Photo by Matteus Bernardes on Pexels.com

Clinical Expert: Emma C Woodward, PhD

- 1. What is gender dysphoria?

- 2. What are the symptoms of gender dysphoria?

- 3. How is gender dysphoria diagnosed?

- 4. How is gender dysphoria treated?

- 5. Risk for other disorders

What is gender dysphoria?

Gender dysphoria is a mental health disorder in which children and teens experience intense emotional distress because they feel that they were born as the wrong gender. It’s important to note that being transgender (also called trans) or gender-nonconforming is not a mental health disorder. Gender dysphoria is only diagnosed when a child is very upset about the difference between the gender assigned to them at birth and the gender they feel themselves to be.  

For instance, a child who was born with a penis may feel that they are actually a girl, or vice versa. This can cause problems at home, at school and with friends. They might experience anxiety, depression or thoughts of suicide. In that case, gender dysphoria could be diagnosed so that the child could get treatment for emotional distress related to their gender identity. Their gender identity itself would not be considered a mental health disorder. 

What are the symptoms of gender dysphoria?

Kids with gender dysphoria feel a big difference between the gender they were assigned at birth and the gender they feel themselves to be. They might say they feel trapped in the wrong body or ask to be treated as a different gender. Children and teenagers with these experiences often identify as transgender, but not all transgender children experience gender dysphoria. 

The key sign of gender dysphoria is that the child feels extreme emotional distress because of their gender identity. They may get anxious, depressed or suicidal because of the difference between the gender they were assigned at birth and the gender they feel themselves to be. This distress often causes problems at school, at home or with friends. 

How is gender dysphoria diagnosed?

Gender dysphoria is diagnosed only if a child feels so upset about their gender that it causes problems at school, at home or with friends. This distress must last for at least six months. 

Often, the distress involved in gender dysphoria comes at least partly from the experience of living in an unsupportive environment. Trans or gender-nonconforming kids are often bullied, rejected or discriminated against. However, those whose families and communities support their gender identity may not experience as much distress. Some don’t develop gender dysphoria at all.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

How is gender dysphoria treated?

Treatment for gender dysphoria focuses on helping kids deal with their challenging feelings about their gender identity. It does not try to change their gender identity or convince them that they should be the gender they were assigned at birth. 

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is commonly used to treat gender dysphoria. DBT helps the child understand that their emotions are normal and helps them learn skills for dealing with them and feeling better about themselves.  

Kids who experience anxiety or depression may also be treated with therapy or medication for those specific disorders. 

Additionally, treatment for gender dysphoria helps kids and their families figure out how the child can express their gender in a healthy way that makes them feel good. Sometimes, this can involve hormone treatment or affirmative medical care, which can make the child’s body match their internal gender identity. A therapist can help families decide whether these options make sense for the child’s specific situation. 

Risk for other disorders

Kids with gender dysphoria often experience depression and/or anxiety and are at a higher risk of harming themselves or attempting suicide. If you think your child or teenager is suicidal, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or 911 if there is an emergency. Don’t wait — the risk of suicide in children and teenagers is very real.

Photo by Matteus Bernardes on Pexels.com https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-quick-guide-to-gender-dysphoria/

Photo by Matteus Bernardes on Pexels.com

Clinical Expert: Emma C Woodward, PhD

- 1. What is gender dysphoria?

- 2. What are the symptoms of gender dysphoria?

- 3. How is gender dysphoria diagnosed?

- 4. How is gender dysphoria treated?

- 5. Risk for other disorders

What is gender dysphoria?

Gender dysphoria is a mental health disorder in which children and teens experience intense emotional distress because they feel that they were born as the wrong gender. It’s important to note that being transgender (also called trans) or gender-nonconforming is not a mental health disorder. Gender dysphoria is only diagnosed when a child is very upset about the difference between the gender assigned to them at birth and the gender they feel themselves to be.  

For instance, a child who was born with a penis may feel that they are actually a girl, or vice versa. This can cause problems at home, at school and with friends. They might experience anxiety, depression or thoughts of suicide. In that case, gender dysphoria could be diagnosed so that the child could get treatment for emotional distress related to their gender identity. Their gender identity itself would not be considered a mental health disorder. 

What are the symptoms of gender dysphoria?

Kids with gender dysphoria feel a big difference between the gender they were assigned at birth and the gender they feel themselves to be. They might say they feel trapped in the wrong body or ask to be treated as a different gender. Children and teenagers with these experiences often identify as transgender, but not all transgender children experience gender dysphoria. 

The key sign of gender dysphoria is that the child feels extreme emotional distress because of their gender identity. They may get anxious, depressed or suicidal because of the difference between the gender they were assigned at birth and the gender they feel themselves to be. This distress often causes problems at school, at home or with friends. 

How is gender dysphoria diagnosed?

Gender dysphoria is diagnosed only if a child feels so upset about their gender that it causes problems at school, at home or with friends. This distress must last for at least six months. 

Often, the distress involved in gender dysphoria comes at least partly from the experience of living in an unsupportive environment. Trans or gender-nonconforming kids are often bullied, rejected or discriminated against. However, those whose families and communities support their gender identity may not experience as much distress. Some don’t develop gender dysphoria at all.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

How is gender dysphoria treated?

Treatment for gender dysphoria focuses on helping kids deal with their challenging feelings about their gender identity. It does not try to change their gender identity or convince them that they should be the gender they were assigned at birth. 

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is commonly used to treat gender dysphoria. DBT helps the child understand that their emotions are normal and helps them learn skills for dealing with them and feeling better about themselves.  

Kids who experience anxiety or depression may also be treated with therapy or medication for those specific disorders. 

Additionally, treatment for gender dysphoria helps kids and their families figure out how the child can express their gender in a healthy way that makes them feel good. Sometimes, this can involve hormone treatment or affirmative medical care, which can make the child’s body match their internal gender identity. A therapist can help families decide whether these options make sense for the child’s specific situation. 

Risk for other disorders

Kids with gender dysphoria often experience depression and/or anxiety and are at a higher risk of harming themselves or attempting suicide. If you think your child or teenager is suicidal, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or 911 if there is an emergency. Don’t wait — the risk of suicide in children and teenagers is very real.

Photo by Matteus Bernardes on Pexels.com https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=14858

James Donaldson on Mental Health - What to Do if You Think Your Teenager Is Depressed

Start by listening without judgment, not trying to 'fix' them

Writer: Stephanie Dowd, PsyD

Clinical Experts: Stephanie Dowd, PsyD , David Friedlander, PsyD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moS9tNzJkMk

What You'll Learn

- What are the signs of depression in teenagers?
- What can parents to do to help teenagers who may be depressed?
- How is depression treated?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- Be supportive
- Accentuate the positive
- Helping kids with depression get treatment
- Why depression treatment might not be working
- Taking care of yourself

Signs that a teen might be depressed include being sad or irritable, losing interest in things that they used enjoy, changes in eating or sleeping habits, and low energy. Feeling worthless or hopeless about the future is a big warning sign. And a drop in grades or trouble concentrating at school can also be a symptom. If your teen shows more than a few of these signs and they don’t go away after a couple of weeks, they may have depression. And while you can’t make them want to get better, there are some things you can do to help.

Kids who are grumpy and down can be frustrating, especially if they don’t seem to be trying to help themselves. But it’s important to let them know you’re taking their feelings seriously. For example, you could say, “It seems like you’ve been really down lately. Is that true?” Make it clear you want to understand what’s troubling them without trying to jump in and solve the problem.

Ask questions and try not to judge. By listening, you’re letting them know that you hear them and you’re trying to understand. Remember, you’re not there to “fix” them. Listening without judgment will make them feel more comfortable reaching out when they’re ready to talk.

Depression can make doing even the smallest things more difficult. Make a point of noticing even simple positive things your teen does, like going to school or doing the dishes. And highlight ways they’re taking care of themselves, like doing homework, spending time with family, or keeping up with friends. Remember, this is not the time to be critical. They don’t want to feel this way. If they could snap their fingers and feel better, they would.

Try to give them opportunities to do things without being critical. Instead of saying, “Honey, you should really get up and do something,” you might say: “I’m going to do an errand. Do you want to come with me? Maybe we can get lunch together.”

Getting depressed teens into treatment can be tricky. If your child doesn’t want to go, be patient and persistent. Give them space, and let them know you’re there when they’re ready. When your teen is ready, let them choose a therapist they connect with. Make sure that whoever they decide on practices a therapy that works well for depression. Interpersonal therapy (IPT), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) are often good choices. Many teens with depression also benefit from medication.

If your child is already in treatment but it isn’t helping, it may be time to make a change. This could be a different course of treatment, a new medication, or changing therapists.

When kids are young, parents are used to swooping in and rescuing them whenever they need help. As your kids get older and their problems become more complex, you have to transition into more of a supporting role, and that can be difficult. This is especially true with teens who are struggling with depression. They need help to get better, but first they have to want that help.

Signs your child is depressed:

- Have they been sad or irritable most of the day, most days in a week for at least two weeks?
- Have they lost interest in things that they used to really enjoy?
- Have their eating or sleeping habits changed?
- Do they have very little energy, very little motivation to do much of anything?
- Are they feeling worthless, hopeless about their future, or guilty about things that aren’t their fault?
- Have their grades dropped, or are they finding it difficult to concentrate?
- Have they had thoughts of suicide? If so it’s crucial you have them evaluated by a mental health professional immediately. If the thoughts are really serious and there is imminent threat, you will need to take them to an ER.

If your teen shows more than a few of these signs they may have depression that warrants professional attention. While you can’t make them want to get better, there are some things that you as their parent can do. And it starts with simply being there for them.

Be supportive

One of the most important things you can do for your teen is to work on strengthening your relationship. Try to build empathy and understanding by putting yourself in their shoes. You might be frustrated that they seem down and irritable a lot of the time and don’t seem to be doing much of anything to help themselves. But if there isn’t much in their life that is making them happy, or something intensely disappointing has happened to them, it’s understandable that they might avoid things they used to enjoy and retreat to their room. Depression makes even doing the smallest things more difficult.

Try to validate their emotions, not their unhealthy behavior. For example, you could say, “It seems as though you’ve been really down lately. Is that true?” Make it clear that you want to try to understand what’s troubling them without trying to problem solve.

Be compassionately curious. Ask them questions about their mood gently, without being emotional. Even parents with the best intentions often don’t realize that their concern can come across as critical rather than loving. Do not be judgmental or try to solve their problems, even if you disagree with their point of view. Listening to them talk about their problems might seem as though you’re highlighting the negative, but in fact, you’re letting them know that you hear them, you see them, and you’re trying to understand — not fix them. People don’t like to be fixed. Listening without judgment will actually make them more likely to view you as an ally and someone they can turn to when they’re ready to talk.

Try also to give them opportunities to do things without being critical of them. Instead of saying, “Honey, you should really get up and do something. How about calling an old friend?” you might say, “I’m going to the mall to do an errand. Let me know if you want to come with me, and maybe we can get lunch together.”

For some parents, this can feel passive, as though you’re not doing enough. But being there for them and communicating your acceptance is exactly what they needs from you right now. It’s actually a very active way to strengthen your relationship.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Accentuate the positive

Make sure you’re noticing the positive things your teen does, too. Going to school, holding down a part-time job, doing the dishes or picking up their brother from soccer practice: These are all good things they’re doing, and it’s important to recognize them rather than thinking, “This is what they should be doing.” We all like to be appreciated and recognized for doing a good job even when it’s expected of us.

Ask yourself how many positive things have you said to them today? How many negative things have you said? How many times have you highlighted their problems or tried to fix them? The positive should outweigh the negative. Let them know that you’re proud of them, that they’re doing a good job if you see them taking care of themselves, doing homework, interacting with the family, or doing other things that take effort. They’ll likely appreciate that you noticed.

Likewise, you don’t need to mention that you’re disappointed they aren’t hanging out with friends as much or taking the interest they used to in guitar, for example. They probably feel disappointed, too, and don’t need to be reminded of what’s not going well in their life. They don’t want to feel this way. If they could snap their fingers and feel better, they would.

Helping kids with depression get treatment

Some teens will want to go to therapy when you ask them and some won’t. For those who are resistant, know that they aren’t going to suddenly open up to the idea of therapy (or to you) quickly, but you can help guide them towards treatment by opening the door and then waiting patiently for them to walk through it.

Try saying, “I know you’re having a hard time, and I have some ideas of things that could help. If you’d like to talk with me about them, let me know. I’m here for you.” It’s also a good idea to ask them if they have any suggestions on how you might be able to help. You might be surprised with what they have to say.

Be aware that your teen might tell you to back off. That’s fine; it’s their way — albeit a slightly irritable one — of telling you that they need space. It’s normal for teenagers to want independence, and it’s important for you to respect that. You can respond by saying, “I’ll give you more space, but know that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk or hear my suggestions.”

If they do come to you wanting help, be prepared. Do your research. Find two or three therapists they can interview and tell them that they can choose the one that they feel most comfortable with, and think will help the most. Finding a therapist who is a good fit is extremely important, and making the choice theirs will help them feel ownership over their own treatment, which is extremely important to teens and sets the stage for effective therapy.

It’s also important to know that there are several different kinds of therapy that might be helpful for your teen, including some well-studied behavioral therapies. Interpersonal therapy (IPT),cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) have all been shown to be helpful for teenagers with depression. Make sure that your child has had a thorough evaluation that includes treatment recommendations to help guide you.

Many teens with depression benefit from medication, such as an anti-depressant. While therapy alone may be effective with mild to moderate depression, the best results are usually gained with a combination of medication and therapy. If depression medication is a consideration, it is strongly recommended that you make an appointment with a board certified child and adolescentpsychiatrist (rather than a general physician) for a consultation.

Why depression treatment might not be working

If your child already is in treatment but it isn’t helping, ask them why they think that is. What isn’t helpful or what don’t they like about therapy? Are there things about therapy they do like? Maybe you can work together to find a therapist who does more of the things they like. If you do consider changing therapists, it’s important to discuss this with their current therapist before the decision to change is made. Many times, the therapy and/or the therapeutic relationship can be improved.

Keep in mind that therapy usually isn’t effective if the person in treatment isn’t committed to it, or is doing it to please someone else. Your child should want to get better for themselves. Unfortunately, sometimes people have to get worse before they want help. But the good news is that if you lay the groundwork by strengthening your connection now, they’ll be more likely to turn to you for support when they’re finally ready.

Taking care of yourself

Lastly, it’s important to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself. It can be emotionally and physically exhausting to be a parent of someone who is struggling with depression. Know that you are not alone, and get support for yourself. Make sure that you make time to do things you enjoy and go out with friends. The phrase: happy mommy (or daddy) = happy baby (read: teenager) still applies!

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-what-to-do-if-you-think-your-teenager-is-depressed-2/

Start by listening without judgment, not trying to 'fix' them

Writer: Stephanie Dowd, PsyD

Clinical Experts: Stephanie Dowd, PsyD , David Friedlander, PsyD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moS9tNzJkMk

What You'll Learn

- What are the signs of depression in teenagers?

- What can parents to do to help teenagers who may be depressed?

- How is depression treated?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Be supportive

- Accentuate the positive

- Helping kids with depression get treatment

- Why depression treatment might not be working

- Taking care of yourself

Signs that a teen might be depressed include being sad or irritable, losing interest in things that they used enjoy, changes in eating or sleeping habits, and low energy. Feeling worthless or hopeless about the future is a big warning sign. And a drop in grades or trouble concentrating at school can also be a symptom. If your teen shows more than a few of these signs and they don’t go away after a couple of weeks, they may have depression. And while you can’t make them want to get better, there are some things you can do to help.

Kids who are grumpy and down can be frustrating, especially if they don’t seem to be trying to help themselves. But it’s important to let them know you’re taking their feelings seriously. For example, you could say, “It seems like you’ve been really down lately. Is that true?” Make it clear you want to understand what’s troubling them without trying to jump in and solve the problem.

Ask questions and try not to judge. By listening, you’re letting them know that you hear them and you’re trying to understand. Remember, you’re not there to “fix” them. Listening without judgment will make them feel more comfortable reaching out when they’re ready to talk.

Depression can make doing even the smallest things more difficult. Make a point of noticing even simple positive things your teen does, like going to school or doing the dishes. And highlight ways they’re taking care of themselves, like doing homework, spending time with family, or keeping up with friends. Remember, this is not the time to be critical. They don’t want to feel this way. If they could snap their fingers and feel better, they would.

Try to give them opportunities to do things without being critical. Instead of saying, “Honey, you should really get up and do something,” you might say: “I’m going to do an errand. Do you want to come with me? Maybe we can get lunch together.”

Getting depressed teens into treatment can be tricky. If your child doesn’t want to go, be patient and persistent. Give them space, and let them know you’re there when they’re ready. When your teen is ready, let them choose a therapist they connect with. Make sure that whoever they decide on practices a therapy that works well for depression. Interpersonal therapy (IPT), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) are often good choices. Many teens with depression also benefit from medication.

If your child is already in treatment but it isn’t helping, it may be time to make a change. This could be a different course of treatment, a new medication, or changing therapists.

When kids are young, parents are used to swooping in and rescuing them whenever they need help. As your kids get older and their problems become more complex, you have to transition into more of a supporting role, and that can be difficult. This is especially true with teens who are struggling with depression. They need help to get better, but first they have to want that help.

Signs your child is depressed:

- Have they been sad or irritable most of the day, most days in a week for at least two weeks?

- Have they lost interest in things that they used to really enjoy?

- Have their eating or sleeping habits changed?

- Do they have very little energy, very little motivation to do much of anything?

- Are they feeling worthless, hopeless about their future, or guilty about things that aren’t their fault?

- Have their grades dropped, or are they finding it difficult to concentrate?

- Have they had thoughts of suicide? If so it’s crucial you have them evaluated by a mental health professional immediately. If the thoughts are really serious and there is imminent threat, you will need to take them to an ER.

If your teen shows more than a few of these signs they may have depression that warrants professional attention. While you can’t make them want to get better, there are some things that you as their parent can do. And it starts with simply being there for them.

Be supportive

One of the most important things you can do for your teen is to work on strengthening your relationship. Try to build empathy and understanding by putting yourself in their shoes. You might be frustrated that they seem down and irritable a lot of the time and don’t seem to be doing much of anything to help themselves. But if there isn’t much in their life that is making them happy, or something intensely disappointing has happened to them, it’s understandable that they might avoid things they used to enjoy and retreat to their room. Depression makes even doing the smallest things more difficult.

Try to validate their emotions, not their unhealthy behavior. For example, you could say, “It seems as though you’ve been really down lately. Is that true?” Make it clear that you want to try to understand what’s troubling them without trying to problem solve.

Be compassionately curious. Ask them questions about their mood gently, without being emotional. Even parents with the best intentions often don’t realize that their concern can come across as critical rather than loving. Do not be judgmental or try to solve their problems, even if you disagree with their point of view. Listening to them talk about their problems might seem as though you’re highlighting the negative, but in fact, you’re letting them know that you hear them, you see them, and you’re trying to understand — not fix them. People don’t like to be fixed. Listening without judgment will actually make them more likely to view you as an ally and someone they can turn to when they’re ready to talk.

Try also to give them opportunities to do things without being critical of them. Instead of saying, “Honey, you should really get up and do something. How about calling an old friend?” you might say, “I’m going to the mall to do an errand. Let me know if you want to come with me, and maybe we can get lunch together.”

For some parents, this can feel passive, as though you’re not doing enough. But being there for them and communicating your acceptance is exactly what they needs from you right now. It’s actually a very active way to strengthen your relationship.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Accentuate the positive

Make sure you’re noticing the positive things your teen does, too. Going to school, holding down a part-time job, doing the dishes or picking up their brother from soccer practice: These are all good things they’re doing, and it’s important to recognize them rather than thinking, “This is what they should be doing.” We all like to be appreciated and recognized for doing a good job even when it’s expected of us.

Ask yourself how many positive things have you said to them today? How many negative things have you said? How many times have you highlighted their problems or tried to fix them? The positive should outweigh the negative. Let them know that you’re proud of them, that they’re doing a good job if you see them taking care of themselves, doing homework, interacting with the family, or doing other things that take effort. They’ll likely appreciate that you noticed.

Likewise, you don’t need to mention that you’re disappointed they aren’t hanging out with friends as much or taking the interest they used to in guitar, for example. They probably feel disappointed, too, and don’t need to be reminded of what’s not going well in their life. They don’t want to feel this way. If they could snap their fingers and feel better, they would.

Helping kids with depression get treatment

Some teens will want to go to therapy when you ask them and some won’t. For those who are resistant, know that they aren’t going to suddenly open up to the idea of therapy (or to you) quickly, but you can help guide them towards treatment by opening the door and then waiting patiently for them to walk through it.

Try saying, “I know you’re having a hard time, and I have some ideas of things that could help. If you’d like to talk with me about them, let me know. I’m here for you.” It’s also a good idea to ask them if they have any suggestions on how you might be able to help. You might be surprised with what they have to say.

Be aware that your teen might tell you to back off. That’s fine; it’s their way — albeit a slightly irritable one — of telling you that they need space. It’s normal for teenagers to want independence, and it’s important for you to respect that. You can respond by saying, “I’ll give you more space, but know that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk or hear my suggestions.”

If they do come to you wanting help, be prepared. Do your research. Find two or three therapists they can interview and tell them that they can choose the one that they feel most comfortable with, and think will help the most. Finding a therapist who is a good fit is extremely important, and making the choice theirs will help them feel ownership over their own treatment, which is extremely important to teens and sets the stage for effective therapy.

It’s also important to know that there are several different kinds of therapy that might be helpful for your teen, including some well-studied behavioral therapies. Interpersonal therapy (IPT),cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) have all been shown to be helpful for teenagers with depression. Make sure that your child has had a thorough evaluation that includes treatment recommendations to help guide you.

Many teens with depression benefit from medication, such as an anti-depressant. While therapy alone may be effective with mild to moderate depression, the best results are usually gained with a combination of medication and therapy. If depression medication is a consideration, it is strongly recommended that you make an appointment with a board certified child and adolescentpsychiatrist (rather than a general physician) for a consultation.

Why depression treatment might not be working

If your child already is in treatment but it isn’t helping, ask them why they think that is. What isn’t helpful or what don’t they like about therapy? Are there things about therapy they do like? Maybe you can work together to find a therapist who does more of the things they like. If you do consider changing therapists, it’s important to discuss this with their current therapist before the decision to change is made. Many times, the therapy and/or the therapeutic relationship can be improved.

Keep in mind that therapy usually isn’t effective if the person in treatment isn’t committed to it, or is doing it to please someone else. Your child should want to get better for themselves. Unfortunately, sometimes people have to get worse before they want help. But the good news is that if you lay the groundwork by strengthening your connection now, they’ll be more likely to turn to you for support when they’re finally ready.

Taking care of yourself

Lastly, it’s important to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself. It can be emotionally and physically exhausting to be a parent of someone who is struggling with depression. Know that you are not alone, and get support for yourself. Make sure that you make time to do things you enjoy and go out with friends. The phrase: happy mommy (or daddy) = happy baby (read: teenager) still applies! https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-what-to-do-if-you-think-your-teenager-is-depressed-2/

Start by listening without judgment, not trying to 'fix' them

Writer: Stephanie Dowd, PsyD

Clinical Experts: Stephanie Dowd, PsyD , David Friedlander, PsyD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moS9tNzJkMk

What You'll Learn

- What are the signs of depression in teenagers?

- What can parents to do to help teenagers who may be depressed?

- How is depression treated?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Be supportive

- Accentuate the positive

- Helping kids with depression get treatment

- Why depression treatment might not be working

- Taking care of yourself

Signs that a teen might be depressed include being sad or irritable, losing interest in things that they used enjoy, changes in eating or sleeping habits, and low energy. Feeling worthless or hopeless about the future is a big warning sign. And a drop in grades or trouble concentrating at school can also be a symptom. If your teen shows more than a few of these signs and they don’t go away after a couple of weeks, they may have depression. And while you can’t make them want to get better, there are some things you can do to help.

Kids who are grumpy and down can be frustrating, especially if they don’t seem to be trying to help themselves. But it’s important to let them know you’re taking their feelings seriously. For example, you could say, “It seems like you’ve been really down lately. Is that true?” Make it clear you want to understand what’s troubling them without trying to jump in and solve the problem.

Ask questions and try not to judge. By listening, you’re letting them know that you hear them and you’re trying to understand. Remember, you’re not there to “fix” them. Listening without judgment will make them feel more comfortable reaching out when they’re ready to talk.

Depression can make doing even the smallest things more difficult. Make a point of noticing even simple positive things your teen does, like going to school or doing the dishes. And highlight ways they’re taking care of themselves, like doing homework, spending time with family, or keeping up with friends. Remember, this is not the time to be critical. They don’t want to feel this way. If they could snap their fingers and feel better, they would.

Try to give them opportunities to do things without being critical. Instead of saying, “Honey, you should really get up and do something,” you might say: “I’m going to do an errand. Do you want to come with me? Maybe we can get lunch together.”

Getting depressed teens into treatment can be tricky. If your child doesn’t want to go, be patient and persistent. Give them space, and let them know you’re there when they’re ready. When your teen is ready, let them choose a therapist they connect with. Make sure that whoever they decide on practices a therapy that works well for depression. Interpersonal therapy (IPT), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) are often good choices. Many teens with depression also benefit from medication.

If your child is already in treatment but it isn’t helping, it may be time to make a change. This could be a different course of treatment, a new medication, or changing therapists.

When kids are young, parents are used to swooping in and rescuing them whenever they need help. As your kids get older and their problems become more complex, you have to transition into more of a supporting role, and that can be difficult. This is especially true with teens who are struggling with depression. They need help to get better, but first they have to want that help.

Signs your child is depressed:

- Have they been sad or irritable most of the day, most days in a week for at least two weeks?

- Have they lost interest in things that they used to really enjoy?

- Have their eating or sleeping habits changed?

- Do they have very little energy, very little motivation to do much of anything?

- Are they feeling worthless, hopeless about their future, or guilty about things that aren’t their fault?

- Have their grades dropped, or are they finding it difficult to concentrate?

- Have they had thoughts of suicide? If so it’s crucial you have them evaluated by a mental health professional immediately. If the thoughts are really serious and there is imminent threat, you will need to take them to an ER.

If your teen shows more than a few of these signs they may have depression that warrants professional attention. While you can’t make them want to get better, there are some things that you as their parent can do. And it starts with simply being there for them.

Be supportive

One of the most important things you can do for your teen is to work on strengthening your relationship. Try to build empathy and understanding by putting yourself in their shoes. You might be frustrated that they seem down and irritable a lot of the time and don’t seem to be doing much of anything to help themselves. But if there isn’t much in their life that is making them happy, or something intensely disappointing has happened to them, it’s understandable that they might avoid things they used to enjoy and retreat to their room. Depression makes even doing the smallest things more difficult.

Try to validate their emotions, not their unhealthy behavior. For example, you could say, “It seems as though you’ve been really down lately. Is that true?” Make it clear that you want to try to understand what’s troubling them without trying to problem solve.

Be compassionately curious. Ask them questions about their mood gently, without being emotional. Even parents with the best intentions often don’t realize that their concern can come across as critical rather than loving. Do not be judgmental or try to solve their problems, even if you disagree with their point of view. Listening to them talk about their problems might seem as though you’re highlighting the negative, but in fact, you’re letting them know that you hear them, you see them, and you’re trying to understand — not fix them. People don’t like to be fixed. Listening without judgment will actually make them more likely to view you as an ally and someone they can turn to when they’re ready to talk.

Try also to give them opportunities to do things without being critical of them. Instead of saying, “Honey, you should really get up and do something. How about calling an old friend?” you might say, “I’m going to the mall to do an errand. Let me know if you want to come with me, and maybe we can get lunch together.”

For some parents, this can feel passive, as though you’re not doing enough. But being there for them and communicating your acceptance is exactly what they needs from you right now. It’s actually a very active way to strengthen your relationship.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Accentuate the positive

Make sure you’re noticing the positive things your teen does, too. Going to school, holding down a part-time job, doing the dishes or picking up their brother from soccer practice: These are all good things they’re doing, and it’s important to recognize them rather than thinking, “This is what they should be doing.” We all like to be appreciated and recognized for doing a good job even when it’s expected of us.

Ask yourself how many positive things have you said to them today? How many negative things have you said? How many times have you highlighted their problems or tried to fix them? The positive should outweigh the negative. Let them know that you’re proud of them, that they’re doing a good job if you see them taking care of themselves, doing homework, interacting with the family, or doing other things that take effort. They’ll likely appreciate that you noticed.

Likewise, you don’t need to mention that you’re disappointed they aren’t hanging out with friends as much or taking the interest they used to in guitar, for example. They probably feel disappointed, too, and don’t need to be reminded of what’s not going well in their life. They don’t want to feel this way. If they could snap their fingers and feel better, they would.

Helping kids with depression get treatment

Some teens will want to go to therapy when you ask them and some won’t. For those who are resistant, know that they aren’t going to suddenly open up to the idea of therapy (or to you) quickly, but you can help guide them towards treatment by opening the door and then waiting patiently for them to walk through it.

Try saying, “I know you’re having a hard time, and I have some ideas of things that could help. If you’d like to talk with me about them, let me know. I’m here for you.” It’s also a good idea to ask them if they have any suggestions on how you might be able to help. You might be surprised with what they have to say.

Be aware that your teen might tell you to back off. That’s fine; it’s their way — albeit a slightly irritable one — of telling you that they need space. It’s normal for teenagers to want independence, and it’s important for you to respect that. You can respond by saying, “I’ll give you more space, but know that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk or hear my suggestions.”

If they do come to you wanting help, be prepared. Do your research. Find two or three therapists they can interview and tell them that they can choose the one that they feel most comfortable with, and think will help the most. Finding a therapist who is a good fit is extremely important, and making the choice theirs will help them feel ownership over their own treatment, which is extremely important to teens and sets the stage for effective therapy.

It’s also important to know that there are several different kinds of therapy that might be helpful for your teen, including some well-studied behavioral therapies. Interpersonal therapy (IPT),cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) have all been shown to be helpful for teenagers with depression. Make sure that your child has had a thorough evaluation that includes treatment recommendations to help guide you.

Many teens with depression benefit from medication, such as an anti-depressant. While therapy alone may be effective with mild to moderate depression, the best results are usually gained with a combination of medication and therapy. If depression medication is a consideration, it is strongly recommended that you make an appointment with a board certified child and adolescentpsychiatrist (rather than a general physician) for a consultation.

Why depression treatment might not be working

If your child already is in treatment but it isn’t helping, ask them why they think that is. What isn’t helpful or what don’t they like about therapy? Are there things about therapy they do like? Maybe you can work together to find a therapist who does more of the things they like. If you do consider changing therapists, it’s important to discuss this with their current therapist before the decision to change is made. Many times, the therapy and/or the therapeutic relationship can be improved.

Keep in mind that therapy usually isn’t effective if the person in treatment isn’t committed to it, or is doing it to please someone else. Your child should want to get better for themselves. Unfortunately, sometimes people have to get worse before they want help. But the good news is that if you lay the groundwork by strengthening your connection now, they’ll be more likely to turn to you for support when they’re finally ready.

Taking care of yourself

Lastly, it’s important to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself. It can be emotionally and physically exhausting to be a parent of someone who is struggling with depression. Know that you are not alone, and get support for yourself. Make sure that you make time to do things you enjoy and go out with friends. The phrase: happy mommy (or daddy) = happy baby (read: teenager) still applies! https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=14853

James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Support Kids Who Are Questioning

Helping young people navigate gender identity and sexual orientation

Writer: Juliann Garey

Clinical Expert: Emma C Woodward, PhD

What You'll Learn

- What does it mean for a child to be questioning?
- How can families support kids who are questioning their gender identity or sexual orientation?
- What mental health risks do questioning kids face?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- What does it mean to be “questioning?”
- What helps kids when they are questioning?
- Emphasize acceptance
- Risk for mental health challenges
- Dealing with bullying
- How to handle your own challenging feelings

It’s common for kids to question their gender identity and sexual orientation, but the process can be confusing and scary. Young people who are dealing with these kinds of questions do best when their families support them.

If your child comes to you with questions or concerns about their gender identity or sexual orientation, the most important thing is to listen and let them know that you love them and support them no matter what. If you think that your child might be questioning, let them know that you’re always there if they want to talk. Then, let them take the lead, and don’t push them to talk before they’re ready.

It also helps to let your child know that your family accepts all gender identities and sexual orientations. Speak openly about non-straight people in your life and use people’s correct pronouns. And if your child wants to use a different name or pronouns, take them seriously and do as they ask.

Not all kids who are questioning are upset about it, but LGBTQ+ kids are at higher risk for challenges like depression and anxiety, especially if they feel rejected by family or friends. Keep an eye out for big changes in mood or behavior. Kids who are very distressed about their gender identity may also be experiencing a mental health issue called gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria comes with an increased risk of suicidal thinking and behavior, especially when kids don’t feel accepted, but treatment can help a lot.

It’s normal to experience anxiety or sadness of your own if your child is questioning. Those feelings are valid, but it’s important to cope with them separately from your child and continue supporting them no matter how you feel. A therapist of your own or a support organization like PFLAG can help.

In recent years, the way kids and teens think about gender and sexuality has moved beyond the simple binaries of male/female and gay/straight. This gives them a lot more flexibility to express their gender and sexual orientation in ways that feel right to them. But sorting out these feelings and thoughts can be confusing — for kids and their families. And questioning kids do best when they have the support of their families.

What does it mean to be “questioning?”

It’s normal for very young children to experiment with gender identity, but “questioning” in this context refers to older kids and young adults who are in the process of exploring their gender identity and/or sexual orientation. Young people might question who they’re attracted to (their sexual orientation), what gender they identify as (male, female, or another gender), or both. According to a 2025 poll, young people are much more likely to identify as LGBTQ+ than older generations. Kids who are trying to figure out where they fit along these spectrums are often referred to as “questioning.”

For more on the terminology that people use to describe sexual orientation and gender identity, see the helpful glossary from the Human Rights Campaign.

What helps kids when they are questioning?

Mental health experts stress the importance of giving kids who are questioning unconditional support at home. That means explicitly letting your child know that you love them, accept them, and stand by them — even if you’re confused or upset by the thoughts and feelings they’re having.

Most kids are probably not going to come right out and tell you that they’re having questions about who they’re attracted to or that they don’t feel right in the body they were born in. Being comfortable enough to reveal these feelings to their friends or parents or even themselves can be a long and difficult process. Even when parents pick up on signs from their kids — things they say, changes in the way they dress, things they post on social media, reports from other parents — pushing kids to talk about it isn’t advised, says Emma Woodward, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute.

So instead of saying something like, “Do you think you might be gay?” or “I’ve noticed that you’ve been dressing differently,” it’s better to check in with open-ended questions and let them know that you’re there if they need you. You might say: “I hope you know that I’m here for you no matter what, and that you can talk to me about anything that’s going on.” You can also let kids know that if they’d rather talk to someone outside the family, you can arrange for them to meet with a therapist.

It’s best to keep the conversation light, Dr Woodward notes, and try not to hover. Check in once a month. Give them the chance to let you know if there’s anything they’d like to talk about. Teenagers need the space to figure things out on their own. But it helps to know that they have the support of a parent or caregiver.

Emphasize acceptance

When a child does start to share ideas about their identity, it’s important for parents to respect those ideas and meet kids where they are, says Dr. Woodward. Start by being really open to what they have to say; just hear them out without passing judgment. It may be awkward at first, but that’s okay. The important part is to listen, let them know that you take their feelings seriously and follow their lead.

That includes using the pronouns or names that they ask you to use, even if they’re still figuring out what works for them. “Wherever I meet a family or child with these concerns we use the words that the teens choose,” she adds.

Risk for mental health challenges

Just because your child is having questioning thoughts doesn’t mean they’re upset about it. But LGBTQ+ kids are at higher risk for mental health challenges like depression and anxiety, especially if they feel rejected by family members or peers.

It’s important for parents to notice when a child seems constantly worried or withdrawn, doesn’t want to see friends, isn’t sleeping or eating well or has lost interest in activities they usually enjoy. These are signs of mental health challenges that may or may not be related to gender or sexual identity. If these symptoms last more than a few weeks and especially if they seem to be getting worse, it may be time to get your child help from a therapist.

A child who seems to have a high level of distress around gender issues might be experiencing something called gender dysphoria. Kids with gender dysphoria feel strongly that they are the wrong gender, and those feelings can cause an intense need to change genders.

Being transgender is not a mental health disorder. And not all transgender people experience gender dysphoria. But kids who do have gender dysphoria are at an increased risk of suicidal thinking and behavior, especially if family and friends do not accept them as the gender they identify with. Treatment can make a big difference for kids with gender dysphoria, and therapists can help families navigate options for kids who are considering transitioning to a different gender.

Dealing with bullying

Kids who are questioning may also be targets for bullying. Whether or not your child is openly discussing their gender and sexual identity with you, it’s important to be ready to advocate for them. If you suspect bullying, start by talking with your child about what they’re experiencing and how they want to handle it. It’s best to get the child’s consent before talking to their teacher about bullying, Dr. Woodward notes. At the same time, you can let them know that it’s important to stand up for themselves and that you’re ready to back them up: “We don’t have to do it right away, but we might need to talk to your teacher if this keeps happening.” Later, you might consider going to the principal if your concerns aren’t addressed after working with the teacher.

Even if you don’t have specific concerns about bullying, it may be helpful to bring up the subject at your next parent-teacher conference.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

How to handle your own challenging feelings

It’s normal to experience upsetting feelings of your own if your child is questioning their gender or sexuality. You might feel anxious about the challenges your child could face, how to share news about their identity with extended family, or how to support a child whose identity is different from your own. In particular, parents of kids who are questioning their gender identity might feel a sense of mourning for the child they imagined they would have — the daughter who was going to walk down the aisle in a white dress, for example.

You might find it helpful to join a support group for parents for kids in similar situations. PFLAG, an organization for LGBTQ+ people and their loved ones and allies, is a great place to start. You might also consider working with a therapist of your own to process your feelings separately from your child. “That kind of work especially is important for parents to do on their own, with their own provider,” Dr. Woodward says. Parents’ feelings “can cause a child to feel a lot of guilt and shame. Those are complicated feelings, but it’s not the kid’s responsibility to manage their parents’ emotional responses.”

Finally, it’s helpful to remember that questioning kids’ identities may evolve as they continue to explore their gender and sexuality, so parents shouldn’t expect that the labels or pronouns kids choose for themselves will necessarily be fixed. The goal isn’t to get the child to settle into an identity, but rather to support them through as much exploration as feels right to them. “It really is about following their lead with how they identify and what language they’re comfortable with,” says Dr. Woodward. All parents want their kids to feel safe, happy, and loved. And being supportive, open and informed are the best ways for parents to help questioning kids have that experience.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I help a teenager with gender identity?

You can help a teenager who is questioning their gender identity by showing them unconditional support and acceptance and asking open-ended questions about their experience. It’s also important to keep an eye out for signs of mental health challenges or bullying.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-support-kids-who-are-questioning-2/

Helping young people navigate gender identity and sexual orientation

Writer: Juliann Garey

Clinical Expert: Emma C Woodward, PhD

What You'll Learn

- What does it mean for a child to be questioning?

- How can families support kids who are questioning their gender identity or sexual orientation?

- What mental health risks do questioning kids face?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- What does it mean to be “questioning?”

- What helps kids when they are questioning?

- Emphasize acceptance

- Risk for mental health challenges

- Dealing with bullying

- How to handle your own challenging feelings

It’s common for kids to question their gender identity and sexual orientation, but the process can be confusing and scary. Young people who are dealing with these kinds of questions do best when their families support them.

If your child comes to you with questions or concerns about their gender identity or sexual orientation, the most important thing is to listen and let them know that you love them and support them no matter what. If you think that your child might be questioning, let them know that you’re always there if they want to talk. Then, let them take the lead, and don’t push them to talk before they’re ready.

It also helps to let your child know that your family accepts all gender identities and sexual orientations. Speak openly about non-straight people in your life and use people’s correct pronouns. And if your child wants to use a different name or pronouns, take them seriously and do as they ask.

Not all kids who are questioning are upset about it, but LGBTQ+ kids are at higher risk for challenges like depression and anxiety, especially if they feel rejected by family or friends. Keep an eye out for big changes in mood or behavior. Kids who are very distressed about their gender identity may also be experiencing a mental health issue called gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria comes with an increased risk of suicidal thinking and behavior, especially when kids don’t feel accepted, but treatment can help a lot.

It’s normal to experience anxiety or sadness of your own if your child is questioning. Those feelings are valid, but it’s important to cope with them separately from your child and continue supporting them no matter how you feel. A therapist of your own or a support organization like PFLAG can help.

In recent years, the way kids and teens think about gender and sexuality has moved beyond the simple binaries of male/female and gay/straight. This gives them a lot more flexibility to express their gender and sexual orientation in ways that feel right to them. But sorting out these feelings and thoughts can be confusing — for kids and their families. And questioning kids do best when they have the support of their families.

What does it mean to be “questioning?”

It’s normal for very young children to experiment with gender identity, but “questioning” in this context refers to older kids and young adults who are in the process of exploring their gender identity and/or sexual orientation. Young people might question who they’re attracted to (their sexual orientation), what gender they identify as (male, female, or another gender), or both. According to a 2025 poll, young people are much more likely to identify as LGBTQ+ than older generations. Kids who are trying to figure out where they fit along these spectrums are often referred to as “questioning.”

For more on the terminology that people use to describe sexual orientation and gender identity, see the helpful glossary from the Human Rights Campaign.

What helps kids when they are questioning?

Mental health experts stress the importance of giving kids who are questioning unconditional support at home. That means explicitly letting your child know that you love them, accept them, and stand by them — even if you’re confused or upset by the thoughts and feelings they’re having.

Most kids are probably not going to come right out and tell you that they’re having questions about who they’re attracted to or that they don’t feel right in the body they were born in. Being comfortable enough to reveal these feelings to their friends or parents or even themselves can be a long and difficult process. Even when parents pick up on signs from their kids — things they say, changes in the way they dress, things they post on social media, reports from other parents — pushing kids to talk about it isn’t advised, says Emma Woodward, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute.

So instead of saying something like, “Do you think you might be gay?” or “I’ve noticed that you’ve been dressing differently,” it’s better to check in with open-ended questions and let them know that you’re there if they need you. You might say: “I hope you know that I’m here for you no matter what, and that you can talk to me about anything that’s going on.” You can also let kids know that if they’d rather talk to someone outside the family, you can arrange for them to meet with a therapist.

It’s best to keep the conversation light, Dr Woodward notes, and try not to hover. Check in once a month. Give them the chance to let you know if there’s anything they’d like to talk about. Teenagers need the space to figure things out on their own. But it helps to know that they have the support of a parent or caregiver.

Emphasize acceptance

When a child does start to share ideas about their identity, it’s important for parents to respect those ideas and meet kids where they are, says Dr. Woodward. Start by being really open to what they have to say; just hear them out without passing judgment. It may be awkward at first, but that’s okay. The important part is to listen, let them know that you take their feelings seriously and follow their lead.

That includes using the pronouns or names that they ask you to use, even if they’re still figuring out what works for them. “Wherever I meet a family or child with these concerns we use the words that the teens choose,” she adds.

Risk for mental health challenges

Just because your child is having questioning thoughts doesn’t mean they’re upset about it. But LGBTQ+ kids are at higher risk for mental health challenges like depression and anxiety, especially if they feel rejected by family members or peers.

It’s important for parents to notice when a child seems constantly worried or withdrawn, doesn’t want to see friends, isn’t sleeping or eating well or has lost interest in activities they usually enjoy. These are signs of mental health challenges that may or may not be related to gender or sexual identity. If these symptoms last more than a few weeks and especially if they seem to be getting worse, it may be time to get your child help from a therapist.

A child who seems to have a high level of distress around gender issues might be experiencing something called gender dysphoria. Kids with gender dysphoria feel strongly that they are the wrong gender, and those feelings can cause an intense need to change genders.

Being transgender is not a mental health disorder. And not all transgender people experience gender dysphoria. But kids who do have gender dysphoria are at an increased risk of suicidal thinking and behavior, especially if family and friends do not accept them as the gender they identify with. Treatment can make a big difference for kids with gender dysphoria, and therapists can help families navigate options for kids who are considering transitioning to a different gender.

Dealing with bullying

Kids who are questioning may also be targets for bullying. Whether or not your child is openly discussing their gender and sexual identity with you, it’s important to be ready to advocate for them. If you suspect bullying, start by talking with your child about what they’re experiencing and how they want to handle it. It’s best to get the child’s consent before talking to their teacher about bullying, Dr. Woodward notes. At the same time, you can let them know that it’s important to stand up for themselves and that you’re ready to back them up: “We don’t have to do it right away, but we might need to talk to your teacher if this keeps happening.” Later, you might consider going to the principal if your concerns aren’t addressed after working with the teacher.

Even if you don’t have specific concerns about bullying, it may be helpful to bring up the subject at your next parent-teacher conference.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

How to handle your own challenging feelings

It’s normal to experience upsetting feelings of your own if your child is questioning their gender or sexuality. You might feel anxious about the challenges your child could face, how to share news about their identity with extended family, or how to support a child whose identity is different from your own. In particular, parents of kids who are questioning their gender identity might feel a sense of mourning for the child they imagined they would have — the daughter who was going to walk down the aisle in a white dress, for example.

You might find it helpful to join a support group for parents for kids in similar situations. PFLAG, an organization for LGBTQ+ people and their loved ones and allies, is a great place to start. You might also consider working with a therapist of your own to process your feelings separately from your child. “That kind of work especially is important for parents to do on their own, with their own provider,” Dr. Woodward says. Parents’ feelings “can cause a child to feel a lot of guilt and shame. Those are complicated feelings, but it’s not the kid’s responsibility to manage their parents’ emotional responses.”

Finally, it’s helpful to remember that questioning kids’ identities may evolve as they continue to explore their gender and sexuality, so parents shouldn’t expect that the labels or pronouns kids choose for themselves will necessarily be fixed. The goal isn’t to get the child to settle into an identity, but rather to support them through as much exploration as feels right to them. “It really is about following their lead with how they identify and what language they’re comfortable with,” says Dr. Woodward. All parents want their kids to feel safe, happy, and loved. And being supportive, open and informed are the best ways for parents to help questioning kids have that experience.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I help a teenager with gender identity?

You can help a teenager who is questioning their gender identity by showing them unconditional support and acceptance and asking open-ended questions about their experience. It’s also important to keep an eye out for signs of mental health challenges or bullying. https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-how-to-support-kids-who-are-questioning-2/