Meghan Holohan

This story discusses #suicide. If you or someone you know is at risk of #suicide please call the U.S. #NationalSuicidePreventionLifeline at 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741 or go to  SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.

In June 2017, then 16-year-old Emma Benoit, a varsity cheerleader in Louisiana who described herself as a "picture-perfect American #girl," attempted #suicide. She survived but was left with serious injuries. Since then, Benoit has spoken about #teen #mentalhealth and #suicide and she is featured in the documentary film, “My Ascension.” Benoit shares her thoughts about #teens, #mentalhealth and #suicide with TODAY.

I first remember experiencing #anxiety as early as grade #school. Then it became bigger and bigger. By high school, the #depression began. The two felt constant in my life for five to six years. I never said anything because I didn’t know what I was feeling. I had such little exposure to #mentalhealth that I didn’t even have the language to discuss what I was experiencing. No one ever addressed #mentalhealth with me until after it was too late. I also had this sense that sharing dark feelings came with a #stigma. So I kept quiet.

This meant I felt isolated and alone. I thought there was just something wrong with me and I was the problem causing these feelings. But couldn’t do anything about it. I told myself that therapy was for people with more serious problems than mine.

No one ever suspected that I struggled with my #mentalhealth.

This lack of community and conversation about #mentalhealth factored into what caused me to attempt #suicide. But the pervasive feeling that caused me to try to end my life was overwhelming #hopelessness. I wanted my pain to end. (Editor's note: TODAY does not go into detail about methods used for suicides or #suicideattempts.) Almost immediately, I regretted what I had done. I knew I truly did not want to die.

When I woke in the hospital, it was clear that I had many physical injuries. My journey involved a lot of physical recovery, and I first focused my energy on that. I was paralyzed from the neck down, which meant I was quadriplegic. I needed to relearn how to care for myself. I also experienced several blood clots in my brain that led to a series of strokes and cognitive issues. I needed to go to speech, occupational and physical therapy. I’ve regained about 80% of my abilities, but I do use a wheelchair at times. I can now walk and drive and experience some sensation in my limbs and torso. But the nerves in my left hand were severed, so I can’t use those fingers very well.

While in the hospital I couldn’t remember what exactly happened — I believe my brain was trying to protect me from those tough memories. When I arrived home, everything rushed back. I felt like both a victim and the perpetrator at the same time. I had this challenging injury that required me to relearn much of how I did things. But I’m the one who inflicted it on me.

After working on my physical health, I focused on my emotional strength. Receiving a diagnosis of #depression and #anxiety felt groundbreaking. I now had words to describe what I experienced. But it also made it feel more real. While that could feel scary, it also felt empowering because it felt like something I could work with. The therapists I met made it clear that I could successfully receive treatment and live with #mentalillness. It gave me hope and perspective that I had been lacking.

Everyone was shocked that I was struggling. I hope by sharing my story I encourage #parents to talk about #mentalhealth with their #children.

As I was recovering, so many people said, “Not Emma.” No one expected that I would attempt to die by #suicide. That’s one reason why it’s important to share my story: I want parents to recognize the warning signs in their #children. Looking back, the biggest signal that something was wrong was when I skipped a cheerleading tryout. After a lifetime of loving the sport, I simply stopped caring. I began hanging out with new friends that I otherwise wouldn’t have befriended. I became angered easily and often felt frustrated — both huge character shifts for me.

It’s tough because sometimes people do experience frustration or make new friends, and it’s not always a cry for help. I do wish someone would have talked to me about my feelings so that I didn’t feel alone and struggle so much.

#James Donaldson notes:

Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.

Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.

Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle

Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,

#CelebratingYourGiftofLife:

From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

http://www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

When I was first in the hospital, I focused on my physical recovery, but when I started talk therapy it was like learning a new language to address my feelings.

I encourage #parents to err on the side of caution. If their #teen starts acting differently or suddenly becomes uninterested in something they once loved, ask them about it. It might be nothing. But if it’s something, that conversation could be the start of a dialogue that could lead to them getting help that they need. I hope that #parents start bringing up #mentalhealth and make sure their #children know that if they face difficulties, they can talk to their #parents. I didn’t know that #mentalhealth was something I could discuss.

I am on a mission to share my story by taking my documentary to communities and anyone who will listen, to help them open up their own conversations about #mentalhealth. I hope it encourages other people who are struggling to be vulnerable with a loved one. I want them to understand they are not alone and there is help — and that you can overcome your #mentalhealthchallenges and thrive.

This interview has been edited and condensed.
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/2022/07/jamesdonaldson-on-mentalhealth-no-one-knew-i-struggled-until-my-suicideattempt-what-i-want-parents-to-know/