Tracy Brower, PhD

Senior Contributor

Girls are experiencing a devastating decline in wellbeing

Plenty of people struggle today with stress and declines in their mental health—but the experience of middle and high school girls is especially concerning. Girls are struggling with some of the highest-ever levels of depression, anxiety and thoughts of suicide. They are sad, insecure and pessimistic about themselves and their lives.

Worst hit are some of the youngest girls—those in 5th grade—and girls’ experiences have been trending negatively since 2017.

The crisis that girls face is important for many reasons. First, they are our daughters, sisters, nieces and friends—and we want the best for them and their lives.

Support girls by helping them find their voice

Reach Out, Connect and Support

One of the first things you can do to move the needle on girls’ mental health and confidence is to reach out to them, form relationships, offer support and even become a mentor.

In fact, when girls had mentors, they were more likely to be happy (51% with a mentor compared with 40% without a mentor) and optimistic (30% compared with 17%). In addition, when girls had a mentor, they were less likely to be stressed (26% with a mentor and 41% without) or anxious (18% compared with 36%), according to data from Être.

When girls had mentors, they were also more likely to feel confident (44% compared with 26%) generally, and they were specifically more confident about their ability to get a high paying job, make new friends, apply for an internship, try out for a new team, seek help regarding social media and speak in public, again based on Être data.

Mentorship is a point of leverage in affecting girls’ experiences and wellbeing. Get involved and find ways to spend time with girls through schools or community programs—or through your own network of girls in your community. Build trusting relationships in which you can coach and nurture girls.

1. Reinforce their Confidence

An important way to help in the devastation that girls face is by reinforcing their confidence. They need the encouragement. Among girls ages 13 to 18, levels of confidence dropped 18% last year and 12% the previous year, according to Être. And ROX reports that since 2017, girls’ confidence levels have dropped from 68% to 55%, with the largest declines in confidence among 5th and 6th graders with a reduction 86% to 68%.

Again, mentorship can play a positive role. Fully 91% of girls told Être they felt more confident with a mentor. Specifically, 45% of those with mentors felt confident compared to 33% without mentors.

When you’re offering support to girls, reinforce their skills and capabilities and demonstrate you respect them and value them. Feeling seen is significantly correlated with mental health—and it contributes toward confidence. So acknowledge their struggles, their challenges, their capabilities and your belief in their resilience.

Support girls by helping them to manage stress

2. Help them Find their Voice

Another important way to support girls and stem the deterioration of their experience is to help them find their voices. Fully 59% of girls in the ROX poll reported they like to be in charge, but they are afraid to step forward and lead because they don’t want others to think they are bossy.

In addition, 66% avoid sharing their thinking and avoid disagreeing because they want to be liked. And 67% of girls have been told they’re too loud or opinionated, according to ROX.

When you’re coaching and mentoring, ask questions and then pay attention and listen to their answers. Help them develop their thinking and support them in articulating their point of view firmly and constructively. Let girls know their opinions matter—and others can learn from all they offer.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

3. Help Them Embrace Growth

Girls also struggle with feeling empowered to learn and grow. A majority—66%—say they believe they can increase their intelligence and 82% say they like to try new things. Both of these are good news, since they are related to a growth mindset in which people believe they can improve and increase capability over time.

Unfortunately though, 78% of girls do everything they can to avoid making mistakes or failing, and 65% of girls put pressure on themselves to be perfect, according to ROX data.

You can help by finding out what girls are interested in and then encouraging them to explore and develop their skills in those areas. Let them know that it’s okay to fail and that pushing themselves to grow and develop will be both challenging and rewarding.

4. Help the With Stress Management and Self Care

A whopping 76% of 5th graders feel they are under tremendous pressure, and their biggest stressors are school, grades, friendships and family issues respectively. Fully 79% of girls report they are under so much pressure, they feel like they’re going to explode, according to data from ROX.

And stress increases as girls grow up. Through the ages of 13 and 18, the percentage of girls who say they feel stressed increases by 241%, more than tripling. And the percentage of girls who say they are anxious increases by 88%, nearly doubling, according to Être.

Girls want help. In fact, the Être poll found 54% of girls wanted mentors to help them with stress and anxiety and 47% wanted their mentor to help them improve their mental health.

You can have a significant impact by being there for girls, and also by letting girls know stress is a normal part of life. Help them develop strategies for coping, self care and resilience—and ensure they’re aware of mental health resources.

Support girls by offering career advice and guidance

5. Help them Manage Social Media

Social media use is significantly correlated with the decline of mental health. In fact, 65% of girls report how they feel about their bodies affects their confidence, and the more time they spend on social media, the less confident they feel.

Fully 88% feel pressure to be pretty and 57% say social media makes them want to change the way they look. And social media use is increasing—with 46% of 5th grade girls reporting they spend 6 or more hours a day using social media, according to ROX.

When you’re coaching and mentoring girls, put away your own device and be fully present for them. Let them know about the impacts of social media and point out how they can discern sources which are more and less credible. Also help girls manage their intake of social media by suggesting habits which limit their time online in favor of spending time with friends and family device-free.

6. Help them Plan for Their Career

Another meaningful way to support girls is by empowering them and helping them to plan for their career journey. Again, girls need help in this area. In the ROX poll, 57% of girls (up from 23% in 2017) said they weren’t sure they were smart enough to obtain their dream career and 41% of girls with a 4.0 GPA or higher said they didn’t think they were smart enough for their ideal job.

Girls experience a decline over the years on this metric as well. Those between the ages of 13 and 18 experienced a 51% decline in feeling smart and a 31% decline in feeling creative, according to Etre.

On the plus side however, mentoring made a difference. Among girls with a mentor, 45% felt smart, while only 33% without a mentor said the same. Girls (58% of them) also said it was important to them to have a mentor who was focused on the career they were interested in—and 42% said they believed receiving advice from someone successful would help them meet their goals. And 56% want support from a mentor to figure out what they want to be when they grow up—and to help them plan their career. All of this was based on Etre data.

Girls have a broad range of interests and desires for the coaching they receive from mentors: 91% would like guidance in finance, 84% in STEM, 84% in music or art, 84% in culinary arts, 81% in social activism, 81% in media, 75% in fashion and 74% in sports, according to Etre.

The bottom line: You can make a difference for girls by helping them identify their passions and determine how to explore them. You can share your career journey and experiences—both where you’ve succeeded and where you’ve stumbled—so they can take steps, make plans and dream big about their own career journey.

7. Take Action

You can have a powerfully positive influence on girls, but time is a critical factor. While 66% of girls told Etre that a mentor at any point in their journey would be helpful, 34% wished they had found a mentor earlier.

Finding a place in your community or a platform to connect with girls, and taking the initiative to offer support are helpful. According to Etre, 65% of girls are interested in having a mentor but they don’t know where to start. In addition, 35% know someone who would be a good mentor, but they are afraid to ask for help. And 84% would like it if someone helped them connect with a mentor.

Girls tend to feel seven times more confident when they feel they belong and feel they can be their true selves. Their confidence grows when they feel empowered to try new things, speak their mind and lead—and when they have a supportive adult in their lives. All of this is based on the ROX data and points to the importance of reaching out, supporting, coaching and mentoring girls.

Model the Way

You can have a huge influence on girls—and you don’t have to be personally perfect show up and do your best. You can model confidence, resilience, good choices, boundaries, stress management and a priority for growth. The primary we learn is through watching others, listening to them and experiencing them—and when girls have great relationships the effect is significant.

By being authentic and present—and by taking the time to build a relationship with a girl—you can help her, but you can also help all the people who will be impacted by the empowered contributions she’ll be able to make throughout her life.

Photo by SplitShire on Pexels.com
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-the-devastating-decline-in-girls-mental-health-7-ways-you-can-help/

A Bedford Co. farmer shares his story

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

BEDFORD COUNTY, Va. – You might think spending time on a farm is a peaceful escape, but for many farmers, it can be stressful, as they work to protect their crop.

Statistics show the job has one of the highest rates of suicide in the country.

Farming is all W.P. Johnson has known. He’s fourth generation growing wheat, soybeans, and a lot of the other foods we eat.

Have the morning's biggest stories arrive in your inbox every day at noonEmail AddressClick here to sign up

“We’ve been here since 1910,” farmer W.P. Johnson said. “We’ve been going ever since.”

Johnson said farming isn’t easy work by any means.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

“I can’t explain it, but I know that the pressures of what we do trying to make sure that the family meets their goals and take care of that stuff but also meet the demand and the goals of the farm as well as the predecessors before us trying to keep the industry going works on you a lot,” Johnson said.

Factors beyond a farmer’s control like severe weather that causes a financial loss, and isolation from the outside world, are just a few of the stressors that can have devastating effects on farmers. Johnson lost a friend to it.

“They milked for a living, tried to make it, sold out of the dairy business and realized that they couldn’t function because that’s what their life was about and tragically lost his life,” Johnson said.

Farmers are 3.5 times more likely to die by suicide than others, according to the National Rural Health Association.

There is a resource available for people struggling. AgriSafe launched a helpline specifically for farmers a couple of years ago.

“The people working in Ag deserve to talk to someone who understands those stressors,” AgriSafe Health Communications Officer Laura Siegel said.

If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text the AgriStress Helpline available 24/7 at 833-897-2474.

“I hope that as future generations come into and things change that the openness piece of it, just being able to talk about it helps out,” Johnson said.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-farmers-3-5-times-more-likely-to-die-by-suicide-national-rural-health-association-says/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Farmers 3.5 times more likely to die by suicide, National Rural Health Association says

A Bedford Co. farmer shares his story

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

BEDFORD COUNTY, Va. – You might think spending time on a farm is a peaceful escape, but for many farmers, it can be stressful, as they work to protect their crop.

Statistics show the job has one of the highest rates of suicide in the country.

Farming is all W.P. Johnson has known. He’s fourth generation growing wheat, soybeans, and a lot of the other foods we eat.

Have the morning's biggest stories arrive in your inbox every day at noonEmail AddressClick here to sign up

“We’ve been here since 1910,” farmer W.P. Johnson said. “We’ve been going ever since.”

Johnson said farming isn’t easy work by any means.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

“I can’t explain it, but I know that the pressures of what we do trying to make sure that the family meets their goals and take care of that stuff but also meet the demand and the goals of the farm as well as the predecessors before us trying to keep the industry going works on you a lot,” Johnson said.

Factors beyond a farmer’s control like severe weather that causes a financial loss, and isolation from the outside world, are just a few of the stressors that can have devastating effects on farmers. Johnson lost a friend to it.

“They milked for a living, tried to make it, sold out of the dairy business and realized that they couldn’t function because that’s what their life was about and tragically lost his life,” Johnson said.

Farmers are 3.5 times more likely to die by suicide than others, according to the National Rural Health Association.

There is a resource available for people struggling. AgriSafe launched a helpline specifically for farmers a couple of years ago.

“The people working in Ag deserve to talk to someone who understands those stressors,” AgriSafe Health Communications Officer Laura Siegel said.

If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text the AgriStress Helpline available 24/7 at 833-897-2474.

“I hope that as future generations come into and things change that the openness piece of it, just being able to talk about it helps out,” Johnson said.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-farmers-3-5-times-more-likely-to-die-by-suicide-national-rural-health-association-says/

A Bedford Co. farmer shares his story

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

BEDFORD COUNTY, Va. – You might think spending time on a farm is a peaceful escape, but for many farmers, it can be stressful, as they work to protect their crop.

Statistics show the job has one of the highest rates of suicide in the country.

Farming is all W.P. Johnson has known. He’s fourth generation growing wheat, soybeans, and a lot of the other foods we eat.

Have the morning's biggest stories arrive in your inbox every day at noonEmail AddressClick here to sign up

“We’ve been here since 1910,” farmer W.P. Johnson said. “We’ve been going ever since.”

Johnson said farming isn’t easy work by any means.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

“I can’t explain it, but I know that the pressures of what we do trying to make sure that the family meets their goals and take care of that stuff but also meet the demand and the goals of the farm as well as the predecessors before us trying to keep the industry going works on you a lot,” Johnson said.

Factors beyond a farmer’s control like severe weather that causes a financial loss, and isolation from the outside world, are just a few of the stressors that can have devastating effects on farmers. Johnson lost a friend to it.

“They milked for a living, tried to make it, sold out of the dairy business and realized that they couldn’t function because that’s what their life was about and tragically lost his life,” Johnson said.

Farmers are 3.5 times more likely to die by suicide than others, according to the National Rural Health Association.

There is a resource available for people struggling. AgriSafe launched a helpline specifically for farmers a couple of years ago.

“The people working in Ag deserve to talk to someone who understands those stressors,” AgriSafe Health Communications Officer Laura Siegel said.

If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text the AgriStress Helpline available 24/7 at 833-897-2474.

“I hope that as future generations come into and things change that the openness piece of it, just being able to talk about it helps out,” Johnson said.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=12352

By Kaitlin Washburn

Black adults who have been exposed to gun violence are more likely to deal with suicidal ideation throughout their lives, according to a Feb. 6 study.

“Our study found that exposure to gun violence, whether experienced directly or indirectly, is associated with increased suicidal thoughts and behaviors among Black adults,” said lead author Daniel Semenza, director of interpersonal violence research at the New Jersey Gun Violence Research Center, in a statement about the research. The center is based at Rutgers Health.

“This suggests a possible connection between interpersonal violence and self-directed violence,” Semenza added. 

Previous research has explored how exposure to gun violence increases someone’s chance of being a victim of a shooting. However, “few studies have examined the association between gun violence exposure and risk for suicide in the Black population,” the study reads. 

Although suicides make up about two-thirds of gun deaths, that fact is not widely known nor regularly reported on by news outlets. And that’s sometimes for good reason — media coverage of suicides has historically been sensational and linked to copycat suicides. 

But that doesn’t mean the issue should not be responsibly covered. This study serves as a reminder that while suicide poses a risk to all populations, some people are at a greater risk. 

Key study findings

The Rutgers study revealed that nearly 49,000 people died from gun violence in 2021 and that about 85,000 nonfatal shootings occur annually. It also showed that Black people are almost 14 times more likely than their white counterparts to die from firearm homicide.

In 2021, the overall suicide rate among the Black population increased by 44%, according to the study. From 2018 to 2021, the overall suicide rate increased by 37% among Black children and young adults ages 10-24 years. For Black people ages 25 to 44 years old, there was a 23% increase, the study reports. 

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

‘Uniquely high risk’

For their findings, researchers surveyed 3,015 Black adults in the U.S. Of them, 56% had been exposed to at least one type of gun violence and 12% were exposed to at least three types. 

“The recent increase in suicide rates among Black Americans calls for a deeper understanding of the underlying causes,” Semenza said in a statement. “It’s crucial to explore how disproportionate exposure to high levels of gun violence may be impacting mental health and contributing to the elevated risk of suicide.” 

Researchers also found that being threatened with a gun or knowing someone who had been shot was associated with lifetime suicidal ideation and attempts. 

And for the people who had been shot, they were more likely to have made preparations to take their life at least once, researchers learned. 

“Given the disproportionate risk of gun violence exposure among Black adults, this means the Black community is experiencing a uniquely high risk of encountering an environment that could lead to tragedy,” said Mike Anestis, executive director of the New Jersey Gun Violence Research Center, in a statement. 

Additional resources

- Reporting on Suicide is a great resource for the best practices for covering suicide. Their recommendations are developed by experts in suicide prevention and in collaboration with several international suicide prevention and public health organizations, schools of journalism, media organizations, journalists and internet safety experts. 

- Sean Joe, a professor of social development at Washington University in St. Louis, studies suicidal behavior among Black men and boys. 

- Johns Hopkins Center for Gun Violence Solutions is always a great resource on gun violence research, including suicide. The center also recently published a report on the risks of suicide among Black youth.

- Contact: Joe McHugh, joemchugh@jhu.edu

- In 2021, I wrote about the risk of suicide for Black youth in St. Louis for The Kansas City Star. 

- It’s also responsible to include a message like this at the end of any story about suicide: If you or someone you know is thinking about taking their life, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and the Crisis Text Line offer help and resources.
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-black-people-exposed-to-gun-violence-more-likely-to-deal-with-suicidal-thoughts-says-new-study/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Black people exposed to gun violence more likely to deal with suicidal thoughts, says new study

By Kaitlin Washburn

Black adults who have been exposed to gun violence are more likely to deal with suicidal ideation throughout their lives, according to a Feb. 6 study.

“Our study found that exposure to gun violence, whether experienced directly or indirectly, is associated with increased suicidal thoughts and behaviors among Black adults,” said lead author Daniel Semenza, director of interpersonal violence research at the New Jersey Gun Violence Research Center, in a statement about the research. The center is based at Rutgers Health.

“This suggests a possible connection between interpersonal violence and self-directed violence,” Semenza added. 

Previous research has explored how exposure to gun violence increases someone’s chance of being a victim of a shooting. However, “few studies have examined the association between gun violence exposure and risk for suicide in the Black population,” the study reads. 

Although suicides make up about two-thirds of gun deaths, that fact is not widely known nor regularly reported on by news outlets. And that’s sometimes for good reason — media coverage of suicides has historically been sensational and linked to copycat suicides. 

But that doesn’t mean the issue should not be responsibly covered. This study serves as a reminder that while suicide poses a risk to all populations, some people are at a greater risk. 

Key study findings

The Rutgers study revealed that nearly 49,000 people died from gun violence in 2021 and that about 85,000 nonfatal shootings occur annually. It also showed that Black people are almost 14 times more likely than their white counterparts to die from firearm homicide.

In 2021, the overall suicide rate among the Black population increased by 44%, according to the study. From 2018 to 2021, the overall suicide rate increased by 37% among Black children and young adults ages 10-24 years. For Black people ages 25 to 44 years old, there was a 23% increase, the study reports. 

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

‘Uniquely high risk’

For their findings, researchers surveyed 3,015 Black adults in the U.S. Of them, 56% had been exposed to at least one type of gun violence and 12% were exposed to at least three types. 

“The recent increase in suicide rates among Black Americans calls for a deeper understanding of the underlying causes,” Semenza said in a statement. “It’s crucial to explore how disproportionate exposure to high levels of gun violence may be impacting mental health and contributing to the elevated risk of suicide.” 

Researchers also found that being threatened with a gun or knowing someone who had been shot was associated with lifetime suicidal ideation and attempts. 

And for the people who had been shot, they were more likely to have made preparations to take their life at least once, researchers learned. 

“Given the disproportionate risk of gun violence exposure among Black adults, this means the Black community is experiencing a uniquely high risk of encountering an environment that could lead to tragedy,” said Mike Anestis, executive director of the New Jersey Gun Violence Research Center, in a statement. 

Additional resources

- Reporting on Suicide is a great resource for the best practices for covering suicide. Their recommendations are developed by experts in suicide prevention and in collaboration with several international suicide prevention and public health organizations, schools of journalism, media organizations, journalists and internet safety experts. 

- Sean Joe, a professor of social development at Washington University in St. Louis, studies suicidal behavior among Black men and boys. 

- Johns Hopkins Center for Gun Violence Solutions is always a great resource on gun violence research, including suicide. The center also recently published a report on the risks of suicide among Black youth.



- Contact: Joe McHugh, joemchugh@jhu.edu

- In 2021, I wrote about the risk of suicide for Black youth in St. Louis for The Kansas City Star. 

- It’s also responsible to include a message like this at the end of any story about suicide: If you or someone you know is thinking about taking their life, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and the Crisis Text Line offer help and resources.


https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-black-people-exposed-to-gun-violence-more-likely-to-deal-with-suicidal-thoughts-says-new-study/

This webinar aims to help parents understand their children’s friendships and empathize with the unique challenges they face. We’ll equip you with practical strategies to spot signs of isolation and encourage healthy interactions in real life without risking conflict with your child.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPLP1Nk50eQ&ab_channel=FortHealth

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-parenting-tips-for-a-teen-loneliness-epidemic/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Parenting Tips For A Teen Loneliness Epidemic

This webinar aims to help parents understand their children’s friendships and empathize with the unique challenges they face. We’ll equip you with practical strategies to spot signs of isolation and encourage healthy interactions in real life without risking conflict with your child.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPLP1Nk50eQ&ab_channel=FortHealth

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-parenting-tips-for-a-teen-loneliness-epidemic/

Half of people who die by suicide do not seek help.

Konrad Michel M.D.

The Suicidal Mind

KEY POINTS

- In a severe emotional crisis, we may be unable to see a solution; suicide then appears as a possible way out.

- Many people with suicidal ideation do not think this is a reason to seek help.

- A recent study proposes a distress-processing model for individuals experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Each year, thousands of people die by suicide because they do not think that they need medical treatment or that a doctor’s office or a mental health center is the right address to get help. This is particularly pertinent with the young, where a study found that two-thirds did not seek help within a month before their suicide (1).

What I learned from hundreds of interviews with people who had attempted suicide.

In an early study (2), we asked people one year after a suicide attempt which could have stopped them from harming themselves. To our surprise, 52 percent said “nobody.” Twenty-one percent mentioned relatives or friends, and only 10 percent mentioned a health professional. Fifty percent said that they could not have accepted help. My interpretation of these results was that suicidal people experience suicide as ego-syntonic, that is, as something that makes sense to them personally and that does not need treatment.

Another reason for not seeking help is shame, particularly in the young. The authors of a Swedish study (3) interviewed parents of 33 boys and adolescents who had died by suicide. Shame was found to be the most frequent reason for the suicide of these young people. Shame for what they had done, shame for what happened to them, shame of physical appearance, shame for who they were.

In my clinical work with suicidal patients, I often heard that they did not know where to get help for an emotional crisis. They did not think that a doctor or a mental health service would be the right address to turn to. Or they were afraid of being sent to a psychiatric hospital against their will and “filled up with drugs.”

Tagging Suicide as a Form of Pathology Is Not Helpful

Medical professionals and suicidal patients speak different languages.

Source: Courtesy of Konrad Michel

In emergency departments and psychiatric institutions, the prevalent model of suicide is still that suicide is the consequence of mental disorders or the result of various suicide risk factors. The inner experience of the suicidal person does not match with the health professional’s concept of suicide.

In my book (4), I used a graphic picture of Dr. House (from the TV show House) as an average physician in consultation with a suicidal patient to illustrate the problems of communication. Dr. House will not be able to relate to the patient because he is searching for signs of a mental disorder. This kind of interaction between the two protagonists has been called “dancing without touching.”

We need person-centered models of suicide that can provide a common ground for suicidal individuals and helpers to understand each other. This is the prerequisite to creating trust and personal insight in interacting with a health professional.

Understanding Suicidal Thoughts and How to Deal With Them

The first step is the appreciation of suicidal distress as a personal, understandable response to conflicts and adverse experiences. A recently published distress-processing model (5) offers a promising new approach based on the notion that people who are suicidal do not want to die but want to end their pain.

In our clinical work, we use a model of suicide as a personal action with an individual background. The key element is the notion that actions are explained with stories (“Well, this is a long story…”). I wrote about this model in my first Psychology Today post. The narrative approach, however, requires the professional helper to overcome the role of the expert who interprets a person’s suicidal behavior and knows what the person needs.

The new paradigm in clinical suicide prevention is that only the suicidal individual knows the personal story behind the suicidal thoughts and actions and that the helper is in the not-knowing position. If we want to encourage people to seek help, we need helpers who have the skills to listen and understand the suicidal person’s subjective experience empathically.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

How to Reach People Who Do Not Seek Help

In the study mentioned earlier (2), I asked a group of people who all had a history of attempted suicide what could have saved them from harming themselves. Their answer was unanimous:

“We would have needed a person who would listen to us without trying to talk us out of it.”

This has been guiding me in my work with suicidal patients. A public health project that teaches helpers the skills to listen to people considering suicide empathically is Asist. Psychoeducational projects focusing on a crisis model have the potential to be meaningful to people and may reach individuals reluctant to seek help. Examples are projects such as Befrienders Worldwide, ZeroReasonsWhy, and Orygen.

To Conclude: A Brief Message to People Considering Suicide

Psychological stress and pain are normal feelings that we can overcome. However, they may create catastrophic thinking: “It will never stop; it will only get worse.” We all have, in the past, developed our own coping skills to deal with negative experiences.

However, when we run out of coping resources, we need professional help. Thinking that nobody will understand and keeping suicidal thoughts to ourselves makes things worse. Talking to a trusted person is the key to survival. Suicide is not a solution to a temporary problem.

If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7, dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

References

1. Renaud, J., Berlim, M. T., Séguin, M., McGirr, A., Tousignant, M., & Turecki, G. (2009). Recent and lifetime utilization of health care services by children and adolescent suicide victims: a case-control study. J Affect Disord, 117(3), 168–173. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2009.01.004.

2. Michel, K., Valach, L., Waeber, V. (1994). Understanding deliberate self-harm: The patients' views. Crisis, 15(4): 172-8.

3. Törnblom, A.W., Werbart, A., & Rydelius, P. A. (2013). Shame behind the masks: the parents' perspective on their sons' suicide. Arch Suicide Res 17(3), 242–261. https://doi.org/10.1080/13811118.2013.805644.

4. Michel, K. The Suicidal Person. A New Look at a Human Phenomenon. Columbia University Press 2023.

5. Mickelson, J. M., Cox, D. W., Young, R. A., & Kealy, D. (2024). A Distress-Processing Model for Clients in Suicidal Crisis. Crisis, 45(1), 18–25. https://doi.org/10.1027/0227-5910/a000907.Morereferences

-
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-why-do-suicidal-people-not-seek-help/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Why Do Suicidal People Not Seek Help?

Half of people who die by suicide do not seek help.

Konrad Michel M.D.

The Suicidal Mind

KEY POINTS

- In a severe emotional crisis, we may be unable to see a solution; suicide then appears as a possible way out.

- Many people with suicidal ideation do not think this is a reason to seek help.

- A recent study proposes a distress-processing model for individuals experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Each year, thousands of people die by suicide because they do not think that they need medical treatment or that a doctor’s office or a mental health center is the right address to get help. This is particularly pertinent with the young, where a study found that two-thirds did not seek help within a month before their suicide (1).

What I learned from hundreds of interviews with people who had attempted suicide.

In an early study (2), we asked people one year after a suicide attempt which could have stopped them from harming themselves. To our surprise, 52 percent said “nobody.” Twenty-one percent mentioned relatives or friends, and only 10 percent mentioned a health professional. Fifty percent said that they could not have accepted help. My interpretation of these results was that suicidal people experience suicide as ego-syntonic, that is, as something that makes sense to them personally and that does not need treatment.

Another reason for not seeking help is shame, particularly in the young. The authors of a Swedish study (3) interviewed parents of 33 boys and adolescents who had died by suicide. Shame was found to be the most frequent reason for the suicide of these young people. Shame for what they had done, shame for what happened to them, shame of physical appearance, shame for who they were.

In my clinical work with suicidal patients, I often heard that they did not know where to get help for an emotional crisis. They did not think that a doctor or a mental health service would be the right address to turn to. Or they were afraid of being sent to a psychiatric hospital against their will and “filled up with drugs.”

Tagging Suicide as a Form of Pathology Is Not Helpful

Medical professionals and suicidal patients speak different languages.

Source: Courtesy of Konrad Michel

In emergency departments and psychiatric institutions, the prevalent model of suicide is still that suicide is the consequence of mental disorders or the result of various suicide risk factors. The inner experience of the suicidal person does not match with the health professional’s concept of suicide.

In my book (4), I used a graphic picture of Dr. House (from the TV show House) as an average physician in consultation with a suicidal patient to illustrate the problems of communication. Dr. House will not be able to relate to the patient because he is searching for signs of a mental disorder. This kind of interaction between the two protagonists has been called “dancing without touching.”

We need person-centered models of suicide that can provide a common ground for suicidal individuals and helpers to understand each other. This is the prerequisite to creating trust and personal insight in interacting with a health professional.

Understanding Suicidal Thoughts and How to Deal With Them

The first step is the appreciation of suicidal distress as a personal, understandable response to conflicts and adverse experiences. A recently published distress-processing model (5) offers a promising new approach based on the notion that people who are suicidal do not want to die but want to end their pain.

In our clinical work, we use a model of suicide as a personal action with an individual background. The key element is the notion that actions are explained with stories (“Well, this is a long story…”). I wrote about this model in my first Psychology Today post. The narrative approach, however, requires the professional helper to overcome the role of the expert who interprets a person’s suicidal behavior and knows what the person needs.

The new paradigm in clinical suicide prevention is that only the suicidal individual knows the personal story behind the suicidal thoughts and actions and that the helper is in the not-knowing position. If we want to encourage people to seek help, we need helpers who have the skills to listen and understand the suicidal person’s subjective experience empathically.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

How to Reach People Who Do Not Seek Help

In the study mentioned earlier (2), I asked a group of people who all had a history of attempted suicide what could have saved them from harming themselves. Their answer was unanimous:

“We would have needed a person who would listen to us without trying to talk us out of it.”

This has been guiding me in my work with suicidal patients. A public health project that teaches helpers the skills to listen to people considering suicide empathically is Asist. Psychoeducational projects focusing on a crisis model have the potential to be meaningful to people and may reach individuals reluctant to seek help. Examples are projects such as Befrienders Worldwide, ZeroReasonsWhy, and Orygen.

To Conclude: A Brief Message to People Considering Suicide

Psychological stress and pain are normal feelings that we can overcome. However, they may create catastrophic thinking: “It will never stop; it will only get worse.” We all have, in the past, developed our own coping skills to deal with negative experiences.

However, when we run out of coping resources, we need professional help. Thinking that nobody will understand and keeping suicidal thoughts to ourselves makes things worse. Talking to a trusted person is the key to survival. Suicide is not a solution to a temporary problem.

If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7, dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

References

1. Renaud, J., Berlim, M. T., Séguin, M., McGirr, A., Tousignant, M., & Turecki, G. (2009). Recent and lifetime utilization of health care services by children and adolescent suicide victims: a case-control study. J Affect Disord, 117(3), 168–173. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2009.01.004.

2. Michel, K., Valach, L., Waeber, V. (1994). Understanding deliberate self-harm: The patients' views. Crisis, 15(4): 172-8.

3. Törnblom, A.W., Werbart, A., & Rydelius, P. A. (2013). Shame behind the masks: the parents' perspective on their sons' suicide. Arch Suicide Res 17(3), 242–261. https://doi.org/10.1080/13811118.2013.805644.

4. Michel, K. The Suicidal Person. A New Look at a Human Phenomenon. Columbia University Press 2023.

5. Mickelson, J. M., Cox, D. W., Young, R. A., & Kealy, D. (2024). A Distress-Processing Model for Clients in Suicidal Crisis. Crisis, 45(1), 18–25. https://doi.org/10.1027/0227-5910/a000907.Morereferences

-


https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-why-do-suicidal-people-not-seek-help/

Only through trial and error can children become resilient adults

Writer: Beth Arky

Clinical Expert: Amanda G. Mintzer, PsyD

What You'll Learn

- Why is it important for kids to fail?

- How can you teach your kids to bounce back from failure?

- What should you do if your child is anxious about failing?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- First, show empathy

- Make yourself a model

- Make it a teachable moment

- The minefield of social media

- Step back and allow kids to fail

- Therapy can help

Failure is a part of life. Teaching kids to fail and bounce back makes them stronger and more ready to face life’s challenges. When kids fear failing, they’re at risk for anxiety and meltdowns when things go wrong. But how do parents teach kids to fail well?

It’s hard, but parents need to try step back and give kids room to mess up. If you’re always over their shoulder guiding them, they can’t fail and try again. That’s an important experience that they need to learn and grow.

When your kid does fail at something, let them know you see how frustrated and disappointed they are. Skipping right to bouncing back doesn’t give kids the time they need to feel their feelings.

Then, you can make failing a teachable moment. When your kid is ready, talk about what went wrong and how they might do things differently next time. Or how they might try again. Help them weigh the pros and cons of their choices.

You can also talk about your own mistakes or failures. Show them those moments are part of life. It’s okay that things don’t always go our way.

If kids have so much fear of failing that they can’t function, therapy can help.

Parents tend to see their mission as helping their kids succeed. But there’s a growing realization among teachers and other professionals who work with children that kids increasingly need help learning how to fail.

Not learning to tolerate failure leaves kids vulnerable to anxiety. It leads to meltdowns when the inevitable failure does occur, whether it happens in preschool or college. And perhaps even more important, it can make kids give up trying—or trying new things.

That’s why Michael Jordan, one of the world’s greatest athletes, has spent years preaching the importance of losing. Jordan has spoken extensively about how perseverance and resilience in the face of challenges on and off the court are what have made him a winner. 

Unfortunately, as the world puts increased pressure on kids to be winners, and parents feel compelled to enable them in every way possible, we’re seeing more and more kids who become distraught over even the smallest misstep.

Take Sara’s son John, who started taking piano lessons at 6. “Every time he played a wrong note he would pick up the music booklet and hit himself on the head with it!” she says. “His piano teacher said she’d never seen a kid who was so hard on himself. I told him when he made a mistake to treat himself the way he’d treat his younger cousin, that no one can learn if someone’s being mean to them, and that he wasn’t allowed to be mean to himself.”

When Alicia’s daughter Sara was 14, she became so distraught over not getting into a selective high school, while friends did, she began to self-harm. “It was so terrible: the pressure, the disappointment,” says Alicia.

Clearly, distress or frustration tolerance is an important life skill to master. When it comes to school, “the ability to tolerate imperfection—that something is not going exactly your way—is oftentimes more important to learn than whatever the content subject is,” says Amanda Mintzer, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “Building that skill set is necessary for kids to be able to become more independent and succeed in future endeavors, whether it’s personal goals, academic goals, or just learning how to effectively deal with other people.”

So how do parents teach kids to fail? Dr. Mintzer offers a multistep process:

First, show empathy

Empathize with your child; see that she’s in distress. “Don’t just say, ‘It’s okay, you’ll do better next time,’” Dr. Mintzer says. “It’s invalidating to brush off a child’s feelings of frustration and disappointment.” Instead, parents need to change their language: “I see you’re really disappointed, I know you really wanted to do better.”

Make yourself a model

You can explain that failure is a part of life and happens to everyone, even you. You could share examples of “failures” you’ve had. “Parents can model how to handle their own disappointment,” such as losing out on a promotion at work, Dr. Mintzer says. “Kids aren’t necessarily exposed to the reality that life includes mistakes, missteps, and even failures. As much as everyone likes things to go according to plan, it’s important to teach our children that it is also okay when they don’t.”

Make it a teachable moment

A child’s failure is a chance for parents to teach acceptance and problem-solving skills. You and your child can try to come up with what she could do the next time for a better chance at success. For instance, could they study differently or talk to the teacher about any problems they’re having before a test?

“It’s a balance of acceptance and change,” Dr. Mintzer says. “It’s about accepting that the situation is what it is and building frustration tolerance while also asking, ‘Can we change something in the future. Can we learn from this?’”

The minefield of social media

At the same time, kids need to know that sometimes when we fail or face disappointment, there’s not a lot we can do about it in that moment; we have to accept it as a part of life and move on. Dr. Mintzer notes as an example the minefield that is social media.

Say a girl’s friends tell her they can’t hang out with her and then she sees them together on Instagram or Facebook.

“That really hurts,” Dr. Mintzer says. “There are lots of emotions: frustration, disappointment, sadness, anger. How does she deal with that? Calling friends and screaming at them only makes things worse. She could ignore it and pretend she never saw, but that’s not going to make her feel better or change what happens in the future.”

So how can a parent help her accept what happened? The girl might be able to get more information to make herself feel better. Perhaps she can talk to these kids in a calm way, telling them that she saw the photos and her feelings were hurt. Maybe she’ll discover a reason behind it. But she may not get an answer she likes, or get one at all.

That leads to another life lesson: Sometimes we get left out, sometimes we aren’t liked, and we have to learn to cope with that truth without making the situation worse. Dr. Mintzer notes, “A lot of these skills are needed for interpersonal relationships.”

Step back and allow kids to fail

It can be very tough to watch your child fall down but they can only learn how to handle disappointment through trial and error. As books like The Blessings of a Skinned Knee and the newly released Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed emphasize, parents must stop hovering. Otherwise, they rob children of the very experiences that require problem-solving and set them on the path to resilience and the confidence to take on new challenges.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Therapy can help

If a child can’t function because of a fear of failure, therapy may be called for. Even if a child doesn’t have an anxiety diagnosis, they may be frozen with anxiety. When that happens, Dr. Mintzer says, with what’s called exposure therapy, “we slowly expose them to things that aren’t perfect.”

For instance, parents will complain that homework takes forever because a child will repeatedly rip it up and start over. “We’re teaching kids that it’s okay to misspell a word and keep going,” she says. “In a session we might have them write a paragraph or two and make as many mistakes as they can, including sloppy handwriting, to get them used to the idea that it ‘s not the end of the world.”

“We’re saying,” she adds, “‘We’re going to practice making mistakes. We know, it’s uncomfortable for you, and we also know that with practice, you can learn how tolerate it.’”

Parents have more ways to help their kids move beyond failure.

When Alicia discovered Sara’s self-harming,  she tried to set her up for success by enrolling her in a small, private school. She also got Sara into therapy and tried to give her the time and support to “figure things out,” allowing her the chance to feel proud of herself when she did.

Alicia says Sara, now about to start her junior year, “just told me she’s so glad she went there instead of one of the selective enrollments. At the time, it seemed to her like a huge failure to be rejected by those schools. But she’s much happier now, no self-harming and displaying resiliency.”

Learning to fail can be painful. But kids will only succeed if they can acquire the skill to handle whatever life throws their way.
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-help-kids-learn-to-fail/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Help Kids Learn to Fail

Only through trial and error can children become resilient adults

Writer: Beth Arky

Clinical Expert: Amanda G. Mintzer, PsyD

What You'll Learn

- Why is it important for kids to fail?

- How can you teach your kids to bounce back from failure?

- What should you do if your child is anxious about failing?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- First, show empathy

- Make yourself a model

- Make it a teachable moment

- The minefield of social media

- Step back and allow kids to fail

- Therapy can help

Failure is a part of life. Teaching kids to fail and bounce back makes them stronger and more ready to face life’s challenges. When kids fear failing, they’re at risk for anxiety and meltdowns when things go wrong. But how do parents teach kids to fail well?

It’s hard, but parents need to try step back and give kids room to mess up. If you’re always over their shoulder guiding them, they can’t fail and try again. That’s an important experience that they need to learn and grow.

When your kid does fail at something, let them know you see how frustrated and disappointed they are. Skipping right to bouncing back doesn’t give kids the time they need to feel their feelings.

Then, you can make failing a teachable moment. When your kid is ready, talk about what went wrong and how they might do things differently next time. Or how they might try again. Help them weigh the pros and cons of their choices.

You can also talk about your own mistakes or failures. Show them those moments are part of life. It’s okay that things don’t always go our way.

If kids have so much fear of failing that they can’t function, therapy can help.

Parents tend to see their mission as helping their kids succeed. But there’s a growing realization among teachers and other professionals who work with children that kids increasingly need help learning how to fail.

Not learning to tolerate failure leaves kids vulnerable to anxiety. It leads to meltdowns when the inevitable failure does occur, whether it happens in preschool or college. And perhaps even more important, it can make kids give up trying—or trying new things.

That’s why Michael Jordan, one of the world’s greatest athletes, has spent years preaching the importance of losing. Jordan has spoken extensively about how perseverance and resilience in the face of challenges on and off the court are what have made him a winner. 

Unfortunately, as the world puts increased pressure on kids to be winners, and parents feel compelled to enable them in every way possible, we’re seeing more and more kids who become distraught over even the smallest misstep.

Take Sara’s son John, who started taking piano lessons at 6. “Every time he played a wrong note he would pick up the music booklet and hit himself on the head with it!” she says. “His piano teacher said she’d never seen a kid who was so hard on himself. I told him when he made a mistake to treat himself the way he’d treat his younger cousin, that no one can learn if someone’s being mean to them, and that he wasn’t allowed to be mean to himself.”

When Alicia’s daughter Sara was 14, she became so distraught over not getting into a selective high school, while friends did, she began to self-harm. “It was so terrible: the pressure, the disappointment,” says Alicia.

Clearly, distress or frustration tolerance is an important life skill to master. When it comes to school, “the ability to tolerate imperfection—that something is not going exactly your way—is oftentimes more important to learn than whatever the content subject is,” says Amanda Mintzer, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “Building that skill set is necessary for kids to be able to become more independent and succeed in future endeavors, whether it’s personal goals, academic goals, or just learning how to effectively deal with other people.”

So how do parents teach kids to fail? Dr. Mintzer offers a multistep process:

First, show empathy

Empathize with your child; see that she’s in distress. “Don’t just say, ‘It’s okay, you’ll do better next time,’” Dr. Mintzer says. “It’s invalidating to brush off a child’s feelings of frustration and disappointment.” Instead, parents need to change their language: “I see you’re really disappointed, I know you really wanted to do better.”

Make yourself a model

You can explain that failure is a part of life and happens to everyone, even you. You could share examples of “failures” you’ve had. “Parents can model how to handle their own disappointment,” such as losing out on a promotion at work, Dr. Mintzer says. “Kids aren’t necessarily exposed to the reality that life includes mistakes, missteps, and even failures. As much as everyone likes things to go according to plan, it’s important to teach our children that it is also okay when they don’t.”

Make it a teachable moment

A child’s failure is a chance for parents to teach acceptance and problem-solving skills. You and your child can try to come up with what she could do the next time for a better chance at success. For instance, could they study differently or talk to the teacher about any problems they’re having before a test?

“It’s a balance of acceptance and change,” Dr. Mintzer says. “It’s about accepting that the situation is what it is and building frustration tolerance while also asking, ‘Can we change something in the future. Can we learn from this?’”

The minefield of social media

At the same time, kids need to know that sometimes when we fail or face disappointment, there’s not a lot we can do about it in that moment; we have to accept it as a part of life and move on. Dr. Mintzer notes as an example the minefield that is social media.

Say a girl’s friends tell her they can’t hang out with her and then she sees them together on Instagram or Facebook.

“That really hurts,” Dr. Mintzer says. “There are lots of emotions: frustration, disappointment, sadness, anger. How does she deal with that? Calling friends and screaming at them only makes things worse. She could ignore it and pretend she never saw, but that’s not going to make her feel better or change what happens in the future.”

So how can a parent help her accept what happened? The girl might be able to get more information to make herself feel better. Perhaps she can talk to these kids in a calm way, telling them that she saw the photos and her feelings were hurt. Maybe she’ll discover a reason behind it. But she may not get an answer she likes, or get one at all.

That leads to another life lesson: Sometimes we get left out, sometimes we aren’t liked, and we have to learn to cope with that truth without making the situation worse. Dr. Mintzer notes, “A lot of these skills are needed for interpersonal relationships.”

Step back and allow kids to fail

It can be very tough to watch your child fall down but they can only learn how to handle disappointment through trial and error. As books like The Blessings of a Skinned Knee and the newly released Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed emphasize, parents must stop hovering. Otherwise, they rob children of the very experiences that require problem-solving and set them on the path to resilience and the confidence to take on new challenges.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Therapy can help

If a child can’t function because of a fear of failure, therapy may be called for. Even if a child doesn’t have an anxiety diagnosis, they may be frozen with anxiety. When that happens, Dr. Mintzer says, with what’s called exposure therapy, “we slowly expose them to things that aren’t perfect.”

For instance, parents will complain that homework takes forever because a child will repeatedly rip it up and start over. “We’re teaching kids that it’s okay to misspell a word and keep going,” she says. “In a session we might have them write a paragraph or two and make as many mistakes as they can, including sloppy handwriting, to get them used to the idea that it ‘s not the end of the world.”

“We’re saying,” she adds, “‘We’re going to practice making mistakes. We know, it’s uncomfortable for you, and we also know that with practice, you can learn how tolerate it.’”

Parents have more ways to help their kids move beyond failure.

When Alicia discovered Sara’s self-harming,  she tried to set her up for success by enrolling her in a small, private school. She also got Sara into therapy and tried to give her the time and support to “figure things out,” allowing her the chance to feel proud of herself when she did.

Alicia says Sara, now about to start her junior year, “just told me she’s so glad she went there instead of one of the selective enrollments. At the time, it seemed to her like a huge failure to be rejected by those schools. But she’s much happier now, no self-harming and displaying resiliency.”

Learning to fail can be painful. But kids will only succeed if they can acquire the skill to handle whatever life throws their way.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-help-kids-learn-to-fail/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Help Kids Deal With Embarrassment

Don't minimize their feelings, but do praise them for being resilient

Writer: Rae Jacobson

Clinical Expert: Rachel Busman, PsyD, ABPP

What You'll Learn

- How can we help kids who feel embarrassed?

- What can parents do to model good coping skills?

- When should you be concerned about a child who feels embarrassed?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Model behavior

- Take your child’s embarrassment seriously

- But don’t overreact

- Praise positive skills

- Create perspective

- When to step in

- Embarrassment and social anxiety

- Life lessons

Quick Read

For grown-ups, minor embarrassments are no big deal. But for kids, being embarrassed can be very upsetting. Helping kids build resilience and confidence will make sure they have tools to deal with embarrassment in a healthy way. 

Kids look to parents to see how to behave. When you feel embarrassed, set an example by responding calmly and keeping your cool. This doesn’t mean you should hide embarrassments. Instead, let kids see you handling embarrassing experiences in a reasonable way: “Whew! That was embarrassing! But it was kind of funny, too.” 

Embarrassment can be a powerful emotion for kids. Something that sounds small to you — like giving the wrong answer in class— may feel huge to your child. When kids are embarrassed it’s important not to dismiss their feelings, even if the situation that caused them sounds like no big deal.  

Instead, let them know you take their feelings seriously. Then, focus on moving on and modeling healthy coping skills. Offer perspective: “It might feel like everyone will remember this forever, but…” And praise resilience: “Sure, you made a mistake, but I loved how you just kept playing! That was amazing!” 

Embarrassing situations happen to everyone from time to time. But if a child regularly comes home from school upset, or has a major change in behavior or mood, there may be something more serious going on. Bullying could be a problem. Or if your child is so worried about being embarrassed that they avoid activities most kids enjoy, they could be struggling with social anxiety disorder, and may need help. 

For most adults minor embarrassments are just a part of life — annoying, but inevitable and hardly a big deal. But for many kids, embarrassing experiences can be very upsetting and, in some cases, may lead to serious issues like anxiety and avoidance.

We can’t protect our children from embarrassment, but we can help them build the resilience and confidence they need to deal with it in a healthy way.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Model behavior

Kids look to parents for cues on how to manage difficult emotions like embarrassment. “As parents we set the behavioral tone for our kids,“ says Rachel Busman, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, “So when we’re helping children learn healthy emotional habits, the first step is to consider how we handle similar situations in our own lives.”

Taking a look at how you deal with embarrassing experiences at home will help you set an example of healthy behavior for your child.

- Don’t obsess: If you tend to dwell on mistakes you’ve made (“I can’t believe I did that!” “I could have died of embarrassment!”), it’s more likely your child will do the same.

- Stay calm: If you lose your cool when an embarrassing situation happens to you, or react by becoming angry or upset, you’re sending a message to your child that it’s a big deal.

- No teasing: Kids accidentally do and say some very funny things, but it’s important not to mock mistakes or poke fun at embarrassing incidents. If small embarrassments are treated with ridicule, kids may start associating even minor missteps with feelings of shame and humiliation. Teasing — even if it seems gentle — can be very upsetting to kids, especially if they’re already feeling sensitive.

Take your child’s embarrassment seriously

There’s no yardstick for embarrassment. Something that sounds small to you — giving the wrong answer in class for example — may feel huge to your child.

If your child is embarrassed it’s important not to dismiss their feelings, even if the situation that caused them sounds like no big deal.

“We naturally want to downplay embarrassing experiences by saying things like ‘it’s not as bad as you think,’” says Dr. Busman. “But when kids are experiencing these big, really upsetting emotions that can feel like a brush-off.”

But don’t overreact

If your child comes home upset, what they don’t need is for you to get upset, too, or angry on their behalf. (“That sounds awful!” “Those kids should be ashamed of themselves for laughing!”) And don’t assume that they want or need you to do something about it. When a self-concious child worries that a parent will overreact or make an embarrassing situation worse, they’re likely to be reluctant to share their feelings.

“When a child is hurting, as parents we want to do all we can,” says Dr. Busman, “but if your kid is feeling embarrassed, heaping more attention on the situation can make it worse, not better.”

Praise positive skills

If your child shares an embarrassing situation with you, take care to validate their feelings, but don’t dwell on them or over comfort. Instead, praise positive coping skills. If they made a mistake during a piano recital, praise them for staying focused and finishing the piece. Reframing negative experiences will help your child identify healthy reactions and practice them, building what we call metacognitive skills. You could say: “I’m so sorry that happened today. I know it was upsetting but I am so proud of how you handled it. It takes a really brave person to keep playing when things are hard.”

Create perspective

If your child fell in gym class and other kids laughed, it may seem to them as though everyone saw, everyone laughed and no one will ever forget it — ever.

Of course you know that’s not true but kids, especially younger ones, often struggle to see beyond their own feelings, which can make embarrassing situations feel like front-page news. “Kids can be egocentric,” explains Dr. Busman, “so when something embarrassing happens to your child it can feel like everyone is thinking about it as much as they are, when in reality most kids will have moved on by the next day.”

Learning to put their feelings and experiences in context will help your child gain perspective and build resilience.

- Unpack: Help your child take a metacognitive approach to their feelings by asking open-ended questions. For example: Your child isn’t the only one who’s ever fallen down in gym class, so you could begin by asking how they felt when other kids did the same thing. Learning to put their own experiences in context can help your child start to see embarrassing situations from a better angle.

- Share: Sharing examples from your own life will help normalize embarrassment. “I dropped my handbag at the grocery store the other day. It practically exploded all over the floor. Everyone laughed, but then several people helped pick things up.”

- But don’t compare: Offering perspective is good but be careful to avoid comparing your experiences with your child’s. (“You think that’s bad, when your brother was your age…”) Your child may end up feeling like their experiences are unimportant — or not serious enough to warrant how upset they’re feeling — which can make them feel worse for not being tougher.

- Let your child take the lead: Sometimes questions are helpful, but there may be times when your child just doesn’t want to talk about it. “Letting kids take the lead is important,” says Dr. Busman. “If your child says, ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ or seems too upset, don’t push.” Embarrassment is a big feeling and sometimes kids just need space to cool down.

Helping your child gain perspective without minimizing their feelings will make it easier for them to move past negative experiences — and give them an important tool for building self-awareness in the future.

When to step in

Embarrassing situations happen to everyone from time to time, but if your child regularly comes home from school upset, or has a major change in behavior or mood, there may be something more serious going on.

- Bullying: Unfortunately, kids aren’t always kind. Most children will be made fun of at some point during their lives. Sporadic episodes of embarrassment are unpleasant — but not unusual. However, if your child regularly reports being teased or humiliated by their peers — especially kids who are bigger, older or more “popular” — there’s a chance they’re being bullied, and it’s time to step in.

- Behavioral changes: Feeling a little down or anxious after an embarrassing incident is normal, but lingering behavioral changes — not sleeping, low appetite, excessive worrying — are not.

- Overreacting or obsessing: If your child’s reaction to something embarrassing seems out of proportion to the situation or they seem unable to move past it, they may need support.

- Avoidance: Most kids who’ve had an embarrassing experience feel reluctant about returning to the class or social group where the problem occurred for a little while, but persistent avoidance is cause for concern. Some signs to watch for include frequently being too sick to go to school or asking to go to the nurse during a particular class, making excuses to avoid seeing friends, cutting class, skipping extracurricular activities or refusing to attend school entirely.

Embarrassment and social anxiety

For some kids, fear of being embarrassed itself can become a serious issue. If a child seems to live in perpetual fear of embarrassment — even when there’s no obvious reason to worry — they may be experiencing social anxiety.

Social anxiety usually occurs in children who’ve reached adolescence, but it can develop earlier. A child with social anxiety panics at the thought of participating in day-to-day activities because they worry chronically about what other people will think of them, obsess on how they appears to others, or fear making a mistake.

These fears can be very debilitating. For kids who see potential for humiliation at every turn, even basic interactions can feel like a minefield, and social, school and personal interactions often suffer. Withdrawal is common, but kids with social anxiety are also prone to lashing out when the threat of embarrassment overwhelms them.

The good news is that kids who develop social anxiety respond well to cognitive behavioral therapy, and with help can return to their normal activities.

Life lessons

It’s natural to want to protect your child from experiences that are hurtful or upsetting, but in the end, the best way for your child to build coping skills is through experience — with a side of support.

“Being embarrassed is part of life,” says Dr. Busman. “It’s tempting to try to shield our kids from difficult things, but in reality learning how to deal with those experiences in a healthy way is a skill that will serve your child well as they grow up.”

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-help-kids-deal-with-embarrassment/