James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Separate From Clingy Kids

What to do when a child doesn’t want to say goodbye

Writer: Rachel Ehmke

Clinical Expert: Stephanie Schwartz, PsyD

What You'll Learn

- How can parents help young kids prepare for time apart?
- What makes goodbyes go more smoothly?
- When is clinginess a sign of separation anxiety disorder?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- Stranger anxiety
- Tips for saying goodbye to a clingy kid
- What to do when your child is being clingy at home
- What to do when separation anxiety doesn’t go away
- Coping with your own emotions

Crying, clinging, tantrums — it’s normal for young children to get upset when they have to separate from caregivers. This anxiety often fades as kids get older, but many toddlers and school-age children continue to have some difficulty with separation.

Parents can help by preparing kids for the separation ahead of time. Let them know what to expect and be honest about when you’ll be back. A short ritual like a hug or a high-five can make goodbyes easier, but it’s important to make the separation quick — drawing it out makes it harder for everyone. You can also practice separating for short periods of time and build up to longer ones.

Setting clear goals and simple rewards often helps children build their ability to separate. For example, they could earn a sticker every time they go into their classroom right after their goodbye ritual. Teachers and babysitters can also support kids as they adjust to the separation: “As soon as you say goodbye to your dad, I’ll need your help with something special in the classroom.”

It’s common for kids to be clingy at home too, often to just one parent. When that happens, it’s important for parents to work together to help the child practicing separating: “I know that you want Mom, but she can’t do bath time tonight. Dad is doing bath time tonight.” With time and practice, the phase will pass. Parents might feel guilty about putting kids through experiences that make them anxious, but doing so helps kids build coping skills and resilience.

Some kids continue to have serious trouble separating from their caregivers, even after they’ve had plenty of time to adjust. These kids might have something called separation anxiety disorder, which is the most common anxiety disorder in young kids. If your child’s anxiety is especially intense, if it happens with every separation, or if it gets in the way of daily life, consider getting support from a mental health professional.

Walking away when your child doesn’t want you to go feels terrible. Kids make it pretty clear that they don’t like it, either. Their tears, pleas and clinging hands stay with you even after you’ve said your goodbyes.

A clingy phase is something many parents face in the early years. It’s a typical stage of development that tends to start when kids are still babies, around age one, says Stephanie Schwartz, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “It really reflects the fact that babies have developed strong attachments with their caregivers,” Dr. Schwartz explains. “These are the people who feed them and bathe them and play with them, so they notice when they’re handed off to an extended family member, babysitter or friend. And it’s normal that they’re alarmed by that.”

Stranger anxiety

Kids experiencing panic when they’re in new situations or with new people is sometimes called stranger anxiety, and it can last for a couple of years. It does tend to fade as kids get older, but Dr. Schwartz says it’s common for toddlers and school-age children to still face some difficulty with separation.

Crying, clinging and tantrums can all be pretty typical reactions to separating from parents. Most kids will start to get comfortable after an adjustment period. Time spent “warming up” to get used to the new place or person helps, especially if kids are doing something fun. Repeated exposure helps, too.

Tips for saying goodbye to a clingy kid

Prepare your child. Before a separation is going to happen, let your child know what to expect. Highlighting things that you think your child will enjoy about the situation — like getting to play with friends or eat birthday cake — can help put a positive spin on things.

Dr. Schwartz also recommends being as transparent as possible about when you’ll be coming back. “Don’t say you’re going to be back in five minutes if it’s going to be five hours,” says Dr. Schwartz. “I think it’s important to build that trust — a child learns to trust a parent when they say what a situation is going to be and then they follow through with that.” 

Have a goodbye ritual. Rituals are reassuring, to kids and adults alike. Dr. Schwartz recommends getting kids involved in creating the routine, because it can make it more fun for them. But she stresses that any goodbye ritual should be short. “Try to keep the moment of separation as brief as possible. Dragging it out tends to make it more difficult.” A good routine might be something simple like a kiss and a hug and saying, “Have a great day!”

Practice separating. Like anything else, kids will get better at separating with practice. What this looks like can depend on what makes your child anxious. If your child doesn’t like when you leave the house, you can help them practice separating by going to check the mail or taking the garbage out. You can work up to running an errand like going to the drug store while a friend watches them, suggests Dr. Schwartz. “Gradually practicing separating in small doses can help your child build up the feeling of being able to accomplish it. Starting small can be a very useful tactic,” she advises.

Validate how they feel. Having a caretaker leave can feel genuinely scary to kids, so you don’t want to downplay that. Instead, try to let your child know that you can see and appreciate how they are feeling. You can pair your validation with some encouragement. “At the same time you want to communicate confidence in their ability to do hard things,” Dr. Schwartz says. So you might say something like, “I hear that you’re really scared about going back to school tomorrow and I totally get it. But I also know you can do it even though it’s really hard for you.”

Reinforce bravery with rewards. You can help motivate your child by setting a goal and letting them know that they will get a reward for accomplishing that goal. For example, maybe your child could get a reward for doing their goodbye ritual and going into the classroom calmly and quickly. Rewards can be tangible or intangible — and they don’t have to be something over the top, like actually giving kids ice cream for dinner. Think about what’s motivating to your child — it might be something as simple as a sticker. A good intangible reward might be earning a privilege they don’t normally have or doing something special with a parent or sibling.

Enlist help. Teachers or babysitters can play a role in helping kids adjust to their new situation. They might say something motivating like, “I have a surprise for you in my pocket as soon as you say goodbye to your mom,” or, “There’s something special I need you to help me with as soon as we get inside the classroom.”

Setting a clear boundary about what is and isn’t a parent space can be helpful, too. Some schools expect parents to say goodbye to their kids at the entrance or just outside the classroom. This lets kids (and parents) know what to expect, which can make the transition a little easier. 

What to do when your child is being clingy at home

Some kids struggle with separating from a parent at home — and it might be just one of their parents. “It’s pretty common for kids to be more clingy with one parent,” says Dr. Schwartz. “There often is a primary caregiver and sometimes kids cling to that caregiver and sometimes they cling to the other.” This obviously might cause some hurt feelings, but it can help to remember it’s a phase that lots of kids go through.

It’s important for both parents to be on the same page about how to respond. So if a child is saying, “I only want Mommy for bath time,” Dad might say, “I know that you want Mom, but she can’t do bath time tonight. Dad is doing bath time tonight.” And then Mom needs to back that up — “I know you want me but tonight it’s going to be Dad.”

The asked-for parent might feel guilty saying no — especially if they technically could be helping out at bath time — but giving kids practice separating is important, and so is setting aside special time for your child to just be with their other parent.

What to do when separation anxiety doesn’t go away

Some kids continue to have serious trouble separating from their caregivers, even after they’ve had plenty of time to adjust. These kids might have something called separation anxiety disorder, which is the most common anxiety disorder in young kids.

When psychologists are diagnosing separation anxiety disorder, they look at three main things:

Intensity: How severe is the child’s anxiety? Kids with separation anxiety disorder experience anxiety that is much more intense than is typical. For example, instead of just crying during a goodbye they might be hysterical and screaming.

They might have difficulty separating at home, too. Dr. Schwartz says, “A lot of times kids with separation anxiety disorder seek out their parents to sleep with them or need a parent to sit with them at least while they fall asleep. Or maybe they won’t go upstairs to get something they forgot from their room while their parent is downstairs.”

Frequency: Does it happen every time? If a child has the same panicked reaction pretty much every time and it doesn’t get better after several weeks, that could be a sign. Dr. Schwartz notes that kids with separation anxiety disorder may also have a reemergence of symptoms throughout the day, even after having calmed down previously, because they’re still thinking about their caregiver.

Impairment: How is their anxiety getting in the way? If a child is so anxious that their fears are stopping them from doing the things they need or want to do, that’s a big sign they need help.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Coping with your own emotions

For parents one of the hardest parts of having a kid who doesn’t want to separate is dealing with your own guilt and worry that you’re causing your child pain. Dr. Schwartz likes to tell parents that “Feeling anxious in and of itself isn’t dangerous or harmful, it just feels uncomfortable. We are building up their coping skills and their ability to tolerate challenging moments.”

Finally, if you notice you’re having a hard time managing your own anxiety, this is a good time to fall back on your own set of coping skills.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can parents help young kids with separation anxiety? What are some tips for making saying goodbye go smoothly?

To make saying goodbye go smoothly, set clear goals and give simple rewards. For example, a child could earn a sticker every time they go into their classroom right after their goodbye ritual. When is clinginess a sign of a more serious problem?

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-separate-from-clingy-kids/

What to do when a child doesn’t want to say goodbye

Writer: Rachel Ehmke

Clinical Expert: Stephanie Schwartz, PsyD

What You'll Learn

- How can parents help young kids prepare for time apart?

- What makes goodbyes go more smoothly?

- When is clinginess a sign of separation anxiety disorder?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Stranger anxiety

- Tips for saying goodbye to a clingy kid

- What to do when your child is being clingy at home

- What to do when separation anxiety doesn’t go away

- Coping with your own emotions

Crying, clinging, tantrums — it’s normal for young children to get upset when they have to separate from caregivers. This anxiety often fades as kids get older, but many toddlers and school-age children continue to have some difficulty with separation.

Parents can help by preparing kids for the separation ahead of time. Let them know what to expect and be honest about when you’ll be back. A short ritual like a hug or a high-five can make goodbyes easier, but it’s important to make the separation quick — drawing it out makes it harder for everyone. You can also practice separating for short periods of time and build up to longer ones.

Setting clear goals and simple rewards often helps children build their ability to separate. For example, they could earn a sticker every time they go into their classroom right after their goodbye ritual. Teachers and babysitters can also support kids as they adjust to the separation: “As soon as you say goodbye to your dad, I’ll need your help with something special in the classroom.”

It’s common for kids to be clingy at home too, often to just one parent. When that happens, it’s important for parents to work together to help the child practicing separating: “I know that you want Mom, but she can’t do bath time tonight. Dad is doing bath time tonight.” With time and practice, the phase will pass. Parents might feel guilty about putting kids through experiences that make them anxious, but doing so helps kids build coping skills and resilience.

Some kids continue to have serious trouble separating from their caregivers, even after they’ve had plenty of time to adjust. These kids might have something called separation anxiety disorder, which is the most common anxiety disorder in young kids. If your child’s anxiety is especially intense, if it happens with every separation, or if it gets in the way of daily life, consider getting support from a mental health professional.

Walking away when your child doesn’t want you to go feels terrible. Kids make it pretty clear that they don’t like it, either. Their tears, pleas and clinging hands stay with you even after you’ve said your goodbyes.

A clingy phase is something many parents face in the early years. It’s a typical stage of development that tends to start when kids are still babies, around age one, says Stephanie Schwartz, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “It really reflects the fact that babies have developed strong attachments with their caregivers,” Dr. Schwartz explains. “These are the people who feed them and bathe them and play with them, so they notice when they’re handed off to an extended family member, babysitter or friend. And it’s normal that they’re alarmed by that.”

Stranger anxiety

Kids experiencing panic when they’re in new situations or with new people is sometimes called stranger anxiety, and it can last for a couple of years. It does tend to fade as kids get older, but Dr. Schwartz says it’s common for toddlers and school-age children to still face some difficulty with separation.

Crying, clinging and tantrums can all be pretty typical reactions to separating from parents. Most kids will start to get comfortable after an adjustment period. Time spent “warming up” to get used to the new place or person helps, especially if kids are doing something fun. Repeated exposure helps, too.

Tips for saying goodbye to a clingy kid

Prepare your child. Before a separation is going to happen, let your child know what to expect. Highlighting things that you think your child will enjoy about the situation — like getting to play with friends or eat birthday cake — can help put a positive spin on things.

Dr. Schwartz also recommends being as transparent as possible about when you’ll be coming back. “Don’t say you’re going to be back in five minutes if it’s going to be five hours,” says Dr. Schwartz. “I think it’s important to build that trust — a child learns to trust a parent when they say what a situation is going to be and then they follow through with that.” 

Have a goodbye ritual. Rituals are reassuring, to kids and adults alike. Dr. Schwartz recommends getting kids involved in creating the routine, because it can make it more fun for them. But she stresses that any goodbye ritual should be short. “Try to keep the moment of separation as brief as possible. Dragging it out tends to make it more difficult.” A good routine might be something simple like a kiss and a hug and saying, “Have a great day!”

Practice separating. Like anything else, kids will get better at separating with practice. What this looks like can depend on what makes your child anxious. If your child doesn’t like when you leave the house, you can help them practice separating by going to check the mail or taking the garbage out. You can work up to running an errand like going to the drug store while a friend watches them, suggests Dr. Schwartz. “Gradually practicing separating in small doses can help your child build up the feeling of being able to accomplish it. Starting small can be a very useful tactic,” she advises.

Validate how they feel. Having a caretaker leave can feel genuinely scary to kids, so you don’t want to downplay that. Instead, try to let your child know that you can see and appreciate how they are feeling. You can pair your validation with some encouragement. “At the same time you want to communicate confidence in their ability to do hard things,” Dr. Schwartz says. So you might say something like, “I hear that you’re really scared about going back to school tomorrow and I totally get it. But I also know you can do it even though it’s really hard for you.”

Reinforce bravery with rewards. You can help motivate your child by setting a goal and letting them know that they will get a reward for accomplishing that goal. For example, maybe your child could get a reward for doing their goodbye ritual and going into the classroom calmly and quickly. Rewards can be tangible or intangible — and they don’t have to be something over the top, like actually giving kids ice cream for dinner. Think about what’s motivating to your child — it might be something as simple as a sticker. A good intangible reward might be earning a privilege they don’t normally have or doing something special with a parent or sibling.

Enlist help. Teachers or babysitters can play a role in helping kids adjust to their new situation. They might say something motivating like, “I have a surprise for you in my pocket as soon as you say goodbye to your mom,” or, “There’s something special I need you to help me with as soon as we get inside the classroom.”

Setting a clear boundary about what is and isn’t a parent space can be helpful, too. Some schools expect parents to say goodbye to their kids at the entrance or just outside the classroom. This lets kids (and parents) know what to expect, which can make the transition a little easier. 

What to do when your child is being clingy at home

Some kids struggle with separating from a parent at home — and it might be just one of their parents. “It’s pretty common for kids to be more clingy with one parent,” says Dr. Schwartz. “There often is a primary caregiver and sometimes kids cling to that caregiver and sometimes they cling to the other.” This obviously might cause some hurt feelings, but it can help to remember it’s a phase that lots of kids go through.

It’s important for both parents to be on the same page about how to respond. So if a child is saying, “I only want Mommy for bath time,” Dad might say, “I know that you want Mom, but she can’t do bath time tonight. Dad is doing bath time tonight.” And then Mom needs to back that up — “I know you want me but tonight it’s going to be Dad.”

The asked-for parent might feel guilty saying no — especially if they technically could be helping out at bath time — but giving kids practice separating is important, and so is setting aside special time for your child to just be with their other parent.

What to do when separation anxiety doesn’t go away

Some kids continue to have serious trouble separating from their caregivers, even after they’ve had plenty of time to adjust. These kids might have something called separation anxiety disorder, which is the most common anxiety disorder in young kids.

When psychologists are diagnosing separation anxiety disorder, they look at three main things:

Intensity: How severe is the child’s anxiety? Kids with separation anxiety disorder experience anxiety that is much more intense than is typical. For example, instead of just crying during a goodbye they might be hysterical and screaming.

They might have difficulty separating at home, too. Dr. Schwartz says, “A lot of times kids with separation anxiety disorder seek out their parents to sleep with them or need a parent to sit with them at least while they fall asleep. Or maybe they won’t go upstairs to get something they forgot from their room while their parent is downstairs.”

Frequency: Does it happen every time? If a child has the same panicked reaction pretty much every time and it doesn’t get better after several weeks, that could be a sign. Dr. Schwartz notes that kids with separation anxiety disorder may also have a reemergence of symptoms throughout the day, even after having calmed down previously, because they’re still thinking about their caregiver.

Impairment: How is their anxiety getting in the way? If a child is so anxious that their fears are stopping them from doing the things they need or want to do, that’s a big sign they need help.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Coping with your own emotions

For parents one of the hardest parts of having a kid who doesn’t want to separate is dealing with your own guilt and worry that you’re causing your child pain. Dr. Schwartz likes to tell parents that “Feeling anxious in and of itself isn’t dangerous or harmful, it just feels uncomfortable. We are building up their coping skills and their ability to tolerate challenging moments.”

Finally, if you notice you’re having a hard time managing your own anxiety, this is a good time to fall back on your own set of coping skills.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can parents help young kids with separation anxiety? What are some tips for making saying goodbye go smoothly?

To make saying goodbye go smoothly, set clear goals and give simple rewards. For example, a child could earn a sticker every time they go into their classroom right after their goodbye ritual. When is clinginess a sign of a more serious problem? https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-separate-from-clingy-kids/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Helping Young Children Who Are Socially Anxious

Tips for helping reluctant children join in play and group activities

Writer: Katherine Martinelli

What You'll Learn

- What kind of situations are hard for shy or anxious kids?
- What tools can families use to help children feel more comfortable around other kids?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- Adjust expectations
- Break it down
- Knowledge is power
- Baby steps and praise
- Find a buddy
- When to push, and when to cool it
- Find your tribe

Some kids have trouble joining in with other kids. It can be especially hard for shy, anxious or sensitive kids. Often, they feel overwhelmed by big groups. Even if they want to play, they don’t know how to break the ice and join in. A lot of times, once they get past the hard beginning part, they have a good time. And sometimes when they just sit on the sidelines, they’re still having fun.

As a parent, it’s hard to watch your kid struggle to fit in with the group. But struggling doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your kid or with you as a parent. Just like grown-ups, some kids are more outgoing than others.

There are some simple things you can do that can really help your kid. The first step is figuring out what the hard thing is for them. It might be saying bye to Mom or Dad before joining a group. Or maybe they’re overwhelmed by the big group of kids. Once you understand the problem, you can brainstorm solutions.

For example, some kids have trouble going up to a new kid and saying “Hi, my name is so-and-so. What do you like to play?” Practicing that little “script” with your kid can give them the confidence they need to go up to a new kid.

Role-playing difficult things at home can help your kid feel less anxious about them, too. Another thing that helps a lot of kids is giving them an idea of how things will probably go at a certain event, like a birthday party or soccer game. Knowing what to expect makes it less scary for kids.

Debbie Weingarten’s son has been going to the same school for three years, loves his teacher and friends, and has a great time once he’s there. But the five-year-old still struggles with drop-off and often cries when Weingarten leaves. Similarly at soccer — which he enjoys — he gets overwhelmed or upset several times a practice and runs off the field.

For many kids, adjusting to social situations — whether it is a birthday party or a play date — can be challenging, even if they want to be there. Big groups of kids can be intimidating for even the most outgoing child, so for those who are sensitive or prone to anxiety it can make for a rocky transition.

“My son is a highly sensitive person, and it takes him quite a long time to feel comfortable in new situations,” explains Weingarten. “I honestly can’t think of a single new situation that has been easy for him. He’s just not that kind of kid.”

It can be painful to watch your child struggle in should-be-fun settings, but there are a few strategies — paired with a good dose of patience — that experts and fellow parents have found to be helpful.

Adjust expectations

If difficulty in social situations has become a pattern, it’s important to accept that this is part of your child’s personality, not a deficiency.

“Just because lots of kids like birthday parties, it doesn’t mean that it’s some kind of comment on you or your child if they are more trepidatious,” says Rachel Busman, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. “I think just appreciating that is important, because parents can feel pressure to be like everybody else.”

Weingarten, who also describes herself as sensitive, recalls as a child feeling some of the same feelings her son now has. Still, she admits, “as a parent, I would be lying if I said it wasn’t frustrating for me sometimes.” However, she tries her best not to express that frustration to her son. “I never want him to feel like something is wrong with him, or as though he’s defective in any way, or like his feelings aren’t real or legitimate.”

For Emily Popek, rethinking her perception of fun for her five-year-old was key. “It made a difference to realize that just because she was sitting on the sidelines watching didn’t mean she wasn’t enjoying herself. She actually was! So honestly the key for me was just letting go of my own expectations of what her ‘enjoyment’ would — or should — look like.”

Break it down

Once you’ve established that there’s an issue, the next step, says Dr. Busman, is to “break down the situation so you can try to figure out what might be challenging for your child.” Is it separation? Meeting new kids? Being in a big group? Fear of the unknown? From there you can work on strategies to assist your kid.

Knowledge is power

One of the most effective things you can do is arm your child with as much knowledge as possible about the event. Go over where it will be, who will be there and what might happen. Scripting, role-playing and previewing are all excellent tools for the socially anxious kid.

Kathy Radigan’s son — who is now an outgoing college freshman — was speech delayed as a child, which made him nervous about meeting new kids. “But he really wanted to play with kids,” Radigan recalls.

“We used scripting to help him through those first few nervous moments. We would practice role playing,” she adds. “I would do social stories with him about a boy who went to the park and got nervous when he saw the kids.”

The scripts Radigan rehearsed with her son were simple — things like “Hi, I’m Tom. What do you like to play?” She says this was usually enough to break the ice. Looking back, her son says that those early years of scripting and role-playing were a huge help.

The effect of all this previewing and role playing is to make the activity feel less new and scary, so the child is not as easily overwhelmed when it comes time for the real thing. Although not every aspect can be predictable, getting the general sense can help kids feel much more comfortable.

Baby steps and praise

For kids who get nervous in social situations, it’s unrealistic to think that they’ll be able to just jump right in. They may benefit from arriving early or late, and will need to adjust at their own pace. Many will want to hang back for a while to observe before actively participating.

“I work at giving my daughter time and permission to navigate the experience on her own terms,” explains Popek. “I’ll encourage her to take little steps out of her comfort zone, like starting out watching the other kids, then maybe moving closer, then playing nearby to the kids, then eventually actually playing with them.”

Arriving early to scope things out can be another helpful tactic. “If we are going to a new group or activity,” says Weingarten, “it helps to get there fifteen minutes early so we can enjoy the space without the chaos of other kids and settle in slowly.”

Dr. Busman suggests also being open with other parents about what’s going on. While it might feel awkward, it can be immensely helpful to give them a heads up that you might arrive early or late, for example, not out of rudeness but to help your child acclimate. “Most people are really nice,” reminds Dr. Busman, “and are going to say sure, whatever you need!”

And of course every success — whether it’s sitting on the outskirts of a party or fully engaging — merits praise. It can be something simple like, “I love how you went over and sat down to have a piece of pizza.” As Dr. Busman points out, this is a much better tactic than getting into a power struggle about why they aren’t having a good time.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Find a buddy

Sometimes it can be as simple as finding common ground, or arriving with someone with whom your child is already comfortable. Most people feel more at ease entering new social situations with a partner, so why shouldn’t children?

“A lot of kids will tell me they’ll go to practice for example, but only if they know someone who goes there,” explains Dr. Busman. “Which to me is like, alright, get him in the door. So let’s have a buddy.”

Dawn Alicot’s six-year-old is shy until he gets to know people, and she says “sometimes I ease the transition in a larger group by introducing him to someone. I look for common ground.” For example, finding another kid with similar sneakers, or a favorite character on their shirt. After doing this for a while, Alicot says her son started doing it on his own and has successfully made friends this way.

When to push, and when to cool it

As with so many things in parenting, there are times when it’s appropriate to gently push your child, and others when it’s time to back off. “There has to be a middle path,” says Dr. Busman. “Parents also need to have their own level of stress tolerance,” she says, since these things do take time and a lot of gentle nudging — and may result in the occasional meltdown.

If a child doesn’t want to have play dates, for example, Busman suggests pushing but taking it slow by starting with the neighbor’s kid who is a little younger, having it on home turf or starting with very short intervals.

Weingarten acutely understands the balance between making sure her son feels secure with pushing him ever so gently. “I do think we’re at a point,” she says, “where it’s healthy to nudge him out of the nest a little bit, while also understanding that it’s a process unique to him, and that his pacing will not match other kids.”

Similarly, she knows when it’s time to throw up the white flag and retreat. Weingarten notes that “he can get worked up to the point of having physical symptoms — his socks will suddenly feel too tight, his shoes will hurt, his belly will hurt. I believe these sensations are real manifestations of his stress. I know that once he gets to that point, I need to stop and do something to reverse the situation so he can calm down and feel safe again.”

If your child gets to this point, carrying on can be more detrimental in the long-term than pushing through.

Find your tribe

Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. When it seems like everyone else’s kid can jump into social situations with ease it can feel isolating and exhausting.

“I recommend finding someone else who understands,” urges Weingarten. “Another parent. Someone who can empathize with the challenges and the blessings of a child who is anxious or highly sensitive. I went to coffee with a mom from my son’s kindergarten who is also having some similar challenges, and it was such a relief just to talk to someone who gets it. We were able to talk about how frustrating it can be, but also how grateful we are to be raising such feelings-oriented little humans in a world that desperately needs sensitivity and empathy.”

Frequently Asked Questions

How can parents help kids with social anxiety?

What kinds of situations are hard for socially anxious kids?

What are some tips for helping socially anxious kids?

One of the most effective things you can do to help socially anxious kids is to arm them with as much information about the event as possible. Go over where it will be, who will be there, and what might happen.  

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-helping-young-children-who-are-socially-anxious-2/

Tips for helping reluctant children join in play and group activities

Writer: Katherine Martinelli

What You'll Learn

- What kind of situations are hard for shy or anxious kids?

- What tools can families use to help children feel more comfortable around other kids?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Adjust expectations

- Break it down

- Knowledge is power

- Baby steps and praise

- Find a buddy

- When to push, and when to cool it

- Find your tribe

Some kids have trouble joining in with other kids. It can be especially hard for shy, anxious or sensitive kids. Often, they feel overwhelmed by big groups. Even if they want to play, they don’t know how to break the ice and join in. A lot of times, once they get past the hard beginning part, they have a good time. And sometimes when they just sit on the sidelines, they’re still having fun.

As a parent, it’s hard to watch your kid struggle to fit in with the group. But struggling doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your kid or with you as a parent. Just like grown-ups, some kids are more outgoing than others.

There are some simple things you can do that can really help your kid. The first step is figuring out what the hard thing is for them. It might be saying bye to Mom or Dad before joining a group. Or maybe they’re overwhelmed by the big group of kids. Once you understand the problem, you can brainstorm solutions.

For example, some kids have trouble going up to a new kid and saying “Hi, my name is so-and-so. What do you like to play?” Practicing that little “script” with your kid can give them the confidence they need to go up to a new kid.

Role-playing difficult things at home can help your kid feel less anxious about them, too. Another thing that helps a lot of kids is giving them an idea of how things will probably go at a certain event, like a birthday party or soccer game. Knowing what to expect makes it less scary for kids.

Debbie Weingarten’s son has been going to the same school for three years, loves his teacher and friends, and has a great time once he’s there. But the five-year-old still struggles with drop-off and often cries when Weingarten leaves. Similarly at soccer — which he enjoys — he gets overwhelmed or upset several times a practice and runs off the field.

For many kids, adjusting to social situations — whether it is a birthday party or a play date — can be challenging, even if they want to be there. Big groups of kids can be intimidating for even the most outgoing child, so for those who are sensitive or prone to anxiety it can make for a rocky transition.

“My son is a highly sensitive person, and it takes him quite a long time to feel comfortable in new situations,” explains Weingarten. “I honestly can’t think of a single new situation that has been easy for him. He’s just not that kind of kid.”

It can be painful to watch your child struggle in should-be-fun settings, but there are a few strategies — paired with a good dose of patience — that experts and fellow parents have found to be helpful.

Adjust expectations

If difficulty in social situations has become a pattern, it’s important to accept that this is part of your child’s personality, not a deficiency.

“Just because lots of kids like birthday parties, it doesn’t mean that it’s some kind of comment on you or your child if they are more trepidatious,” says Rachel Busman, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. “I think just appreciating that is important, because parents can feel pressure to be like everybody else.”

Weingarten, who also describes herself as sensitive, recalls as a child feeling some of the same feelings her son now has. Still, she admits, “as a parent, I would be lying if I said it wasn’t frustrating for me sometimes.” However, she tries her best not to express that frustration to her son. “I never want him to feel like something is wrong with him, or as though he’s defective in any way, or like his feelings aren’t real or legitimate.”

For Emily Popek, rethinking her perception of fun for her five-year-old was key. “It made a difference to realize that just because she was sitting on the sidelines watching didn’t mean she wasn’t enjoying herself. She actually was! So honestly the key for me was just letting go of my own expectations of what her ‘enjoyment’ would — or should — look like.”

Break it down

Once you’ve established that there’s an issue, the next step, says Dr. Busman, is to “break down the situation so you can try to figure out what might be challenging for your child.” Is it separation? Meeting new kids? Being in a big group? Fear of the unknown? From there you can work on strategies to assist your kid.

Knowledge is power

One of the most effective things you can do is arm your child with as much knowledge as possible about the event. Go over where it will be, who will be there and what might happen. Scripting, role-playing and previewing are all excellent tools for the socially anxious kid.

Kathy Radigan’s son — who is now an outgoing college freshman — was speech delayed as a child, which made him nervous about meeting new kids. “But he really wanted to play with kids,” Radigan recalls.

“We used scripting to help him through those first few nervous moments. We would practice role playing,” she adds. “I would do social stories with him about a boy who went to the park and got nervous when he saw the kids.”

The scripts Radigan rehearsed with her son were simple — things like “Hi, I’m Tom. What do you like to play?” She says this was usually enough to break the ice. Looking back, her son says that those early years of scripting and role-playing were a huge help.

The effect of all this previewing and role playing is to make the activity feel less new and scary, so the child is not as easily overwhelmed when it comes time for the real thing. Although not every aspect can be predictable, getting the general sense can help kids feel much more comfortable.

Baby steps and praise

For kids who get nervous in social situations, it’s unrealistic to think that they’ll be able to just jump right in. They may benefit from arriving early or late, and will need to adjust at their own pace. Many will want to hang back for a while to observe before actively participating.

“I work at giving my daughter time and permission to navigate the experience on her own terms,” explains Popek. “I’ll encourage her to take little steps out of her comfort zone, like starting out watching the other kids, then maybe moving closer, then playing nearby to the kids, then eventually actually playing with them.”

Arriving early to scope things out can be another helpful tactic. “If we are going to a new group or activity,” says Weingarten, “it helps to get there fifteen minutes early so we can enjoy the space without the chaos of other kids and settle in slowly.”

Dr. Busman suggests also being open with other parents about what’s going on. While it might feel awkward, it can be immensely helpful to give them a heads up that you might arrive early or late, for example, not out of rudeness but to help your child acclimate. “Most people are really nice,” reminds Dr. Busman, “and are going to say sure, whatever you need!”

And of course every success — whether it’s sitting on the outskirts of a party or fully engaging — merits praise. It can be something simple like, “I love how you went over and sat down to have a piece of pizza.” As Dr. Busman points out, this is a much better tactic than getting into a power struggle about why they aren’t having a good time.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Find a buddy

Sometimes it can be as simple as finding common ground, or arriving with someone with whom your child is already comfortable. Most people feel more at ease entering new social situations with a partner, so why shouldn’t children?

“A lot of kids will tell me they’ll go to practice for example, but only if they know someone who goes there,” explains Dr. Busman. “Which to me is like, alright, get him in the door. So let’s have a buddy.”

Dawn Alicot’s six-year-old is shy until he gets to know people, and she says “sometimes I ease the transition in a larger group by introducing him to someone. I look for common ground.” For example, finding another kid with similar sneakers, or a favorite character on their shirt. After doing this for a while, Alicot says her son started doing it on his own and has successfully made friends this way.

When to push, and when to cool it

As with so many things in parenting, there are times when it’s appropriate to gently push your child, and others when it’s time to back off. “There has to be a middle path,” says Dr. Busman. “Parents also need to have their own level of stress tolerance,” she says, since these things do take time and a lot of gentle nudging — and may result in the occasional meltdown.

If a child doesn’t want to have play dates, for example, Busman suggests pushing but taking it slow by starting with the neighbor’s kid who is a little younger, having it on home turf or starting with very short intervals.

Weingarten acutely understands the balance between making sure her son feels secure with pushing him ever so gently. “I do think we’re at a point,” she says, “where it’s healthy to nudge him out of the nest a little bit, while also understanding that it’s a process unique to him, and that his pacing will not match other kids.”

Similarly, she knows when it’s time to throw up the white flag and retreat. Weingarten notes that “he can get worked up to the point of having physical symptoms — his socks will suddenly feel too tight, his shoes will hurt, his belly will hurt. I believe these sensations are real manifestations of his stress. I know that once he gets to that point, I need to stop and do something to reverse the situation so he can calm down and feel safe again.”

If your child gets to this point, carrying on can be more detrimental in the long-term than pushing through.

Find your tribe

Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. When it seems like everyone else’s kid can jump into social situations with ease it can feel isolating and exhausting.

“I recommend finding someone else who understands,” urges Weingarten. “Another parent. Someone who can empathize with the challenges and the blessings of a child who is anxious or highly sensitive. I went to coffee with a mom from my son’s kindergarten who is also having some similar challenges, and it was such a relief just to talk to someone who gets it. We were able to talk about how frustrating it can be, but also how grateful we are to be raising such feelings-oriented little humans in a world that desperately needs sensitivity and empathy.”

Frequently Asked Questions

How can parents help kids with social anxiety?

What kinds of situations are hard for socially anxious kids?

What are some tips for helping socially anxious kids?

One of the most effective things you can do to help socially anxious kids is to arm them with as much information about the event as possible. Go over where it will be, who will be there, and what might happen.   https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-helping-young-children-who-are-socially-anxious-2/

Tips for helping reluctant children join in play and group activities

Writer: Katherine Martinelli

What You'll Learn

- What kind of situations are hard for shy or anxious kids?

- What tools can families use to help children feel more comfortable around other kids?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Adjust expectations

- Break it down

- Knowledge is power

- Baby steps and praise

- Find a buddy

- When to push, and when to cool it

- Find your tribe

Some kids have trouble joining in with other kids. It can be especially hard for shy, anxious or sensitive kids. Often, they feel overwhelmed by big groups. Even if they want to play, they don’t know how to break the ice and join in. A lot of times, once they get past the hard beginning part, they have a good time. And sometimes when they just sit on the sidelines, they’re still having fun.

As a parent, it’s hard to watch your kid struggle to fit in with the group. But struggling doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your kid or with you as a parent. Just like grown-ups, some kids are more outgoing than others.

There are some simple things you can do that can really help your kid. The first step is figuring out what the hard thing is for them. It might be saying bye to Mom or Dad before joining a group. Or maybe they’re overwhelmed by the big group of kids. Once you understand the problem, you can brainstorm solutions.

For example, some kids have trouble going up to a new kid and saying “Hi, my name is so-and-so. What do you like to play?” Practicing that little “script” with your kid can give them the confidence they need to go up to a new kid.

Role-playing difficult things at home can help your kid feel less anxious about them, too. Another thing that helps a lot of kids is giving them an idea of how things will probably go at a certain event, like a birthday party or soccer game. Knowing what to expect makes it less scary for kids.

Debbie Weingarten’s son has been going to the same school for three years, loves his teacher and friends, and has a great time once he’s there. But the five-year-old still struggles with drop-off and often cries when Weingarten leaves. Similarly at soccer — which he enjoys — he gets overwhelmed or upset several times a practice and runs off the field.

For many kids, adjusting to social situations — whether it is a birthday party or a play date — can be challenging, even if they want to be there. Big groups of kids can be intimidating for even the most outgoing child, so for those who are sensitive or prone to anxiety it can make for a rocky transition.

“My son is a highly sensitive person, and it takes him quite a long time to feel comfortable in new situations,” explains Weingarten. “I honestly can’t think of a single new situation that has been easy for him. He’s just not that kind of kid.”

It can be painful to watch your child struggle in should-be-fun settings, but there are a few strategies — paired with a good dose of patience — that experts and fellow parents have found to be helpful.

Adjust expectations

If difficulty in social situations has become a pattern, it’s important to accept that this is part of your child’s personality, not a deficiency.

“Just because lots of kids like birthday parties, it doesn’t mean that it’s some kind of comment on you or your child if they are more trepidatious,” says Rachel Busman, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. “I think just appreciating that is important, because parents can feel pressure to be like everybody else.”

Weingarten, who also describes herself as sensitive, recalls as a child feeling some of the same feelings her son now has. Still, she admits, “as a parent, I would be lying if I said it wasn’t frustrating for me sometimes.” However, she tries her best not to express that frustration to her son. “I never want him to feel like something is wrong with him, or as though he’s defective in any way, or like his feelings aren’t real or legitimate.”

For Emily Popek, rethinking her perception of fun for her five-year-old was key. “It made a difference to realize that just because she was sitting on the sidelines watching didn’t mean she wasn’t enjoying herself. She actually was! So honestly the key for me was just letting go of my own expectations of what her ‘enjoyment’ would — or should — look like.”

Break it down

Once you’ve established that there’s an issue, the next step, says Dr. Busman, is to “break down the situation so you can try to figure out what might be challenging for your child.” Is it separation? Meeting new kids? Being in a big group? Fear of the unknown? From there you can work on strategies to assist your kid.

Knowledge is power

One of the most effective things you can do is arm your child with as much knowledge as possible about the event. Go over where it will be, who will be there and what might happen. Scripting, role-playing and previewing are all excellent tools for the socially anxious kid.

Kathy Radigan’s son — who is now an outgoing college freshman — was speech delayed as a child, which made him nervous about meeting new kids. “But he really wanted to play with kids,” Radigan recalls.

“We used scripting to help him through those first few nervous moments. We would practice role playing,” she adds. “I would do social stories with him about a boy who went to the park and got nervous when he saw the kids.”

The scripts Radigan rehearsed with her son were simple — things like “Hi, I’m Tom. What do you like to play?” She says this was usually enough to break the ice. Looking back, her son says that those early years of scripting and role-playing were a huge help.

The effect of all this previewing and role playing is to make the activity feel less new and scary, so the child is not as easily overwhelmed when it comes time for the real thing. Although not every aspect can be predictable, getting the general sense can help kids feel much more comfortable.

Baby steps and praise

For kids who get nervous in social situations, it’s unrealistic to think that they’ll be able to just jump right in. They may benefit from arriving early or late, and will need to adjust at their own pace. Many will want to hang back for a while to observe before actively participating.

“I work at giving my daughter time and permission to navigate the experience on her own terms,” explains Popek. “I’ll encourage her to take little steps out of her comfort zone, like starting out watching the other kids, then maybe moving closer, then playing nearby to the kids, then eventually actually playing with them.”

Arriving early to scope things out can be another helpful tactic. “If we are going to a new group or activity,” says Weingarten, “it helps to get there fifteen minutes early so we can enjoy the space without the chaos of other kids and settle in slowly.”

Dr. Busman suggests also being open with other parents about what’s going on. While it might feel awkward, it can be immensely helpful to give them a heads up that you might arrive early or late, for example, not out of rudeness but to help your child acclimate. “Most people are really nice,” reminds Dr. Busman, “and are going to say sure, whatever you need!”

And of course every success — whether it’s sitting on the outskirts of a party or fully engaging — merits praise. It can be something simple like, “I love how you went over and sat down to have a piece of pizza.” As Dr. Busman points out, this is a much better tactic than getting into a power struggle about why they aren’t having a good time.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Find a buddy

Sometimes it can be as simple as finding common ground, or arriving with someone with whom your child is already comfortable. Most people feel more at ease entering new social situations with a partner, so why shouldn’t children?

“A lot of kids will tell me they’ll go to practice for example, but only if they know someone who goes there,” explains Dr. Busman. “Which to me is like, alright, get him in the door. So let’s have a buddy.”

Dawn Alicot’s six-year-old is shy until he gets to know people, and she says “sometimes I ease the transition in a larger group by introducing him to someone. I look for common ground.” For example, finding another kid with similar sneakers, or a favorite character on their shirt. After doing this for a while, Alicot says her son started doing it on his own and has successfully made friends this way.

When to push, and when to cool it

As with so many things in parenting, there are times when it’s appropriate to gently push your child, and others when it’s time to back off. “There has to be a middle path,” says Dr. Busman. “Parents also need to have their own level of stress tolerance,” she says, since these things do take time and a lot of gentle nudging — and may result in the occasional meltdown.

If a child doesn’t want to have play dates, for example, Busman suggests pushing but taking it slow by starting with the neighbor’s kid who is a little younger, having it on home turf or starting with very short intervals.

Weingarten acutely understands the balance between making sure her son feels secure with pushing him ever so gently. “I do think we’re at a point,” she says, “where it’s healthy to nudge him out of the nest a little bit, while also understanding that it’s a process unique to him, and that his pacing will not match other kids.”

Similarly, she knows when it’s time to throw up the white flag and retreat. Weingarten notes that “he can get worked up to the point of having physical symptoms — his socks will suddenly feel too tight, his shoes will hurt, his belly will hurt. I believe these sensations are real manifestations of his stress. I know that once he gets to that point, I need to stop and do something to reverse the situation so he can calm down and feel safe again.”

If your child gets to this point, carrying on can be more detrimental in the long-term than pushing through.

Find your tribe

Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. When it seems like everyone else’s kid can jump into social situations with ease it can feel isolating and exhausting.

“I recommend finding someone else who understands,” urges Weingarten. “Another parent. Someone who can empathize with the challenges and the blessings of a child who is anxious or highly sensitive. I went to coffee with a mom from my son’s kindergarten who is also having some similar challenges, and it was such a relief just to talk to someone who gets it. We were able to talk about how frustrating it can be, but also how grateful we are to be raising such feelings-oriented little humans in a world that desperately needs sensitivity and empathy.”

Frequently Asked Questions

How can parents help kids with social anxiety?

What kinds of situations are hard for socially anxious kids?

What are some tips for helping socially anxious kids?

One of the most effective things you can do to help socially anxious kids is to arm them with as much information about the event as possible. Go over where it will be, who will be there, and what might happen.   https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=13729

James Donaldson on Mental Health - High suicide rates show music industry ‘profoundly dangerous’, researchers say

Calls for more support as study finds musicians in England and US have among highest rates of suicide

Musicians have one of the highest suicide rates in the world because the music business contains so many difficulties such as intense touring, performance anxiety and low earnings, researchers have suggested.

The finding that unusually large numbers of musicians take their own lives show that “the music industry is a profoundly dangerous place”, according to a co-author of the study.

Dr George Musgrave, a sociologist at Goldsmiths, University of London, said: “The statistics are alarming – shocking. The rates of suicide among musicians which we reveal in this new research paints a picture of a music industry which is demonstrably unsafe.

“No other industry would tolerate this level of loss of life and neither should we. The industry needs to get its house in order to confront levels of mortality which are profoundly upsetting and need to be tackled.”

Musgrave’s study, published in the journal Frontiers of Public Health, found that musicians in England had the fourth highest suicide rate of any occupational group in England, behind construction workers, building finishing tradespeople and agricultural workers.

“Those working as musicians, actors and entertainers were the highest-risk group within the occupational group defined as culture, media and sport occupations, in which overall the suicide rate for males was 20% higher than the male average and for females was 69% higher,” says the report, which was co-authored by Dr Dorian Lamis, a psychologist at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia.

They found a similar picture in the US. The arts, design, entertainment, sports and media category, which includes musicians, had the highest female suicide rate of any occupation group in 2012, 2015 and 2021. And men in that category had the third highest rate, at 138.7 per 100,000 population, which was almost 10 times higher than the national average.

Musgrave, who was once signed to Sony Music as a rapper, said: “Occupational mortality data in the US and the UK should make all of us who love and care about music stop and pause.”

He dismissed as a “myth” the idea that the high suicide rate in the music industry could be because “artists are troubled, brooding, dark, mysterious, mad and, by extension, in extremis, perhaps, suicidal.”

The research highlighted an array of risk factors for musicians, including high levels of anxiety and depression, economic insecurity, a quest for perfection in their output, stressful life events that may have inspired their creativity, and loneliness as well as the stress of performing in public and receiving attention on social media.

According to a 2023 survey by the Musicians’ Union (MU) and the charity Help Musicians, three out of 10 UK musicians have experienced poor mental wellbeing.

Naomi Pohl, the MU’s general secretary, said: “The industry has woken up to mental health issues affecting musicians over the past few years, to a certain extent. there is a lot more that could be done to offer support promote wellbeing.”

Asked if she agreed with Musgrave that music was an unsafe industry, Pohl said: “It can be but I don’t think it is for everyone. There are some employers that have robust mental health support for musicians.”

But she said freelance musicians – who make up 70% of the workforce – faced particular trouble accessing mental health support because they could not claim sick pay and often had no direct colleagues or managers to talk problems through with.

Sarah Woods, the chief executive of the charity Help Musicians, has said “diluted revenue streams, fewer opportunities to perform, a struggling grassroots circuit and less money available for fans to spend” are leaving musicians in a poor financial predicament.

That in turn was “a constant threat that could not only see musicians leave the industry, but one that also presents a real risk to mental health in the profession”, she said.

The charity set up Music Minds Matter, which provides 24/7 help to people in the music industry, in response to a growing need for wellbeing support.

The three big labels – Sony, Warner Music and Universal Music – have responded to increased awareness of musicians’ mental health struggles by putting in place more support. Sony appointed a director of artist and employee wellbeing in 2021.

But Musgrave and Lamis argue the industry still needs to do much more to reduce risk, including by implementing a “zero suicide framework” that is already in use in other sectors.

- In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123, or email jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In the US, you can call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988, chat on 988lifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-high-suicide-rates-show-music-industry-profoundly-dangerous-researchers-say/

Calls for more support as study finds musicians in England and US have among highest rates of suicide

Musicians have one of the highest suicide rates in the world because the music business contains so many difficulties such as intense touring, performance anxiety and low earnings, researchers have suggested.

The finding that unusually large numbers of musicians take their own lives show that “the music industry is a profoundly dangerous place”, according to a co-author of the study.

Dr George Musgrave, a sociologist at Goldsmiths, University of London, said: “The statistics are alarming – shocking. The rates of suicide among musicians which we reveal in this new research paints a picture of a music industry which is demonstrably unsafe.

“No other industry would tolerate this level of loss of life and neither should we. The industry needs to get its house in order to confront levels of mortality which are profoundly upsetting and need to be tackled.”

Musgrave’s study, published in the journal Frontiers of Public Health, found that musicians in England had the fourth highest suicide rate of any occupational group in England, behind construction workers, building finishing tradespeople and agricultural workers.

“Those working as musicians, actors and entertainers were the highest-risk group within the occupational group defined as culture, media and sport occupations, in which overall the suicide rate for males was 20% higher than the male average and for females was 69% higher,” says the report, which was co-authored by Dr Dorian Lamis, a psychologist at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia.

They found a similar picture in the US. The arts, design, entertainment, sports and media category, which includes musicians, had the highest female suicide rate of any occupation group in 2012, 2015 and 2021. And men in that category had the third highest rate, at 138.7 per 100,000 population, which was almost 10 times higher than the national average.

Musgrave, who was once signed to Sony Music as a rapper, said: “Occupational mortality data in the US and the UK should make all of us who love and care about music stop and pause.”

He dismissed as a “myth” the idea that the high suicide rate in the music industry could be because “artists are troubled, brooding, dark, mysterious, mad and, by extension, in extremis, perhaps, suicidal.”

The research highlighted an array of risk factors for musicians, including high levels of anxiety and depression, economic insecurity, a quest for perfection in their output, stressful life events that may have inspired their creativity, and loneliness as well as the stress of performing in public and receiving attention on social media.

According to a 2023 survey by the Musicians’ Union (MU) and the charity Help Musicians, three out of 10 UK musicians have experienced poor mental wellbeing.

Naomi Pohl, the MU’s general secretary, said: “The industry has woken up to mental health issues affecting musicians over the past few years, to a certain extent. there is a lot more that could be done to offer support promote wellbeing.”

Asked if she agreed with Musgrave that music was an unsafe industry, Pohl said: “It can be but I don’t think it is for everyone. There are some employers that have robust mental health support for musicians.”

But she said freelance musicians – who make up 70% of the workforce – faced particular trouble accessing mental health support because they could not claim sick pay and often had no direct colleagues or managers to talk problems through with.

Sarah Woods, the chief executive of the charity Help Musicians, has said “diluted revenue streams, fewer opportunities to perform, a struggling grassroots circuit and less money available for fans to spend” are leaving musicians in a poor financial predicament.

That in turn was “a constant threat that could not only see musicians leave the industry, but one that also presents a real risk to mental health in the profession”, she said.

The charity set up Music Minds Matter, which provides 24/7 help to people in the music industry, in response to a growing need for wellbeing support.

The three big labels – Sony, Warner Music and Universal Music – have responded to increased awareness of musicians’ mental health struggles by putting in place more support. Sony appointed a director of artist and employee wellbeing in 2021.

But Musgrave and Lamis argue the industry still needs to do much more to reduce risk, including by implementing a “zero suicide framework” that is already in use in other sectors.

- In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123, or email jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In the US, you can call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988, chat on 988lifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

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Calls for more support as study finds musicians in England and US have among highest rates of suicide

Musicians have one of the highest suicide rates in the world because the music business contains so many difficulties such as intense touring, performance anxiety and low earnings, researchers have suggested.

The finding that unusually large numbers of musicians take their own lives show that “the music industry is a profoundly dangerous place”, according to a co-author of the study.

Dr George Musgrave, a sociologist at Goldsmiths, University of London, said: “The statistics are alarming – shocking. The rates of suicide among musicians which we reveal in this new research paints a picture of a music industry which is demonstrably unsafe.

“No other industry would tolerate this level of loss of life and neither should we. The industry needs to get its house in order to confront levels of mortality which are profoundly upsetting and need to be tackled.”

Musgrave’s study, published in the journal Frontiers of Public Health, found that musicians in England had the fourth highest suicide rate of any occupational group in England, behind construction workers, building finishing tradespeople and agricultural workers.

“Those working as musicians, actors and entertainers were the highest-risk group within the occupational group defined as culture, media and sport occupations, in which overall the suicide rate for males was 20% higher than the male average and for females was 69% higher,” says the report, which was co-authored by Dr Dorian Lamis, a psychologist at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia.

They found a similar picture in the US. The arts, design, entertainment, sports and media category, which includes musicians, had the highest female suicide rate of any occupation group in 2012, 2015 and 2021. And men in that category had the third highest rate, at 138.7 per 100,000 population, which was almost 10 times higher than the national average.

Musgrave, who was once signed to Sony Music as a rapper, said: “Occupational mortality data in the US and the UK should make all of us who love and care about music stop and pause.”

He dismissed as a “myth” the idea that the high suicide rate in the music industry could be because “artists are troubled, brooding, dark, mysterious, mad and, by extension, in extremis, perhaps, suicidal.”

The research highlighted an array of risk factors for musicians, including high levels of anxiety and depression, economic insecurity, a quest for perfection in their output, stressful life events that may have inspired their creativity, and loneliness as well as the stress of performing in public and receiving attention on social media.

According to a 2023 survey by the Musicians’ Union (MU) and the charity Help Musicians, three out of 10 UK musicians have experienced poor mental wellbeing.

Naomi Pohl, the MU’s general secretary, said: “The industry has woken up to mental health issues affecting musicians over the past few years, to a certain extent. there is a lot more that could be done to offer support promote wellbeing.”

Asked if she agreed with Musgrave that music was an unsafe industry, Pohl said: “It can be but I don’t think it is for everyone. There are some employers that have robust mental health support for musicians.”

But she said freelance musicians – who make up 70% of the workforce – faced particular trouble accessing mental health support because they could not claim sick pay and often had no direct colleagues or managers to talk problems through with.

Sarah Woods, the chief executive of the charity Help Musicians, has said “diluted revenue streams, fewer opportunities to perform, a struggling grassroots circuit and less money available for fans to spend” are leaving musicians in a poor financial predicament.

That in turn was “a constant threat that could not only see musicians leave the industry, but one that also presents a real risk to mental health in the profession”, she said.

The charity set up Music Minds Matter, which provides 24/7 help to people in the music industry, in response to a growing need for wellbeing support.

The three big labels – Sony, Warner Music and Universal Music – have responded to increased awareness of musicians’ mental health struggles by putting in place more support. Sony appointed a director of artist and employee wellbeing in 2021.

But Musgrave and Lamis argue the industry still needs to do much more to reduce risk, including by implementing a “zero suicide framework” that is already in use in other sectors.

- In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123, or email jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In the US, you can call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988, chat on 988lifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

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James Donaldson on Mental Health - Here's how to meet urgent need for more mental health workers. Start with peers. | Opinion

?The depression that stole Leon Statz propelled Brenda to do everything she could to help give other families a fighting chance.? The rest of us should do no less

By Anna Bobb

- Wisconsin faces a severe mental health workforce shortage, impacting access to care for millions.
- Proposed solutions include expanding training opportunities, streamlining credentialing, and adopting new care delivery models.
- The author highlights the need for empathy and inclusion in addition to expertise within the mental health workforce.

Brenda Statz lost her husband Leon, a 57-year-old farmer and father of three “after a long-fought battle with depression.” But the Loganville family's story is about more than mental health among farmers in the American heartland.

Across rural, suburban, and urban communities, thousands of families have faced the same tragedy, underscoring that the mental health workforce was never built for today's needs.??Consider that in Wisconsin:

- Mental health professional shortage areas cover 52 of 72 Wisconsin counties, or 39% of the state, impacting 1.5 million people.
- Gaps are more acute in the northwestern and rural parts of the state.
- Some 35% of adults and 47% of children have major unmet mental health needs.
- Hospital bed use for children and adolescents is five times the national average. 

We can’t let these dire statistics kneecap the potential for progress that can strengthen families and save the lives of hardworking people like Leon Statz. A single action can start a movement. A report written a century ago proves it.

America revolutionized health care training at turn of 20th century

At the turn of the 20th century, the United States was among the richest and most scientifically advanced nations in the world, but its health care system was held back by not only inequities but also poor training that led to folk medicine and snake oil quakery.

Then the Carnegie Foundation commissioned the “Flexner Report.” The 1910 expose so convincingly advocated the biomedical model of health care training — and indicted its unscientific alternatives — that within months of its publication, half of all medical schools??in North America closed.

The report led to a redesign of physician education that to this day defines our modern medical training regime. But some consequences were less transformational. After the report’s publication, most Black medical schools shuttered, and today, only about 5% of doctors identify as Black.

Similar revolution needed to solve mental health workforce crisis??

The Statz's story and thousands of others like it, alongside widely reported shortages of mental health specialists and family physicians, paint a stark picture.

We need to reform the workforce not because the system might fail, but because it already has. Top mental health experts convened recently to sketch out some promising approaches to reverse this status quo. 

First, solving the problem will include fundamentally changing the makeup of the workforce. Too many conversations center on shortages or “needs” of specific professional groups. But simply increasing professionals alone, using the current configuration, won’t work. ?A better north star is people’s access to care, which centers solutions around the patient’s perspective in addition to the clinician’s.?

Second, the workforce should be more diverse and accessible. What if a first responder to a mental health crisis was an empathic person with lived experience, someone like Brenda Statz Lightly trained mental health workers — drawn from their own communities — inspire trust, the skill that cannot be taught.

Research has found that workers trained as peers, community health workers, navigators, and lay counselors all offer benefits to patients across a range of settings. Micro-credentials like these can be streamlined through digital training and supervision that respects where people come from. Rand, the Bipartisan Policy Center, and the National Governor’s Association are among the policy organizations calling for expansion.

Third, newer care delivery models — like mental health integration in primary care, mental health crisis response, and telehealth — are more workforce friendly. Models like these should shape today’s training, licensing, and credentialing requirements. 

In 1910, the Flexner Report professionalized medicine because that’s what was needed at the time. Our current crisis calls for something different entirely – a broader and nimbler workforce grounded in empathy and inclusion as well as expertise. It’s time for a 21st Century Flexner Report.  

Even more, it’s time for action.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Link for 40 Habits Signup
bit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth

If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub

Wisconsin mental health advocates back changes at state level

Wisconsin mental health advocates back "earn-while-you-learn" programs for clinicians and expanding Medicaid coverage for community health workers to include mental health. Wisconsin could also join the new Social Work Licensure Compact to bring in more out of state practitioners.

In 2024, the Assembly passed a reciprocal credentialing bill, which would have sped up entry to in-state practice for out-of-state practitioners. Proposals for tax credits up to $200K for psychiatrists in underserved areas are also promising. Reforms like these need champions to bring them over the finish line. Opinion: Wisconsin health care is bleeding. Tony Evers' vetoes only worsen trauma.

Brenda Statz founded the Farmer Angel Network to honor her husband and obtained certifications to help her neighbors— all while running the family farm without Leon and working six days a week at a Land’s End store to make ends meet.

“I just keep hoping families realize they’re not alone,” Statz said. “We’re here.”?

The depression that stole Leon Statz propelled Brenda to do everything she could to help give other families a fighting chance.

The rest of us should do no less.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-heres-how-to-meet-urgent-need-for-more-mental-health-workers-start-with-peers-opinion/