Helping young people navigate gender identity and sexual orientation

Writer: Juliann Garey

Clinical Expert: Emma C Woodward, PhD

What You'll Learn

- What does it mean for a child to be questioning?

- How can families support kids who are questioning their gender identity or sexual orientation?

- What mental health risks do questioning kids face?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- What does it mean to be “questioning?”

- What helps kids when they are questioning?

- Emphasize acceptance

- Risk for mental health challenges

- Dealing with bullying

- How to handle your own challenging feelings

It’s common for kids to question their gender identity and sexual orientation, but the process can be confusing and scary. Young people who are dealing with these kinds of questions do best when their families support them.

If your child comes to you with questions or concerns about their gender identity or sexual orientation, the most important thing is to listen and let them know that you love them and support them no matter what. If you think that your child might be questioning, let them know that you’re always there if they want to talk. Then, let them take the lead, and don’t push them to talk before they’re ready.

It also helps to let your child know that your family accepts all gender identities and sexual orientations. Speak openly about non-straight people in your life and use people’s correct pronouns. And if your child wants to use a different name or pronouns, take them seriously and do as they ask.

Not all kids who are questioning are upset about it, but LGBTQ+ kids are at higher risk for challenges like depression and anxiety, especially if they feel rejected by family or friends. Keep an eye out for big changes in mood or behavior. Kids who are very distressed about their gender identity may also be experiencing a mental health issue called gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria comes with an increased risk of suicidal thinking and behavior, especially when kids don’t feel accepted, but treatment can help a lot.

It’s normal to experience anxiety or sadness of your own if your child is questioning. Those feelings are valid, but it’s important to cope with them separately from your child and continue supporting them no matter how you feel. A therapist of your own or a support organization like PFLAG can help.

In recent years, the way kids and teens think about gender and sexuality has moved beyond the simple binaries of male/female and gay/straight. This gives them a lot more flexibility to express their gender and sexual orientation in ways that feel right to them. But sorting out these feelings and thoughts can be confusing — for kids and their families. And questioning kids do best when they have the support of their families.

What does it mean to be “questioning?”

It’s normal for very young children to experiment with gender identity, but “questioning” in this context refers to older kids and young adults who are in the process of exploring their gender identity and/or sexual orientation. Young people might question who they’re attracted to (their sexual orientation), what gender they identify as (male, female, or another gender), or both. According to a 2025 poll, young people are much more likely to identify as LGBTQ+ than older generations. Kids who are trying to figure out where they fit along these spectrums are often referred to as “questioning.”

For more on the terminology that people use to describe sexual orientation and gender identity, see the helpful glossary from the Human Rights Campaign.

What helps kids when they are questioning?

Mental health experts stress the importance of giving kids who are questioning unconditional support at home. That means explicitly letting your child know that you love them, accept them, and stand by them — even if you’re confused or upset by the thoughts and feelings they’re having.

Most kids are probably not going to come right out and tell you that they’re having questions about who they’re attracted to or that they don’t feel right in the body they were born in. Being comfortable enough to reveal these feelings to their friends or parents or even themselves can be a long and difficult process. Even when parents pick up on signs from their kids — things they say, changes in the way they dress, things they post on social media, reports from other parents — pushing kids to talk about it isn’t advised, says Emma Woodward, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute.

So instead of saying something like, “Do you think you might be gay?” or “I’ve noticed that you’ve been dressing differently,” it’s better to check in with open-ended questions and let them know that you’re there if they need you. You might say: “I hope you know that I’m here for you no matter what, and that you can talk to me about anything that’s going on.” You can also let kids know that if they’d rather talk to someone outside the family, you can arrange for them to meet with a therapist.

It’s best to keep the conversation light, Dr Woodward notes, and try not to hover. Check in once a month. Give them the chance to let you know if there’s anything they’d like to talk about. Teenagers need the space to figure things out on their own. But it helps to know that they have the support of a parent or caregiver.

Emphasize acceptance

When a child does start to share ideas about their identity, it’s important for parents to respect those ideas and meet kids where they are, says Dr. Woodward. Start by being really open to what they have to say; just hear them out without passing judgment. It may be awkward at first, but that’s okay. The important part is to listen, let them know that you take their feelings seriously and follow their lead.

That includes using the pronouns or names that they ask you to use, even if they’re still figuring out what works for them. “Wherever I meet a family or child with these concerns we use the words that the teens choose,” she adds.

Risk for mental health challenges

Just because your child is having questioning thoughts doesn’t mean they’re upset about it. But LGBTQ+ kids are at higher risk for mental health challenges like depression and anxiety, especially if they feel rejected by family members or peers.

It’s important for parents to notice when a child seems constantly worried or withdrawn, doesn’t want to see friends, isn’t sleeping or eating well or has lost interest in activities they usually enjoy. These are signs of mental health challenges that may or may not be related to gender or sexual identity. If these symptoms last more than a few weeks and especially if they seem to be getting worse, it may be time to get your child help from a therapist.

A child who seems to have a high level of distress around gender issues might be experiencing something called gender dysphoria. Kids with gender dysphoria feel strongly that they are the wrong gender, and those feelings can cause an intense need to change genders.

Being transgender is not a mental health disorder. And not all transgender people experience gender dysphoria. But kids who do have gender dysphoria are at an increased risk of suicidal thinking and behavior, especially if family and friends do not accept them as the gender they identify with. Treatment can make a big difference for kids with gender dysphoria, and therapists can help families navigate options for kids who are considering transitioning to a different gender.

Dealing with bullying

Kids who are questioning may also be targets for bullying. Whether or not your child is openly discussing their gender and sexual identity with you, it’s important to be ready to advocate for them. If you suspect bullying, start by talking with your child about what they’re experiencing and how they want to handle it. It’s best to get the child’s consent before talking to their teacher about bullying, Dr. Woodward notes. At the same time, you can let them know that it’s important to stand up for themselves and that you’re ready to back them up: “We don’t have to do it right away, but we might need to talk to your teacher if this keeps happening.” Later, you might consider going to the principal if your concerns aren’t addressed after working with the teacher.

Even if you don’t have specific concerns about bullying, it may be helpful to bring up the subject at your next parent-teacher conference.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

How to handle your own challenging feelings

It’s normal to experience upsetting feelings of your own if your child is questioning their gender or sexuality. You might feel anxious about the challenges your child could face, how to share news about their identity with extended family, or how to support a child whose identity is different from your own. In particular, parents of kids who are questioning their gender identity might feel a sense of mourning for the child they imagined they would have — the daughter who was going to walk down the aisle in a white dress, for example.

You might find it helpful to join a support group for parents for kids in similar situations. PFLAG, an organization for LGBTQ+ people and their loved ones and allies, is a great place to start. You might also consider working with a therapist of your own to process your feelings separately from your child. “That kind of work especially is important for parents to do on their own, with their own provider,” Dr. Woodward says. Parents’ feelings “can cause a child to feel a lot of guilt and shame. Those are complicated feelings, but it’s not the kid’s responsibility to manage their parents’ emotional responses.”

Finally, it’s helpful to remember that questioning kids’ identities may evolve as they continue to explore their gender and sexuality, so parents shouldn’t expect that the labels or pronouns kids choose for themselves will necessarily be fixed. The goal isn’t to get the child to settle into an identity, but rather to support them through as much exploration as feels right to them. “It really is about following their lead with how they identify and what language they’re comfortable with,” says Dr. Woodward. All parents want their kids to feel safe, happy, and loved. And being supportive, open and informed are the best ways for parents to help questioning kids have that experience.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I help a teenager with gender identity?

You can help a teenager who is questioning their gender identity by showing them unconditional support and acceptance and asking open-ended questions about their experience. It’s also important to keep an eye out for signs of mental health challenges or bullying. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=14845

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Tips for Communicating With Your Tee

Keeping the parent-child relationship strong during a tricky age

Writer: Rachel Ehmke

The teenage years have a lot in common with the terrible twos. During both stages our kids are doing exciting new things, but they’re also pushing boundaries (and buttons) and throwing tantrums. The major developmental task facing both age groups is also the same: kids must pull away from parents and begin to assert their own independence. No wonder they sometimes act as if they think they’re the center of the universe.

This makes for complicated parenting, especially because teens are beginning to make decisions about things that that have real consequence, like school and friends and driving, not to speak of substance use and sex. But they aren’t good at regulating their emotions yet, so teens are prone to taking risks and making impulsive decisions.

This means that having a healthy and trusting parent-child relationship during the teenage years is more important than ever. Staying close isn’t easy, though. Teens often aren’t very gracious when they are rejecting what they perceive to be parental interference. While they’re an open book to their friends, who they talk to constantly via social media, they might become mute when asked by mom how their day went. A request that seemed reasonable to dad may be received as a grievous outrage.

If this sounds familiar, take a deep breath and remind yourself that your child is going through their terrible teens. It is a phase that will pass, and your job as parent is still vitally important, only the role may have changed slightly. Here are some tips for navigating the new terrain:

1. Listen. If you are curious about what’s going on in your teen’s life, asking direct questions might not be as effective as simply sitting back and listening. Kids are more likely to be open with their parents if they don’t feel pressured to share information. Remember even an offhand comment about something that happened during the day is their way of reaching out, and you’re likely to hear more if you stay open and interested — but not prying.

2. Validate their feelings. It is often our tendency to try to solve problems for our kids, or downplay their disappointments. But saying something like “They weren’t right for you anyway” after a romantic disappointment can feel dismissive. Instead, show kids that you understand and empathize by reflecting their sentiments back: “Wow, that does sound difficult.”

3. Show trust. Teens want to be taken seriously, especially by their parents. Look for ways to show that you trust your teen. Asking them for a favor shows that you rely on them. Volunteering a privilege shows that you think they can handle it. Letting your kid know you have faith in them will boost their confidence and make them more likely to rise to the occasion.

4. Don’t be a dictator. You still get to set the rules, but be ready to explain them. While pushing the boundaries is natural for teenagers, hearing your thoughtful explanation about why parties on school nights aren’t allowed will make the rule seem more reasonable.

5. Give praise. Parents tend to praise children more when they are younger, but adolescents need the self-esteem boost just as much. Teenagers might act like they’re too cool to care about what their parents think, but the truth is they still want your approval. And looking for opportunities to be positive and encouraging is good for the relationship, especially when it is feeling strained.

6. Control your emotions. It’s easy for your temper to flare when your teen is being rude, but don’t respond in kind. Remember that you’re the adult and they are less able to control their emotions or think logically when they’re upset. Count to ten or take some deep breaths before responding. If you’re both too upset to talk, hit pause until you’ve had a chance to calm down.

7. Do things together. Talking isn’t the only way to communicate, and during these years it’s great if you can spend time doing things you both enjoy, whether it’s cooking or hiking or going to the movies, without talking about anything personal. It’s important for kids to know that they can be in proximity to you, and share positive experiences, without having to worry that you will pop intrusive questions or call them out for something.

8. Share regular meals. Sitting down to eat a meal together as a family is another great way to stay close. Dinner conversations give every member of the family a chance to check in and talk casually about sports or television or politics. Kids who feel comfortable talking to parents about everyday things are likely to be more open when harder things come up, too. One rule: no phones allowed.

9. Be observant. It’s normal for kids to go through some changes as they mature, but pay attention if you notice changes to their mood, behavior, energy level, or appetite. Likewise, take note if they stop wanting to do things that used to make them happy, or if you notice them isolating. If you see a change in your teen’s daily ability to function, ask them about it and be supportive (without being judgmental). They may need your help and it could be a sign they needs to talk to a mental health professional.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I communicate better with my teenager?

In order to communicate better with your teenager, it’s important to keep your emotions in check and remember how challenging it is to be a teen. Listen to their perspective and validate their feelings, and praise them even for small things. It also helps to spend quality one-on-one time with your teen.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-tips-for-communicating-with-your-teen/

Keeping the parent-child relationship strong during a tricky age

Writer: Rachel Ehmke

The teenage years have a lot in common with the terrible twos. During both stages our kids are doing exciting new things, but they’re also pushing boundaries (and buttons) and throwing tantrums. The major developmental task facing both age groups is also the same: kids must pull away from parents and begin to assert their own independence. No wonder they sometimes act as if they think they’re the center of the universe.

This makes for complicated parenting, especially because teens are beginning to make decisions about things that that have real consequence, like school and friends and driving, not to speak of substance use and sex. But they aren’t good at regulating their emotions yet, so teens are prone to taking risks and making impulsive decisions.

This means that having a healthy and trusting parent-child relationship during the teenage years is more important than ever. Staying close isn’t easy, though. Teens often aren’t very gracious when they are rejecting what they perceive to be parental interference. While they’re an open book to their friends, who they talk to constantly via social media, they might become mute when asked by mom how their day went. A request that seemed reasonable to dad may be received as a grievous outrage.

If this sounds familiar, take a deep breath and remind yourself that your child is going through their terrible teens. It is a phase that will pass, and your job as parent is still vitally important, only the role may have changed slightly. Here are some tips for navigating the new terrain:

1. Listen. If you are curious about what’s going on in your teen’s life, asking direct questions might not be as effective as simply sitting back and listening. Kids are more likely to be open with their parents if they don’t feel pressured to share information. Remember even an offhand comment about something that happened during the day is their way of reaching out, and you’re likely to hear more if you stay open and interested — but not prying.

2. Validate their feelings. It is often our tendency to try to solve problems for our kids, or downplay their disappointments. But saying something like “They weren’t right for you anyway” after a romantic disappointment can feel dismissive. Instead, show kids that you understand and empathize by reflecting their sentiments back: “Wow, that does sound difficult.”

3. Show trust. Teens want to be taken seriously, especially by their parents. Look for ways to show that you trust your teen. Asking them for a favor shows that you rely on them. Volunteering a privilege shows that you think they can handle it. Letting your kid know you have faith in them will boost their confidence and make them more likely to rise to the occasion.

4. Don’t be a dictator. You still get to set the rules, but be ready to explain them. While pushing the boundaries is natural for teenagers, hearing your thoughtful explanation about why parties on school nights aren’t allowed will make the rule seem more reasonable.

5. Give praise. Parents tend to praise children more when they are younger, but adolescents need the self-esteem boost just as much. Teenagers might act like they’re too cool to care about what their parents think, but the truth is they still want your approval. And looking for opportunities to be positive and encouraging is good for the relationship, especially when it is feeling strained.

6. Control your emotions. It’s easy for your temper to flare when your teen is being rude, but don’t respond in kind. Remember that you’re the adult and they are less able to control their emotions or think logically when they’re upset. Count to ten or take some deep breaths before responding. If you’re both too upset to talk, hit pause until you’ve had a chance to calm down.

7. Do things together. Talking isn’t the only way to communicate, and during these years it’s great if you can spend time doing things you both enjoy, whether it’s cooking or hiking or going to the movies, without talking about anything personal. It’s important for kids to know that they can be in proximity to you, and share positive experiences, without having to worry that you will pop intrusive questions or call them out for something.

8. Share regular meals. Sitting down to eat a meal together as a family is another great way to stay close. Dinner conversations give every member of the family a chance to check in and talk casually about sports or television or politics. Kids who feel comfortable talking to parents about everyday things are likely to be more open when harder things come up, too. One rule: no phones allowed.

9. Be observant. It’s normal for kids to go through some changes as they mature, but pay attention if you notice changes to their mood, behavior, energy level, or appetite. Likewise, take note if they stop wanting to do things that used to make them happy, or if you notice them isolating. If you see a change in your teen’s daily ability to function, ask them about it and be supportive (without being judgmental). They may need your help and it could be a sign they needs to talk to a mental health professional.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I communicate better with my teenager?

In order to communicate better with your teenager, it’s important to keep your emotions in check and remember how challenging it is to be a teen. Listen to their perspective and validate their feelings, and praise them even for small things. It also helps to spend quality one-on-one time with your teen. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-tips-for-communicating-with-your-teen/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Five steps to help someone at risk for suicide

- By Penn Highlands Healthcare

Suicide occurs everywhere – in large cities, suburban communities and rural areas. One in five adults experience mental illness, and suicide is the second leading cause of death among people ages 10 to 34.

You may not know it, but someone close to you may be struggling with mental health, including thoughts of suicide. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text the Suicide Prevention and Crisis Lifeline at 988.

The 988 Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

The 988 Lifeline recommends these five steps to help someone in a mental health crisis.

Step 1: Ask and Listen

Be direct. Ask a person if they have thoughts of suicide. When you ask if someone is considering suicide, you are telling them that you are open to talking in a nonjudgmental and supportive way. It can be as simple as asking, “Are you thinking about suicide?” or “How can I help?”

“Research shows that asking at-risk individuals does not increase suicide attempts or suicidal thoughts,” said Kevin R. Patterson, MD, System Wide Medical Director for Behavioral Health for Penn Highlands Healthcare. “Rather, evidence shows that acknowledging and talking about suicide may reduce suicidal ideation.”

It is important to talk openly and be willing to listen and accept the feelings the person expresses. Take their answers seriously. Listen to their reasons for being in pain as well as reasons they want to continue to stay alive, and avoid trying to impose your own reasons.

Do not promise to keep their thoughts of suicide a secret either. Seeking support is important, and lying to them can rupture your relationship.

Step 2: Be There

Helping an at-risk person feel less isolated and more connected to others has shown to be a protective factor against suicide.

You can be there in person, on the phone or any other way that shows you are support. Be sure to follow through with your actions, too. Do not commit to anything you are unable to do.

If you are not able to be there for the person, help them brainstorm who else might be able to be present. Listening is again key. Find out who they believe will be the most effective resource, not who you think is best.

Step 3: Help Them Stay Safe

After you have established an open and direct conversation, you can determine the severity of the danger. Do they have a detailed plan? Have they already done something before talking with you? Do they have access to their planned method?

“The more steps they have in place, the more at risk they are,” said Dr. Patterson. “If they have immediate access to a firearm, prescription drugs or another method, it may be necessary to call for emergency help or drive them to an emergency department.”

Step 4: Help Them Connect and Develop a Plan

Connecting a person at risk for suicide with ongoing support, such as the 988 Lifeline, can help give them a safety net for moments when they are in a crisis.

You can also help them identify resources in their community, such as a mental health professional or a support group.

As you help them connect, you can also help them develop a safety plan. What should they do if they experience a crisis? Do they have the 988 Lifeline saved in their contacts? What family or friends can they call?

Step 5: Follow Up

After helping them connect with support and resources in the moment of crisis, be sure to follow up in the hours, days and weeks after to see how they are doing. This will help them continue to feel connected to others and show them that they have people who care about them.

It is also a good time to check if they have found the help of a mental health professional or if they need additional help in connecting with a qualified provider.

If you or a loved one is at risk of harm, professional mental health guidance can help. Penn Highlands Behavioral Health staff is trained to not only help the person at risk of suicide but also the family and friends.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-five-steps-to-help-someone-at-risk-for-suicide/

- By Penn Highlands Healthcare

Suicide occurs everywhere – in large cities, suburban communities and rural areas. One in five adults experience mental illness, and suicide is the second leading cause of death among people ages 10 to 34.

You may not know it, but someone close to you may be struggling with mental health, including thoughts of suicide. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text the Suicide Prevention and Crisis Lifeline at 988.

The 988 Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

The 988 Lifeline recommends these five steps to help someone in a mental health crisis.

Step 1: Ask and Listen

Be direct. Ask a person if they have thoughts of suicide. When you ask if someone is considering suicide, you are telling them that you are open to talking in a nonjudgmental and supportive way. It can be as simple as asking, “Are you thinking about suicide?” or “How can I help?”

“Research shows that asking at-risk individuals does not increase suicide attempts or suicidal thoughts,” said Kevin R. Patterson, MD, System Wide Medical Director for Behavioral Health for Penn Highlands Healthcare. “Rather, evidence shows that acknowledging and talking about suicide may reduce suicidal ideation.”

It is important to talk openly and be willing to listen and accept the feelings the person expresses. Take their answers seriously. Listen to their reasons for being in pain as well as reasons they want to continue to stay alive, and avoid trying to impose your own reasons.

Do not promise to keep their thoughts of suicide a secret either. Seeking support is important, and lying to them can rupture your relationship.

Step 2: Be There

Helping an at-risk person feel less isolated and more connected to others has shown to be a protective factor against suicide.

You can be there in person, on the phone or any other way that shows you are support. Be sure to follow through with your actions, too. Do not commit to anything you are unable to do.

If you are not able to be there for the person, help them brainstorm who else might be able to be present. Listening is again key. Find out who they believe will be the most effective resource, not who you think is best.

Step 3: Help Them Stay Safe

After you have established an open and direct conversation, you can determine the severity of the danger. Do they have a detailed plan? Have they already done something before talking with you? Do they have access to their planned method?

“The more steps they have in place, the more at risk they are,” said Dr. Patterson. “If they have immediate access to a firearm, prescription drugs or another method, it may be necessary to call for emergency help or drive them to an emergency department.”

Step 4: Help Them Connect and Develop a Plan

Connecting a person at risk for suicide with ongoing support, such as the 988 Lifeline, can help give them a safety net for moments when they are in a crisis.

You can also help them identify resources in their community, such as a mental health professional or a support group.

As you help them connect, you can also help them develop a safety plan. What should they do if they experience a crisis? Do they have the 988 Lifeline saved in their contacts? What family or friends can they call?

Step 5: Follow Up

After helping them connect with support and resources in the moment of crisis, be sure to follow up in the hours, days and weeks after to see how they are doing. This will help them continue to feel connected to others and show them that they have people who care about them.

It is also a good time to check if they have found the help of a mental health professional or if they need additional help in connecting with a qualified provider.

If you or a loved one is at risk of harm, professional mental health guidance can help. Penn Highlands Behavioral Health staff is trained to not only help the person at risk of suicide but also the family and friends.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-five-steps-to-help-someone-at-risk-for-suicide/

When kids are coming out, what do they need from parents?

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com

Writer: Caroline Miller

Clinical Experts: Paul Mitrani, MD, PhD , Alnardo Martinez, LMHC

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18yziablOH0

What You'll Learn

- How can families best support LGBTQ+ kids?

- How can parents help keep LGBTQ+ kids safe?

- What are some common challenges for LBGTQ+ young people?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- How to be supportive

- Keeping kids safe

- Telling other family members

When a child is coming out as LGBTQ+, the most important thing for them to know is that their family supports and loves them. As a parent, you might worry about whether they will be accepted. But it’s important to stay positive around your child and make sure they know they can count on you.

If you’re having a hard time accepting your child’s coming out, talking to a support group can help. You can find one for parents of LGBTQ+ young people through an organization like PFLAG. You might also talk to a therapist or someone in your faith group. Dealing with your own feelings can help you be more supportive of your child.

If you’re worried about your child’s safety, open up a conversation with your child. Ask what they need and advocate for them. If they’re having a hard time at school, being able to count on you will make a big difference.

Most young people come out to their friends first. So don’t take it personally if you’re not the first one they tell. Some teens are afraid their parents will kick them out or withdraw financial support when they come out. Or they might be afraid of letting you down by being different from your expectations.

When it comes to telling other family members, let your child take the lead. They might know exactly how they want to do it, or they might not be sure. The most important thing is to respect what they want to do and keep the conversation open.

“I was worried about my parents not accepting me for who I am,” recalls Katie Green, who identifies as queer and came out to her family in her early twenties. “I was worried they would stop loving me.”

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Green’s worries are echoed by many LGBTQ+ teens and young adults facing the prospect of coming out to parents whose reaction they are less than sure about. Even when parents are likely to be understanding, coming out can be a source of intense stress and anxiety.

If you’re the parent of a child who you think might be LGBTQ+, but who hasn’t come out to you, you in turn might worry about what your role should be. What effect will your response have on your child’s mental health and well-being? What does your child need to hear?

“The most important thing is just being supportive,” says Paul Mitrani, MD, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Child Mind Institute. “When people feel loved and supported, they are more capable. They have greater resilience.”

“The best possible scenario in my opinion,” says Green, “is nothing changes — you’re still the same person, people just know more about you now, being LGBTQ is just one aspect of your life. Being reaffirmed in knowing you are loved for who you are is powerful.”

How to be supportive

Parents may have mixed feelings about finding that they have an LGBTQ+ child. This could be because they’re worried about how the child will fare in their community — will they be bullied in school or discriminated against in the workplace? — or because they have religious reservations. But whatever your feelings are, Dr. Mitrani urges, you still want to have the same approach: “You want to err on the side of being empathetic and being supportive.”

If a parent is very distressed about a child being LGBTQ+, Dr. Mitrani urges them not to express those feelings to the child. Talking about it with a support group like PFLAG, someone in your church or congregation, or a therapist could be helpful for you and your child, too. You may have strong feelings, he adds, “but as a parent you always have to come back to see what’s best for your child.”

Having a parent that a child feels they can be honest with is important both to your child’s well-being and to your relationship, in the short- and long-term.

With children, especially adolescents, it’s crucial to keep communication open, Dr. Mitrani notes. “You want the message to be, ‘I’m glad you told me,’ and ‘Help me understand what’s going on,’ as opposed to immediately shutting the communication down.”

Open communication, in which parents listen without judgment, is a form of validation for the child, adds Lauren Latella, PhD, a clinical psychologist. “If parents either minimize the importance of the child coming out, or jump right into problem solving,” she says, “it can leave the child feeling undermined.”

Above all, make sure your child knows that you love them and are there for them no matter what. Dr. Mitrani suggests language like: “I’m really glad that we can discuss this because we want to make sure that you’re safe and that you’re supported. And whatever decisions you need to make we want to be the best ones for you.”

Keeping kids safe

As a parent you may be worried about how your child will be treated, at school and in settings where LGBTQ+ people are not welcome, and how they will handle hostility, if they encounter it. Dr. Mitrani suggests opening the conversation by exploring whether the child is concerned about not being accepted or being targeted for bullying, as opposed to saying, “This is going to be harder for you.”

The child might say, “No, everybody already knows and they’re supportive and the teachers are great.” Or they might alert you to a lack of support.

“If they’re in school, you need to understand what your school’s policies are,” says Dr. Mitrani. “If you get the sense that they won’t be supportive of your child, you either need to make a stand and advocate for those supports or consider changing their school to someplace where they will be safe and protected.”

When parents are worried about whether an LGBTQ+ child will be safe, Green notes the importance of support from parents in making children able to speak up. “Providing a supportive home life is critical. Your child feeling comfortable enough to share their safety concerns can make a difference.”

Green, who is the Digital Giving Manager at the Trevor Project, which provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for LGBTQ youth, adds that by talking openly about these issues, parents can help create a safer world for LGBTQ+ kids. “Being an ambassador for your child and for LGBTQ+ rights has an impact in the community. By being an advocate for your child and speaking with pride about your child’s identity, you’re working to make the world a better place for other young people.”

Telling other family members

Coming out can be a huge relief for teens or young adults who are LGBTQ+, but the process is often rocky and sometimes painful. Your child may have opened up to friends or co-workers who didn’t respond well, or may be worried about how family members or other people who are important to them will react. Once your child seems ready to talk, check in with them about how they’re feeling, and how you can be supportive. Start by asking questions and listening to their answers calmly. Your goal is to let them know that you are hearing what they need to share with you.

Something parents often struggle with is the knowledge that they are, if not the last to know, certainly not the first. Try not to be surprised, or offended, if you find that your child has been more candid with their friends, and even some other adults. The Trevor Project’s LGBTQ Youth Mental Health Study found that most respondents disclose their sexual orientation and gender identity to friends first, then trusted adults, who may not always be their parents. Less than half were out to an adult at school. Green notes several reasons why they might be reluctant to tell parents:

- Unlike friends, parents have control over aspects of young people’s lives, including housing and financial support, which can be withdrawn.

- Parent’s expectations of who they should/could be growing up can create a lot of pressure for children. Coming out can put the child at risk of feeling they have disappointed their parents.

- Peers can have a like-minded approach to sexual orientation and gender identity, making them more likely to be accepting and supportive of the LGBTQ+ community.

When it comes to telling others in the family that a child is LGBTQ+, it’s recommended that you let the child take the lead. “Telling the rest of the family is up to the person who is coming out,” says Green. “They’ll either have a solid understanding of how they want to proceed or they may not know — just have an open conversation with them and be honest, clear and supportive to help them plan how to move forward. Being respectful of their wishes is a very important element to this conversation.”

Another concern parents express is the worry that their child’s announcement of their sexual orientation may be influenced by trends in their peer group.

“Adolescence, when most kids tend to come out, is a time of identity formation,” says Dr. Mitrani. “Kids experiment with different things, whether it’s hairstyles or clothing or music, and they’re trying to find themselves.” Sexual orientation and gender identity may be one of those things. But while that’s true,” he adds, “my experience is that it’s not in the majority of the cases.”

Frequently Asked Questions

What is some advice on how to support your LGBTQ child as they come out?

When a child is coming out as LGBTQ+, the most important thing for them to know is that their family supports and loves them. As a parent, you might worry about whether they will be accepted. But it’s important to stay positive around your child and make sure they know they can count on you.

What is some advice on how to support your LGBTQ child?

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-support-lgbtq-children-2/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Why School Has More Black Kids Thinking About Suicide

New national data shows steep rises in Black youth suicide, and experts say racism in schools is a major factor that’s costing them their lives and learning

by Quintessa Williams

African American student overwhelmed

Overview:

A recent study found that Black K-12 students are experiencing a mental health crisis due to systemic racism in schools, with 40% of Black youth ages 13-17 seriously considering suicide in the past year. The study also found that nearly 1 in 3 Black youth who needed mental health care didn't receive it, and Black boys are among the least likely to receive care. Experts say schools must create welcoming and inclusive learning environments to support the mental and emotional health of students and the communities around them.

In November 2024, a Jacksonville, Florida, mother watched her 16-year-old son unravel.

Already the target of racist bullying at school, he was one of many Black students across the country who received racist text messages after the presidential election. It hit hard: the teenager became withdrawn, afraid to return to school, and was overwhelmed by a feeling that he didn’t belong.

He eventually returned a few weeks later, but much like the bullying, the school never addressed it publicly. The school and the world, his mother said, “just moved on from the story.” 

But the situation almost cost him his life.

“He told me later that he didn’t want to go back to school and that the reason he gave me his phone was that he had been thinking about ending his life,” says his mother, who asked Word in Black to remain anonymous to protect their privacy. “And that’s when I just broke down.”

The mother’s story is not an anomaly. Black K-12 students across the country are battling a growing mental health crisis that experts say is connected to their school environments. 

According to a new report from The AAKOMA Project, a nonprofit organization that helps address the mental health needs of youth of color, more than 40% of Black youth ages 13-17 seriously considered suicide in the past year. At the same time, 38% self-harmed in some way, and more than 16% attempted suicide at least once. 

“The fact that this is not a national crisis with all hands on deck trying to solve it is unconscionable to me,” says Dr. Alfiee Breland-Noble, a clinical psychologist and founder of The AAKOMA Project. “That the needs of so many Black youth have gone unnoticed — and remain sorely under-addressed — is devastating.”

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Schools as a Source of Racial Trauma

From disproportionately high discipline rates to biased teachers, experts say systemic racism in schools chips away at a young person’s sense of safety and self-worth. In AAKOMA’s 2025 State of Youth Mental Health report, 21% of Black youths reported suffering racial trauma from teachers and other school employees. Nearly 30% said they experienced racial discrimination at the hands of school police. 

“This is significant as it means that schools continue to be unwelcoming and unsafe places for many Black youth,” Breland-Noble says. “It shows that bias and discrimination hurts, and that these issues often hurt Black students at disproportionately higher rates than other students.”

The report also found that three-quarters of Black youth say they feel like a burden to others, and about as many reported feeling as though they don’t belong — feelings commonly linked to suicidal ideations. 

Breland-Noble adds that society, schools included, often compounds the racial trauma of Black youth by minimizing (and at times flat-out ignoring) the emotional hurt associated with the daily microaggressions and bias they experience. 

“Black youth need to feel seen, heard, and valued for exactly who they are,” she says. “But many of them are growing up in schools that ignore their reality and deny their pain.” 

The Price of Unmet Mental Health Needs

Despite the warning signs, many Black students still aren’t getting help.

According to the AAKOMA report, nearly 1 in 3 Black youth who needed mental health care didn’t receive it. For Black boys, the picture is even more alarming: they are among the least likely to receive care, and are more likely to view mental illness as a weakness. Breland-Noble says that belief is shaped by cultural stigma and a lack of safe spaces to express vulnerability.

Academic performance has long been linked to feelings of support at school. A recent Rutgers University study found that, as Black K-12 students’ sense of belonging decreased, their risk for suicidal ideation and attempts climbed by as much as 35%. 

Black youth need to feel seen, heard, and valued for exactly who they are,” she says. “But many of them are growing up in schools that ignore their reality and deny their pain.Dr. Alfiee Breland-Noble, psychologist and founder of the AAKOMA Project

“Mental health is a foundational aspect of the educational experience, and parents, teachers, and caregivers are the gatekeepers of that care,” Breland-Noble says. “So when stigma still exists in our schools and communities — especially around our youth (especially boys) needing help — it prevents access before it even begins.”

Rutgers researchers concluded that feeling accepted, valued, included, and encouraged in school could mitigate suicidal risk among Black kids. Breland-Noble agrees, adding that school districts must provide services that consider Black kids’ unique needs.

“Depression, anxiety, and suicidality do not all look the same in diverse youth,” she says. “Until we understand how these concerns manifest in different cultural groups, we cannot begin to develop effective approaches and interventions to support all youth.”

Healing Must Be the Goal

If schools want to care for Black students, Breland-Noble says, they must “create welcoming and inclusive learning environments that support the mental and emotional health of our students and the communities around them.” That means affirming their identities, rejecting punitive discipline models and design grassroots, culturally responsive systems of care. 

She points to models like the Comer School Development Program in Connecticut and LeBron James’ I PROMISE School in Ohio as examples of wraparound systems that treat students as whole people.

“A healthy child learns best,” she says. “And ‘healthy’ must include mental health.”

Back in Jacksonville, the mother of the 16-year-old says that she still carries the weight of what almost happened — and hopes stories like hers will finally be taken more seriously. 

“It takes a village, and I think schools need to be a part of that, too,” she adds. “Say something. Do something. Acknowledge what’s happening. Our kids can’t keep paying the price alone.”

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-why-school-has-more-black-kids-thinking-about-suicide/