Wednesday, October 30, 2024
James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to talk with loved ones about suicidal thoughts: a tough but necessary conversation
Tracy Protell, MD
Suicide is the second leading cause of death in persons aged 10 to 34. Studies show that approximately 15 percent of adolescents have thought about suicide within the past year. Rates in adults tend to be lower, at about 5 percent. Luckily, not every thought leads to suicidal actions, but that leaves the difficult question of when to be very worried verses just concerned.
Start the conversation
For most people, talking about suicide is very uncomfortable – especially when speaking with loved ones. However, research shows that talking about these thoughts is the most important step to ensure safety. It is important to stay calm when discussing suicide with loved ones. Any sort of strong emotional response, blaming or creating feelings of guilt, or belittling these thoughts will likely decrease the person’s willingness to open up. Instead, focus on mostly listening and gathering information and express only emotions of support. A good place to start is usually asking, “Do you ever have thoughts of hurting yourself or killing yourself?”
Make a plan of action
Suicidal thoughts vary in terms of risk. The risk varies from vague thoughts of one’s own death to having severe suicidal thoughts with a plan and intent to carry out that plan. Interviews with suicide survivors have shown that the majority of suicide attempts were not planned out for more than an hour before the event. It is important, therefore, that if you are concerned about a loved one, make sure they have a safety plan. An example of a safety plan might look something like this:
- Try distraction by watching a movie, listening to music, or reading
- Call or text a person of support in your life
- Meet with a loved one
- Call or text the National Suicide Lifeline at 988
- Go to the Emergency Department or call 911
A safety plan is often needed when suicidal thoughts occur and a person starts thinking of a way in which they might hurt or kill themselves. The more realistic their plan, the higher the risk. Some individuals might need to be hospitalized to ensure their own safety until
their intense suicidal thoughts subside. Severe suicidal thoughts are no different than a severe allergic reaction, severe asthma attack, or heart attack and should be taken just as seriously.
#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com
Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth
If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub
Be proactive
Try to ensure those you love know they can talk to you if they are having suicidal thoughts by being open and supportive about their mental health. You can be proactive by mitigating risks of suicide such as keeping firearms locked in a safe and separate from ammunition (or not in the home at all), and securing medications. Have the National Suicide Crisis Line in an obvious place where anyone can access it. South Tahoe High School and Middle School student identification cards have this number on them. For parents of teenagers, please try to stay involved and know what your kids are up to and how they are feeling. If someone confides in you but won’t take action, making sure they are getting help is the right thing to do.
I hope this advice can make an emotional and difficult topic a bit easier to speak about. Suicide is a preventable death, and people have much more power to make a difference than they might believe.
A few resources:
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988
El Dorado County Mental Health Crisis Line: 530.544.2219
Crisis Text Line: text HELLO to 741741
Suicide Prevention Network: spnawareness.org https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-talk-with-loved-ones-about-suicidal-thoughts-a-tough-but-necessary-conversation/
James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to talk with loved ones about suicidal thoughts: a tough but necessary conversation
James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to talk with loved ones about suicidal thoughts: a tough but necessary conversation
Tracy Protell, MD
Suicide is the second leading cause of death in persons aged 10 to 34. Studies show that approximately 15 percent of adolescents have thought about suicide within the past year. Rates in adults tend to be lower, at about 5 percent. Luckily, not every thought leads to suicidal actions, but that leaves the difficult question of when to be very worried verses just concerned.
Start the conversation
For most people, talking about suicide is very uncomfortable – especially when speaking with loved ones. However, research shows that talking about these thoughts is the most important step to ensure safety. It is important to stay calm when discussing suicide with loved ones. Any sort of strong emotional response, blaming or creating feelings of guilt, or belittling these thoughts will likely decrease the person’s willingness to open up. Instead, focus on mostly listening and gathering information and express only emotions of support. A good place to start is usually asking, “Do you ever have thoughts of hurting yourself or killing yourself?”
Make a plan of action
Suicidal thoughts vary in terms of risk. The risk varies from vague thoughts of one’s own death to having severe suicidal thoughts with a plan and intent to carry out that plan. Interviews with suicide survivors have shown that the majority of suicide attempts were not planned out for more than an hour before the event. It is important, therefore, that if you are concerned about a loved one, make sure they have a safety plan. An example of a safety plan might look something like this:
- Try distraction by watching a movie, listening to music, or reading
- Call or text a person of support in your life
- Meet with a loved one
- Call or text the National Suicide Lifeline at 988
- Go to the Emergency Department or call 911
A safety plan is often needed when suicidal thoughts occur and a person starts thinking of a way in which they might hurt or kill themselves. The more realistic their plan, the higher the risk. Some individuals might need to be hospitalized to ensure their own safety until
their intense suicidal thoughts subside. Severe suicidal thoughts are no different than a severe allergic reaction, severe asthma attack, or heart attack and should be taken just as seriously.
#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com
Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth
If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub
Be proactive
Try to ensure those you love know they can talk to you if they are having suicidal thoughts by being open and supportive about their mental health. You can be proactive by mitigating risks of suicide such as keeping firearms locked in a safe and separate from ammunition (or not in the home at all), and securing medications. Have the National Suicide Crisis Line in an obvious place where anyone can access it. South Tahoe High School and Middle School student identification cards have this number on them. For parents of teenagers, please try to stay involved and know what your kids are up to and how they are feeling. If someone confides in you but won’t take action, making sure they are getting help is the right thing to do.
I hope this advice can make an emotional and difficult topic a bit easier to speak about. Suicide is a preventable death, and people have much more power to make a difference than they might believe.
A few resources:
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988
El Dorado County Mental Health Crisis Line: 530.544.2219
Crisis Text Line: text HELLO to 741741
Suicide Prevention Network: spnawareness.org
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-talk-with-loved-ones-about-suicidal-thoughts-a-tough-but-necessary-conversation/
Tuesday, October 29, 2024
James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Know if Your Child Is Being Bullied
What are the signs of bullying? When does the teasing become torment?
Writer: Jamie Howard, PhD
Clinical Expert: Jamie Howard, PhD
What You'll Learn
- What’s the difference between teasing and bullying?
- What questions should I ask my child if they say they’re being bullied?
- What should I do if I think my child is being bullied?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- When does teasing or harassment become bullying?
- Before giving bullying advice, collect the facts
- Strategies on how to handle bullying
Kids can be really mean to each other. Even best friends are mean to each other sometimes. When a kid is teased or left out or someone is mean to them, it doesn’t always mean they’re being bullied.
So how do you know if your kid is being bullied? Bullies target kids who are smaller or younger or less popular. They hurt other kids physically or emotionally on purpose. They do it over and over and sometimes they get other kids to join in the bullying. Bullying can make kids feel anxious and depressed. It needs to be taken seriously.
If your kid tells you they’re being bullied, it’s important to let your child know you’ll help solve the problem. First, get the facts. Try acting like a reporter. You can ask questions like, “Were lots of kids around when they said that to you?” “Are they a really popular kid?” “What were the other kids doing?” This will give you a better idea of what happened. And if it happens two or three times you might need to get involved. This could mean contacting a teacher or the school principal. But try to get your kid’s permission before you do that. If they’re really against it, you can hold off but let them know it’s an option if things get worse.
Talking about bullying before it happens can prepare your child. You can practice having your child say things like, “Hey, don’t talk to me that way,” and other things that make them feel like they have some power. You can suggest that your child talk to their friends and ask them how they’ve handled bullies. Friends can also agree to stand up for each other. Bullies hate that!
We are all aware that being bullied as a child is not a trivial thing. It not only causes acute suffering, it has been linked to long-term emotional problems, and children who lack strong parental support seem to encounter the most lasting damage.
But we also know that it’s part of growing up to have painful or embarrassing social experiences, and that learning to rebound from these interactions is an important skill for kids to learn.
If our kids complain about bullying, we want to take their complaints very seriously, give them the support and tools to handle it, and intervene on their behalf when needed. But we don’t want to teach them that every negative experience with their peers is a form of bullying.
Kids I’m working with will say, “I was being bullied.” And when they describe what happened, sometimes it was really just teasing. Maybe someone was giving them a hard time and it was difficult to deal with. But not every incident of meanness, rejection or hostility is bullying.
When does teasing or harassment become bullying?
- When there’s a power difference: Bullying is done by someone in a position of power — it might be in the form of physical strength, or popularity — and it is directed at someone who is perceived as less powerful.
- When there’s intention to cause harm. Bullying can take the form of a physical or verbal attack, making threats, spreading rumors, or excluding someone from a group on purpose. It’s not inadvertent.
- When it’s repeated: Bullying behavior is an ongoing pattern of hostile or abusive actions directed at the child who is the target.
- When it does cause harm: Behavior becomes bullying when it impairs the well-being or functioning of the child who’s targeted.
If your child reports to you that they have been bullied, my advice is to take it very seriously, because, if nothing else, it really hurt their feelings and they’re struggling with it. You want to listen and express empathy without treating them as if they’re fragile. You want to model a confident we-can-solve-this-problem attitude.
What you don’t want to do is express shock and anger and vow immediately to go to the school, or talk to the bully’s parents. Tempering your response encourages your child to open up.
Before giving bullying advice, collect the facts
Your first job is to try to get a detailed picture of what happened. It’s hard when you’re a parent because your stomach flips, your protective impulses kick in, and you just want to punish the kid who hurt your child’s feelings. But it’s more effective to be like a reporter: “Okay, who was there? What was going on? What was said, exactly? What did you do? How did you feel?”
You’re gathering all the data, the evidence of what happened. The details are important, not for the purpose of invalidating your child’s feelings or minimizing what happened — “Well, that doesn’t sound like it was really that bad” — but just so that you can tailor your strategies better.
Part of the goal of asking questions is to get a sense of the social hierarchy.
You might say, “Was it a big group of kids? Were lots of kids surrounding him when he said that to you? Is he a really popular kid? What were the other kids doing?” And it also gives you a sense of how embarrassing it might have been.
#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com
Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth
If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub
Strategies on how to handle bullying
Once you’ve asked your child exactly what happened, here’s some bullying advice to consider:
- Practice assertiveness. That means showing confidence both verbally and nonverbally. Suggest that your child try standing tall and saying, “Don’t talk to me like that!” It can help to script some things your child could say and role-play — you do it first, and then let your child try it out.
- Find allies. Suggest that your child talk to their friends about ways they might handle it and ways they’ve handled stuff that’s similar. Their friends may have some good ideas, and it will make them feel less isolated.
- Get involved. Activities that your child is good at, that they enjoy, are very protective. Because if they’re doing something they enjoy, and they’re thriving, they’re not going to care as much. The confidence they feel when they’re in their element will carry over to environments in which they’re less secure.
- Enlist adults. If your child needs an adult advocate, consider contacting a teacher or school administrator. First, try to get your child’s permission, telling them, “I really want to call the teacher and ask him to keep an eye on it.” If they’re adamantly against it, I would keep the option open, saying, “I’m not going to now, and I will tell you before I do.” So there’s some perception of control. But you’re also teaching them a lesson: “Listen, yes it might be embarrassing, but you need to stand up for yourself. And self-advocacy is more important.”
- Monitor incidents. One incident isn’t necessarily bullying, but you want to notice if it’s becoming a pattern. Tell your child to let you know if it happens again. You might say, “I want to stay on top of this and make sure we solve it.”
- Be prepared. It’s important to talk about bullying even if it hasn’t happened, so that if it does your child is better equipped to recognize it and more comfortable telling you about it.
- Form a partnership with the teacher. Let your child’s teacher know that you hope they’ll touch base with you whenever there’s something concerning, and that you hope they don’t mind if you do the same. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-know-if-your-child-is-being-bullied/
James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Know if Your Child Is Being Bullied
James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Know if Your Child Is Being Bullied
What are the signs of bullying? When does the teasing become torment?
Writer: Jamie Howard, PhD
Clinical Expert: Jamie Howard, PhD
What You'll Learn
- What’s the difference between teasing and bullying?
- What questions should I ask my child if they say they’re being bullied?
- What should I do if I think my child is being bullied?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- When does teasing or harassment become bullying?
- Before giving bullying advice, collect the facts
- Strategies on how to handle bullying
Kids can be really mean to each other. Even best friends are mean to each other sometimes. When a kid is teased or left out or someone is mean to them, it doesn’t always mean they’re being bullied.
So how do you know if your kid is being bullied? Bullies target kids who are smaller or younger or less popular. They hurt other kids physically or emotionally on purpose. They do it over and over and sometimes they get other kids to join in the bullying. Bullying can make kids feel anxious and depressed. It needs to be taken seriously.
If your kid tells you they’re being bullied, it’s important to let your child know you’ll help solve the problem. First, get the facts. Try acting like a reporter. You can ask questions like, “Were lots of kids around when they said that to you?” “Are they a really popular kid?” “What were the other kids doing?” This will give you a better idea of what happened. And if it happens two or three times you might need to get involved. This could mean contacting a teacher or the school principal. But try to get your kid’s permission before you do that. If they’re really against it, you can hold off but let them know it’s an option if things get worse.
Talking about bullying before it happens can prepare your child. You can practice having your child say things like, “Hey, don’t talk to me that way,” and other things that make them feel like they have some power. You can suggest that your child talk to their friends and ask them how they’ve handled bullies. Friends can also agree to stand up for each other. Bullies hate that!
We are all aware that being bullied as a child is not a trivial thing. It not only causes acute suffering, it has been linked to long-term emotional problems, and children who lack strong parental support seem to encounter the most lasting damage.
But we also know that it’s part of growing up to have painful or embarrassing social experiences, and that learning to rebound from these interactions is an important skill for kids to learn.
If our kids complain about bullying, we want to take their complaints very seriously, give them the support and tools to handle it, and intervene on their behalf when needed. But we don’t want to teach them that every negative experience with their peers is a form of bullying.
Kids I’m working with will say, “I was being bullied.” And when they describe what happened, sometimes it was really just teasing. Maybe someone was giving them a hard time and it was difficult to deal with. But not every incident of meanness, rejection or hostility is bullying.
When does teasing or harassment become bullying?
- When there’s a power difference: Bullying is done by someone in a position of power — it might be in the form of physical strength, or popularity — and it is directed at someone who is perceived as less powerful.
- When there’s intention to cause harm. Bullying can take the form of a physical or verbal attack, making threats, spreading rumors, or excluding someone from a group on purpose. It’s not inadvertent.
- When it’s repeated: Bullying behavior is an ongoing pattern of hostile or abusive actions directed at the child who is the target.
- When it does cause harm: Behavior becomes bullying when it impairs the well-being or functioning of the child who’s targeted.
If your child reports to you that they have been bullied, my advice is to take it very seriously, because, if nothing else, it really hurt their feelings and they’re struggling with it. You want to listen and express empathy without treating them as if they’re fragile. You want to model a confident we-can-solve-this-problem attitude.
What you don’t want to do is express shock and anger and vow immediately to go to the school, or talk to the bully’s parents. Tempering your response encourages your child to open up.
Before giving bullying advice, collect the facts
Your first job is to try to get a detailed picture of what happened. It’s hard when you’re a parent because your stomach flips, your protective impulses kick in, and you just want to punish the kid who hurt your child’s feelings. But it’s more effective to be like a reporter: “Okay, who was there? What was going on? What was said, exactly? What did you do? How did you feel?”
You’re gathering all the data, the evidence of what happened. The details are important, not for the purpose of invalidating your child’s feelings or minimizing what happened — “Well, that doesn’t sound like it was really that bad” — but just so that you can tailor your strategies better.
Part of the goal of asking questions is to get a sense of the social hierarchy.
You might say, “Was it a big group of kids? Were lots of kids surrounding him when he said that to you? Is he a really popular kid? What were the other kids doing?” And it also gives you a sense of how embarrassing it might have been.
#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com
Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth
If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub
Strategies on how to handle bullying
Once you’ve asked your child exactly what happened, here’s some bullying advice to consider:
- Practice assertiveness. That means showing confidence both verbally and nonverbally. Suggest that your child try standing tall and saying, “Don’t talk to me like that!” It can help to script some things your child could say and role-play — you do it first, and then let your child try it out.
- Find allies. Suggest that your child talk to their friends about ways they might handle it and ways they’ve handled stuff that’s similar. Their friends may have some good ideas, and it will make them feel less isolated.
- Get involved. Activities that your child is good at, that they enjoy, are very protective. Because if they’re doing something they enjoy, and they’re thriving, they’re not going to care as much. The confidence they feel when they’re in their element will carry over to environments in which they’re less secure.
- Enlist adults. If your child needs an adult advocate, consider contacting a teacher or school administrator. First, try to get your child’s permission, telling them, “I really want to call the teacher and ask him to keep an eye on it.” If they’re adamantly against it, I would keep the option open, saying, “I’m not going to now, and I will tell you before I do.” So there’s some perception of control. But you’re also teaching them a lesson: “Listen, yes it might be embarrassing, but you need to stand up for yourself. And self-advocacy is more important.”
- Monitor incidents. One incident isn’t necessarily bullying, but you want to notice if it’s becoming a pattern. Tell your child to let you know if it happens again. You might say, “I want to stay on top of this and make sure we solve it.”
- Be prepared. It’s important to talk about bullying even if it hasn’t happened, so that if it does your child is better equipped to recognize it and more comfortable telling you about it.
- Form a partnership with the teacher. Let your child’s teacher know that you hope they’ll touch base with you whenever there’s something concerning, and that you hope they don’t mind if you do the same.
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-know-if-your-child-is-being-bullied/
Monday, October 28, 2024
James Donaldson on Mental Health - Silence About Suicide Is Killing Us
To end suicide, people must feel safe talking about suicide.
Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
- Suicide is a leading cause of death.
- Suicide is still a taboo and uncomfortable topic for many people.
- We cannot stop suicide if people do not talk about suicide.
My brother, Matt Devendorf, taking a photo.
September is Suicide Awareness Month, a time that hits all too close to home for me. In 2017, I lost my older brother, Matt, to suicide. Matt was only 27 years old, and I miss life with him.
As a suicide loss survivor, I feel conflicted talking about my brother’s passing. I never want his memory to be defined solely by this tragedy. Matt was an impressively unique and amazing person. Among his loved ones, his creative personality and unmatched dry sense of humor are his defining gifts. Just see for yourself in the comic, below. Matt’s artwork somehow captures a sense of tragedy and whimsy in one illustration. Of course, Matt was also so much more.
Why I Talk About My Brother's Suicide
But here’s why I continue to talk openly about how we lost my brother. In the United States, suicide is among the top 10 leading causes of death for people aged 10-64 years. Suicide is the second-leading cause of death for age groups of people between 10-14 and 25-34. In 2022, an estimated 1.6 million people made a suicide attempt, and 49,476 people died by suicide.
A comic by Mathew Devendorf
The enormity of suicide on a personal and societal scale is tragic. And yet, in my experience, most people do not talk about suicide, even when it is relevant to their lives or their loved ones. And most people do not know how to talk about suicide effectively. Mentioning the topic itself can create a feeling of tension and discomfort, so much so that people might entirely avoid speaking about it.
article continues after advertisement
As we know from psychology, the avoidance of a problem may feel better in the short-term, but it can hurt badly in the long-term. Below, I share how silence about suicide can hurt different stakeholders.
1. People with suicidal thoughts
One way to prevent suicide is to identify who is having suicidal thoughts, and then support them in getting help. This approach sounds straightforward: Let’s say our friend notices they develop a discolored, abnormally shaped mole. We hope our friend will speak up about it, so we can support them in getting screened for skin cancer. With suicide, however, people with suicidal thoughts might not feel safe talking about the topic.
Research shows that many people will hide their thoughts of suicide because they are concerned about being negatively evaluated (Hom et al., 2021; Maple et al., 2020). This makes sense. When no one talks about a subject, our minds start to perceive this uncertainty as a threat. People might think, “If people aren’t talking about suicide, then maybe it’s not okay to talk about suicide.” People with suicidal thoughts might also feel like they will be viewed as “weak,” “overreacting,” “attention-seeking,” or “not serious.” I have had patients share with me that they’ve been told such invalidating statements to their face. Sadly, I’m never surprised.
Source: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) / AFSP website
When my brother talked openly about having suicidal thoughts, I remember some family members did not believe him. Or, perhaps, they did not believe the level of pain my brother was experiencing. My family’s reaction did not surprise me because suicide is not yet a normalized topic of conversation; there is no social script for helping our loved ones cope with suicidal thoughts. But because people did not know how to talk about suicide, my brother began to hide his pain.
2. Suicide loss survivors
Losing a loved one to suicide is one of life’s most painful experiences. For each suicide, there are on average 135 people who are affected by the tragedy (Cerel et al., 2019). It is common for survivors to face bereavement challenges that differ from those following other types of death. Research shows that survivors often have feelings of shame, embarrassment, and “being tainted” following a suicide (Hanschmidt et al., 2016). Many survivors also feel alone, misunderstood, and avoided by their social networks after the tragedy.
From my own experience, I certainly have felt uncomfortable and misunderstood as a suicide loss survivor. I am not embarrassed. I am not ashamed. But I do feel like the room gets colder when I say the word “suicide.” People have shared with me that I am “brave” for speaking up about suicide, but this well-meaning compliment just illustrates the persisting stigma around suicide. If talking about suicide was more normalized, then there would be no reason to call me brave. We must learn to talk about suicide to support our loved ones who have lost someone to this tragedy.
#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com
Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth
If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub
3. Broader society
Suicide is not an individual problem; it is a public health concern that requires efforts at the individual, community, and legislative levels. But if individuals do not talk about it, then policy makers will not care about it. Fortunately, there has been great progress in suicide awareness over the past 2 decades. Since 2005, the United States has launched a national crisis line (“Dial 988”), declared September as Suicide Awareness Month, and coordinated national strategies to aid suicide prevention efforts (SAMHSA, 2024). These are huge accomplishments that show the power of advocacy.
However, there is still so much to be done. Research shows that Americans continue to face significant barriers in affording and accessing mental health services (Coombs et al., 2021; Walker et al., 2015). Studies also show that there is an unmet need for workplace accommodations among people with mental health conditions (McDowell & Fossey, 2015). Ultimately, preventing suicide will require ongoing advocacy efforts to talk about suicide.
Important Disclaimer
I want to clarify my stance: I do not think everyone should talk about suicide all the time, in every context. Talking about suicide irresponsibly can actually have harmful effects, such as when the media covers a suicide without following appropriate reporting guidelines (Niederkrotenthaler et al., 2020). The spirit of this post is to encourage having more effective conversations about suicide—conversations that minimize the chance of harm, while increasing the chance of good outcomes.
Tips for Talking About Suicide
In later posts, I will get deeper into the how and when to talk about suicide. For now, here are some quick tips and resources for talking about suicide with a loved one.
- Actively listen to their story.
- Create a sense of safety.
- Demonstrate that you are hearing their story with your words and actions.
- Be non-judgmental and open-minded toward their experience.
- Provide validation and support.
- Communicate that you care.
- Offer assistance in getting them help.
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Using these skills is easier said than done, but I’m hopeful we can all do it.
If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-silence-about-suicide-is-killing-us/
James Donaldson on Mental Health - Suicide Risk Increasing and Many High-Risk People Don’t Receive Mental Health Care
James Donaldson on Mental Health - Suicide Risk Increasing and Many High-Risk People Don’t Receive Mental Health Care
New data reveals suicidal thoughts and attempts are increasing in young adults and Black and multiracial adults, among other groups
By: Allison Corr & Farzana Akkas
A new study shows that from 2015 to 2019, the United States saw increases in the overall rate of suicide attempts and the rate of people experiencing suicidal thoughts, with sharper increases among certain sociodemographic groups.
Although people with suicidal thoughts have an elevated risk of suicide attempts and death, less than half receive mental health care. Use of general health care is much higher: Almost as many people with suicide risk reported visiting an emergency room as receiving mental health care. Interactions with the health care system are critical points of intervention during which people with suicide risk can be identified and connected to care; in fact, research shows that more than half of people who die by suicide interact with the overall health care system within a month before their death.
This research underscores the need for universal suicide screening, as more than 49,000 people in the United States died by suicide in 2022. For every death, there were 32 people reporting suicide attempts, and more than 250 people reporting seriously thinking about suicide.
Universal screening is a practice in which every patient is asked if they are experiencing suicidal thoughts, also known as suicidal ideation, or planning a suicide attempt regardless of what kind of medical facility they are visiting or why. The study, which examined sociodemographic data in the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, also further demonstrates the need for tailored protocols and strategies that reflect different populations’ unique cultural and linguistic needs and risk factors. The study was conducted by The Pew Charitable Trusts and Dr. Hillary Samples.
Growing disparities in suicide risk
This research highlights the growing disparities in risk across sociodemographic groups. Researchers found that, from 2015 to 2019, suicide attempts increased by 48% for Black adults and by 82% for adults identifying as more than one race/ethnicity or “other” (that is, not Black, White, Hispanic, Asian/Pacific Islander, or American Indian/Alaska Native). This finding contrasted sharply with White adults among whom suicide attempts fell 33% and the overall population, for which suicide attempts decreased by about 20%. The study also found a 22% rise in suicidal ideation overall, with pronounced increases for young adults ages 18-25 (45%).
It’s important to note that the survey asked about suicide attempts only if the respondent first reported ideation. However, many attempts are impulsive and not necessarily preceded by suicidal thoughts or planning. As a result, some people who attempted suicide may not be represented in the data. Additionally, given smaller sample sizes, significant trends in disparities were not observed for certain demographic subgroups, including American Indian and Alaska Natives and Asian and Pacific Islanders. Further, gender identity is not measured in the survey, and certain high-risk group—such as unhoused and institutionalized (for example, incarcerated) people—are not included in the dataset, therefore results are not generalizable to these groups.
High need for health care, but low utilization
This analysis also looked at trends in health care utilization among people with suicidal ideation, given the potential to address suicidality in health care settings. Researchers found that less than 50% of people with suicidal ideation received mental health care from 2015 to 2019, and the groups at highest risk for ideation and attempts were even less likely to receive care. Specifically, an estimated 41% of young adults ages 18-25 received mental health services. Further, Black (36%), Hispanic (37%), multiracial/other (44%), and Asian and Pacific Islander (28.5%) adults were significantly less likely to receive health care than White adults (53%). Comparatively, use of general health care services—including inpatient, emergency, and outpatient services—was high overall (87%) and across all groups.
#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com
Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth
If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub
The role of hospitals and health systems
Health systems have an important role to play in suicide prevention, but these systems are missing opportunities to identify suicide risk among patients who are not seeking, or can’t access, behavioral health services. Current hospital accreditation standards require suicide risk screening only for patients in mental health facilities and for individuals primarily seeking care for behavioral health conditions in general health facilities. Expanding universal suicide screening across both mental health and general health settings has been shown to effectively identify more patients experiencing suicide risk.
Further, research found that emergency departments that implemented universal screening followed with specific prevention interventions reduced suicide attempts in the following year by 30%.
What’s next
Health care systems should expand screening practices to identify more patients who may be at risk for suicide and connect them to care. The marked disparities in ideation and attempts also underscore the importance of embedding health equity into prevention strategies to improve suicide outcomes for all. For hospitals, this includes building an equitable and diverse workforce trained to address the needs of the communities they serve, using culturally and linguistically effective screening tools and protocols to better identify risk, and tailoring screening and intervention strategies to address the particular risk factors of different populations.
Screening more people by consistently using protocols and practices that are effective in recognizing and assessing risk in diverse populations can better identify a greater number of people at heightened risk, connect them to care, and save lives.
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-suicide-risk-increasing-and-many-high-risk-people-dont-receive-mental-health-care/
Sunday, October 27, 2024
James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Help Kids Deal With Cyberbullying
James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Help Kids Deal With Cyberbullying
Empowering them with information and strategies to protect themselves
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_K9z7tdzy8
What You'll Learn
- What is cyberbullying?
- What should I do if I find out my child is a victim of cyberbullying?
- How do I report cyberbullying?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- What should I do if my kid is bullied online?
- When should parents intervene in a cyberbullying situation?
- What can I tell my kid to do if they are being cyberbullied?
- How do I report cyberbullying?
- Empower kids to take positive action
Cyberbullying is when kids use the internet or cell phones to make another kid feel angry, sad or scared. It can be sending hurtful texts or posting embarrassing photos on social media.
Your child might be embarrassed to tell you if they’re being cyberbullied. Or they might be afraid you’ll make it worse. But if you find out it’s happening, it’s serious enough to do something about it.
Even though you or your kid might want to lash out at the bully, it’s better if you help your child protect themselves. Tell kids that the very first thing they should do if they see something mean about them online is to ignore it, turn off their device and walk away. Ignoring the bully might be enough to get them to stop. Tell your child to block to the bully if they are getting texts or messages on social media.
If you know who is doing the bullying, talk to their parents. Contact your child’s school since the bullying may be happening there too. Encourage your child to ask their friends for support. Research shows that kids standing up for each other are very effective in stopping bullies.
Digital companies and cell phone providers may also help. They take bullying seriously and often have advice and guidelines for keeping people safe. If your child is being threatened, it’s time to go the police.
Cyberbullying is the use of digital communication tools (such as the internet and cell phones) to make another person feel angry, sad, or scared, usually again and again. Examples of cyberbullying include sending hurtful texts or instant messages, posting embarrassing photos or video on social media, and spreading mean rumors online or with cell phones.
If you’re trying to figure out whether your kid is being cyberbullied, think about whether the offender is being hurtful intentionally and repeatedly. If the answer is no, the offender might simply need to learn better online behavior. If the answer is yes, take it seriously.
#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com
Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth
If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub
What should I do if my kid is bullied online?
Finding out that your kid has been cyberbullied is emotional for parents. You or your kid might want to retaliate, but it’s best to help your kid defuse the situation, protect themselves, and make rational efforts to put a stop to the bullying. Here are the immediate steps we recommend for parents:
- Reassure your child that you love and support them.
- Help your child step away from the computer or device and take a break.
- If you can identify the bully, consider talking with the parents.
- Consider contacting your kid’s school. If bullying is happening online, it might be happening offline, too.
- Empower your kid with specific steps they can take.
When should parents intervene in a cyberbullying situation?
Many kids don’t tell their parents that they’re being cyberbullied. Kids might feel embarrassed or ashamed to let you know they’ve been targeted. They also might be afraid your involvement will make things worse. But, if you find out your kid has been cyberbullied, it probably means the issue is major enough for you to get involved.
Try this: Collect more facts by talking the situation through with your kid. Work out a plan of action together. Make sure you and your kid agree on what the outcome should be.?Ramp up your efforts as the situation demands.
Another reason not to rush to a solution: Research indicates that peers sticking up for each other is a very effective defense against bullies. Bullies work by trying to isolate their victims. When kids rally around the target, it thwarts the bully. Encourage your kid to reach out to friends for support.
Of course, if there are any real threats to your child’s safety, you should contact the authorities immediately.
What can I tell my kid to do if they are being cyberbullied?
Kids may not always recognize teasing as bullying. Some kids also may be too embarrassed or ashamed to talk to their parents about it. That’s why it’s important to talk about online and digital behavior before your child starts interacting with others online and with devices. To prepare your kid for going online or getting a cell phone, or, if you know they have been bullied online, offer these steps they can take immediately:
- Sign off the computer. Ignore the attacks and walk away from the cyberbully.
- Don’t respond or retaliate. If you’re angry or hurt, you might say things you’ll regret later. Cyberbullies often want to get a reaction out of you, so don’t let them know their plans have worked.
- Block the bully. If you get mean messages through IM or a social-networking site, take the person off your buddy or friends list. You also can delete messages from bullies without reading them.
- Save and print out bullying messages. If the harassment continues, save the evidence. This could be important proof to show parents or teachers if the bullying doesn’t stop.
- Talk to a friend. When someone makes you feel bad, sometimes it can help to talk the situation over with a friend.
- Tell a trusted adult. A trusted adult is someone you believe will listen and who has the skills, desire, and authority to help you. Telling an adult isn’t tattling — it’s standing up for yourself. And, even if the bullying occurs online, your school probably has rules against it.
How do I report cyberbullying?
Social media sites such as Instagram and Snapchat have gotten serious about helping users who have been targeted by bullies.
If your kid is bullied on a website or in an app, go to the company’s site and look for a section offering support, such as “Community Guidelines,” “Safety Center,” “Parent Info,” “Safety Tips,” or something similar. It may make recommendations such as blocking the bully or changing the setting for who can contact you.
If your kid is bullied or harassed over text message, call your mobile phone provider to report the number. You may be able to block it or change your phone number. Many carriers offer additional anti-bullying features for a fee.
If the abuse continues, you may need to enlist the help of your community: your kid’s school, his or her coaches, or other parents. If the communication contains threats, you’ll need to report it to law enforcement.
Empower kids to take positive action
Until recently, parents, teachers, and news accounts have focused on the relationship between a bully and their target. But experts say that there are usually more kids involved in a cyberbullying scenario, making it a much more complex organism than previously thought. In fact, one of the side effects of how public bullying has become is that potentially everyone in the bully’s circle of friends — both online and offline — may be involved.
Identifying the different roles in a cyberbullying situation can help you to help your kid develop self-awareness and a sense of empathy. These skills will go a long way toward cultivating an online culture of respect and responsibility.
First, there’s the cyberbully, the aggressor who’s using digital media tools (such as the internet and cell phone) to deliberately upset or harass their target — the person who’s being cyberbullied. Then there are the bystanders, the kids who are aware that something cruel is going on but who stay on the sidelines (either out of indifference or because they’re afraid of being socially isolated or of becoming a target themselves). But there are also kids who act as upstanders. These are the kids who actively try to break the cycle, whether by sticking up for the target, addressing the bully directly, or notifying the appropriate authorities about what’s going on.
Kids may play different roles at different times. Your advice to your child will differ depending on the situation and the specific role your child is playing in whatever bullying or drama is going on.
By making kids aware that a safe world is everyone’s responsibility, we empower them to take positive actions — like reporting a bully, flagging a cruel online comment, or not forwarding a humiliating photo — that ultimately can put a stop to an escalating episode of cruelty.
For more information about safe use of digital media, go to commonsensemedia.org.
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-help-kids-deal-with-cyberbullying/
James Donaldson on Mental Health - Silence About Suicide Is Killing Us
James Donaldson on Mental Health - Silence About Suicide Is Killing Us
To end suicide, people must feel safe talking about suicide.
- Suicide is a leading cause of death.
- Suicide is still a taboo and uncomfortable topic for many people.
- We cannot stop suicide if people do not talk about suicide.
My brother, Matt Devendorf, taking a photo.
September is Suicide Awareness Month, a time that hits all too close to home for me. In 2017, I lost my older brother, Matt, to suicide. Matt was only 27 years old, and I miss life with him.
As a suicide loss survivor, I feel conflicted talking about my brother’s passing. I never want his memory to be defined solely by this tragedy. Matt was an impressively unique and amazing person. Among his loved ones, his creative personality and unmatched dry sense of humor are his defining gifts. Just see for yourself in the comic, below. Matt’s artwork somehow captures a sense of tragedy and whimsy in one illustration. Of course, Matt was also so much more.
Why I Talk About My Brother's Suicide
But here’s why I continue to talk openly about how we lost my brother. In the United States, suicide is among the top 10 leading causes of death for people aged 10-64 years. Suicide is the second-leading cause of death for age groups of people between 10-14 and 25-34. In 2022, an estimated 1.6 million people made a suicide attempt, and 49,476 people died by suicide.
A comic by Mathew Devendorf
The enormity of suicide on a personal and societal scale is tragic. And yet, in my experience, most people do not talk about suicide, even when it is relevant to their lives or their loved ones. And most people do not know how to talk about suicide effectively. Mentioning the topic itself can create a feeling of tension and discomfort, so much so that people might entirely avoid speaking about it.
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As we know from psychology, the avoidance of a problem may feel better in the short-term, but it can hurt badly in the long-term. Below, I share how silence about suicide can hurt different stakeholders.
1. People with suicidal thoughts
One way to prevent suicide is to identify who is having suicidal thoughts, and then support them in getting help. This approach sounds straightforward: Let’s say our friend notices they develop a discolored, abnormally shaped mole. We hope our friend will speak up about it, so we can support them in getting screened for skin cancer. With suicide, however, people with suicidal thoughts might not feel safe talking about the topic.
Research shows that many people will hide their thoughts of suicide because they are concerned about being negatively evaluated (Hom et al., 2021; Maple et al., 2020). This makes sense. When no one talks about a subject, our minds start to perceive this uncertainty as a threat. People might think, “If people aren’t talking about suicide, then maybe it’s not okay to talk about suicide.” People with suicidal thoughts might also feel like they will be viewed as “weak,” “overreacting,” “attention-seeking,” or “not serious.” I have had patients share with me that they’ve been told such invalidating statements to their face. Sadly, I’m never surprised.
Source: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) / AFSP website
When my brother talked openly about having suicidal thoughts, I remember some family members did not believe him. Or, perhaps, they did not believe the level of pain my brother was experiencing. My family’s reaction did not surprise me because suicide is not yet a normalized topic of conversation; there is no social script for helping our loved ones cope with suicidal thoughts. But because people did not know how to talk about suicide, my brother began to hide his pain.
2. Suicide loss survivors
Losing a loved one to suicide is one of life’s most painful experiences. For each suicide, there are on average 135 people who are affected by the tragedy (Cerel et al., 2019). It is common for survivors to face bereavement challenges that differ from those following other types of death. Research shows that survivors often have feelings of shame, embarrassment, and “being tainted” following a suicide (Hanschmidt et al., 2016). Many survivors also feel alone, misunderstood, and avoided by their social networks after the tragedy.
From my own experience, I certainly have felt uncomfortable and misunderstood as a suicide loss survivor. I am not embarrassed. I am not ashamed. But I do feel like the room gets colder when I say the word “suicide.” People have shared with me that I am “brave” for speaking up about suicide, but this well-meaning compliment just illustrates the persisting stigma around suicide. If talking about suicide was more normalized, then there would be no reason to call me brave. We must learn to talk about suicide to support our loved ones who have lost someone to this tragedy.
#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com
Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth
If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub
3. Broader society
Suicide is not an individual problem; it is a public health concern that requires efforts at the individual, community, and legislative levels. But if individuals do not talk about it, then policy makers will not care about it. Fortunately, there has been great progress in suicide awareness over the past 2 decades. Since 2005, the United States has launched a national crisis line (“Dial 988”), declared September as Suicide Awareness Month, and coordinated national strategies to aid suicide prevention efforts (SAMHSA, 2024). These are huge accomplishments that show the power of advocacy.
However, there is still so much to be done. Research shows that Americans continue to face significant barriers in affording and accessing mental health services (Coombs et al., 2021; Walker et al., 2015). Studies also show that there is an unmet need for workplace accommodations among people with mental health conditions (McDowell & Fossey, 2015). Ultimately, preventing suicide will require ongoing advocacy efforts to talk about suicide.
Important Disclaimer
I want to clarify my stance: I do not think everyone should talk about suicide all the time, in every context. Talking about suicide irresponsibly can actually have harmful effects, such as when the media covers a suicide without following appropriate reporting guidelines (Niederkrotenthaler et al., 2020). The spirit of this post is to encourage having more effective conversations about suicide—conversations that minimize the chance of harm, while increasing the chance of good outcomes.
Tips for Talking About Suicide
In later posts, I will get deeper into the how and when to talk about suicide. For now, here are some quick tips and resources for talking about suicide with a loved one.
- Actively listen to their story.
- Create a sense of safety.
- Demonstrate that you are hearing their story with your words and actions.
- Be non-judgmental and open-minded toward their experience.
- Provide validation and support.
- Communicate that you care.
- Offer assistance in getting them help.
article continues after advertisement
Using these skills is easier said than done, but I’m hopeful we can all do it.
If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-silence-about-suicide-is-killing-us/
Saturday, October 26, 2024
Mental-health struggles have risen sharply among young Americans, and parents and lawmakers alike are scrutinizing life online for answers.
James Donaldson on Mental Health - Has Social Media Fueled a Teen-Suicide Crisis?
By Andrew Solomon
A majority of Americans think social media is contributing to surging youth depression. Some researchers aren’t so sure.
Lori and Avery Schott wondered about the right age for their three children to have smartphones. For their youngest, Annalee, they settled on thirteen. They’d held her back in school a year, because she was small for her age and struggled academically. She’d been adopted from a Russian orphanage when she was two, and they thought that she might possibly have mild fetal alcohol syndrome. “Anna was very literal,” Lori told me when I visited the family home. “If you said, ‘Go jump in a lake,’ she’d go, ‘Why would he jump in the lake?’ ”
When Anna was starting high school, the family moved from Minnesota to a ranch in eastern Colorado, and she seemed to thrive. She won prizes on the rodeo circuit, making friends easily. In her journal, she wrote that freshman year was “the best ever.” But in her sophomore year, Lori said, Anna became “distant and snarly and a little isolated from us.” She was constantly on her phone, which became a point of conflict. “I would make her put it upstairs at night,” Lori said. “She’d get angry at me.” Lori eventually peeked at Anna’s journal and was shocked by what she read. “It was like, ‘I’m not pretty. Nobody likes me. I don’t fit in,’ ” she recalled. Though Lori knew Anna would be furious at her for snooping, she confronted her. “We’re going to get you to talk to a counsellor,” she said. Lori searched in ever-widening circles to find a therapist with availability until she landed on someone in Boulder, more than two hours away. Anna resisted the idea, but once she started she was eager to keep going.
Nonetheless, the conflicts between Anna and her parents continued. “A lot of it had to do with our fights over that stupid phone,” Lori said. Anna’s phone access became contingent on chores or homework, and Lori sometimes even took the phone to work with her. “I mean, she couldn’t walk the horse to the barn without it,” Lori said. Lori understood that the phone had become a place where her daughter sought validation and community. “She’d post something, and she’d chirp, ‘Oh, I got ten likes,’ ” she recalled. Lori asked her daughters-in-law to keep an eye on Anna’s Instagram, but Anna must have realized, because she set up four secret accounts. And, though Lori forbade TikTok, Anna had figured out how to hide the app behind a misleading icon.
As Anna grew older, she became somewhat isolated socially. At school, jocks reigned and some kids had started drinking, but Anna was straitlaced and not involved in team sports. Still, there was good news. Early in her senior year, in the fall of 2020, she landed the lead in the school play and was offered a college rodeo scholarship. “But anxiety and depression were just engulfing her,” Lori said. Like many teen-age girls using social media, she had become convinced that she was ugly—to the point where she discounted visual evidence to the contrary. “When she saw proofs of her senior pictures, she goes, ‘Oh, my gosh, this isn’t me. I’m not this pretty.’ ” In her journal, she wrote, “Nobody is going to love me unless I ‘look the part.’ I look at other girls’ profiles and it makes me feel worse. Nobody will love someone who’s as ugly and as broken as me.”
Because senior year was unfolding amid the disruptions of the COVID pandemic and everyone was living much of their lives online, her parents decided to be more lenient about Anna’s phone use. Soon, she was spending much of the night on social media and saying she couldn’t sleep. Shortly before Thanksgiving, Lori and Avery went to Texas to visit their eldest son, Cameron, and his wife and young son. Anna was going to go, too, but changed her mind because of the risk of getting COVID close to the play’s opening night. Rather than leave her alone, Anna’s parents had her stay with her other brother, Caleb, who was nine years older and lived near the family ranch with his wife.
Get Support
If you are having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 or chat at 988Lifeline.org.
In Texas, there was happy news: another grandchild was on the way. During a family FaceTime on Sunday, November 15th, Anna seemed thrilled at becoming an aunt for the second time. Afterward, she went to the ranch to check on the chickens. Caleb’s wife asked if she’d be back for dinner, but Anna said she’d stay put, given that her parents would return that night.
Lori and Avery were driving back to Colorado when a neighbor’s number popped up on Lori’s phone. She didn’t answer until the second call. The neighbor was too upset to say what had happened. Lori asked about Anna, and the neighbor kept repeating, “I’m sorry.” It turned out that she’d heard from a teacher whom Anna had phoned in distress and, when the neighbor went to check on Anna, she discovered that she’d shot herself. Now a sheriff’s deputy had arrived. Avery got him on the phone and asked, “Just tell us, is she alive?” The deputy replied, “No.” The Schotts drove on in terrible silence. As they crossed the prairie, a shooting star fell straight ahead of them.
Anna was buried on a hill at the family ranch. One of the rodeo cowboys brought a wagon to carry her ashes, and thirty other cowboys rode behind her. The ceremony has been viewed online more than sixteen thousand times. “So you know she made an impact,” Lori said.
Several months later, Lori heard from Cameron, who had read about the congressional testimony of a former product manager at Facebook named Frances Haugen. Haugen, who also released thousands of the company’s internal documents to the Securities and Exchange Commission and to the Wall Street Journal, claimed that the company knew about the harmful effects of social media on mental health but consistently chose “profit over safety.” (Meta—the parent company of Facebook and Instagram—has disputed Haugen’s claims.) Until Lori watched the testimony, she hadn’t really considered the role of social media in Anna’s troubles. “I was too busy blaming myself,” she recalled.
Lori began delving into Anna’s social-media accounts. “I thought I’d see funny cat videos,” she said. Instead, the feeds were full of material about suicide, self-harm, and eating disorders: “It was like, ‘I hope death is like being carried to your bedroom when you were a child.’ ” Anna had told a friend about a live-streamed suicide she had viewed on TikTok. “We have to get off social media,” she’d said. “This is really horrible.” But she couldn’t quit. A friend of Anna’s also told Lori that Anna had become fixated on the idea that, if her parents knew how disturbed she was, she’d be hospitalized against her will. That prospect terrified her.
Lori soon learned that other parents were suing tech companies and lobbying federal and state governments for better regulation of social media. Eventually she decided to do the same. “It takes litigation to pull back the curtain,” she explained. “I want those companies to be accountable. I don’t care about the money—I want transformation.”
Hundreds of lawsuits have been filed in relation to social-media platforms, including Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok. Families are not the only plaintiffs. Last year, Seattle’s public-school district sued multiple social-media companies alleging harm to its students and a resulting strain on district resources. Attorneys general for forty-one states and the District of Columbia have sued Meta for harming children by fueling social-media addiction. Both the United Kingdom and the European Union have recently enacted legislation that heightens companies’ responsibility for content on their platforms, and there is bipartisan support for similar measures in the United States. The surgeon general, Vivek H. Murthy, has called for a warning label on social-media platforms, stating that they are “associated with significant mental health harms for adolescents.”
Still, research paints a complex picture of the role of technology in emotional states, and restricting teens’ social-media use could cause harms of its own. Research accrues slowly, whereas technology and its uses are evolving faster than anyone can fully keep up with. Caught between the two, will the law be able to devise an effective response to the crisis?
Between 2007 and 2021, the incidence of suicide among Americans between the ages of ten and twenty-four rose by sixty-two per cent. The Centers for Disease Control found that one in three teen-age girls considered taking her life in 2021, up from one in five in 2011. The youth-suicide rate has increased disproportionately among some minority groups. Rates are also typically higher among the L.G.B.T.Q. population, teens with substance-abuse issues, and those who grow up in a house with guns.
Rates of depression have also risen sharply among teens, and fifty-three per cent of Americans now believe that social media is predominantly or fully responsible. Most American teen-agers check social media regularly; more than half spend at least four hours a day doing so. A 2019 study by researchers at Johns Hopkins University reported that spending more than three hours a day online can lead adolescents to internalize problems more, making it harder to cope with depression and anxiety. The authors of a 2023 report found that reducing social-media exposure significantly improves body image in adolescents and young adults. If you cannot distinguish between the “real” world and the virtual world, between what has happened and what is imagined, the result is psychic chaos and vulnerability to mental and physical illness. Facebook’s founding president, Sean Parker, stated in 2017, “God only knows what it’s doing to our children’s brains.”
Social media acts on the same neurological pleasure circuitry as is involved in addiction to nicotine, alcohol, or cocaine. Predictable rewards do not trigger this system nearly as effectively as unpredictable ones; slot-machine manufacturers know this, and so do social-media companies. “Teens are insatiable when it comes to ‘feel good’ dopamine effects,” a Meta document cited in the attorneys general’s complaint noted. Instagram “has a pretty good hold on the serendipitous aspect of discovery. . . . Every time one of our teen users finds something unexpected their brains deliver them a dopamine hit.” Judith Edersheim, a co-director of the Center for Law, Brain & Behavior, at Harvard, likens the effect to putting children in a twenty-four-hour casino and giving them chocolate-flavored bourbon. “The relentlessness, the intrusion, it’s all very intentional,” she told me. “No other addictive device has ever been so pervasive.”
Social-media platforms harness our innate tendency to compare ourselves with others. Publication of the number of likes, views, and followers a user garners has made social-media platforms arenas for competition. Appearance-enhancing filters may make viewers feel inadequate, and even teen-agers who use them may not register that others are doing the same. Leah Somerville, who runs the Affective Neuroscience and Development Lab, at Harvard, has demonstrated that a thirteen-year-old is likelier to take extreme risks to obtain peer approval than a twenty-six-year-old, in part because the limbic system of the adolescent brain is more activated, the prefrontal cortex is less developed, and communication between the two areas is weaker.
In 2017, the Australian discovered a Facebook document which, seemingly for advertising purposes, categorized users as “stressed,” “defeated,” “overwhelmed,” “anxious,” “nervous,” “stupid,” “silly,” “useless,” and “a failure.” The Wall Street Journal’s reporting on Meta’s internal documents indicated that management knew that “aspects of Instagram exacerbate each other to create a perfect storm”; that nearly one in three teen-age girls who felt bad about their bodies said that “Instagram made them feel worse”; that teen-agers themselves “blame Instagram for increases in the rate of anxiety and depression”; that six per cent of U.S. teens reporting suicidal ideation attributed it to Instagram; and that teen-agers “know that what they’re seeing is bad for their mental health but feel unable to stop themselves.” Last year, a former director of engineering at Facebook, Arturo Béjar, told Congress that almost forty per cent of thirteen-to-fifteen-year-old users surveyed by his research team said that they had compared themselves negatively with others in the past seven days.
Adam Mosseri, the head of Instagram, recently announced a set of safeguards designed to protect younger users, including making their profiles private and pausing their notifications at night. Still, social-media companies have been slow to enact meaningful overhauls of their platforms, which are spectacularly profitable. A notorious leaked Meta e-mail quoted in the attorneys general’s lawsuit announces, “The lifetime value of a 13 y/o teen is roughly $270 per teen.” Public-health researchers at Harvard have estimated that, in 2022, social-media platforms generated almost eleven billion dollars of advertising revenue from children and teen-agers, including more than two billion dollars from users aged twelve and younger. Proposed reforms risk weakening the grip on young people’s attention. “When depressive content is good for engagement, it is actively promoted by the algorithm,” Guillaume Chaslot, a French data scientist who worked on YouTube’s recommendation systems, has said. The Norwegian anti-suicide activist Ingebjørg Blindheim has described the dynamic as “the darker the thought, the deeper the cut, the more likes and attention you receive.”
In most industries, companies can be held responsible for the harm they cause and are subject to regulatory safety requirements. Social-media companies are protected by Section 230 of the 1996 Communications Decency Act, which limits their responsibility for online content created by third-party users. Without this provision, Web sites that allow readers to post comments might be liable for untrue or abusive statements. Although Section 230 allows companies to remove “obscene, lewd, lascivious, filthy, excessively violent, harassing, or otherwise objectionable” material, it does not oblige them to. Gretchen Peters, the executive director of the Alliance to Counter Crime Online, noted that, after a panel flew off a Boeing 737 max 9, in January, 2024, the F.A.A. grounded nearly two hundred planes. “Yet children keep dying because of Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok,” she said, “and there is hardly any response from the companies, our government, the courts, or the public.”
One may sue an author or a publisher for libel, but usually not a bookstore. The question surrounding Section 230 is whether a Web site is a publisher or a bookstore. In 1996, it seemed fairly clear that interactive platforms such as CompuServe or Usenet corresponded to bookstores. Modern social-media companies, however, in recommending content to users, arguably function as both bookstore and publisher—making Section 230 feel as distant from today’s digital reality as copyright law does from the Iliad.
No court has yet challenged the basic tenet of Section 230—including the Supreme Court, which last year heard a case brought against Google by the father of a young woman killed in the 2015 ISIS attacks in Paris. The lawsuit argued that YouTube, a subsidiary of Google, was “aiding and abetting” terrorism by allowing ISIS to use the platform. Without addressing Section 230, the Justices ruled that the plaintiff had no claim under U.S. terrorism law. This summer, the Court declined to hear another case involving Section 230, though Justices Clarence Thomas and Neil Gorsuch dissented, indicating that they thought the section’s scope should be reconsidered. “There is danger in delay,” Thomas wrote. “Social-media platforms have increasingly used §230 as a get-out-of-jail free card.”
Advances in communications technology have always been disruptive. The historian Anne Applebaum points out that the invention of movable type enabled the religious wars of the seventeenth century, and that broadcast media fed both communism and fascism. She believes that it takes a generation to learn how to negotiate any new communication system. In Sam Shepard’s 1976 play “Angel City,” a character’s observations sound much like those of children in thrall to social media: “I look at the screen and I am the screen. I’m not me. I don’t know who I am. I look at the movie and I am the movie. I am the star. . . . I hate my life when I come down. . . . I hate being myself in my life which isn’t a movie and never will be.”
Safety and freedom lie at opposite ends of a spectrum. To deprive a child of all access to the Internet would be draconian and also impractical, given that young people are more tech-savvy than their parents. Teen-agers need privacy, but when their methods for hiding far outstrip their parents’ capacity to monitor their activity, children can die of that privacy.
When Chris Dawley was a high-school freshman, in the nineteen-seventies, in Wisconsin, his twenty-seven-year-old brother, Dave, troubled and addicted to cocaine, was working in Las Vegas. One day, Dave called their father asking to come home. After their father insisted that he be drug-free first, Dave shot himself. Years later, Chris shared the story on a first date with the woman who was to become his wife, Donna; she told him about the death of her fiancé in a workplace accident. Grief was a nexus of intimacy from the time they met, and Donna now thinks that this helped them after their son C.J. killed himself, in 2015, when he was seventeen. “We came together—we didn’t come apart,” she told me when I visited them, in Salem, Wisconsin. “We’d been through so much heartache before.”
From an early age, C.J. was remarkable. At two, he found a screwdriver and removed the doors of several kitchen cabinets. When he was thirteen, Donna came home to find a new computer all in pieces on her bedroom floor; he reassembled it completely by bedtime. Just three points short of a perfect score on his ACT, his mother recalled, C.J. was wooed by a recruiter from Duke; he wanted to be a nuclear engineer. He had a busy social life and was popular with girls. His high-school yearbook named him “funniest person.”
C.J. was given a smartphone his freshman year of high school. He spent a lot of time playing games and chatting with friends on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. His mother recalled, “His phone was his life. We couldn’t sit at the table and have a meal without it.” He got a buzz when his posts received attention. Tall and handsome, he liked posting selfies, but, after commenters judged him skinny, he became self-conscious and determined to gain weight.
The girl to whom C.J. was closest was one he had met online; he told her, “Every time I think of going to college and the future, I just want to kill myself.” She told him to talk to someone. He said, “Well, I’m talking to you.” Neither of them knew what to do. He complained of terrible aches in his legs, which his doctor said were growing pains. He didn’t apply to Duke and was considering joining the Navy.
#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-has-social-media-fueled-a-teen-suicide-crisis/