James Donaldson on Mental Health - My daughter with anxiety issues is worried about getting her period. What can I do?

James Donaldson on Mental Health - My daughter with anxiety issues is worried about getting her period. What can I do?

Writer: Rachel Busman, PsyD, ABPP

Clinical Expert: Rachel Busman, PsyD, ABPP

Q My daughter is 10 years old and is diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Selective Mutism and Panic Disorder. I have been trying to explain that she will be getting her period soon and that she shouldn't worry too much about it but I know she is freaked out about the idea of blood coming from her body. How do I prepare her for it without scaring her too much? Should I speak to her therapist about it or should I use books on the topic? I'd appreciate any advice you could give me.

It’s important to start by finding out exactly what your daughter’s fears or concerns are. Has your daughter actually articulated that she’s worried about menstruating? I ask this because sometimes we can underestimate a child’s ability to cope with things, and I’ve worked with many girls who have anxiety disorders but weren’t inappropriately worried about starting their period. Your first step should be to have a frank conversation with your daughter to determine exactly what her fears and expectations are.

If your daughter is afraid of starting her period or blood coming from her body, then you should discuss these fears with her therapist. Her therapist is there not only to talk about her original issues but also to discuss any new fears that surface along the way. I would even suggest that you make a separate appointment without your daughter to work on building a plan that makes her period seem less scary. Hopefully the therapist knows your daughter very well, and he or she should be in a great position to offer you support and guidance on how to talk with your daughter about puberty. If you think your daughter would be interested in a book, ask her therapist for a recommendation. Sometimes, school health programs may have good suggestions as well.

When you’re talking to your daughter about her period, make sure that you answer her questions with honest, age-appropriate answers, correcting any myths and avoiding euphemisms like “becoming a woman” which can be confusing. Most importantly, you want to normalize her period — explain that this is something that happens to every girl and it isn’t dangerous.

It’s also a good idea to come up with a plan for what she should do when her period starts. Make sure she knows where to find the sanitary pads in your house and let her know she can always talk to the school nurse if she needs help.

Puberty naturally brings questions, so talking about it shouldn’t be a one-time thing. Try to have a series of conversations with your daughter about all the new things going on in her life. For anxious kids especially you want to be both factual and reassuring. Having regular, comfortable conversations should help.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-my-daughter-with-anxiety-issues-is-worried-about-getting-her-period-what-can-i-do/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - My daughter with anxiety issues is worried about getting her period. What can I do?

Writer: Rachel Busman, PsyD, ABPP

Clinical Expert: Rachel Busman, PsyD, ABPP

Q My daughter is 10 years old and is diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Selective Mutism and Panic Disorder. I have been trying to explain that she will be getting her period soon and that she shouldn't worry too much about it but I know she is freaked out about the idea of blood coming from her body. How do I prepare her for it without scaring her too much? Should I speak to her therapist about it or should I use books on the topic? I'd appreciate any advice you could give me.

It’s important to start by finding out exactly what your daughter’s fears or concerns are. Has your daughter actually articulated that she’s worried about menstruating? I ask this because sometimes we can underestimate a child’s ability to cope with things, and I’ve worked with many girls who have anxiety disorders but weren’t inappropriately worried about starting their period. Your first step should be to have a frank conversation with your daughter to determine exactly what her fears and expectations are.

If your daughter is afraid of starting her period or blood coming from her body, then you should discuss these fears with her therapist. Her therapist is there not only to talk about her original issues but also to discuss any new fears that surface along the way. I would even suggest that you make a separate appointment without your daughter to work on building a plan that makes her period seem less scary. Hopefully the therapist knows your daughter very well, and he or she should be in a great position to offer you support and guidance on how to talk with your daughter about puberty. If you think your daughter would be interested in a book, ask her therapist for a recommendation. Sometimes, school health programs may have good suggestions as well.

When you’re talking to your daughter about her period, make sure that you answer her questions with honest, age-appropriate answers, correcting any myths and avoiding euphemisms like “becoming a woman” which can be confusing. Most importantly, you want to normalize her period — explain that this is something that happens to every girl and it isn’t dangerous.

It’s also a good idea to come up with a plan for what she should do when her period starts. Make sure she knows where to find the sanitary pads in your house and let her know she can always talk to the school nurse if she needs help.

Puberty naturally brings questions, so talking about it shouldn’t be a one-time thing. Try to have a series of conversations with your daughter about all the new things going on in her life. For anxious kids especially you want to be both factual and reassuring. Having regular, comfortable conversations should help.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=12857

Excerpts from Standing Above the Crowd: Success Strategies in Athletics, Business, Community and Life by James Donaldson.  Release date is January 201l.  Pre-order now and save!!!For details go to www.StandingAboveTheCrowd.com I know that there are a lot of NBA basketball fans out there who will get a kick out of my chapter on my experiences playing against and observing some of the greatest players in NBA history.  I'll send out an excerpt from this chapter everyday leading up to the book release.  I welcome your comments!THE 50 GREATEST PLAYERS IN NBA HISTORY One of the most frequently asked questions that I encounter besides “how tall are you?” is either who is the greatest player that I've ever played against, or who is the toughest player that I've ever played against?  Depending on the person’s knowledge of basketball who's asking the question, I typically give a couple different responses.  There's a big difference between “the greatest” and “the toughest”.The game of basketball has been around for a long time now and it has evolved over the years from when Dr. James Naismith first tied a peach basket an old barn post and the players were shooting two hand set shots, to now where the game is played on a global scale with some of the finest athletes in the world.  There were great players back in the beginning of the game, just as they're great players now.  I don't know if it's ever totally fair to compare players from one era against players of another era.  Periodically you see sports aficionados coming up with hypothetical computerize scenarios of say the great Green Bay Packers of the 60s versus the New England Patriots of the new millennium.  It's impossible to really say who the best players are or which team would come out on top.  But it's a fun exercise and it creates a lot of heated conversation amongst the fanatics and all of us.I was lucky to play during perhaps the greatest era of NBA basketball.  My NBA career spanned two decades essentially, from 1980 – 1996.  Some of the greatest NBA players to ever play the game played during that era.  I remember as a rookie in 1980 marveling at the great Dr. J. and also been privileged to witness the new era of NBA basketball that was brought to us by Ervin “Magic” Johnson and Larry Bird.All in all I was privileged to play against over 30 of the all-time 50 greatest NBA players ever.  I'm going to go through the whole list of the 50 greatest players and share my thoughts with you in regards to either actually playing against them or watching them as I was a youngster.  They are listed in alphabetical order and if you want to find the actual numerical order in which they are listed by the NBA you can check out their website at NBA.com Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE   George Gervin     George “Ice” Gervin was a marvel to watch on the basketball court.  So smooth with every movement, he would tantalize you into watching him that you didn't dare over commit yourself to try to stop one move, because he come right back with another one on you.  He had a variety of great shots that were virtually unstoppable that included midrange jump shots from about every angle on the court, bank shots from just about every angle (he would actually call out “bank” as he shot the ball from time to time) and of course, as everyone knows, “George could finger roll”.  They called him “Ice” because of his ultra cool demeanor on the court.  I remember an awesome poster from the time in which George was sitting on big huge cubes of ice that were fashioned as a throne, bedecked in a robe and crown, and a basketball in hand.  It was one of the best posters of the day and all the guys thought it was so cool. Gervin played for the San Antonio Spurs throughout the vast majority of his career.  The Spurs were always one of my most favorite teams to play against because not only did they have Gervin but they also had one of my favorite point guards in James Silas, and the biggest strongest player in the league that I had to go up against, Artis “A–Train” Gilmore.  I wasn't privy to all the locker room chemistry that may or may not have been there, but they always seemed to be a team that had fun in the basketball court and we matched up against pretty well.     
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/nbas-all-time-50-greatest-players-excerpts-from-standing-above-the-crowd-success-strategies-in-athletics-business-community-and-life-by-james-donaldson/

Photo by Andy Kuzma on Pexels.com

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Helping College Kids With Depression

What to watch for and who can help

Writer: Rachel Ehmke

Clinical Experts: Roy Boorady, MD , David Friedlander, PsyD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Z_86xO5p0c&t=3s&ab_channel=ChildMindInstitute

What You'll Learn

- Why do kids starting college sometimes develop depression?

- What are some common signs of depression?

- What can parents do to support college kids who are experiencing depression?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- The stress of a new environment

- Depression signs to look out for

- Getting help

- Not a good time to stop medication

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Starting college is exciting, but it’s also stressful. For some kids, so many changes and new responsibilities all at once can trigger depression. The lack of structure and support also makes college an especially difficult time for kids to cope with depression.

If you notice big changes in your child’s mood or behavior, check in with them. Some signs of depression, like crying or feeling sad a lot, may be obvious. But others, like being irritable or having a hard time concentrating, are more subtle. If you hear that your child is spending a lot of time alone or quitting things they used to love, they might be depressed. Using drugs or alcohol a lot can also be a sign.

If your child has already been dealing with depression before college, it’s a good idea for them to get in touch with the school’s counseling center ahead of time. That way, they know who to talk to if they need support. And if your child has been taking medication, the transition to college is a bad time to stop. If your child wants to stop, it’s best to wait until they’ve settled in and the stress of first year has passed. Then their doctor can help them stop the medication safely.

If your child is dealing with depression for the first time, encourage them to get help at school. Many colleges offer a limited number of free therapy sessions to students. They can also refer your child to a local therapist for continuing care. It’s also important for kids to maintain a regular schedule, get plenty of sleep, and eat nutritious meals. With the right support systems, students can adjust to their new environment and start to feel better.

Going to college is an exciting time in the lives of young people, but for some students depression gets in the way. Whether it’s their first brush with the disorder or not, college can act as a catalyst for the onset of depression in many young people, and, on their own for the first time, the timing couldn’t be worse.

Roy Boorady, MD, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Child Mind Institute, says he gets “lots of calls first semester” about college kids who are having a hard time. “Usually what they end up doing is calling their parents in the middle of the night. Then their parents call me and say, ‘I’m getting two and three o’clock in the morning calls from my child who is crying and depressed and unhappy. What do we do?’ ”

Children can be depressed at younger ages, but the older they are the higher the prevalence rates. Experts consider risk factors for depression to be a combination of genes and environment. Some kids might be genetically at risk for developing depression, but they will be fine until they experience an environmental stressor that flips the switch and sends them into depression. It makes sense that college could be that stressor.

The stress of a new environment

“Leaving home is a huge transition for kids, and I think we underestimate the difficulty that a lot of kids have,” says Dr. Boorady. Away at college, suddenly kids find themselves in a new environment without any of the structure or supports — academic or emotional — they’ve always been able to rely on. Kids might have complex feelings about how they should be relating to the people back home, or think that they don’t fit in with their new peers.

Independent for the first time, they might also be embracing the college lifestyle: erratic sleeping habits, non-nutritious (or nonexistent) meals, and an unstructured schedule — especially if they’re skipping classes — that can leave them feeling unglued.

College is also something of a pressure cooker for depression because the more you’re surrounded by people who are depressed, the more likely you are to become depressed yourself.

Depression signs to look out for

Detecting depression in kids college students who are away from home can be difficult. Some depression symptoms, like uncharacteristic sadness and crying, are straightforward, but others, like trouble concentrating and irritability, are less so. People with depression also tend to isolate themselves and take less pleasure in things they used to enjoy, so if you hear that your child is spending too much time alone in their dorm room or quitting the things that used to make them happy, they might be depressed.

Worrisome alcohol and substance use can also be a sign. For many kids, things come to a head towards the end of the semester, when academic demands become more pressing and seem insurmountable.

College is a time to become more adult and independent, and parents should respect this and give kids the space they need to grow. But if you notice any changes in their mood or behavior that worry you, don’t ignore them. Their fellow students and new professors don’t know them as well as you do, so they might not recognize when there is a problem.

Getting help

Treating depression when kids are away at college can be complicated. Colleges have health centers on campus with professionals who can help, but convincing kids to go there can be “a feat in itself,” notes Dr. Boorady. That’s why he advises that kids who have already struggled with depression should contact the mental health professionals on campus before going to college. Having already made that initial contact and already knowing who and what to expect makes asking for help much easier.

If your child hasn’t used the health center yet but seems to need support, let them know that they can help. Kids are often reluctant to take the first step, so be supportive and encouraging. Parents may also be able to schedule an appointment, but because of confidentiality laws you shouldn’t expect the school to give you information about your child’s health unless them have given their authorization to do so.

Keep in mind that health centers typically limit the number of sessions students can receive, but they will make referrals to other professionals located nearby. If your child has depression they will likely need ongoing treatment, either for therapy or for monitoring medication or both. Traveling back home for health care often isn’t realistic and receiving consistent treatment is important, so it’s good to find a provider your child can rely on in the community.

Not a good time to stop medication

Finally, it isn’t uncommon for kids who have already been diagnosed with depression to want to stop taking medication before going to college so they can get a “fresh start.” This can be very dangerous if unsupervised. With depression there is a risk of relapse, so if your child wants to stop taking their medication, the dosage should be lowered very gradually and they should be closely monitored by their doctor throughout the process — going cold turkey is never a good idea.

Stopping treatment right before college is also risky for another reason: “The first year is so stressful, so I want kids to have a successful first year,” says Dr. Boorady. “Then when they come back we can discuss if it’s a good idea to go off medication.”

Photo by Andy Kuzma on Pexels.com
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-helping-college-kids-with-depression/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Helping College Kids With Depression

Photo by Andy Kuzma on Pexels.com

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Helping College Kids With Depression

What to watch for and who can help

Writer: Rachel Ehmke

Clinical Experts: Roy Boorady, MD , David Friedlander, PsyD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Z_86xO5p0c&t=3s&ab_channel=ChildMindInstitute

What You'll Learn

- Why do kids starting college sometimes develop depression?
- What are some common signs of depression?
- What can parents do to support college kids who are experiencing depression?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- The stress of a new environment
- Depression signs to look out for
- Getting help
- Not a good time to stop medication

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Starting college is exciting, but it’s also stressful. For some kids, so many changes and new responsibilities all at once can trigger depression. The lack of structure and support also makes college an especially difficult time for kids to cope with depression.

If you notice big changes in your child’s mood or behavior, check in with them. Some signs of depression, like crying or feeling sad a lot, may be obvious. But others, like being irritable or having a hard time concentrating, are more subtle. If you hear that your child is spending a lot of time alone or quitting things they used to love, they might be depressed. Using drugs or alcohol a lot can also be a sign.

If your child has already been dealing with depression before college, it’s a good idea for them to get in touch with the school’s counseling center ahead of time. That way, they know who to talk to if they need support. And if your child has been taking medication, the transition to college is a bad time to stop. If your child wants to stop, it’s best to wait until they’ve settled in and the stress of first year has passed. Then their doctor can help them stop the medication safely.

If your child is dealing with depression for the first time, encourage them to get help at school. Many colleges offer a limited number of free therapy sessions to students. They can also refer your child to a local therapist for continuing care. It’s also important for kids to maintain a regular schedule, get plenty of sleep, and eat nutritious meals. With the right support systems, students can adjust to their new environment and start to feel better.

Going to college is an exciting time in the lives of young people, but for some students depression gets in the way. Whether it’s their first brush with the disorder or not, college can act as a catalyst for the onset of depression in many young people, and, on their own for the first time, the timing couldn’t be worse.

Roy Boorady, MD, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Child Mind Institute, says he gets “lots of calls first semester” about college kids who are having a hard time. “Usually what they end up doing is calling their parents in the middle of the night. Then their parents call me and say, ‘I’m getting two and three o’clock in the morning calls from my child who is crying and depressed and unhappy. What do we do?’ ”

Children can be depressed at younger ages, but the older they are the higher the prevalence rates. Experts consider risk factors for depression to be a combination of genes and environment. Some kids might be genetically at risk for developing depression, but they will be fine until they experience an environmental stressor that flips the switch and sends them into depression. It makes sense that college could be that stressor.

The stress of a new environment

“Leaving home is a huge transition for kids, and I think we underestimate the difficulty that a lot of kids have,” says Dr. Boorady. Away at college, suddenly kids find themselves in a new environment without any of the structure or supports — academic or emotional — they’ve always been able to rely on. Kids might have complex feelings about how they should be relating to the people back home, or think that they don’t fit in with their new peers.

Independent for the first time, they might also be embracing the college lifestyle: erratic sleeping habits, non-nutritious (or nonexistent) meals, and an unstructured schedule — especially if they’re skipping classes — that can leave them feeling unglued.

College is also something of a pressure cooker for depression because the more you’re surrounded by people who are depressed, the more likely you are to become depressed yourself.

Depression signs to look out for

Detecting depression in kids college students who are away from home can be difficult. Some depression symptoms, like uncharacteristic sadness and crying, are straightforward, but others, like trouble concentrating and irritability, are less so. People with depression also tend to isolate themselves and take less pleasure in things they used to enjoy, so if you hear that your child is spending too much time alone in their dorm room or quitting the things that used to make them happy, they might be depressed.

Worrisome alcohol and substance use can also be a sign. For many kids, things come to a head towards the end of the semester, when academic demands become more pressing and seem insurmountable.

College is a time to become more adult and independent, and parents should respect this and give kids the space they need to grow. But if you notice any changes in their mood or behavior that worry you, don’t ignore them. Their fellow students and new professors don’t know them as well as you do, so they might not recognize when there is a problem.

Getting help

Treating depression when kids are away at college can be complicated. Colleges have health centers on campus with professionals who can help, but convincing kids to go there can be “a feat in itself,” notes Dr. Boorady. That’s why he advises that kids who have already struggled with depression should contact the mental health professionals on campus before going to college. Having already made that initial contact and already knowing who and what to expect makes asking for help much easier.

If your child hasn’t used the health center yet but seems to need support, let them know that they can help. Kids are often reluctant to take the first step, so be supportive and encouraging. Parents may also be able to schedule an appointment, but because of confidentiality laws you shouldn’t expect the school to give you information about your child’s health unless them have given their authorization to do so.

Keep in mind that health centers typically limit the number of sessions students can receive, but they will make referrals to other professionals located nearby. If your child has depression they will likely need ongoing treatment, either for therapy or for monitoring medication or both. Traveling back home for health care often isn’t realistic and receiving consistent treatment is important, so it’s good to find a provider your child can rely on in the community.

Not a good time to stop medication

Finally, it isn’t uncommon for kids who have already been diagnosed with depression to want to stop taking medication before going to college so they can get a “fresh start.” This can be very dangerous if unsupervised. With depression there is a risk of relapse, so if your child wants to stop taking their medication, the dosage should be lowered very gradually and they should be closely monitored by their doctor throughout the process — going cold turkey is never a good idea.

Stopping treatment right before college is also risky for another reason: “The first year is so stressful, so I want kids to have a successful first year,” says Dr. Boorady. “Then when they come back we can discuss if it’s a good idea to go off medication.”

Photo by Andy Kuzma on Pexels.com
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-helping-college-kids-with-depression/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Depression Shows Up Differently in Men. Here are 5 Ways to Spot It and Help

By Steven Petrow

I’m not being hyperbolic, or overdramatic, when I say a little part of me died when I read about the recent suicide of golfer Grayson Murray. I felt the same way after the suicides of Robin Williams, Anthony Bourdain, and Stephen “tWitch” Boss. As someone who has suffered from depression for most of my life (and suicidal ideation at certain moments), I feel a kinship with these men who could not get out from under the weight of their darkness.

As a health journalist, however, I worry about the larger issue. Men tend to hide signs of depression or other mental health issues, often out of stigma and shame. When we do exhibit symptoms, we don’t always recognize them for what they are (nor do our loved ones). Worse, if that’s possible, many of us don’t seem to know how to help, or what to say to better understand when a brother, husband, son, or friend is standing at the precipice.

With each of these suicides there’s been a flurry of headlines about men and mental health. A recent Golf Digest news story noted that “Murray’s death pushes the hard questions into the open,” adding, “It’s never been made real until now.” That is hardly the case—in 2022 about 70 percent of all suicides were men, according to KFF, a health policy non-profit. That’s about 40,000 men, making it very real indeed to their friends, families, and colleagues. One woman I know—a mother of two sons, sister of four brothers, and a friend to two men suffering from depression—told me, “I really want to know how it manifests differently in men than in women, so I can be more helpful.”

Therein lies the key: The symptoms of depression, which can be a driver to suicide, tend to be very different in men than in women. Women are more frequently diagnosed with depression than men are, based on classic symptoms including mood changes, eating disorders, anxiety, and irritability. Depression in men, however, may manifest itself as aggression, anger, changes in sexual performance, risky behaviors, and substance abuse. Multiple studies have confirmed that the stigma attached to depression in men prevents many of them from seeking help or admitting to feeling depressed. If they don’t ask for help, and nobody recognizes the signs, we end up with an epidemic of undiagnosed, untreated mental health issues.

Depression in men may get so little attention because it appears more common among women. A 2023 Gallup poll suggests that 23.8 percent of American women are currently suffering from depression, compared with only 11.4 percent of American men. Those are diagnosed cases. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, more than 6 million American men are known to have depression, with the actual number thought to be significantly higher. By the way, this is not just an American problem: A recent British study reported that 40 percent of men won’t talk to anyone about their mental health, including close friends, family members, or a medical professional.

“Men are socialized to minimize expression of emotional pain. It’s seen as weak or unmanly to cry, or admit to any sense of vulnerability or failure,” Richard A. Friedman, a psychiatrist at Weill Cornell Medicine specializing in depression, anxiety, and mood disorders, told me. Due to that stigma, men are more likely to externalize emotions, resulting in aggressive, impulsive, coercive, and risky behaviors.  

Addressing the stigma and shame of mental health issues is central to making changes, and I have some personal experience with this. Nearly ten years ago I took a giant step in publicly disclosing my depression diagnosis and how debilitating it had become. I wrote an essay in The New York Times titled, “Opening Up About Depression.” In the column I reached back to my teen years when I created a “secret code” to record my darkish feelings in a daily journal, which I recognized as a heaviness in my head or a pervasive lethargy that sapped my hormone-driven teen self. Most days of the week I scribbled either A1 (for depression) or its first cousin, A2 (for anxiety) in my journal.

It was terrifying to come out in The Times like this, but keeping that secret had become even more challenging. By then, I knew secrets to be insidious, like a cancer that eats you alive. Did I feel exposed or vulnerable? Yes. Did I fear rejection? Yes. Did I feel I might be labeled as mentally ill or worse, nuts? You bet.

Did I help others? I believe so. Did it help me? Yes! Readers posted hundreds of supportive comments in response to that column. In particular, I felt seen by this one man, “Jackson,” who wrote as if describing my own experience:

“In one terrible year, a friend died suddenly, my son battled a mysterious andfrightening medical condition, and one of my parents was dying. Even with all those obvious reasons to be depressed I didn't recognize the classic symptoms: poor appetite, insomnia, and a sense of numbness, as if watching the world from afar.

The reality was that constant stress had seriously disrupted my biochemistry and overwhelmed my usual resilience. My therapist urged me to consider medication—along with intense counseling. I was too committed to ‘toughing it out’ but eventually I did and, as the therapist said, “ it turned down the volume" of my depression. Eventually it passed. If I am ever hit with another bout, I won't hesitate to seek help. Depression is as real an illness as cancer—and it can be as deadly.”

By the time I hit the mid-century mark, I’d confided my diagnosis privately to a few others. But it was my friend Erik’s death by suicide in 2015 that jumpstarted my own greater openness and The Times essay. Erik and I had had a lot in common: We’d both gone to Duke University, where we’d led closeted lives. We had sisters (and other family) who loved us and whom we loved in return. And we were gay. One hot summer day, Erik left work to eat lunch at home. From all accounts he retrieved the gun he’d bought some time before, went into his bathroom, and shot himself in the head.

(Suicide attempts among men are eight times more likely to involve a gun than attempts by women.)

Erik’s friends and family were shocked. Me, too. Only a few days before his death he had talked excitedly about buying a house, and his hopes for a promotion. I’d had no clue that he was at such risk. All these years later, I still recall what one of his friends told me after his passing: “You never know where depression lives.”

I’ve repeated that line quietly to myself many times since then. Some days, when I look in the mirror, I understand it even more personally. My face is often a mask, hiding the deeper stew of emotions within. If I can’t see me, how can I expect others to?

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Here’s what haunts me about Erik’s death. Sure, he kept his pain to himself. But I’d never told Erik about the extent of my suffering, either. Like him, I was well practiced in camouflaging my illness, and as a high-functioning depressive I could hide my symptoms. I relied on medication and meditation, psychotherapy, sober weeks and months, healthy eating and regular exercise. I also knew that at times I had to go home, retreat from the world, because I’d become irritable or angry or aggressive—what I now know to be signs of depression in men.

What can we do? Here are five ways you can help:

No. 1: Learn more about the symptoms of depression and other mental health issues, especially as they apply to men. Don’t be surprised if you feel helpless. Information and resources will help you and them.

No. 2: Urge the men in your life to get help. Some men don’t even know that they’re depressed. Others may feel ashamed, thinking they can overcome it by sheer willpower. According to the Mayo Clinic, “depression seldom gets better without treatment and may get worse.”

No. 3: Explain why you’re worried. And offer to help find a trained—and affordable—mental health professional. You could even put together a list of questions for their first appointment or offer to take or accompany them to the visit.

No. 4: Be on the lookout for worsening signs of depression. For men, this may include increased drinking, deepening anger, or more frequent outbursts. Don’t forget that depression manifests differently. Pay attention. Ask questions.

No. 5: Learn and stay alert for the warning signs of suicide. If necessary, contact your friend’s doctor, therapist, friends or family. Reach out to a suicide hotline for additional resources. Call 911 or your local emergency number if your friend appears to be in crisis.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available at the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-depression-shows-up-differently-in-men-here-are-5-ways-to-spot-it-and-help-2/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Depression Shows Up Differently in Men. Here are 5 Ways to Spot It and Help

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Depression Shows Up Differently in Men. Here are 5 Ways to Spot It and Help

By Steven Petrow

I’m not being hyperbolic, or overdramatic, when I say a little part of me died when I read about the recent suicide of golfer Grayson Murray. I felt the same way after the suicides of Robin Williams, Anthony Bourdain, and Stephen “tWitch” Boss. As someone who has suffered from depression for most of my life (and suicidal ideation at certain moments), I feel a kinship with these men who could not get out from under the weight of their darkness.

As a health journalist, however, I worry about the larger issue. Men tend to hide signs of depression or other mental health issues, often out of stigma and shame. When we do exhibit symptoms, we don’t always recognize them for what they are (nor do our loved ones). Worse, if that’s possible, many of us don’t seem to know how to help, or what to say to better understand when a brother, husband, son, or friend is standing at the precipice.

With each of these suicides there’s been a flurry of headlines about men and mental health. A recent Golf Digest news story noted that “Murray’s death pushes the hard questions into the open,” adding, “It’s never been made real until now.” That is hardly the case—in 2022 about 70 percent of all suicides were men, according to KFF, a health policy non-profit. That’s about 40,000 men, making it very real indeed to their friends, families, and colleagues. One woman I know—a mother of two sons, sister of four brothers, and a friend to two men suffering from depression—told me, “I really want to know how it manifests differently in men than in women, so I can be more helpful.”

Therein lies the key: The symptoms of depression, which can be a driver to suicide, tend to be very different in men than in women. Women are more frequently diagnosed with depression than men are, based on classic symptoms including mood changes, eating disorders, anxiety, and irritability. Depression in men, however, may manifest itself as aggression, anger, changes in sexual performance, risky behaviors, and substance abuse. Multiple studies have confirmed that the stigma attached to depression in men prevents many of them from seeking help or admitting to feeling depressed. If they don’t ask for help, and nobody recognizes the signs, we end up with an epidemic of undiagnosed, untreated mental health issues.

Depression in men may get so little attention because it appears more common among women. A 2023 Gallup poll suggests that 23.8 percent of American women are currently suffering from depression, compared with only 11.4 percent of American men. Those are diagnosed cases. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, more than 6 million American men are known to have depression, with the actual number thought to be significantly higher. By the way, this is not just an American problem: A recent British study reported that 40 percent of men won’t talk to anyone about their mental health, including close friends, family members, or a medical professional.

“Men are socialized to minimize expression of emotional pain. It’s seen as weak or unmanly to cry, or admit to any sense of vulnerability or failure,” Richard A. Friedman, a psychiatrist at Weill Cornell Medicine specializing in depression, anxiety, and mood disorders, told me. Due to that stigma, men are more likely to externalize emotions, resulting in aggressive, impulsive, coercive, and risky behaviors.  

Addressing the stigma and shame of mental health issues is central to making changes, and I have some personal experience with this. Nearly ten years ago I took a giant step in publicly disclosing my depression diagnosis and how debilitating it had become. I wrote an essay in The New York Times titled, “Opening Up About Depression.” In the column I reached back to my teen years when I created a “secret code” to record my darkish feelings in a daily journal, which I recognized as a heaviness in my head or a pervasive lethargy that sapped my hormone-driven teen self. Most days of the week I scribbled either A1 (for depression) or its first cousin, A2 (for anxiety) in my journal.

It was terrifying to come out in The Times like this, but keeping that secret had become even more challenging. By then, I knew secrets to be insidious, like a cancer that eats you alive. Did I feel exposed or vulnerable? Yes. Did I fear rejection? Yes. Did I feel I might be labeled as mentally ill or worse, nuts? You bet.

Did I help others? I believe so. Did it help me? Yes! Readers posted hundreds of supportive comments in response to that column. In particular, I felt seen by this one man, “Jackson,” who wrote as if describing my own experience:

“In one terrible year, a friend died suddenly, my son battled a mysterious andfrightening medical condition, and one of my parents was dying. Even with all those obvious reasons to be depressed I didn't recognize the classic symptoms: poor appetite, insomnia, and a sense of numbness, as if watching the world from afar.

The reality was that constant stress had seriously disrupted my biochemistry and overwhelmed my usual resilience. My therapist urged me to consider medication—along with intense counseling. I was too committed to ‘toughing it out’ but eventually I did and, as the therapist said, “ it turned down the volume" of my depression. Eventually it passed. If I am ever hit with another bout, I won't hesitate to seek help. Depression is as real an illness as cancer—and it can be as deadly.”

By the time I hit the mid-century mark, I’d confided my diagnosis privately to a few others. But it was my friend Erik’s death by suicide in 2015 that jumpstarted my own greater openness and The Times essay. Erik and I had had a lot in common: We’d both gone to Duke University, where we’d led closeted lives. We had sisters (and other family) who loved us and whom we loved in return. And we were gay. One hot summer day, Erik left work to eat lunch at home. From all accounts he retrieved the gun he’d bought some time before, went into his bathroom, and shot himself in the head.

(Suicide attempts among men are eight times more likely to involve a gun than attempts by women.)

Erik’s friends and family were shocked. Me, too. Only a few days before his death he had talked excitedly about buying a house, and his hopes for a promotion. I’d had no clue that he was at such risk. All these years later, I still recall what one of his friends told me after his passing: “You never know where depression lives.”

I’ve repeated that line quietly to myself many times since then. Some days, when I look in the mirror, I understand it even more personally. My face is often a mask, hiding the deeper stew of emotions within. If I can’t see me, how can I expect others to?

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Here’s what haunts me about Erik’s death. Sure, he kept his pain to himself. But I’d never told Erik about the extent of my suffering, either. Like him, I was well practiced in camouflaging my illness, and as a high-functioning depressive I could hide my symptoms. I relied on medication and meditation, psychotherapy, sober weeks and months, healthy eating and regular exercise. I also knew that at times I had to go home, retreat from the world, because I’d become irritable or angry or aggressive—what I now know to be signs of depression in men.

What can we do? Here are five ways you can help:

No. 1: Learn more about the symptoms of depression and other mental health issues, especially as they apply to men. Don’t be surprised if you feel helpless. Information and resources will help you and them.

No. 2: Urge the men in your life to get help. Some men don’t even know that they’re depressed. Others may feel ashamed, thinking they can overcome it by sheer willpower. According to the Mayo Clinic, “depression seldom gets better without treatment and may get worse.”

No. 3: Explain why you’re worried. And offer to help find a trained—and affordable—mental health professional. You could even put together a list of questions for their first appointment or offer to take or accompany them to the visit.

No. 4: Be on the lookout for worsening signs of depression. For men, this may include increased drinking, deepening anger, or more frequent outbursts. Don’t forget that depression manifests differently. Pay attention. Ask questions.

No. 5: Learn and stay alert for the warning signs of suicide. If necessary, contact your friend’s doctor, therapist, friends or family. Reach out to a suicide hotline for additional resources. Call 911 or your local emergency number if your friend appears to be in crisis.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available at the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-depression-shows-up-differently-in-men-here-are-5-ways-to-spot-it-and-help-2/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - When Are Kids Ready for Social Media?

And how to monitor social media use when kids are starting out

Writer: Caroline Miller

Clinical Experts: Dave Anderson, PhD , Jerry Bubrick, PhD , Max Stossel

What You'll Learn

- Should kids in middle school be on social media?

- Why should parents monitor kids' social media use?

- How can parents limit what kids are exposed to through social media?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Pressure on parents

- Choosing the right time

- Monitoring kids on social media

- Rules for social media access

- Parental controls

- Kids who are vulnerable

By the time they’re in middle school, kids are often eager to go on social media apps like Instagram, TikTok and WhatsApp to share things with their friends. But parents are wary because social media can be harmful to kids’ self-esteem. And kids who post impulsively can create serious problems for themselves.

While some experts and parental groups recommend waiting until kids are at least in the eighth grade to let them have access to social media, others note that it really depends on your child’s maturity level. But experts agree that when you do allow access to social media, it’s important to monitor what kids are posting on it. They recommend having your child’s password as a condition of allowing them access to the app, and regularly discussing what they’re posting. The goal is to help them learn the do’s and don’ts of posting rather than hoping they’ll figure out what’s appropriate and what’s not.

Fortunately, TikTok and other popular apps now offer parental controls that can limit how much time kids can spend, control privacy settings and turn off comments and direct messaging. There are apps that enable kids to create fun videos without sharing them with a broad audience. There are also tools like Bark that parents can use to monitor and limit kids’ exposure on not only social media apps but YouTube, email, texting, TV and movies. (For details, see the full story below.)

And for kids who are struggling with mental health issues like depression, experts recommend extra caution as social media algorithms tend to serve kids content that reflects their mood, and can perpetuate negative feelings.

Since kids are so quick to pick up on digital technology, it can be a big job for parents to keep up with them — monitoring what they’re accessing in the way of games, music, videos, photos, and websites. But for many, the biggest challenge is when to let kids have access to social media. And how much access?

Kids crave contact with their friends and peers, and social media has become an important way for them to interact. For children who are isolated, it can be a lifeline. But it also has the potential to become addictive, to get them into trouble, and to harm fragile self-esteem.

Pressure on parents

Kids often start pushing for access to social media in late elementary and early middle school, and parents feel pressured to allow it because they don’t want their children to feel left out. But delaying social media immersion helps insure that they will be more mature about what they post, more able to resist its addictive appeal, and less vulnerable to emotional harm.

Max Stossel, the founder and CEO of Social Awakening, a group that promotes healthy use of social media, has talked to groups of parents, students, and educators about the impact of technology on kids for more than 10 years. Stossel says he always asks parents to raise their hands if they wish they had given their kids access to social media sooner. “I am still waiting for the first parent to tell me they wish they had given it sooner, he says. “And that’s thousands of parents. But many, many say they’re glad they waited.”

Stossel notes that social media algorithms are designed to maximize profits, not to benefit kids. “Eleven-year-old kids are just too young to have these super computers pointed at their brains, often preying on their self-image, or their hormones, to keep their attention.”

Stossel endorses a parent movement called Wait Until 8th that advocates delaying exposure to social media until kids are in eighth grade. “And eighth grade is the minimum, I would say. Research shows that 10 -to 14-year-old girls are hit hardest by this. I would wait until 15, 16, but that has just seemed less and less realistic for a lot of parents’ lives and kids’ lives.”

Choosing the right time

The best timing for each child depends not just on their age but their maturity, and kids develop at different rates. “I could introduce you to a really mature 13-year-old and a really immature 17-year-old,” notes Jerry Bubrick, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute.

When they are ready will depend on things like their ability to read social cues, their impulse control, and their vulnerability to criticism or rejection. If a tween has a particularly hard time disengaging from continuously stimulating things like video games, they might have trouble resisting the rabbit hole of social media.

Dave Anderson, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, suggests that introducing social media in middle school gives parents the opportunity to supervise their initial exposure as a condition for the privilege of using the app. “If you wait until high school to give permission, they’re not likely to let you monitor their social life. You will never know what their online world looks like. And you will never be able to kind of navigate that with them.”

Monitoring kids on social media

Experts agree that parental oversight is crucial when kids are starting to use social media.

“Initial access should come with a lot of talk beforehand and a parent saying, ‘Here’s what I consider to be acceptable and unacceptable behavior,’” Dr. Anderson explains. “And also ‘I want to go on Instagram with you, look at some of your friends’ accounts, and we’ll talk about what is acceptable or unacceptable about what they’re doing with their accounts.’ “

Dr. Bubrick encourages families to go one platform at a time, and monitor what kids are posting. “So parents are really kind of helping their kids learn the do’s and don’ts rather than parents just hoping they’ll figure it out.”

Parental oversight should also pay attention to the balance in the child’s life, Dr. Bubrick adds. “There’s a dedicated time for social media. But it’s only part of your day because you also have to be out face-to-face with friends, and you have to be exercising, and you have to do homework. So really teaching our kids how to have balance with social media is just as important in my point of view as helping them learn what’s appropriate and inappropriate to post.”

Rules for social media access

Families vary about what they want kids to be allowed to do on social media, but parents can make it clear to kids that access is contingent on following rules. Some parents set rules limiting who their kids can interact with, some on what kinds of things they can post.

For many, the cardinal rule is not to post anything they wouldn’t say to a person face-to-face, or want adults in their lives to see.  “Tell kids they should act as if their parents are reading almost everything they post,” says Dr. Anderson. “And if that’s not enough of a deterrent to oversharing or acting impulsively, explain that they shouldn’t post anything they wouldn’t be comfortable having their grandparents read.”

Dr Anderson notes that some parents are drawing the line on posting selfies. “A lot of families are making that decision because selfies invite judgment of just you and how you look, and that can be damaging to kids’ self-esteem” he explains. “If you post pictures of you and your friends hanging out by the lake, you get comments like, ‘Wish I was there. Oh my gosh, you guys are looking like you’re having so much fun.’ But if you post a selfie in a bikini, you’re asking followers to decide whether or not they like your clothing or your appearance.”

Likewise, he adds, it’s important to have well-defined consequences for not following the rules, for example, “As long as you’re ok with the no-selfie rule, we can keep Instagram, but if you break it we’ll have to delete the app.”

Dr. Bubrick recommends prompting kids to think through who they are sharing with as well as what’s appropriate to share. “How are you defining who’s a friend online and what are you willing to share with them.”

Parental controls

Major social media platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat have rolled out a series of parental control settings as an answer to parents’ concerns about their kids’ exposure. Not only has TikTok launched a new dashboard where users can now monitor and set limits on their screen time, but they’ve also added a Family Pairing setting. Once parents link their account to their child’s, they can control all privacy settings for their child’s account. Parents can also restrict the types of videos that can come up on their feed, limit screen time, limit or turn off comments and likes, and turn off direct message (this is automatically disabled for kids ages 13 to 15).

The Family Pairing setting is password protected and even if the child manages to disable it, parents will be sent a notification.

While TikTok’s settings appear to be the most expansive in their restriction abilities, Instagram and Snapchat have launched similar settings. Instagram has also separately given the option of limiting or completely turning off comments and likes.

Alternatively, if parents aren’t comfortable with their child having their own account but still want to give them the freedom to express themselves online, they can create a joint account and engage in the content with them. On TikTok and Instagram, there are several family accounts in which the parents create, control, and appear in the videos or photos alongside their children. Often the comments on these accounts are limited or even shut off to shield children from unwanted scrutiny. There are also more kid-friendly apps such as Funimate and Triller that allows users to create and edit fun videos without the immediate option of sharing their content with an outside audience.

Stossel recommends the parental control tool Bark, which monitors a child’s activity on social networks, as well as YouTube, email and text messages. It filters for the signs of harmful content, including sexual material, threats of violence, depression ,suicidal ideation, and bullying. Parents get email and text alerts if there is something concerning in the child’s online activity. It can also be used to limit screen time and to block individual websites.

Screen Time is another tool that allows you to set time limits on daily screen time, block out periods when screens are not to be used, and includes categories of sites and individual URLS.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Kids who are vulnerable

For kids who are struggling with emotional issues, parents need to be aware that the algorithms in social media apps can read their mood and reinforce it.

“Social media is built to feed you content you’re more and more interested in,” says Dr. Anderson. “If you have a kid who’s depressed, the algorithm will feed them content that aligns with their mood. If you’ve got a kid who’s anxious, the algorithm will feed them the content that aligns with their dominant emotional state. And if you’ve got a kid who has ADHD and is looking to be distracted, the algorithm will feed them distraction.”

While the majority of kids are not necessarily harmed by what they see on social media, it’s not always clear to parents if a child is depressed or anxious, so Dr. Anderson recommends careful monitoring and use of guardrails. “The reality is that for kids who are already in a vulnerable mental health population, consuming social media alone is a real risk factor. It can really affect them.”
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-when-are-kids-ready-for-social-media-2/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - When Are Kids Ready for Social Media?

James Donaldson on Mental Health - When Are Kids Ready for Social Media?

And how to monitor social media use when kids are starting out

Writer: Caroline Miller

Clinical Experts: Dave Anderson, PhD , Jerry Bubrick, PhD , Max Stossel

What You'll Learn

- Should kids in middle school be on social media?
- Why should parents monitor kids' social media use?
- How can parents limit what kids are exposed to through social media?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- Pressure on parents
- Choosing the right time
- Monitoring kids on social media
- Rules for social media access
- Parental controls
- Kids who are vulnerable

By the time they’re in middle school, kids are often eager to go on social media apps like Instagram, TikTok and WhatsApp to share things with their friends. But parents are wary because social media can be harmful to kids’ self-esteem. And kids who post impulsively can create serious problems for themselves.

While some experts and parental groups recommend waiting until kids are at least in the eighth grade to let them have access to social media, others note that it really depends on your child’s maturity level. But experts agree that when you do allow access to social media, it’s important to monitor what kids are posting on it. They recommend having your child’s password as a condition of allowing them access to the app, and regularly discussing what they’re posting. The goal is to help them learn the do’s and don’ts of posting rather than hoping they’ll figure out what’s appropriate and what’s not.

Fortunately, TikTok and other popular apps now offer parental controls that can limit how much time kids can spend, control privacy settings and turn off comments and direct messaging. There are apps that enable kids to create fun videos without sharing them with a broad audience. There are also tools like Bark that parents can use to monitor and limit kids’ exposure on not only social media apps but YouTube, email, texting, TV and movies. (For details, see the full story below.)

And for kids who are struggling with mental health issues like depression, experts recommend extra caution as social media algorithms tend to serve kids content that reflects their mood, and can perpetuate negative feelings.

Since kids are so quick to pick up on digital technology, it can be a big job for parents to keep up with them — monitoring what they’re accessing in the way of games, music, videos, photos, and websites. But for many, the biggest challenge is when to let kids have access to social media. And how much access?

Kids crave contact with their friends and peers, and social media has become an important way for them to interact. For children who are isolated, it can be a lifeline. But it also has the potential to become addictive, to get them into trouble, and to harm fragile self-esteem.

Pressure on parents

Kids often start pushing for access to social media in late elementary and early middle school, and parents feel pressured to allow it because they don’t want their children to feel left out. But delaying social media immersion helps insure that they will be more mature about what they post, more able to resist its addictive appeal, and less vulnerable to emotional harm.

Max Stossel, the founder and CEO of Social Awakening, a group that promotes healthy use of social media, has talked to groups of parents, students, and educators about the impact of technology on kids for more than 10 years. Stossel says he always asks parents to raise their hands if they wish they had given their kids access to social media sooner. “I am still waiting for the first parent to tell me they wish they had given it sooner, he says. “And that’s thousands of parents. But many, many say they’re glad they waited.”

Stossel notes that social media algorithms are designed to maximize profits, not to benefit kids. “Eleven-year-old kids are just too young to have these super computers pointed at their brains, often preying on their self-image, or their hormones, to keep their attention.”

Stossel endorses a parent movement called Wait Until 8th that advocates delaying exposure to social media until kids are in eighth grade. “And eighth grade is the minimum, I would say. Research shows that 10 -to 14-year-old girls are hit hardest by this. I would wait until 15, 16, but that has just seemed less and less realistic for a lot of parents’ lives and kids’ lives.”

Choosing the right time

The best timing for each child depends not just on their age but their maturity, and kids develop at different rates. “I could introduce you to a really mature 13-year-old and a really immature 17-year-old,” notes Jerry Bubrick, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute.

When they are ready will depend on things like their ability to read social cues, their impulse control, and their vulnerability to criticism or rejection. If a tween has a particularly hard time disengaging from continuously stimulating things like video games, they might have trouble resisting the rabbit hole of social media.

Dave Anderson, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, suggests that introducing social media in middle school gives parents the opportunity to supervise their initial exposure as a condition for the privilege of using the app. “If you wait until high school to give permission, they’re not likely to let you monitor their social life. You will never know what their online world looks like. And you will never be able to kind of navigate that with them.”

Monitoring kids on social media

Experts agree that parental oversight is crucial when kids are starting to use social media.

“Initial access should come with a lot of talk beforehand and a parent saying, ‘Here’s what I consider to be acceptable and unacceptable behavior,’” Dr. Anderson explains. “And also ‘I want to go on Instagram with you, look at some of your friends’ accounts, and we’ll talk about what is acceptable or unacceptable about what they’re doing with their accounts.’ “

Dr. Bubrick encourages families to go one platform at a time, and monitor what kids are posting. “So parents are really kind of helping their kids learn the do’s and don’ts rather than parents just hoping they’ll figure it out.”

Parental oversight should also pay attention to the balance in the child’s life, Dr. Bubrick adds. “There’s a dedicated time for social media. But it’s only part of your day because you also have to be out face-to-face with friends, and you have to be exercising, and you have to do homework. So really teaching our kids how to have balance with social media is just as important in my point of view as helping them learn what’s appropriate and inappropriate to post.”

Rules for social media access

Families vary about what they want kids to be allowed to do on social media, but parents can make it clear to kids that access is contingent on following rules. Some parents set rules limiting who their kids can interact with, some on what kinds of things they can post.

For many, the cardinal rule is not to post anything they wouldn’t say to a person face-to-face, or want adults in their lives to see.  “Tell kids they should act as if their parents are reading almost everything they post,” says Dr. Anderson. “And if that’s not enough of a deterrent to oversharing or acting impulsively, explain that they shouldn’t post anything they wouldn’t be comfortable having their grandparents read.”

Dr Anderson notes that some parents are drawing the line on posting selfies. “A lot of families are making that decision because selfies invite judgment of just you and how you look, and that can be damaging to kids’ self-esteem” he explains. “If you post pictures of you and your friends hanging out by the lake, you get comments like, ‘Wish I was there. Oh my gosh, you guys are looking like you’re having so much fun.’ But if you post a selfie in a bikini, you’re asking followers to decide whether or not they like your clothing or your appearance.”

Likewise, he adds, it’s important to have well-defined consequences for not following the rules, for example, “As long as you’re ok with the no-selfie rule, we can keep Instagram, but if you break it we’ll have to delete the app.”

Dr. Bubrick recommends prompting kids to think through who they are sharing with as well as what’s appropriate to share. “How are you defining who’s a friend online and what are you willing to share with them.”

Parental controls

Major social media platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat have rolled out a series of parental control settings as an answer to parents’ concerns about their kids’ exposure. Not only has TikTok launched a new dashboard where users can now monitor and set limits on their screen time, but they’ve also added a Family Pairing setting. Once parents link their account to their child’s, they can control all privacy settings for their child’s account. Parents can also restrict the types of videos that can come up on their feed, limit screen time, limit or turn off comments and likes, and turn off direct message (this is automatically disabled for kids ages 13 to 15).

The Family Pairing setting is password protected and even if the child manages to disable it, parents will be sent a notification.

While TikTok’s settings appear to be the most expansive in their restriction abilities, Instagram and Snapchat have launched similar settings. Instagram has also separately given the option of limiting or completely turning off comments and likes.

Alternatively, if parents aren’t comfortable with their child having their own account but still want to give them the freedom to express themselves online, they can create a joint account and engage in the content with them. On TikTok and Instagram, there are several family accounts in which the parents create, control, and appear in the videos or photos alongside their children. Often the comments on these accounts are limited or even shut off to shield children from unwanted scrutiny. There are also more kid-friendly apps such as Funimate and Triller that allows users to create and edit fun videos without the immediate option of sharing their content with an outside audience.

Stossel recommends the parental control tool Bark, which monitors a child’s activity on social networks, as well as YouTube, email and text messages. It filters for the signs of harmful content, including sexual material, threats of violence, depression ,suicidal ideation, and bullying. Parents get email and text alerts if there is something concerning in the child’s online activity. It can also be used to limit screen time and to block individual websites.

Screen Time is another tool that allows you to set time limits on daily screen time, block out periods when screens are not to be used, and includes categories of sites and individual URLS.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Kids who are vulnerable

For kids who are struggling with emotional issues, parents need to be aware that the algorithms in social media apps can read their mood and reinforce it.

“Social media is built to feed you content you’re more and more interested in,” says Dr. Anderson. “If you have a kid who’s depressed, the algorithm will feed them content that aligns with their mood. If you’ve got a kid who’s anxious, the algorithm will feed them the content that aligns with their dominant emotional state. And if you’ve got a kid who has ADHD and is looking to be distracted, the algorithm will feed them distraction.”

While the majority of kids are not necessarily harmed by what they see on social media, it’s not always clear to parents if a child is depressed or anxious, so Dr. Anderson recommends careful monitoring and use of guardrails. “The reality is that for kids who are already in a vulnerable mental health population, consuming social media alone is a real risk factor. It can really affect them.”

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-when-are-kids-ready-for-social-media-2/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Depression Shows Up Differently in Men. Here are 5 Ways to Spot It and Help

By Steven Petrow

I’m not being hyperbolic, or overdramatic, when I say a little part of me died when I read about the recent suicide of golfer Grayson Murray. I felt the same way after the suicides of Robin Williams, Anthony Bourdain, and Stephen “tWitch” Boss. As someone who has suffered from depression for most of my life (and suicidal ideation at certain moments), I feel a kinship with these men who could not get out from under the weight of their darkness.

As a health journalist, however, I worry about the larger issue. Men tend to hide signs of depression or other mental health issues, often out of stigma and shame. When we do exhibit symptoms, we don’t always recognize them for what they are (nor do our loved ones). Worse, if that’s possible, many of us don’t seem to know how to help, or what to say to better understand when a brother, husband, son, or friend is standing at the precipice.

With each of these suicides there’s been a flurry of headlines about men and mental health. A recent Golf Digest news story noted that “Murray’s death pushes the hard questions into the open,” adding, “It’s never been made real until now.” That is hardly the case—in 2022 about 70 percent of all suicides were men, according to KFF, a health policy non-profit. That’s about 40,000 men, making it very real indeed to their friends, families, and colleagues. One woman I know—a mother of two sons, sister of four brothers, and a friend to two men suffering from depression—told me, “I really want to know how it manifests differently in men than in women, so I can be more helpful.”

Therein lies the key: The symptoms of depression, which can be a driver to suicide, tend to be very different in men than in women. Women are more frequently diagnosed with depression than men are, based on classic symptoms including mood changes, eating disorders, anxiety, and irritability. Depression in men, however, may manifest itself as aggression, anger, changes in sexual performance, risky behaviors, and substance abuse. Multiple studies have confirmed that the stigma attached to depression in men prevents many of them from seeking help or admitting to feeling depressed. If they don’t ask for help, and nobody recognizes the signs, we end up with an epidemic of undiagnosed, untreated mental health issues.

Depression in men may get so little attention because it appears more common among women. A 2023 Gallup poll suggests that 23.8 percent of American women are currently suffering from depression, compared with only 11.4 percent of American men. Those are diagnosed cases. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, more than 6 million American men are known to have depression, with the actual number thought to be significantly higher. By the way, this is not just an American problem: A recent British study reported that 40 percent of men won’t talk to anyone about their mental health, including close friends, family members, or a medical professional.

“Men are socialized to minimize expression of emotional pain. It’s seen as weak or unmanly to cry, or admit to any sense of vulnerability or failure,” Richard A. Friedman, a psychiatrist at Weill Cornell Medicine specializing in depression, anxiety, and mood disorders, told me. Due to that stigma, men are more likely to externalize emotions, resulting in aggressive, impulsive, coercive, and risky behaviors.  

Addressing the stigma and shame of mental health issues is central to making changes, and I have some personal experience with this. Nearly ten years ago I took a giant step in publicly disclosing my depression diagnosis and how debilitating it had become. I wrote an essay in The New York Times titled, “Opening Up About Depression.” In the column I reached back to my teen years when I created a “secret code” to record my darkish feelings in a daily journal, which I recognized as a heaviness in my head or a pervasive lethargy that sapped my hormone-driven teen self. Most days of the week I scribbled either A1 (for depression) or its first cousin, A2 (for anxiety) in my journal.

It was terrifying to come out in The Times like this, but keeping that secret had become even more challenging. By then, I knew secrets to be insidious, like a cancer that eats you alive. Did I feel exposed or vulnerable? Yes. Did I fear rejection? Yes. Did I feel I might be labeled as mentally ill or worse, nuts? You bet.

Did I help others? I believe so. Did it help me? Yes! Readers posted hundreds of supportive comments in response to that column. In particular, I felt seen by this one man, “Jackson,” who wrote as if describing my own experience:

“In one terrible year, a friend died suddenly, my son battled a mysterious and frightening medical condition, and one of my parents was dying. Even with all those obvious reasons to be depressed I didn't recognize the classic symptoms: poor appetite, insomnia, and a sense of numbness, as if watching the world from afar.

The reality was that constant stress had seriously disrupted my biochemistry and overwhelmed my usual resilience. My therapist urged me to consider medication—along with intense counseling. I was too committed to ‘toughing it out’ but eventually I did and, as the therapist said, “ it turned down the volume" of my depression. Eventually it passed. If I am ever hit with another bout, I won't hesitate to seek help. Depression is as real an illness as cancer—and it can be as deadly.”

By the time I hit the mid-century mark, I’d confided my diagnosis privately to a few others. But it was my friend Erik’s death by suicide in 2015 that jumpstarted my own greater openness and The Times essay. Erik and I had had a lot in common: We’d both gone to Duke University, where we’d led closeted lives. We had sisters (and other family) who loved us and whom we loved in return. And we were gay. One hot summer day, Erik left work to eat lunch at home. From all accounts he retrieved the gun he’d bought some time before, went into his bathroom, and shot himself in the head.

(Suicide attempts among men are eight times more likely to involve a gun than attempts by women.)

Erik’s friends and family were shocked. Me, too. Only a few days before his death he had talked excitedly about buying a house, and his hopes for a promotion. I’d had no clue that he was at such risk. All these years later, I still recall what one of his friends told me after his passing: “You never know where depression lives.”

I’ve repeated that line quietly to myself many times since then. Some days, when I look in the mirror, I understand it even more personally. My face is often a mask, hiding the deeper stew of emotions within. If I can’t see me, how can I expect others to?

Here’s what haunts me about Erik’s death. Sure, he kept his pain to himself. But I’d never told Erik about the extent of my suffering, either. Like him, I was well practiced in camouflaging my illness, and as a high-functioning depressive I could hide my symptoms. I relied on medication and meditation, psychotherapy, sober weeks and months, healthy eating and regular exercise. I also knew that at times I had to go home, retreat from the world, because I’d become irritable or angry or aggressive—what I now know to be signs of depression in men.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

What can we do? Here are five ways you can help:

No. 1: Learn more about the symptoms of depression and other mental health issues, especially as they apply to men. Don’t be surprised if you feel helpless. Information and resources will help you and them.

No. 2: Urge the men in your life to get help. Some men don’t even know that they’re depressed. Others may feel ashamed, thinking they can overcome it by sheer willpower. According to the Mayo Clinic, “depression seldom gets better without treatment and may get worse.”

No. 3: Explain why you’re worried. And offer to help find a trained—and affordable—mental health professional. You could even put together a list of questions for their first appointment or offer to take or accompany them to the visit.

No. 4: Be on the lookout for worsening signs of depression. For men, this may include increased drinking, deepening anger, or more frequent outbursts. Don’t forget that depression manifests differently. Pay attention. Ask questions.

No. 5: Learn and stay alert for the warning signs of suicide. If necessary, contact your friend’s doctor, therapist, friends or family. Reach out to a suicide hotline for additional resources. Call 911 or your local emergency number if your friend appears to be in crisis.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available at the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-depression-shows-up-differently-in-men-here-are-5-ways-to-spot-it-and-help/