health issue might be holding your child back, getting them evaluated by a professional can help. Treatment can often reduce their symptoms and help them get excited about school again. And if your child does not have a diagnosable problem, there are still parenting strategies you can use to support them.

It can happen at any point between kindergarten and high school graduation — and even after that. It’s a common but serious source of worry for parents: You start to notice a lack of motivation and commitment in your child’s attitude towards school.

Maybe they don’t seem enthusiastic to learn new things. Maybe they’re not doing their homework. Maybe their grades are dropping. Maybe a fight occurs whenever you try to sit them down to do work.

Whatever the specific problem is, many parents find themselves wondering why a child just doesn’t seem to be trying very hard in school, and how they can help them get motivated.

Gather information

There are many potential reasons that a child might be turned off by school. Here are some first steps you can take to investigate what might be happening:

- Define your concerns clearly. What are the behaviors that make you think they’re not engaged? A close look at what they’re doing — or not doing — will help you identify what may be happening.

- If they say they’re bored, what do they mean? Many children use the word “bored” to describe how they feel in class, but their definition of “bored” may not match yours. Sometimes kids who are challenged or frustrated aren’t sure what to call the feeling.

- Talk to the teacher. Your child’s teacher is one of the best resources you can use to both help you identify the issues and then find ways to address them. “The teacher can offer six hours of a day worth of information about what the child is doing,” notes Rachel Busman, PsyD, a clinical psychologist.

- Clarify your expectations. Get a reality check from the teacher to make sure your expectations are realistic for your kid’s age and developmental level.

- Is it part of the learning process? “There’s a normal amount of trepidation that comes with learning new things,” explains Dr. Busman. “A child who’s learning to read, for instance, may not be ‘motivated’ because it’s new for them and it’s not the easiest thing.” The teacher can let you know if they think your child is just going through a rough patch.

- Are there changes at school? It’s common for students to stumble during their first couple months of kindergarten or middle school because these transitions require a lot of adjustment. “A lot of preschool settings are much more social and emotional and not so academic, so it’s a big change to go from being in preschool to kindergarten,” notes Laura Fuhrman, PsyD, a neuropsychologist. Ken Schuster, PsyD, a neuropsychologist at the Child Mind Institute and former teacher observes a similar pattern at the beginning of middle school, where kids are expected to be much more independent and organized.

- Has your child changed schools? In the same way, changing schools also may involve some academic struggles as your child adjusts to a new environment.

Are there social factors?

Dr. Fuhrman notes that starting in middle school, kids’ attitudes become subject to a host of new social interactions and pressures. Unfortunately, kids who do well in school sometimes encounter social isolation, and to avoid being labeled as a geek or a nerd they may withdraw from academics.

“In middle school, kids don’t want to be different,” she says, “and they might try to develop an identity that reduces their experience of shame and humiliation in front of their peers.”

While you may have little control over this situation as a parent, the best thing you can do to resist it is to continue fostering a love of learning. Look for opportunities for your child to pursue their interests outside of school and meet other kids who share their interests.

Does your child have a skills deficit?

If you continue to see an unmotivated kid who is underperforming, it may be because they haven’t developed the skills they need to thrive, because of a learning or language disorder, or executive function challenges. When a child encounters difficulty, especially if the problem hasn’t been identified, their reaction may be to stop trying in the area that’s frustrating for them.

“We call it a learned helplessness,” Dr. Fuhrman explains. “When they find they’re not meeting the level of success, kids have a tendency to give up, because whatever they’re doing just isn’t working.”

These difficulties may pop up at different times, as each year’s curriculum requires higher levels of skill. Kids with reading disorders like dyslexia may begin to struggle around first grade, when reading becomes important, as well as third grade, when material starts to get more complex. Many executive functioning issues become visible at the beginning of middle school, where students are expected to be a lot more independently organized, both with their work and with their belongings.

As these skills deficits become more and more difficult to hide, students who are embarrassed or frustrated by their struggles often stop trying to conquer them. With help, kids with skills deficits can eventually start to excel in school by learning ways to manage these difficulties and by utilizing school resources that enable them to play to their strengths.

It could really just be boredom

Though it occurs a lot less often than parents suspect, some children are simply not being stimulated enough by their school settings. These may be what experts call “gifted” kids, whose intellectual capabilities are much stronger than most of their peers. These students will often pursue their own academic interests (whether these be reading, writing, math, or science) outside of school and find the curriculum, which is going over what they’ve already learned on their own time, unstimulating.

Another way that giftedness can cause kids to disconnect is when they’re gifted in very specific areas, and they’re so fascinated with those areas that they’d rather think about them during class than pay attention to what their teachers are saying.

But Matthew Cruger, PhD, a psychologist at the Child Mind Institute who has worked with a lot of gifted children, is skeptical that a child’s lack of motivation can be caused solely by giftedness. “I would expect the most gifted kids to find something compelling about the curriculum,” Dr. Cruger says. If nothing in school piques a child’s interest, the child could be gifted and also have a diagnosis that’s holding them back and undermining motivation.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

What other things undermine kids in school?

While learning disorders and other skills deficits are most commonly associated with a lack of interest in school, there are other common diagnoses that manifest in this way.

- ADHD After learning disorders, ADHD is probably the most common cause for kids to fall behind in school. The combination of energy, impatience, impulsivity, and distractibility can make it incredibly difficult for a child with ADHD to function in a typical classroom. “Kids with ADHD may find school particularly challenging because they often miss out on cues and information that’s important for them to do well,” explains Kristin Carothers, PhD, a psychologist. “They also may be getting lots of negative attention from teachers because their behavior can be disruptive, and that might result in them being less motivated to perform.”

- Anxiety Separation anxiety might cause a child to be distracted or even refuse to attend school because they’re so worried something might happen when they’re away from their parents. The problem could also be social anxiety, where interacting with their classmates and teachers makes a kid so worried they’d rather skip class than participate in a small work group, or never raise their hand. Kids with generalized anxiety also worry about academics, and may become so stressed about their work being perfect that they just give up because they feel it’s not good enough.

- Depression One of the key symptoms of depression is a reduced interest in activities that once interested a child. If there was once a time when your child did feel stimulated by school, and the newfound disinterest is coupled with other symptoms like irritability or sadness, it’s possible they are suffering from depression.

- OCD In the same way that anxiety can prevent a child from focusing in class, OCD can also become a barrier to their learning. Kids with OCD could be so worried about making a mistake that they feel the need to reread everything or erase and rewrite their homework over and over again until it’s perfect. They may even feel like their desk is contaminated, and spend so much time worrying about it that they’re not aware of what’s going on in class. They might develop obsessions and rituals that can get in the way of their schoolwork and make it seem as if they have very little desire to learn.

It’s a process

If your child has a disorder that is getting in the way of learning, treatment will help them become more engaged and motivated in school.

For kids who don’t need treatment but do need help getting motivated, there are some things parents and teachers can do to help. And keep in mind that some kids will develop motivation as they get older. “Your kid may be at a developmental period where it’s harder to have their own motivation,” says Dr. Carothers, “but that doesn’t mean they won’t be successful in the future.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I motivate my child?

To motivate your child, you can start by gathering information from your child about what’s getting in the way of their motivation. It could be that they are experiencing anxiety or a mental health disorder, or maybe they are bored and not being challenged enough. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16489

James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Help Your Child Get Motivated in School

Strategies you can use to help kids work up to their potential

Writer: Danielle Cohen

Clinical Experts: Laura Phillips, PsyD, ABPdN , Ken Schuster, PsyD , Kristin Carothers, PhD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-cue8RaVLg

What You'll Learn

- Why do some kids have trouble getting motivated in school?
- How can parents help their children try harder in school?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- Get involved
- Use reinforcement
- Reward effort rather than outcome
- Help them see the big picture
- Let them make mistakes
- Get outside help
- Make the teacher your ally
- Get support for yourself

It’s common for kids to lack motivation in school. Sometimes, this happens because the child has ADHD, anxiety, social challenges, or a learning disability. But other times, kids without a diagnosable problem still have trouble living up to their potential in school. Here are a few ways that parents can encourage kids to put in more effort at school.

Start by showing kids that you care about their schoolwork. Check in with them about how classes are going. Let them know that you’re there if they need homework help. Ask what they’re learning and what they like (and don’t like) about the assignments. With older kids, be sure to give them space, too. If they sense that you’re pressuring them, they might end up feeling resentful and less motivated.

Using positive reinforcement helps. You don’t need to give kids big rewards, but even small ones like a high five or a few extra minutes of screen time can make a difference. It’s also important to praise effort, not results. For example, praise your child for finishing a tough assignment or taking a class that might be hard. Nobody gets top grades all the time, so make sure your child knows you don’t expect perfection.

You can also bring in reinforcements if schoolwork is becoming a source of conflict for you and your child. You could hire an older student at your child’s school or a nearby college to help monitor homework and ease stress on the family. Talking to your child’s teacher can also give you insight into their behavior and help you work as a team to encourage them.

Finally, be sure to keep tabs on your own feelings. If you’re getting very frustrated or angry about your child’s school performance, a therapist or support group can help.

If you have a child who is struggling in school and doesn’t seem to be motivated to make an effort, the first thing you want to do is explore whether there is some obstacle getting in their way. Learning issues, social challenges, attention or emotional problems can all cause kids to disengage academically.

But not all kids who are underperforming in school — clearly not living up to their potential — have a diagnosable problem. And there are a number of things parents can do to help motivate kids to try harder.

Get involved

As a parent or caregiver, your presence in the academic life of your child is crucial to their commitment to work. Do homework with them, and let them know that you’re available to answer questions. Get in the habit of asking them about what they learned in school, and generally engage them academically. By demonstrating your interest in your child’s school life, you’re showing them school can be exciting and interesting. This is especially effective with young kids who tend to be excited about whatever you’re excited about. Teenagers can bristle if they feel you are asking too many questions, so make sure you are sharing the details of your day, too. A conversation is always better than an interrogation.

Likewise, it’s important to stay involved but give older kids a little more space. If you’re on top of your kid all the time about homework, they may develop resistance and be less motivated to work — not to mention the strain it will put on your relationship.

Use reinforcement

Many parents are nervous about rewarding kids for good work, and it’s true that tangible rewards can turn into a slippery slope. But there are ways to use extrinsic motivation that will eventually be internalized by your kid. “Kids respond really well to social reinforcers like praises, hugs, high fives, and those kinds of things,” says Laura Phillips, PsyD, a clinical neuropsychologist. “Then they start to achieve because it feels good for them.”

Ken Schuster, PsyD, a neuropsychologist at the Child Mind Institute, encourages parents to use rewarding activities that would have probably occurred either way but placing them after a set amount of time doing homework. He suggests treats that are easy to provide but that your child will enjoy, such as going for ice cream or sharing a candy bar. He also recommends breaking work up into chunks and using small breaks as rewards for getting through each chunk.

Reward effort rather than outcome

The message you want to send is that you respect hard work. Praising kids for following through when things get difficult, for making a sustained effort, and for trying things they’re not sure they can do successfully can all help teach them the pleasure of pushing themselves. Praise for good grades that come easily can make kids feel they shouldn’t have to exert themselves.

Help them see the big picture

For older kids who have developed an understanding of delayed gratification, sometimes simple reminders of their long-term goals can help push them. It can help many high school seniors who slack off after getting into college to remind them that they could lose their acceptance if their grades drop too much, or that they might not be prepared for college courses. “Linking school up with their long-term goals can make the work feel more personally fulfilling,” explains Dr. Phillips.

Let them make mistakes

No one can get A’s on every test or a perfect score on every assignment. While kids need encouragement, and it’s healthy to push them to try their best, know that setbacks are natural. Sometimes the only way kids learn how to properly prepare for school is by finding out what happens when they’re unprepared.

Get outside help

One way to take a little tension away from your relationship with your child is to find an older student (either at their school or a nearby college) to help them out with work. Most will charge pretty low rates, and the fact that they’re closer to your kid’s age may make it more likely they’ll listen to what they say.

“Homework was a source of conflict for us,” says Elizabeth, whose son Alex has ADHD. Elizabeth hired a few Barnard students to help Alex do his homework on certain nights, she recalls. “He behaved a lot better with them, and it was money well spent for me because I wasn’t fighting, and I wasn’t stressed out.”

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

Make the teacher your ally

Another one of the most important things you can do for your child is to work with their teacher. The teacher might have additional insight about how to motivate your child or what they might be struggling with. Likewise, you can share any strategies or information that you have.

When her son was in lower school and only had one teacher, Elizabeth would call his teacher before the first day, introducing herself and alerting the teacher that her son had ADHD and that he found it hard to focus. She would give the teacher little tips that she had found were useful with Alex: Writing multi-step directions on the board, tapping him on the shoulder while walking past to make sure he was paying attention, and other small tweaks that would be useful to any young child but are especially essential to one with ADHD.

“Make sure that both school and home are of one accord,” stresses Kristin Carothers, PhD, a clinical psychologist. Dr. Carothers often sets up a system she calls the daily report card. With this system, the child gets points from their teacher for things like completing work and following directions the first time they get them. Then they bring those points home, where their parents give them small rewards, such as extra time on the iPad or playing a game together.

Get support for yourself

It can be just as frustrating to watch your child withdraw from school as it can be for some kids to maintain focus. Elizabeth says that she often feels judged as a parent for having a son who struggles so much in school.

Some schools have support groups for parents of kids who are less motivated, and if your child’s school doesn’t, Elizabeth encourages setting one up. “It’s very comforting to hear that you’re not alone,” she says. “It’s also helpful to hear people who have gone ahead of you talk about how to navigate the school’s system, find a therapist, and talk to teachers.”

“If you’re feeling yourself getting really angry or frustrated with your kids, take a step back,” Dr. Carothers recommends. “Put things into context.”

It’s also important to keep your goals in perspective: Your child may not become a star student. Make sure to focus on the effort they put in and the commitment they show instead of the outcome. If you expect perfect achievement from a child who struggles in school, you’ll drive yourself crazy.

“I’m not trying to get my child to be someone he’s not,” Elizabeth says about her efforts to help her son. “I just want him to reach his potential.”

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I motivate my child to do homework?

What motivates a child to do well in school?

To motivate a child to do well in school, use positive reinforcement such as hugs and high fives, reward their effort rather than specific outcomes, and help them make the connection between current effort and achieving long-term goals such as getting into college.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-help-your-child-get-motivated-in-school-2/

Strategies you can use to help kids work up to their potential

Writer: Danielle Cohen

Clinical Experts: Laura Phillips, PsyD, ABPdN , Ken Schuster, PsyD , Kristin Carothers, PhD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-cue8RaVLg

What You'll Learn

- Why do some kids have trouble getting motivated in school?

- How can parents help their children try harder in school?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Get involved

- Use reinforcement

- Reward effort rather than outcome

- Help them see the big picture

- Let them make mistakes

- Get outside help

- Make the teacher your ally

- Get support for yourself

It’s common for kids to lack motivation in school. Sometimes, this happens because the child has ADHD, anxiety, social challenges, or a learning disability. But other times, kids without a diagnosable problem still have trouble living up to their potential in school. Here are a few ways that parents can encourage kids to put in more effort at school.

Start by showing kids that you care about their schoolwork. Check in with them about how classes are going. Let them know that you’re there if they need homework help. Ask what they’re learning and what they like (and don’t like) about the assignments. With older kids, be sure to give them space, too. If they sense that you’re pressuring them, they might end up feeling resentful and less motivated.

Using positive reinforcement helps. You don’t need to give kids big rewards, but even small ones like a high five or a few extra minutes of screen time can make a difference. It’s also important to praise effort, not results. For example, praise your child for finishing a tough assignment or taking a class that might be hard. Nobody gets top grades all the time, so make sure your child knows you don’t expect perfection.

You can also bring in reinforcements if schoolwork is becoming a source of conflict for you and your child. You could hire an older student at your child’s school or a nearby college to help monitor homework and ease stress on the family. Talking to your child’s teacher can also give you insight into their behavior and help you work as a team to encourage them.

Finally, be sure to keep tabs on your own feelings. If you’re getting very frustrated or angry about your child’s school performance, a therapist or support group can help.

If you have a child who is struggling in school and doesn’t seem to be motivated to make an effort, the first thing you want to do is explore whether there is some obstacle getting in their way. Learning issues, social challenges, attention or emotional problems can all cause kids to disengage academically.

But not all kids who are underperforming in school — clearly not living up to their potential — have a diagnosable problem. And there are a number of things parents can do to help motivate kids to try harder.

Get involved

As a parent or caregiver, your presence in the academic life of your child is crucial to their commitment to work. Do homework with them, and let them know that you’re available to answer questions. Get in the habit of asking them about what they learned in school, and generally engage them academically. By demonstrating your interest in your child’s school life, you’re showing them school can be exciting and interesting. This is especially effective with young kids who tend to be excited about whatever you’re excited about. Teenagers can bristle if they feel you are asking too many questions, so make sure you are sharing the details of your day, too. A conversation is always better than an interrogation.

Likewise, it’s important to stay involved but give older kids a little more space. If you’re on top of your kid all the time about homework, they may develop resistance and be less motivated to work — not to mention the strain it will put on your relationship.

Use reinforcement

Many parents are nervous about rewarding kids for good work, and it’s true that tangible rewards can turn into a slippery slope. But there are ways to use extrinsic motivation that will eventually be internalized by your kid. “Kids respond really well to social reinforcers like praises, hugs, high fives, and those kinds of things,” says Laura Phillips, PsyD, a clinical neuropsychologist. “Then they start to achieve because it feels good for them.”

Ken Schuster, PsyD, a neuropsychologist at the Child Mind Institute, encourages parents to use rewarding activities that would have probably occurred either way but placing them after a set amount of time doing homework. He suggests treats that are easy to provide but that your child will enjoy, such as going for ice cream or sharing a candy bar. He also recommends breaking work up into chunks and using small breaks as rewards for getting through each chunk.

Reward effort rather than outcome

The message you want to send is that you respect hard work. Praising kids for following through when things get difficult, for making a sustained effort, and for trying things they’re not sure they can do successfully can all help teach them the pleasure of pushing themselves. Praise for good grades that come easily can make kids feel they shouldn’t have to exert themselves.

Help them see the big picture

For older kids who have developed an understanding of delayed gratification, sometimes simple reminders of their long-term goals can help push them. It can help many high school seniors who slack off after getting into college to remind them that they could lose their acceptance if their grades drop too much, or that they might not be prepared for college courses. “Linking school up with their long-term goals can make the work feel more personally fulfilling,” explains Dr. Phillips.

Let them make mistakes

No one can get A’s on every test or a perfect score on every assignment. While kids need encouragement, and it’s healthy to push them to try their best, know that setbacks are natural. Sometimes the only way kids learn how to properly prepare for school is by finding out what happens when they’re unprepared.

Get outside help

One way to take a little tension away from your relationship with your child is to find an older student (either at their school or a nearby college) to help them out with work. Most will charge pretty low rates, and the fact that they’re closer to your kid’s age may make it more likely they’ll listen to what they say.

“Homework was a source of conflict for us,” says Elizabeth, whose son Alex has ADHD. Elizabeth hired a few Barnard students to help Alex do his homework on certain nights, she recalls. “He behaved a lot better with them, and it was money well spent for me because I wasn’t fighting, and I wasn’t stressed out.”

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

Make the teacher your ally

Another one of the most important things you can do for your child is to work with their teacher. The teacher might have additional insight about how to motivate your child or what they might be struggling with. Likewise, you can share any strategies or information that you have.

When her son was in lower school and only had one teacher, Elizabeth would call his teacher before the first day, introducing herself and alerting the teacher that her son had ADHD and that he found it hard to focus. She would give the teacher little tips that she had found were useful with Alex: Writing multi-step directions on the board, tapping him on the shoulder while walking past to make sure he was paying attention, and other small tweaks that would be useful to any young child but are especially essential to one with ADHD.

“Make sure that both school and home are of one accord,” stresses Kristin Carothers, PhD, a clinical psychologist. Dr. Carothers often sets up a system she calls the daily report card. With this system, the child gets points from their teacher for things like completing work and following directions the first time they get them. Then they bring those points home, where their parents give them small rewards, such as extra time on the iPad or playing a game together.

Get support for yourself

It can be just as frustrating to watch your child withdraw from school as it can be for some kids to maintain focus. Elizabeth says that she often feels judged as a parent for having a son who struggles so much in school.

Some schools have support groups for parents of kids who are less motivated, and if your child’s school doesn’t, Elizabeth encourages setting one up. “It’s very comforting to hear that you’re not alone,” she says. “It’s also helpful to hear people who have gone ahead of you talk about how to navigate the school’s system, find a therapist, and talk to teachers.”

“If you’re feeling yourself getting really angry or frustrated with your kids, take a step back,” Dr. Carothers recommends. “Put things into context.”

It’s also important to keep your goals in perspective: Your child may not become a star student. Make sure to focus on the effort they put in and the commitment they show instead of the outcome. If you expect perfect achievement from a child who struggles in school, you’ll drive yourself crazy.

“I’m not trying to get my child to be someone he’s not,” Elizabeth says about her efforts to help her son. “I just want him to reach his potential.”

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I motivate my child to do homework?

What motivates a child to do well in school?

To motivate a child to do well in school, use positive reinforcement such as hugs and high fives, reward their effort rather than specific outcomes, and help them make the connection between current effort and achieving long-term goals such as getting into college. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16487

It’s harder than ever to be a kid. With support from the Friends of Children Fund, five AAP chapters devised inventive pathways to lift young people out of crisis.

Photo by Lukas on Pexels.com

Our society loves to romanticize childhood as a carefree time. Ideally, children can focus solely on the important work of growing up. Pediatricians know, however, that’s not the reality for many kids. 

Rates of mental health concerns for children and young adults have been steadily increasing since 2010. During the pandemic, they reached full-on crisis levels. Suicide is now the second leading cause of death in the U.S. among teens and young adults ages 15-24. Pediatricians have found themselves on the front lines of the crisis, helping children navigate mental health challenges at an unprecedented scale. 

The Academy has a unique advantage for tackling its strategic priorities: its network of more than 60 chapters spread across all 50 states and Canada. This network enables the AAP to reach children everywhere with proven approaches to saving lives. 

Five AAP chapters received grants from the Friends of Children Fund to launch their innovative plans for suicide prevention. The chapters focused on a few key strategies: reducing access to firearms and increasing access to mental and behavioral health support, while training pediatricians to advocate for state-level investment in youth suicide prevention. Here’s a closer look at what they accomplished. 

Florida AAP: A Day of Advocacy 

Children’s Day is an annual event at the capitol building in Tallahassee dedicated to child welfare. About 40 pediatricians and pediatric trainees seized the opportunity to meet with lawmakers and interact with kids and families to raise awareness for suicide prevention. 

Prior to the event, chapter members participated in a training session that prepared them for meeting with officials about safe gun storage and increased access to affordable mental health care. Out in the courtyard, they shared suicide prevention and mental health resources with kids and families. In all, they participated in 20 meetings with legislators and reached more than 3,000 attendees. 

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

Hawaii AAP: Help is a Phone Call Away 

Counseling pediatric patients experiencing suicidal ideation requires nuance. Members of the Hawaii AAP chapter are supporting physicians through the process with a “warm line” to call when caring for children who need psychiatric support. 

The chapter worked with government agencies as well as the University of Hawaii to make the warm line a reality. Beyond developing this free resource, the chapter trained 14 residents, pediatricians, and child health advocates on how to testify in the state legislature. The group then advocated at the Hawaii state capital for increased funding for suicide prevention programs. 

Montana AAP: Culturally Aware Support 

Montana has the third highest rate of suicide in the U.S., with the native population at highest risk. To address the crisis head-on, the Montana chapter forged new partnerships with tribal communities. 

The chapter hosted three webinars, one of which included a presentation by a tribal member of the Fort Peck Indian Reservation. More broadly, the chapter reached parents about the importance of secure firearm storage through a series of six social media posts, which got 1,753 impressions, and brochures published in Spanish and English. Finally, it hired a legislative advocacy consultant to teach lawmakers about the importance of safe storage laws in preventing children from accessing firearms. 

Pennsylvania AAP: Talking Points that Work 

The right words are key when speaking with parents and legislators alike about safe firearm storage. The Pennsylvania chapter supplied physicians with tried-and-true messaging through a Firearm Safety Toolkit that included talking points and other resources. 

The toolkit was part of a holistic effort that included a safe storage campaign, which the chapter organized with several statewide physician organizations; handouts for state legislative offices; an advocacy push facilitated by legislative engagement software; and a webinar attended by more than 175 physicians. 

Tennessee AAP: Building a Network 

The most powerful advocacy combines boots-on-the-ground activism with systemic change. 

The Tennessee chapter hosted six lunch-and-learn events for educators, local lawmakers, and community leaders about storing firearms safely. More than a hundred people attended and received resource bags that included gun locks and educational materials to share within their communities. The chapter also engaged stakeholders on the importance of advocating for stronger state gun laws. ? 

The education and advocacy of these chapters showcases the beauty of the AAP: The work doesn’t just help one child. Across the country and around the world, our network of pediatricians impacts millions of lives. 

Photo by Lukas on Pexels.com https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16485

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Giving to the AAP supports children’s mental health initiatives at scale

It’s harder than ever to be a kid. With support from the Friends of Children Fund, five AAP chapters devised inventive pathways to lift young people out of crisis.

Photo by Lukas on Pexels.com

Our society loves to romanticize childhood as a carefree time. Ideally, children can focus solely on the important work of growing up. Pediatricians know, however, that’s not the reality for many kids. 

Rates of mental health concerns for children and young adults have been steadily increasing since 2010. During the pandemic, they reached full-on crisis levels. Suicide is now the second leading cause of death in the U.S. among teens and young adults ages 15-24. Pediatricians have found themselves on the front lines of the crisis, helping children navigate mental health challenges at an unprecedented scale. 

The Academy has a unique advantage for tackling its strategic priorities: its network of more than 60 chapters spread across all 50 states and Canada. This network enables the AAP to reach children everywhere with proven approaches to saving lives. 

Five AAP chapters received grants from the Friends of Children Fund to launch their innovative plans for suicide prevention. The chapters focused on a few key strategies: reducing access to firearms and increasing access to mental and behavioral health support, while training pediatricians to advocate for state-level investment in youth suicide prevention. Here’s a closer look at what they accomplished. 

Florida AAP: A Day of Advocacy 

Children’s Day is an annual event at the capitol building in Tallahassee dedicated to child welfare. About 40 pediatricians and pediatric trainees seized the opportunity to meet with lawmakers and interact with kids and families to raise awareness for suicide prevention. 

Prior to the event, chapter members participated in a training session that prepared them for meeting with officials about safe gun storage and increased access to affordable mental health care. Out in the courtyard, they shared suicide prevention and mental health resources with kids and families. In all, they participated in 20 meetings with legislators and reached more than 3,000 attendees. 

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

Hawaii AAP: Help is a Phone Call Away 

Counseling pediatric patients experiencing suicidal ideation requires nuance. Members of the Hawaii AAP chapter are supporting physicians through the process with a “warm line” to call when caring for children who need psychiatric support. 

The chapter worked with government agencies as well as the University of Hawaii to make the warm line a reality. Beyond developing this free resource, the chapter trained 14 residents, pediatricians, and child health advocates on how to testify in the state legislature. The group then advocated at the Hawaii state capital for increased funding for suicide prevention programs. 

Montana AAP: Culturally Aware Support 

Montana has the third highest rate of suicide in the U.S., with the native population at highest risk. To address the crisis head-on, the Montana chapter forged new partnerships with tribal communities. 

The chapter hosted three webinars, one of which included a presentation by a tribal member of the Fort Peck Indian Reservation. More broadly, the chapter reached parents about the importance of secure firearm storage through a series of six social media posts, which got 1,753 impressions, and brochures published in Spanish and English. Finally, it hired a legislative advocacy consultant to teach lawmakers about the importance of safe storage laws in preventing children from accessing firearms. 

Pennsylvania AAP: Talking Points that Work 

The right words are key when speaking with parents and legislators alike about safe firearm storage. The Pennsylvania chapter supplied physicians with tried-and-true messaging through a Firearm Safety Toolkit that included talking points and other resources. 

The toolkit was part of a holistic effort that included a safe storage campaign, which the chapter organized with several statewide physician organizations; handouts for state legislative offices; an advocacy push facilitated by legislative engagement software; and a webinar attended by more than 175 physicians. 

Tennessee AAP: Building a Network 

The most powerful advocacy combines boots-on-the-ground activism with systemic change. 

The Tennessee chapter hosted six lunch-and-learn events for educators, local lawmakers, and community leaders about storing firearms safely. More than a hundred people attended and received resource bags that included gun locks and educational materials to share within their communities. The chapter also engaged stakeholders on the importance of advocating for stronger state gun laws. ? 

The education and advocacy of these chapters showcases the beauty of the AAP: The work doesn’t just help one child. Across the country and around the world, our network of pediatricians impacts millions of lives. 

Photo by Lukas on Pexels.com https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-giving-to-the-aap-supports-childrens-mental-health-initiatives-at-scale/

Dalson Chen

Windsor-Essex program focuses on men's mental health and suicide prevention

Around 75 per cent of all suicide deaths in Canada are men — yet plenty of stigma remains around men's mental health concerns, according to the Canadian Mental Health Association.

That's why the Windsor and Essex County branch of the CMHA is continuing its Healthy Minds 4 Men program, the next edition of which launches in late February.

The free four-week course offers guided group sessions where adult males are able to explore their emotions, show vulnerability and learn about mental health in a non-judgmental environment.

"We know that men should reach out for help more. We encourage it," said Adrian Deschamps, a mental health educator with CMHA Windsor-Essex, who designed the program last year.

"But a lot of men, even though they see this invitation — deep down, they still feel that fear of reaching out."

Despite many public awareness campaigns and efforts to normalize talking about mental health, Deschamps says avoidance and self-isolation remain the most common response among men when confronted with emotional challenges.

"It's one of those things were I can sit with a group of guys, and I can say, how many of you have been told real men don't cry? And every hand goes up," Deschamps said.

"How many of you have been told that if you show weakness or show vulnerability, that you're not going to be respected? Every hand goes up."

Each of the four sessions of the Healthy Minds 4 Men program is meant to examine a different area of men's mental health.

For example, the first session delves into male-specific stressors, such as social dynamics and societal pressures.

Deschamps says economic factors and traditional "provider expectations" can put men "in a really bad headspace," especially when it comes to employment and the workplace.

"Workplace mental health is one of the biggest areas that can be overlooked," Deschamps said. "We often spend a lot of our waking life at work, right? If you're going to work for seven, eight hours a day, and you're walking in with a sense of dread and a sense of stress, it's going to affect you."

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Click here to follow James Donaldson's Blog

According to CMHA data, in 2022, there were 3,589 suicides in Canada — and 2,686 of them were male. Deschamps says the most represented age group among those male suicides was 44 to 64 years old.

Asked why there is continued reluctance to engage men's mental health concerns, generation after generation, Deschamps says he believes there's a difference between understanding an issue with one's head and understanding with one's heart.

That may have been the case with Jacob Lamont — a 24-year-old Windsor man who died of a fentanyl overdose in June 2023.

Lamont's mother, Melissa Bianchi, says her son was not a regular user of fentanyl, but she doesn't know if he meant to take his own life. He had struggled since childhood with anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation.

"I used to make him promise me: One more day," Bianchi said. "I would know when he was having a bad moment, a bad day, a bad week. And I'd say: 'Just promise me one more day.'"

"And I remember him laughing at me and saying, 'Yeah, and then what happens, Mom, with one more day? If I feel the same?'"

"And I'd say, 'Then you promise me one more, Jacob.'"

Bianchi says that at the time of her son's death, he was dealing with "monsters in his head" — despite the fact that he had loving family members, and had recently become a father.

She believes her son would have benefitted from programs like Healthy Minds 4 Men, as well as better public understanding of men's mental health.

"I think that there is such a stigma around it that it creates a silence, and I think that that silence is deadly," Bianchi said.

"When you talk about men's mental health, or when they try to open up, there's an embarrassment. There's shame. There's fear of being judged. It's not good enough. It's not being manly enough. And I know my son struggled with that." https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=16481