James Donaldson on Mental Health - Tips for coping with suicidal thoughts

We've some practical tips that other people have found helpful when they've felt suicidal.

They may not all work for you, or different tips might work at different times.

Some of the tips focus on making things feel less intense right now. Others are longer-term, to help you cope if suicidal thoughts return in the future.

This page covers:

- Focus on getting through the next 5 minutes
- Keep yourself safe
- Tell someone how you're feeling
- Calm your body and mind
- Distract yourself
- Challenge your thoughts
- Make a safety plan
- Learn ways to manage difficult feelings
- Make a happy box
- Practise being kind to yourself
- Connect with other people
- Look after your physical health and wellbeing
- Seek support for suicidal thoughts

This page is part of our guide to:

Suicidal thoughts and suicide prevention

If you feel unable to keep yourself safe, it's a mental health emergency.

I remind myself that this isn’t how I actually feel, and try to remember how I felt about things and people when I was in a good mood. If I hold onto those good things, they always pull me out of the dark place my mind goes to.

Focus on getting through the next 5 minutes

Taking things minute by minute can help make things more bearable. Try and focus on getting through the current moment rather than thinking too far into the future.

If you can, make a deal with yourself that you won't act on your thoughts today.

Our ways to help yourself cope in a crisis page has practical ideas to help you through the next few minutes. They include:

- Relaxing and calming exercises
- Making a plan for the next few hours
- Writing down your thoughts

Keep yourself safe

If you feel unsafe, these are some things you could try:

- Remove anything you could use to harm yourself, or ask someone to remove these for you.
- If you're in an unsafe location, try and get somewhere safe if you can.
- If you're on your own, try and find people to be with if that would help. For example, you could go to a public place like a library or visit a friend.
- If you have a safety plan or crisis plan in place, follow it. These plans are a good way to save ideas for helping yourself when you feel unwell.

If you're thinking of harming yourself, you could try using techniques for coping with self-harm. For example, you could:

- Hold an ice cube in your hand until it melts and focus on how cold it feels
- Tear something up into lots of pieces
- Take a very cold shower or bath

Our page on helping yourself if you self-harm has more ideas.

Tell someone how you're feeling

Telling someone how you're feeling can help you feel less alone and more in control. This could be a friend, a helpline, or even a pet.

You can contact a mental health helpline if you don't have anyone you know that you can open up to. Or if you want to talk to someone confidentially.

For example, you could call Samaritans on 116 123 if you want to talk to somebody about how you're feeling at any time.

Or if you'd prefer not to talk over the phone, you could try a text service such as the Shout crisis text service – text SHOUT to 85258.

Calm your body and mind

Some people find these tips can help make suicidal feelings feel less intense.

- Focus on your senses. Taking time to think about what you can smell, taste, touch, hear and see can help to ground your thoughts.
- Steady your breathing. Take long, deep breaths. There's a breathing exercise in our relaxation information that might help.
- Go outside or open a window. Focus on the sounds around you, temperature changes, and any sensations you feel. This can help you to feel more connected to your body.
- If you can, try getting a glass of water or sitting somewhere comfortable. Try and have something to eat if you're hungry.
Try to avoid drinking alcohol or taking recreational drugs, as this can make you feel worse.

Distract yourself

Try and do something that takes your mind off the suicidal thoughts or channels your thoughts in a different way. You could try to:

- Watch a film or TV show, or something shorter like a music video if you're struggling to concentrate.
- Read a book or online article.
- Draw, paint, or do something else creative.
- Play a game or do a puzzle.
- Cook or bake.
- Listen to or play music.
- Use stress or fidget toys.
- Go for a walk to focus on things around you. For example, you could try to list 5 green things you see or touch different surfaces.

Challenge your thoughts

Suicidal thoughts can be overwhelming. If you can, try and challenge some of the things you think about yourself and your life when you feel this way.

- Write down what you're looking forward to. This could be eating your favourite meal, seeing a loved one, or the next season of a TV show.
- Make plans to do something you enjoy tomorrow or in the near future. The plans don't have to be big or expensive.
- Think about someone who cares about you and the positive things they've said about you in the past.
- Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself as if you were talking to a good friend.
- Tell yourself you can get through this. Repeat to yourself that you can get past how you feel right now. This can help you to regain hope and focus on getting through it.
- Remind yourself that you deserve support and there are people who can help, even if it's been difficult to get support in the past.

See our page on treatment and support for suicidal thoughts for information about different ways to find help.

I truly didn’t believe anything could help. But all of the small actions, like making a safety plan, telling one person, writing one thing down. They helped the most...My suicidal thoughts didn’t want me to believe that such small things made a difference, but they saved me.

Make a safety plan

A safety plan is a plan to support you at times when you may be thinking about suicide.

This plan is personal to you. But it may include:

- How to recognise your warning signs. You could think about any changes in your thoughts, feelings or behaviour that you noticed before you felt suicidal.
- Your coping strategies. You may have found certain things helpful for coping with difficult feelings in the past. Try thinking about how you can use these things to help you now.
- The names and contact details of people you trust. These are people you can ask for help if you're feeling distressed.
- The names and contact details of professionals who can support you, such as your local crisis team.
- Details of helplines and listening services. These services can help you when you're feeling distressed. Trained professionals can listen to how you feel and keep you company, for as long as you need.
- What you can do to make your environment safe. For example, removing things you could use to harm yourself.
- Details of a safe place you can go for support. This could be the home of a friend, family member, or someone else you trust.
- How other people can support you. For example, what you might need help with, or anything you don't find helpful from them.

Try to make a plan when you can think clearly about what you would find helpful. You might want to complete the plan with someone you trust, such as a friend or therapist. You could also give them a copy of the plan to keep.

Developing a safety plan can take some time. It's ok if you feel overwhelmed by it or don't know what to write. It might help to complete it in a few stages.

You can write out a safety plan by hand or keep an electronic copy on your computer or phone.

Staying Safe has safety plan templates you can download or complete online. And Papyrus has suicide safety plan templates available in English and Welsh.

Is a safety plan the same as a crisis plan?

A safety plan focuses on what you can do now to keep yourself safe.

A crisis plan also focuses on what has helped to keep you safe in the past, but is more detailed. It covers what treatment you would like to receive if necessary, and whether you've made an advance statement or decision.

Learn ways to manage difficult feelings

Finding ways to cope with difficult feelings and what makes you feel better can be helpful. You might want to try to:

- Take each day at a time. There will be good days and bad days. Try to focus on each day at a time and set yourself small, achievable goals when things are hard.
- Find coping strategies that work for you. Think about what helps when you're feeling overwhelmed. It could be listening to a specific song, dimming lights, or going to a place you feel comfortable.
- Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Suppressing your feelings when they happen can cause them to build up over time. And make them even harder to cope with. Let yourself feel what you need to. And use coping strategies to manage them if that's helpful.
- Learn what makes you feel worse. Some people might call these 'triggers'. You might find certain environments, situations, or things people say are triggers for you. You might not be sure what your triggers are. To help work them out, you can track your feelings using a diary, planner or journal.
- Avoid blaming yourself. If you've tried to take your own life, or thought about taking your life, you may feel guilty afterwards. But remember you can't help how you felt.

As someone who doesn’t have many friends, has no pets, and is estranged from some typical 'go-to' family members, focusing on things that you can do for yourself can be useful.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Make a happy box

Fill a box with memories and items that can distract you, give you comfort and help lift your mood when you have suicidal thoughts. Some people might also call this a 'hope box'.

The box can contain anything that's meaningful and helpful to you. For example:

- A favourite book
- Positive quotes
- Photos
- Letters
- Poems
- Notes to yourself
- A cuddly toy or blanket
- A perfume or smell that's important to you

You could also make a virtual happy box on your computer or phone. It could include links to things that help you feel better. For example, self-care apps, photos, playlists, or videos that make you laugh.

One idea I particularly love is a safety playlist, which you can fill with songs and music that not only might make you feel happier but also safer or stronger. You can then easily put it on for a mood boost or a distraction.

Practise being kind to yourself

Being kind to yourself can help improve your self-esteem and how you feel about yourself.

- Write a letter or email to yourself. Or write a note to yourself on your phone. It could include happy memories and mention people who care about you. This may be helpful to read when you're experiencing suicidal feelings. It could remind you of some of the positives.
- Makes plans to look forward to. Planning time to spend with others or doing things you enjoy can help you feel more positive about the future. It doesn't have to be something big like a holiday. It could be joining a club or catching up with someone for coffee.
- Do things just for yourself. Try to regularly make time for things you like to do. It could be doing a hobby you enjoy or going to the cinema or to a favourite café.
- Celebrate yourself. Write down your achievements and the things you like about yourself, however small. If someone compliments you, make a note of it.

Our pages of tips to improve your self-esteem could help improve how you feel about yourself.

Connect with other people

Spending time with people and building a support network can help with suicidal feelings. This may feel hard to do if you're isolated or feel very negatively about yourself. But there are groups and organisations that can support you.

- Try peer support. You may find it helps to talk to other people who've experienced suicidal feelings. Peer support brings together people with similar experiences, so they can share those experiences and tips to help each other cope. It can be in person or online. See our pages on peer support groups for mental health for tips.
- Volunteer. Spending time helping others can be rewarding. It can build your confidence and make you feel appreciated. You can find volunteer opportunities from different organisations on Do it.
- Join a group or class. This could be a group for a hobby you enjoy or a class to learn something new. You don't have to speak to everyone in the group or talk to people right away. But being around others regularly and sharing something you enjoy can help build connections. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-tips-for-coping-with-suicidal-thoughts/

We've some practical tips that other people have found helpful when they've felt suicidal.

They may not all work for you, or different tips might work at different times.

Some of the tips focus on making things feel less intense right now. Others are longer-term, to help you cope if suicidal thoughts return in the future.

This page covers:

- Focus on getting through the next 5 minutes

- Keep yourself safe

- Tell someone how you're feeling

- Calm your body and mind

- Distract yourself

- Challenge your thoughts

- Make a safety plan

- Learn ways to manage difficult feelings

- Make a happy box

- Practise being kind to yourself

- Connect with other people

- Look after your physical health and wellbeing

- Seek support for suicidal thoughts

This page is part of our guide to:

Suicidal thoughts and suicide prevention

If you feel unable to keep yourself safe, it's a mental health emergency.

I remind myself that this isn’t how I actually feel, and try to remember how I felt about things and people when I was in a good mood. If I hold onto those good things, they always pull me out of the dark place my mind goes to.

Focus on getting through the next 5 minutes

Taking things minute by minute can help make things more bearable. Try and focus on getting through the current moment rather than thinking too far into the future.

If you can, make a deal with yourself that you won't act on your thoughts today.

Our ways to help yourself cope in a crisis page has practical ideas to help you through the next few minutes. They include:

- Relaxing and calming exercises

- Making a plan for the next few hours

- Writing down your thoughts

Keep yourself safe

If you feel unsafe, these are some things you could try:

- Remove anything you could use to harm yourself, or ask someone to remove these for you.

- If you're in an unsafe location, try and get somewhere safe if you can.

- If you're on your own, try and find people to be with if that would help. For example, you could go to a public place like a library or visit a friend.

- If you have a safety plan or crisis plan in place, follow it. These plans are a good way to save ideas for helping yourself when you feel unwell.

If you're thinking of harming yourself, you could try using techniques for coping with self-harm. For example, you could:

- Hold an ice cube in your hand until it melts and focus on how cold it feels

- Tear something up into lots of pieces

- Take a very cold shower or bath

Our page on helping yourself if you self-harm has more ideas.

Tell someone how you're feeling

Telling someone how you're feeling can help you feel less alone and more in control. This could be a friend, a helpline, or even a pet.

You can contact a mental health helpline if you don't have anyone you know that you can open up to. Or if you want to talk to someone confidentially.

For example, you could call Samaritans on 116 123 if you want to talk to somebody about how you're feeling at any time.

Or if you'd prefer not to talk over the phone, you could try a text service such as the Shout crisis text service – text SHOUT to 85258.

Calm your body and mind

Some people find these tips can help make suicidal feelings feel less intense.

- Focus on your senses. Taking time to think about what you can smell, taste, touch, hear and see can help to ground your thoughts.

- Steady your breathing. Take long, deep breaths. There's a breathing exercise in our relaxation information that might help.

- Go outside or open a window. Focus on the sounds around you, temperature changes, and any sensations you feel. This can help you to feel more connected to your body.

- If you can, try getting a glass of water or sitting somewhere comfortable. Try and have something to eat if you're hungry.Try to avoid drinking alcohol or taking recreational drugs, as this can make you feel worse.

Distract yourself

Try and do something that takes your mind off the suicidal thoughts or channels your thoughts in a different way. You could try to:

- Watch a film or TV show, or something shorter like a music video if you're struggling to concentrate.

- Read a book or online article.

- Draw, paint, or do something else creative.

- Play a game or do a puzzle.

- Cook or bake.

- Listen to or play music.

- Use stress or fidget toys.

- Go for a walk to focus on things around you. For example, you could try to list 5 green things you see or touch different surfaces.

Challenge your thoughts

Suicidal thoughts can be overwhelming. If you can, try and challenge some of the things you think about yourself and your life when you feel this way.

- Write down what you're looking forward to. This could be eating your favourite meal, seeing a loved one, or the next season of a TV show.

- Make plans to do something you enjoy tomorrow or in the near future. The plans don't have to be big or expensive.

- Think about someone who cares about you and the positive things they've said about you in the past.

- Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself as if you were talking to a good friend.

- Tell yourself you can get through this. Repeat to yourself that you can get past how you feel right now. This can help you to regain hope and focus on getting through it.

- Remind yourself that you deserve support and there are people who can help, even if it's been difficult to get support in the past.

See our page on treatment and support for suicidal thoughts for information about different ways to find help.

I truly didn’t believe anything could help. But all of the small actions, like making a safety plan, telling one person, writing one thing down. They helped the most...My suicidal thoughts didn’t want me to believe that such small things made a difference, but they saved me.

Make a safety plan

A safety plan is a plan to support you at times when you may be thinking about suicide.

This plan is personal to you. But it may include:

- How to recognise your warning signs. You could think about any changes in your thoughts, feelings or behaviour that you noticed before you felt suicidal.

- Your coping strategies. You may have found certain things helpful for coping with difficult feelings in the past. Try thinking about how you can use these things to help you now.

- The names and contact details of people you trust. These are people you can ask for help if you're feeling distressed.

- The names and contact details of professionals who can support you, such as your local crisis team.

- Details of helplines and listening services. These services can help you when you're feeling distressed. Trained professionals can listen to how you feel and keep you company, for as long as you need.

- What you can do to make your environment safe. For example, removing things you could use to harm yourself.

- Details of a safe place you can go for support. This could be the home of a friend, family member, or someone else you trust.

- How other people can support you. For example, what you might need help with, or anything you don't find helpful from them.

Try to make a plan when you can think clearly about what you would find helpful. You might want to complete the plan with someone you trust, such as a friend or therapist. You could also give them a copy of the plan to keep.

Developing a safety plan can take some time. It's ok if you feel overwhelmed by it or don't know what to write. It might help to complete it in a few stages.

You can write out a safety plan by hand or keep an electronic copy on your computer or phone.

Staying Safe has safety plan templates you can download or complete online. And Papyrus has suicide safety plan templates available in English and Welsh.

Is a safety plan the same as a crisis plan?

A safety plan focuses on what you can do now to keep yourself safe.

A crisis plan also focuses on what has helped to keep you safe in the past, but is more detailed. It covers what treatment you would like to receive if necessary, and whether you've made an advance statement or decision.

Learn ways to manage difficult feelings

Finding ways to cope with difficult feelings and what makes you feel better can be helpful. You might want to try to:

- Take each day at a time. There will be good days and bad days. Try to focus on each day at a time and set yourself small, achievable goals when things are hard.

- Find coping strategies that work for you. Think about what helps when you're feeling overwhelmed. It could be listening to a specific song, dimming lights, or going to a place you feel comfortable.

- Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Suppressing your feelings when they happen can cause them to build up over time. And make them even harder to cope with. Let yourself feel what you need to. And use coping strategies to manage them if that's helpful.

- Learn what makes you feel worse. Some people might call these 'triggers'. You might find certain environments, situations, or things people say are triggers for you. You might not be sure what your triggers are. To help work them out, you can track your feelings using a diary, planner or journal.

- Avoid blaming yourself. If you've tried to take your own life, or thought about taking your life, you may feel guilty afterwards. But remember you can't help how you felt.

As someone who doesn’t have many friends, has no pets, and is estranged from some typical 'go-to' family members, focusing on things that you can do for yourself can be useful.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Make a happy box

Fill a box with memories and items that can distract you, give you comfort and help lift your mood when you have suicidal thoughts. Some people might also call this a 'hope box'.

The box can contain anything that's meaningful and helpful to you. For example:

- A favourite book

- Positive quotes

- Photos

- Letters

- Poems

- Notes to yourself

- A cuddly toy or blanket

- A perfume or smell that's important to you

You could also make a virtual happy box on your computer or phone. It could include links to things that help you feel better. For example, self-care apps, photos, playlists, or videos that make you laugh.

One idea I particularly love is a safety playlist, which you can fill with songs and music that not only might make you feel happier but also safer or stronger. You can then easily put it on for a mood boost or a distraction.

Practise being kind to yourself

Being kind to yourself can help improve your self-esteem and how you feel about yourself.

- Write a letter or email to yourself. Or write a note to yourself on your phone. It could include happy memories and mention people who care about you. This may be helpful to read when you're experiencing suicidal feelings. It could remind you of some of the positives.

- Makes plans to look forward to. Planning time to spend with others or doing things you enjoy can help you feel more positive about the future. It doesn't have to be something big like a holiday. It could be joining a club or catching up with someone for coffee.

- Do things just for yourself. Try to regularly make time for things you like to do. It could be doing a hobby you enjoy or going to the cinema or to a favourite café.

- Celebrate yourself. Write down your achievements and the things you like about yourself, however small. If someone compliments you, make a note of it.

Our pages of tips to improve your self-esteem could help improve how you feel about yourself.

Connect with other people

Spending time with people and building a support network can help with suicidal feelings. This may feel hard to do if you're isolated or feel very negatively about yourself. But there are groups and organisations that can support you.

- Try peer support. You may find it helps to talk to other people who've experienced suicidal feelings. Peer support brings together people with similar experiences, so they can share those experiences and tips to help each other cope. It can be in person or online. See our pages on peer support groups for mental health for tips.

- Volunteer. Spending time helping others can be rewarding. It can build your confidence and make you feel appreciated. You can find volunteer opportunities from different organisations on Do it.

- Join a group or class. This could be a group for a hobby you enjoy or a class to learn something new. You don't have to speak to everyone in the group or talk to people right away. But being around others regularly and sharing something you enjoy can help build connections.

Blog: The poetry scene finally allowed me to be heard

It’s a safe space, an opportunity to belong, to be heard, to share and to feel free of the judgment we imprison ourselves with.

Look after your physical health and wellbeing

It can be harder to manage suicidal thoughts when we aren't feeling well physically or our wellbeing is low. Problems with our physical health can also make suicidal feelings worse.

Things like sleep, physical activity, and the food we eat can impact how we're feeling.

It's not always possible to manage all of these things perfectly, but our information might help with:

- Sleep problems

- Physical activity, exercise and mental health

- Food and mental health

- Mental wellbeing

From my experience, it can be really hard to give yourself the time to look after yourself and take a break. Because we tell ourselves we don’t deserve it. But we do deserve it. We deserve to rest, to be happy.

Seek support for suicidal thoughts

See our page on treatment and support for suicidal thoughts for ways to find help and support. These support options may help if you don't currently receive any support and want to start. But they may also help if the support you currently receive doesn't feel right for you and you want to try something different.

You might be experiencing an issue that's contributing to your suicidal feelings. Finding support for that issue could help. We have information that can help with:

- Money and mental health

- Recreational drugs, alcohol and addiction

- Housing and mental health

- Abuse https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-tips-for-coping-with-suicidal-thoughts/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Governor Newsom issues executive order to support young men and boys, address suicide rates

What you need to know: California is taking targeted action to address the mental health crisis among young men and boys today with a new executive order focused on suicide prevention, behavioral health, and helping find purpose through education, family, and work.

SACRAMENTO –  Governor Gavin Newsom today issued an executive order to address a growing issue — the alarming rise in suicides and disconnection among California’s young men and boys. The order directs a coordinated statewide response to improve mental health outcomes, reduce stigma, and expand access to meaningful education, work, and mentorship opportunities. The full order can be found here.

“Too many young men and boys are suffering in silence — disconnected from community, opportunity, and even their own families. This action is about turning that around. It’s about showing every young man that he matters and there’s a path for him of purpose, dignity, work, and real connection.”

Governor Gavin Newsom

“Women and men face different challenges — but there are systemic barriers we can take on together. Whether it’s the shortage of male mental health providers, outdated ideas about care work, or boys falling through the cracks in school, this Executive Order is a step toward real solutions. Our young men and boys are facing a crisis of loneliness and social isolation that is showing up in their mental health, educational outcomes, future economic opportunities, and more. Raising healthy boys will take all of us—moms, dads, teachers, coaches, and mentors—working together to find new ways forward.”

First Partner Jennifer Siebel Newsom

The executive order helps address this crisis, directing state agencies to create a new focus on this issue and creating new pathways to help reconnect men and boys with the support, assistance, and help they need. 

Ending mental health stigma 

Lack of mental health support and gender stereotypes have perpetuated a culture where men and boys feel unable to ask for assistance or support, leading to higher rates of disconnection, suicide, drug use, crime, and lack of participation in the workforce. 

Depression is ranked as a leading cause of death among men, and mental health conditions often go untreated among men because they are far less likely to seek mental health treatment than women.

This crisis impacts everyone. Violence is focused both internally and externally, affecting all people in the community. Men are responsible for almost 80% of violent crime, and almost half of female homicide victims are killed by a current or former male intimate partner.

Although California consistently has one of the lowest gun death rates in the nation, the toll remains too high – about 3,200 Californians lose their lives to gun violence each year, with suicides making up a significant share, especially among men. In California, men aged 15–44 die by suicide at 3 to 4 times the rate of women, often by firearms.

Strengthening mental health support

The executive order directs the California Health and Human Services Agency (CalHHS) to develop recommendations to address the suicide crisis among young men. The Governor is also ordering CalHHS, with support from the Center for Data Insights and Innovation, to examine existing data on gender disparities to identify any gaps in service delivery and assess potential changes to address disparities.

Crisis of loneliness

Young men are more disconnected from school, work, and relationships than ever before, with nearly one in four men under 30 years old reporting that they have no close friends, a five-fold increase since 1990, with higher rates of disconnection for young Black males. A lack of social connection is associated with increased risk of poor health, including mental health disorders, poverty, and even premature death. 

This disconnection has pulled men out of the workplace. Labor force participation among men without a college degree is currently at historic lows, with about one in nine men aged 25-54 neither working nor looking for work. The unemployment rate for men in California is also higher than the rate for women, and college enrollment and completion rates for men have dropped significantly over the past decade.

Pathways to work and education

The executive order aims to reconnect men and boys with pathways to enter education or the workforce, including through service opportunities. The Governor is directing the Office of Service and Community Engagement, in consultation with the Office of the First Partner and the Executive Director of the State Board of Education, to identify opportunities for promoting and enhancing the participation of men and boys in service opportunities through California Volunteers. 

The order also will help improve opportunities for the full participation of men and boys as part of California Jobs First, the Master Plan for Career Education, the Children and Youth Behavioral Health Initiative, and the California Community Schools Partnership Program, which are being implemented by the Governor’s Office for Business and Economic Development, the Labor and Workforce Development Agency, the California Health and Human Services Agency, the Governor’s Office of Service and Community Engagement, and the California Department of Veterans Affairs, and in consultation with the Office of the First Partner and the Executive Director of the State Board of Education.

The order also helps address the lack of male role models in educational settings, by directing the Executive Director of the State Board of Education and requesting the California Department of Education and the California Commission on Teacher Credentialing to identify opportunities to improve recruitment of men as teachers and school counselors.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Ongoing funding for job training and apprenticeship programs

The Governor’s announcement of the executive order comes alongside the new announcement of $20 million awarded through the  California Apprenticeship Council (CAC) Training Funds. This funding will go to support apprenticeship training in the building trades. Apprenticeship funding is a key component of the Governor’s Master Plan for Career Education, which focuses on creating different career pathways that do not necessarily rely on a four-year college degree. Apprenticeships in the building trades are a debt-free option and can lead to stable jobs with family-sustaining wages and help support the Governor’s efforts to address this crisis.  

With California leading the way in apprenticeship programs nationwide, Governor Newsom aims to serve 500,000 apprentices by 2029; 219,784 registered apprentices have been served thus far.  

At-risk young men may also be connected to the workforce through California’s Youth Employment Opportunity Program, which helps young people ages 15 to 25 who may be struggling with school or work. Advisors for the program are available across California. In March 2025, EDD and the LWDA awarded approximately $1,700,000 of Workforce Innovation and Opportunity Act Governor’s discretionary funds under the Opportunity Young Adult (OYA) Evaluation and Technical Assistance Program. These funds support organizations who help young adults reach educational and employment goals.  

Ongoing initiatives

The Newsom administration is in the midst of implementing several initiatives that are directly responsive to addressing negative outcomes for men and boys, including:

- California Jobs First, a statewide plan built with input from 13 regions to drive sustainable economic growth, innovation, and access to good-paying jobs over the next decade, paired with $125 million to support new projects and $92 million for new apprenticeship and job programs.
- The Master Plan for Career Education, which focuses on strengthening career pathways, prioritizing hands-on learning and real-life skills, and advancing educational access and affordability and complements additional investments.
- Mental Health for All, California’s plan to build a stronger and more equitable behavioral health system, with the goal to make sure every Californian — especially those who have struggled to get help like men and boys — can access high-quality mental health and substance use disorder treatment when and where they need it.  
- Proposition 1, passed by the voters in 2024 to modernize the state’s behavioral health care delivery system and provide $6.4B in bond funds to build treatment facilities and housing.
- The Children and Youth Behavioral Health Initiative, which invests billions of dollars to create a larger and more representative workforce supporting behavioral health for young people and improve coordination and integration across different settings delivering behavioral health care.
- The California Community Schools Partnership Program, which is transforming more than 2000 public schools into community hubs that provide integrated educational, health, and mental health services to students and families through more than $4 billion in grants. 
- California Volunteers, which is tasked with engaging Californians in service, volunteering, and civic action and operates the largest service force in the nation, in addition to facilitating volunteer and civic engagement opportunities across the state.

How we got here

Since taking office in 2019, Governor Newsom has been focused on building a California for All, investing in efforts to make government work for everyone by reaching underserved communities and demographic groups, expanding access to services that meet people’s basic needs so they can focus on pursuing opportunities and advancement, and actively assessing disparities in opportunity and outcomes to more effectively deliver governmental services to all intended beneficiaries.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-governor-newsom-issues-executive-order-to-support-young-men-and-boys-address-suicide-rates/

What you need to know: California is taking targeted action to address the mental health crisis among young men and boys today with a new executive order focused on suicide prevention, behavioral health, and helping find purpose through education, family, and work.

SACRAMENTO –  Governor Gavin Newsom today issued an executive order to address a growing issue — the alarming rise in suicides and disconnection among California’s young men and boys. The order directs a coordinated statewide response to improve mental health outcomes, reduce stigma, and expand access to meaningful education, work, and mentorship opportunities. The full order can be found here.

“Too many young men and boys are suffering in silence — disconnected from community, opportunity, and even their own families. This action is about turning that around. It’s about showing every young man that he matters and there’s a path for him of purpose, dignity, work, and real connection.”

Governor Gavin Newsom

“Women and men face different challenges — but there are systemic barriers we can take on together. Whether it’s the shortage of male mental health providers, outdated ideas about care work, or boys falling through the cracks in school, this Executive Order is a step toward real solutions. Our young men and boys are facing a crisis of loneliness and social isolation that is showing up in their mental health, educational outcomes, future economic opportunities, and more. Raising healthy boys will take all of us—moms, dads, teachers, coaches, and mentors—working together to find new ways forward.”

First Partner Jennifer Siebel Newsom

The executive order helps address this crisis, directing state agencies to create a new focus on this issue and creating new pathways to help reconnect men and boys with the support, assistance, and help they need. 

Ending mental health stigma 

Lack of mental health support and gender stereotypes have perpetuated a culture where men and boys feel unable to ask for assistance or support, leading to higher rates of disconnection, suicide, drug use, crime, and lack of participation in the workforce. 

Depression is ranked as a leading cause of death among men, and mental health conditions often go untreated among men because they are far less likely to seek mental health treatment than women.

This crisis impacts everyone. Violence is focused both internally and externally, affecting all people in the community. Men are responsible for almost 80% of violent crime, and almost half of female homicide victims are killed by a current or former male intimate partner.

Although California consistently has one of the lowest gun death rates in the nation, the toll remains too high – about 3,200 Californians lose their lives to gun violence each year, with suicides making up a significant share, especially among men. In California, men aged 15–44 die by suicide at 3 to 4 times the rate of women, often by firearms.

Strengthening mental health support

The executive order directs the California Health and Human Services Agency (CalHHS) to develop recommendations to address the suicide crisis among young men. The Governor is also ordering CalHHS, with support from the Center for Data Insights and Innovation, to examine existing data on gender disparities to identify any gaps in service delivery and assess potential changes to address disparities.

Crisis of loneliness

Young men are more disconnected from school, work, and relationships than ever before, with nearly one in four men under 30 years old reporting that they have no close friends, a five-fold increase since 1990, with higher rates of disconnection for young Black males. A lack of social connection is associated with increased risk of poor health, including mental health disorders, poverty, and even premature death. 

This disconnection has pulled men out of the workplace. Labor force participation among men without a college degree is currently at historic lows, with about one in nine men aged 25-54 neither working nor looking for work. The unemployment rate for men in California is also higher than the rate for women, and college enrollment and completion rates for men have dropped significantly over the past decade.

Pathways to work and education

The executive order aims to reconnect men and boys with pathways to enter education or the workforce, including through service opportunities. The Governor is directing the Office of Service and Community Engagement, in consultation with the Office of the First Partner and the Executive Director of the State Board of Education, to identify opportunities for promoting and enhancing the participation of men and boys in service opportunities through California Volunteers. 

The order also will help improve opportunities for the full participation of men and boys as part of California Jobs First, the Master Plan for Career Education, the Children and Youth Behavioral Health Initiative, and the California Community Schools Partnership Program, which are being implemented by the Governor’s Office for Business and Economic Development, the Labor and Workforce Development Agency, the California Health and Human Services Agency, the Governor’s Office of Service and Community Engagement, and the California Department of Veterans Affairs, and in consultation with the Office of the First Partner and the Executive Director of the State Board of Education.

The order also helps address the lack of male role models in educational settings, by directing the Executive Director of the State Board of Education and requesting the California Department of Education and the California Commission on Teacher Credentialing to identify opportunities to improve recruitment of men as teachers and school counselors.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Ongoing funding for job training and apprenticeship programs

The Governor’s announcement of the executive order comes alongside the new announcement of $20 million awarded through the  California Apprenticeship Council (CAC) Training Funds. This funding will go to support apprenticeship training in the building trades. Apprenticeship funding is a key component of the Governor’s Master Plan for Career Education, which focuses on creating different career pathways that do not necessarily rely on a four-year college degree. Apprenticeships in the building trades are a debt-free option and can lead to stable jobs with family-sustaining wages and help support the Governor’s efforts to address this crisis.  

With California leading the way in apprenticeship programs nationwide, Governor Newsom aims to serve 500,000 apprentices by 2029; 219,784 registered apprentices have been served thus far.  

At-risk young men may also be connected to the workforce through California’s Youth Employment Opportunity Program, which helps young people ages 15 to 25 who may be struggling with school or work. Advisors for the program are available across California. In March 2025, EDD and the LWDA awarded approximately $1,700,000 of Workforce Innovation and Opportunity Act Governor’s discretionary funds under the Opportunity Young Adult (OYA) Evaluation and Technical Assistance Program. These funds support organizations who help young adults reach educational and employment goals.  

Ongoing initiatives

The Newsom administration is in the midst of implementing several initiatives that are directly responsive to addressing negative outcomes for men and boys, including:

- California Jobs First, a statewide plan built with input from 13 regions to drive sustainable economic growth, innovation, and access to good-paying jobs over the next decade, paired with $125 million to support new projects and $92 million for new apprenticeship and job programs.

- The Master Plan for Career Education, which focuses on strengthening career pathways, prioritizing hands-on learning and real-life skills, and advancing educational access and affordability and complements additional investments.

- Mental Health for All, California’s plan to build a stronger and more equitable behavioral health system, with the goal to make sure every Californian — especially those who have struggled to get help like men and boys — can access high-quality mental health and substance use disorder treatment when and where they need it.  

- Proposition 1, passed by the voters in 2024 to modernize the state’s behavioral health care delivery system and provide $6.4B in bond funds to build treatment facilities and housing.

- The Children and Youth Behavioral Health Initiative, which invests billions of dollars to create a larger and more representative workforce supporting behavioral health for young people and improve coordination and integration across different settings delivering behavioral health care.

- The California Community Schools Partnership Program, which is transforming more than 2000 public schools into community hubs that provide integrated educational, health, and mental health services to students and families through more than $4 billion in grants. 

- California Volunteers, which is tasked with engaging Californians in service, volunteering, and civic action and operates the largest service force in the nation, in addition to facilitating volunteer and civic engagement opportunities across the state.

How we got here

Since taking office in 2019, Governor Newsom has been focused on building a California for All, investing in efforts to make government work for everyone by reaching underserved communities and demographic groups, expanding access to services that meet people’s basic needs so they can focus on pursuing opportunities and advancement, and actively assessing disparities in opportunity and outcomes to more effectively deliver governmental services to all intended beneficiaries. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-governor-newsom-issues-executive-order-to-support-young-men-and-boys-address-suicide-rates/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - What Do Parents of Students With ADHD or Learning Disorders Need to Know Before Their Kids Go to College?

Tips for what you can do to help with the transition

Writer: Adam S. Zamora, PsyD , David Friedlander, PsyD

Clinical Experts: Adam S. Zamora, PsyD , David Friedlander, PsyD

Key Takeaways

- The transition to college may be bumpy at first, but you need to let them figure it out on their own — even if that means making mistakes.
- They may be reticent to request accommodations from the office of disabilities at college. You can talk about what supports are necessary for their learning disability, and what they can try on their own.
- Try your hardest to wait until they ask for advice before offering it.
- It may be bumpy at first
- Talk to them about their ADHD or learning disorder
- Reflect on your own feelings
- College Readiness Toolkit

The transition from high school to college is among the most challenging transitions for many students, but it’s even harder for those with ADHD and learning disorders. And it can be particularly hard for their parents — who may have spent years helping them, shuttling them to appointments, reminding them to take their meds, and advocating on their behalf — to let them go. But you’ve got this!

It may be bumpy at first

- Keep in mind that your young adult going off to college is still, essentially, a high school student who needs time and space to figure out how to be independent.
- Many students do not perform as well as they — or you — have been used to at first.
- You need to let them figure it out on their own, even if that means making mistakes.
- Parents, teachers, or tutors may have provided significant scaffolding to these students in high school.
- In many ways, adults may have acted as the student’s prefrontal cortex. Now they have to do it themselves.

The student will now independently need to:

- Go to bed at a reasonable hour.
- Wake up on time.
- Make it to class.
- Keep track of their assignments.
- Plan a study schedule.
- Make use of unstructured time.
- Take their medication (if applicable).
- Make — at least somewhat — nutritious eating choices.

Before they leave for college, start having them practice doing these things on their own if they aren’t already.

Help prepare for this transition early

Teach them life skills and tricks you know for:

- Laundry
- Cleaning
- Budgeting and taxes
- Planning and organization
- How to change a tire or complete minor household repairs

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Talk to them about their ADHD or learning disorder

- Help them to understand and accept what they need in order to be able to learn effectively.
- If they had a 504 plan or IEP in high school, go over it with them so they can reflect on the supports they had in place.
- They may be reticent to request accommodations from the office of disabilities at college. You can talk about what supports are necessary, and what they can try on their own.
- In the end, they’ll need to make their own decisions regarding accommodations and how much they tell their professors about their struggles.
- Give them a heads up about the ways in which college will be different.
- Many smart students with ADHD or a learning disorder might not have needed to study much in high school, or could get by with waiting until the last minute to study.
- Sustained effort is practically a requirement for success in college.
- Your student may find that their regular “approach” is ineffective.
- Their first-ever academic problems may be interpreted as a personal failure, which can lead to frustration, anxiety, and depression.
- They may hide their “mistakes” from you, for fear of facing the truth or disappointing you.
- Emphasize that they can and should be honest with you, and that you understand that they may take some time to find their groove.

Be an anchor for your young adult

- As much as you need to give your child space, it’s also important to be there for them.
- Many students are experimenting with independence and life changes, but want home to feel familiar.
- Don’t make any big changes at home without first discussing with them.
- Keep them informed of big life events — you may be tempted to hide something like a family illness until they come home, but this can erode trust and increase anxiety.
- Ask them about their life, not their grades.
- Ask questions about what their professor is like, or what they’re doing in their free time.
- If you focus on their academic performance, they may start dodging calls or keeping the truth from you.
- Try your hardest to wait until they ask for advice before offering it.

Reflect on your own feelings

- Your children might absorb or mirror how you feel about any challenges they face.
- Your child needs you to be positive about their ability to succeed in college, despite their ADHD or learning disorder, and realistic about what they need to do get there. If you’re feeling pessimistic, or feeling guilty about “passing on” those challenges to them, work though those emotions.
- Talk to other parents you trust, talk to a psychologist, or talk to others in a parent group.
- Focus on your child’s strengths and provide positive reinforcement and encouragement for their efforts.
- Be a role model by being transparent with them — honesty goes both ways.
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-what-do-parents-of-students-with-adhd-or-learning-disorders-need-to-know-before-their-kids-go-to-college/

Tips for what you can do to help with the transition

Writer: Adam S. Zamora, PsyD , David Friedlander, PsyD

Clinical Experts: Adam S. Zamora, PsyD , David Friedlander, PsyD

Key Takeaways

- The transition to college may be bumpy at first, but you need to let them figure it out on their own — even if that means making mistakes.

- They may be reticent to request accommodations from the office of disabilities at college. You can talk about what supports are necessary for their learning disability, and what they can try on their own.

- Try your hardest to wait until they ask for advice before offering it.

- It may be bumpy at first

- Talk to them about their ADHD or learning disorder

- Reflect on your own feelings

- College Readiness Toolkit

The transition from high school to college is among the most challenging transitions for many students, but it’s even harder for those with ADHD and learning disorders. And it can be particularly hard for their parents — who may have spent years helping them, shuttling them to appointments, reminding them to take their meds, and advocating on their behalf — to let them go. But you’ve got this!

It may be bumpy at first

- Keep in mind that your young adult going off to college is still, essentially, a high school student who needs time and space to figure out how to be independent.

- Many students do not perform as well as they — or you — have been used to at first.

- You need to let them figure it out on their own, even if that means making mistakes.

- Parents, teachers, or tutors may have provided significant scaffolding to these students in high school.

- In many ways, adults may have acted as the student’s prefrontal cortex. Now they have to do it themselves.

The student will now independently need to:

- Go to bed at a reasonable hour.

- Wake up on time.

- Make it to class.

- Keep track of their assignments.

- Plan a study schedule.

- Make use of unstructured time.

- Take their medication (if applicable).

- Make — at least somewhat — nutritious eating choices.

Before they leave for college, start having them practice doing these things on their own if they aren’t already.

Help prepare for this transition early

Teach them life skills and tricks you know for:

- Laundry

- Cleaning

- Budgeting and taxes

- Planning and organization

- How to change a tire or complete minor household repairs

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Talk to them about their ADHD or learning disorder

- Help them to understand and accept what they need in order to be able to learn effectively.

- If they had a 504 plan or IEP in high school, go over it with them so they can reflect on the supports they had in place.

- They may be reticent to request accommodations from the office of disabilities at college. You can talk about what supports are necessary, and what they can try on their own.

- In the end, they’ll need to make their own decisions regarding accommodations and how much they tell their professors about their struggles.

- Give them a heads up about the ways in which college will be different.

- Many smart students with ADHD or a learning disorder might not have needed to study much in high school, or could get by with waiting until the last minute to study.

- Sustained effort is practically a requirement for success in college.

- Your student may find that their regular “approach” is ineffective.

- Their first-ever academic problems may be interpreted as a personal failure, which can lead to frustration, anxiety, and depression.

- They may hide their “mistakes” from you, for fear of facing the truth or disappointing you.

- Emphasize that they can and should be honest with you, and that you understand that they may take some time to find their groove.

Be an anchor for your young adult

- As much as you need to give your child space, it’s also important to be there for them.

- Many students are experimenting with independence and life changes, but want home to feel familiar.

- Don’t make any big changes at home without first discussing with them.

- Keep them informed of big life events — you may be tempted to hide something like a family illness until they come home, but this can erode trust and increase anxiety.

- Ask them about their life, not their grades.

- Ask questions about what their professor is like, or what they’re doing in their free time.

- If you focus on their academic performance, they may start dodging calls or keeping the truth from you.

- Try your hardest to wait until they ask for advice before offering it.

Reflect on your own feelings

- Your children might absorb or mirror how you feel about any challenges they face.

- Your child needs you to be positive about their ability to succeed in college, despite their ADHD or learning disorder, and realistic about what they need to do get there. If you’re feeling pessimistic, or feeling guilty about “passing on” those challenges to them, work though those emotions.

- Talk to other parents you trust, talk to a psychologist, or talk to others in a parent group.

- Focus on your child’s strengths and provide positive reinforcement and encouragement for their efforts.

- Be a role model by being transparent with them — honesty goes both ways. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-what-do-parents-of-students-with-adhd-or-learning-disorders-need-to-know-before-their-kids-go-to-college/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - How Do You Support a Teen Who Is Nervous About Leaving Home?

What to do to ease their anxiety without dismissing it

Writer: Adam S. Zamora, PsyD , David Friedlander, PsyD

Clinical Experts: Adam S. Zamora, PsyD , David Friedlander, PsyD

Key Takeaways

- Start by validating your child’s feelings and reflect back what you hear them say.
- Ask questions instead of telling them what you think. Your goal is to help them own the solution, not to solve the problem for them.
- Help them anticipate obstacles and help brainstorm potential solutions. Affirm their strengths without downplaying their worries.
- Start with validation
- After you’ve validated, look for clues that your child is ready to problem-solve

If you remember being scared to leave home for the first time, share your story. But even if you have not personally experienced this situation, emphasize that your child is not alone. Many people find this transition hard!

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Start with validation

When they share their anxieties with you:

- Pay attention! Put down your phone, make eye contact, and show you are interested.
- Reflect back what you hear. This shows you are listening and want to understand. Avoid a judgmental tone.
- For example, “I hear you saying you’re worried that you’re not going to know anyone in any of your classes, so you’ll feel isolated.”
- Look for what they’re NOT saying. Check their facial expression, tone of voice, and body language. Is there something they’re afraid to say? Say what you think they may be leaving unsaid.
- For example, “I’m wondering if you’re also worried that you’ll miss your friends and family?”
- Put it in context. Why does it make sense that your child is feeling what they’re feeling? What parts of their anxieties are reasonable based on the circumstances?
- For example, “I think it makes sense that you feel this way! You’ve known your friends since elementary school, and you’ve never gone that long without them. You also haven’t had to make new friends since new people joined in 9th grade, so you’re out of practice. I would be anxious too!”
- IMPORTANT: When validating, don’t argue the other side yet! Your child may “dig in their heels” or “double down.”

After you’ve validated, look for clues that your child is ready to problem-solve

- They may literally ask, “What should I do?” or say, “Help!”
- But it may be more subtle than that. It might be a shift in their mood or body language.

Then, help them build motivation for problem-solving!

Ask questions instead of telling them what you think.

- For example, “I understand why you’re worried about this. I’m also confident that once you find yourself in those situations, you’ll handle them better than you expect. It’s always scarier before it actually happens.”
- If you try to help with problem-solving and your child goes back to expressing their worries, switch back to validation.
- Lastly, don’t be afraid to remind them that you’ll always be available to support them. They may just need to hear it.
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-do-you-support-a-teen-who-is-nervous-about-leaving-home/

What to do to ease their anxiety without dismissing it

Writer: Adam S. Zamora, PsyD , David Friedlander, PsyD

Clinical Experts: Adam S. Zamora, PsyD , David Friedlander, PsyD

Key Takeaways

- Start by validating your child’s feelings and reflect back what you hear them say.

- Ask questions instead of telling them what you think. Your goal is to help them own the solution, not to solve the problem for them.

- Help them anticipate obstacles and help brainstorm potential solutions. Affirm their strengths without downplaying their worries.

- Start with validation

- After you’ve validated, look for clues that your child is ready to problem-solve

If you remember being scared to leave home for the first time, share your story. But even if you have not personally experienced this situation, emphasize that your child is not alone. Many people find this transition hard!

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Start with validation

When they share their anxieties with you:

- Pay attention! Put down your phone, make eye contact, and show you are interested.

- Reflect back what you hear. This shows you are listening and want to understand. Avoid a judgmental tone.

- For example, “I hear you saying you’re worried that you’re not going to know anyone in any of your classes, so you’ll feel isolated.”

- Look for what they’re NOT saying. Check their facial expression, tone of voice, and body language. Is there something they’re afraid to say? Say what you think they may be leaving unsaid.

- For example, “I’m wondering if you’re also worried that you’ll miss your friends and family?”

- Put it in context. Why does it make sense that your child is feeling what they’re feeling? What parts of their anxieties are reasonable based on the circumstances?

- For example, “I think it makes sense that you feel this way! You’ve known your friends since elementary school, and you’ve never gone that long without them. You also haven’t had to make new friends since new people joined in 9th grade, so you’re out of practice. I would be anxious too!”

- IMPORTANT: When validating, don’t argue the other side yet! Your child may “dig in their heels” or “double down.”

After you’ve validated, look for clues that your child is ready to problem-solve

- They may literally ask, “What should I do?” or say, “Help!”

- But it may be more subtle than that. It might be a shift in their mood or body language.

Then, help them build motivation for problem-solving!

Ask questions instead of telling them what you think.

- For example, “I understand why you’re worried about this. I’m also confident that once you find yourself in those situations, you’ll handle them better than you expect. It’s always scarier before it actually happens.”

- If you try to help with problem-solving and your child goes back to expressing their worries, switch back to validation.

- Lastly, don’t be afraid to remind them that you’ll always be available to support them. They may just need to hear it. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-do-you-support-a-teen-who-is-nervous-about-leaving-home/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - You’re Having a Conflict With Your Roommate. What Should You Do?

Writer David Friedlander, PsyD, Adam Zamora, PsyD

If you’re a first-year student living on campus, chances are you’ll have at least one roommate. And chances are you’ll find yourselves in at least a conflict or two, even if you’ve become the best of friends. Before you try to crash on a friend’s floor or run home, here are some strategies to try.

Communicate

First, try to solve the problem by speaking to them yourself! Often, conflicts arise when there is a miscommunication or when one person doesn’t realize what they are doing is bothersome. As an example, let’s say the roommate is not being quiet at night and it’s making it hard for you to sleep. Try dialectical behavior therapy’s DEAR MAN skill (from the 2015 DBT manual by Dr. Marsha Linehan):

- Describe the facts: “I have early classes most days, so I try to be in bed by midnight so I can wake up by 8. But you’re often up past 3am playing video games or laughing at memes on your phone.”
- Express how you feel: “This leaves me feeling frustrated and annoyed because my grades are important to me, and I don’t learn as well when I’m tired.”
- Assert yourself: “Could you please either start going to bed earlier on weeknights, or find another place to hang out after midnight, like a common room or a friend’s place?”
- Reinforce what’s in it for them: “If you do, you can stay up as late as you want on Friday and Saturday night.”
- Stay mindful of your goal: Don’t allow yourself to be distracted! If they aren’t hearing you, choose a respectful and concise phrase — like “I’d appreciate it if you could keep it down after midnight” — and keep coming back to your assertion like a broken record.
- Appear confident: Stand tall, use a confident tone of voice, and maintain eye contact. Practice ahead of time if you’re nervous!
- Negotiate: If you can’t get all of what you want, try to get some of it instead. Maybe they can have lights off by midnight only on the nights before you have 9am classes.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Seek outside help

If this fails, you may need the help of someone in authority to help resolve the conflict.

Talk to a Resident Assistant (RA)
- Most dorms have an RA, dorm parent, or some other point person for dorm-related issues. Their job includes helping to manage roommate disputes.
- They will often mediate conflicts and can enforce any official rules your roommate may be violating.
Talk to someone higher up
- If your conversation with your RA does not yield the results you’re looking for, it may be necessary to talk to someone higher up in the RA office.
- This could be a senior RA, faculty supervisor, the office of housing, or dean of students.
Request a room transfer
- If all else fails, most schools have a system for requesting an official room transfer.
- If the problem is bad enough, while you wait for the transfer to come through, see if there is anywhere else you can stay! Friends may be happy to let you sleep on their couch.
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-youre-having-a-conflict-with-your-roommate-what-should-you-do/

Writer David Friedlander, PsyD, Adam Zamora, PsyD

If you’re a first-year student living on campus, chances are you’ll have at least one roommate. And chances are you’ll find yourselves in at least a conflict or two, even if you’ve become the best of friends. Before you try to crash on a friend’s floor or run home, here are some strategies to try.

Communicate

First, try to solve the problem by speaking to them yourself! Often, conflicts arise when there is a miscommunication or when one person doesn’t realize what they are doing is bothersome. As an example, let’s say the roommate is not being quiet at night and it’s making it hard for you to sleep. Try dialectical behavior therapy’s DEAR MAN skill (from the 2015 DBT manual by Dr. Marsha Linehan):

- Describe the facts: “I have early classes most days, so I try to be in bed by midnight so I can wake up by 8. But you’re often up past 3am playing video games or laughing at memes on your phone.”

- Express how you feel: “This leaves me feeling frustrated and annoyed because my grades are important to me, and I don’t learn as well when I’m tired.”

- Assert yourself: “Could you please either start going to bed earlier on weeknights, or find another place to hang out after midnight, like a common room or a friend’s place?”

- Reinforce what’s in it for them: “If you do, you can stay up as late as you want on Friday and Saturday night.”

- Stay mindful of your goal: Don’t allow yourself to be distracted! If they aren’t hearing you, choose a respectful and concise phrase — like “I’d appreciate it if you could keep it down after midnight” — and keep coming back to your assertion like a broken record.

- Appear confident: Stand tall, use a confident tone of voice, and maintain eye contact. Practice ahead of time if you’re nervous!

- Negotiate: If you can’t get all of what you want, try to get some of it instead. Maybe they can have lights off by midnight only on the nights before you have 9am classes.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Seek outside help

If this fails, you may need the help of someone in authority to help resolve the conflict.

Talk to a Resident Assistant (RA)

- Most dorms have an RA, dorm parent, or some other point person for dorm-related issues. Their job includes helping to manage roommate disputes.

- They will often mediate conflicts and can enforce any official rules your roommate may be violating.

Talk to someone higher up

- If your conversation with your RA does not yield the results you’re looking for, it may be necessary to talk to someone higher up in the RA office.

- This could be a senior RA, faculty supervisor, the office of housing, or dean of students.

Request a room transfer

- If all else fails, most schools have a system for requesting an official room transfer.

- If the problem is bad enough, while you wait for the transfer to come through, see if there is anywhere else you can stay! Friends may be happy to let you sleep on their couch. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-youre-having-a-conflict-with-your-roommate-what-should-you-do/