What #parents can do to support learning and #self-esteem

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Writer: Rae Jacobson

What You'll Learn

- How are #girls with #ADHD different from #boys with the disorder?

- What are some of the challenges #girls face?

- How can #parents help #girls with #ADHD?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Make the invisible visible

- Reach out to other #parents

- Help with friends

- Engineer her environment

- Build #self-esteem

- Help her come out of hiding

- The best advice

#Girls with #ADHD don’t behave the same way #boys with the disorder do. They face a different set of challenges than #boys do. And when it comes to helping, #parents need an approach that addresses these differences head-on.

In #girls, #ADHD is often referred to as a “hidden disorder.” Most #girls with #ADHD have what’s called the “inattentive” type. This means they have problems focusing, but are not hyperactive or impulsive. Even #girls who are hyperactive or impulsive have less obvious symptoms than #boys.

Because symptoms of #ADHD are hard to spot in #girls, the disorder often goes unnoticed. Instead of a diagnosis, #girls with #ADHD often get criticism from #parents, #teachers and peers. And the fallout takes a serious toll on #self-esteem. Educating yourself, and your #child, about #ADHD can help.

Use your knowledge of #ADHD to set #girls up for success. If your #child has a hard time concentrating, make sure her #teachers know and set up a quiet place with no distractions for her to do homework in. If she has extra energy to burn, you could agree that she’ll go running before starting her schoolwork.

The emotional and social fallout of #ADHD can be very serious. #Girls with #ADHD sometimes struggle to make and keep friends. Many also experience low #self-esteem, #depression or #anxiety. They also have higher rates of #self-harm, #substanceabuse, and #suicideattempts than other #girls.

#Parents can help by encouraging #girls to find activities, clubs or social groups where they feel comfortable and accepted. Make space for your #child to talk about how she’s feeling and seek help from a professional if necessary. Work with your #child to help her get comfortable with asking for help and speaking up about her learning difference.

It may take time and practice for her to find her voice. Above all, make sure she knows that having #ADHD does not mean she is stupid or lazy. It just means her brain works a little differently, and that’s not a bad thing. Offer praise and make sure she knows you love and support her, no matter what.

Helping #kids with #ADHD is a big job. Both sexes benefit from medication, organizational assistance and accommodations. But #girls with #ADHD— like me—face a different set of challenges than #boys, and when it comes to helping, #parents need an approach that addresses these differences head-on. 

Make the invisible visible

In #girls, #ADHD is often referred to as a “hidden disorder,” and with good reason. Most #girls with #ADHD have the inattentive type, which means that they have problems focusing but are not hyperactive and impulsive. But even those who are hyperactive and impulsive present with less obvious symptoms than #boys, so it often goes unnoticed or unacknowledged. Instead of a diagnosis, #girls with #ADHD often get criticism from #parents, #teachers, and peers, and the fallout takes a serious toll on #self-esteem.

“Pardoxically,” says Stephen Hinshaw, PhD, who chairs the psychology department at UC Berkeley, “#Stigma is stronger against subtle disorders than obvious ones: ‘You’re bright. You should have it together! What’s wrong with you?’ The very subtlety and inconstancy of the symptoms fuels #stigma—it doesn’t reduce it.”

Educating yourself about #ADHD can help build understanding around a frustrating, complex disorder. It will also give you the arsenal you’ll need to become a strong advocate for your daughter.

I asked my dad, who doesn’t have #ADHD, what he thought was the most difficult part of having a daughter who does.

“I didn’t understand it for a long time,” he told me. “It was invisible. We’d never heard of #girls having #ADHD. It seemed like you should be doing fine but were screwing up, and I didn’t know what it was about. That made it very hard to get on your side.”

Reach out to other #parents

Kathleen Nadeau, PhD, a clinical #psychologist who works with #girls with #ADHD and their #parents, says that #parents not understanding is a common refrain.

“The not-#ADHD #parent is going ‘I don’t get it!’ ” she says. “When #parents have to keep repeating the same things—’You’re not getting up on time.’ ‘Put your shoes away.’—it adds up and makes it hard to see past the #behavior to the causes behind it.”

Dr. Nadeau suggests that #parents with #ADHD daughters spend time talking with and listening to other #parents whose #children have #ADHD. Hearing the similarities and sharing struggles and strategies helps non-#ADHD #parents understand the disorder better. “It really helps to have people who can relate,” she says.

Help with friends

#Girls with #ADHD sometimes struggle to make and maintain friendships, and the relentless complexities of the girl social world are overwhelming. Patricia Quinn, MD, co-founder and director of the National Center for Girls and Women with #ADHD, recommends helping #girls with #ADHD find social outlets that make them feel comfortable and play to their strengths. “If your daughter is socially awkward, find environments that are socially accepting—places that are more supervised and focused on kindness and treating people well and self-acceptance,” she explains.

Encourage your daughter to get involved with afterschool activities—clubs that focus on her interests or group activities that allow for individual space, like art classes or book groups—to help her learn to feel safe, comfortable and confident in a social setting. Likewise, if your daughter is impulsive or hyper, social situations where she can release some energy, like theater or sports, can make things go more smoothly.

And because #boys are more likely to be diagnosed, even though lots of #girls have #ADHD, it’s easy for #girls to sometimes feel alienated. Help your daughter normalize and legitimize her experiences by connecting her with other #girls her age who have #ADHD. Check out books about #girls with #ADHD and try reading and talking about them together. It also might help to find an older #girl with #ADHD to mentor your daughter, through #school or a program like Eye to Eye. Meeting other ladies with #ADHD, especially those who are open about their disorder, can make #girls feel less alone and more hopeful.

Engineer her environment

When you have a clear understanding of what your daughter needs, you and she can work together to create situations that bolster her abilities and offer support in the areas where she feels less competent. Dr. Nadeau calls this “environmental engineering.”

For example, says Dr. Nadeau, “Extroverted, hyper-talkative #girls might benefit from forming a study group. If studying alone is a nightmare but socializing is easy, find a way to make it constructive.”

Similarly, #girls who are more introverted or struggle to stay focused might do well in a quiet, calm setting, with minimal distractions. As I write this, I’m facing a white wall (visual stimuli are really distracting for me) and using a white noise app on my phone—which is set to ignore all calls until I’m done working—to block out distracting sounds.

Build #self-esteem

Research shows that #girls with #ADHD, especially those who’ve gone undiagnosed, suffer from low #self-esteem.  I was no exception.

Failure, I’d think morosely, shaking my head for the umpteenth time when the #teacher asked if I had my homework. I’m a stupid, useless failure.

The emotional fallout of #ADHD can be as or more severe than any academic difficulties. We know now that #girls with #ADHD have higher rates of #self-harm, #substanceabuse, and #suicideattempts. Encourage your daughter to talk about how she’s feeling and seek further help if necessary.

Highlighting her strengths is one way to build back lost #self-esteem and help your daughter see herself in a more positive light. “Look for islands of success,” says Dr. Nadeau. “Look for what she’s good at and really likes to do and arrange her world so that it’s a major focus in her life.”

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleOrder your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife:From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com

Help her come out of hiding

Having #ADHD can be frustrating and humiliating. #Girls with #ADHD often hide, minimize or compensate for their difficulties, too embarrassed to ask for help (even when we really need it). A 16-year-old I know explained how painful it was trying to cover up her struggles. “I wanted so badly to be like everyone else,” she said. “I didn’t want to ask for help because I didn’t want to be the weird #girl who couldn’t get it done, but—of course—I did need help so then, after all that, I’d fail anyway. It was terrible.”

Work with your daughter to help her get comfortable with asking for help. It can be very hard for #girls with #ADHD to acknowledge their needs, and it may take time and practice for her to find her voice.

It may sound simple, but for me, learning to say, “Please repeat that. I have trouble remembering things if I don’t write them down,” instead of ducking my head and quietly panicking, has been life-changing.

In the meantime, you can model how it’s done by being her advocate. Standing up for your daughter will not only help her get the services and accommodations she needs but also send the message to her that #ADHD is nothing to be ashamed of. This will help empower her to become her own advocate as she grows up. The more she is able to figure out what works for her, and ask for the help that will enable her to succeed, the more she will thrive.

The best advice

I asked my mother what was the best advice she’d gotten on raising a daughter with #ADHD.

“Dan,” she said, with no hesitation.

Dan was my 3rd grade #teacher, and the first person to notice I might have #ADHD.

“Rae thinks a little differently than the other #kids,” he told my #parents. “It’s not a bad thing, but it might make some things more difficult for her as she grows up.”

My #parents were confused and worried. “What should we do?” they asked. “How can we help?”

Dan thought for a moment.

“Keep her ego intact.” He said. “Make sure she knows you think she’s smart and you love her no matter what.”

“That,” my mother told me, nearly 20 years later, “was very good advice.”

This article was last reviewed or updated on August 16, 2021.

Rae Jacobson

Rae Jacobson is a writer, #ADHD expert, and former senior editor at the #ChildMindInstitute. Her work has appeared … Read Bio

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/2022/12/jamesdonaldson-on-mentalhealth-how-to-help-girls-with-adhd/