This Mental Health Awareness Month, advocates are urging to consider how financial stress can aggravate mental illness. Their message comes in the wake of the Manoa tragedy and as Lahaina wildfire survivors continue to try to rebuild their lives.
For the Culhane family, the loss of their patriarch 12 years ago changed their lives forever.
“It’s been hard for us to say the word suicide because there’s so much stigma and shame and condemnation, and it’s definitely not what I want to remember my husband for because he had so many other amazing things,” said wife Sara Culhane.
Culhane says her husband, Tom, started to struggle with mental illness two years before his death —due to money, social pressure and his own unresolved childhood trauma.
“He was really good with the kids. But I know just in his spirit, maybe not feeling enough,” she said.
“He was worried we purchased a home on the Big Island at the height of the market. And then the big crash happened in 2008. So he was concerned, we owed more than what the house was worth. Just that hopelessness that he must have felt.”
She said they sought medical help.
“So a lot of trips to the doctors. A lot of try this medication, try this medication and nothing seemed to be working,” Culhane added.
Then one day, she found Tom on the beach. He had taken too much medication and never woke up.
James was 9. Sophia 6. Culhane said she didn’t tell them at first.
“How do you tell your children that dad committed suicide?” she said. “We never understand why. That’s between Tom and God.”
“I didn’t know if that was his intention. I don’t think I’ll ever know,” said Culhane, who worried about how her children would process the suicide.
“You don’t want to put that same fear onto them. That’s probably even the hardest part of walking through and not understanding completely why but also not wanting that fear of Sophia or James thinking that mental health runs possibly in our family.”
The family turned to faith and resources like non-profit Kids Hurt Too, which offers counseling, peer support groups, mentoring and activities for families dealing with grief.
“This was a big part of the healing journey just being around other kids that have also gone through loss or just challenges in general and not feeling that they were alone,” Culhane said.
Mental health experts say talking openly about financial hardship can help break a cycle of hopelessness and reduce the stigma.
“We are there to be the safe space for them and to be the kind and caring shoulder that they can come to,” said Walker Rowsey, Kids Hurt Too executive director.
“Our culture can be very hesitant to discuss money or financial stress, there’s a lot of pressure to be the best that we can right? ... And that pressure can often lead to shame for those that don’t have it,” Rowsey added.
“Research shows that financial crisis financial hardship, houselessness are massive risk factors for suicidal ideation and suicide attempts.”
Rowsey lost his own mother to suicide from financial stress during the 2008 global financial crisis. He says if she had shared her struggle with others, perhaps she would have found another way.
“She would have felt that much less pressure to perform and to be successful financially, she would have known that she couldn’t have done very much to better her situation because the entire planet was in freefall at that point,” he said.
#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
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Rowsey says loved ones are often left with feelings of abandonment and guilt.
“It’s not their fault. There isn’t anything that they personally could have done to change situation. It was an illness, and we need to treat it as such. And think of it as such. Also, a lot of these family members can get strong with abandonment. And again, that goes back to it’s not a choice, it was not a choice for them. They were very, very sick. They were not abandoning the family in any way, or their loved ones in any way. They just succumb to the illness,” Rowsey explained.
Rowsey says during current economic times, he’s seeing more families devasted by mental illness.
“No one ever chooses to kill themselves. It is always inherently a mental illness. It is always inherently a sickness. A healthy brain does not have suicidal ideation,” he explained.
“More people are struggling in this state than aren’t,” he said.” We really need to normalize this experience, because it is the norm here.”
“When we keep these things inside, they manifest in different ways,” Culhane said. “And like God says, you need to bring it to the light to be able to heal that that darkness so I’m always to the kids it’s okay not to be okay. And it’s okay to talk about to talk about it.”
Those with suicidal thoughts may justify it as a way to help loved ones, but the opposite is true -- causing more trauma.
“It’s just a transfer of pain,” Culhane said.
“So the pain that they’re feeling that, that they feel that is the only solution to whatever the problems are ... all it does is transfer their pain to the people that are left behind.”
Along with feelings of abandonment and guilt.
“It’s not going to bring him back. I don’t think it’s anybody’s fault. I couldn’t have done anything different,” Culhane said. “My faith, I think, is what keeps me going from day to day. It’s not not easy as a single mom, and not easy walking this story.”
“Having that community that you can go to, I think is the key and not being isolated and being by yourself,” she added.
Along with loss, joy, too. Daughter Sophia, now 18, is one of the youngest world champions in longboarding and she’s giving back to the community that helped her.
“We see daddy in rainbows so anytime it gets hard, God puts a rainbow in the sky. But there’s a rainbow on every single board that that she has,” Culhane said. “He’s with her on every single wave.”
RESOURCES
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, call or text 9-8-8.
https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-financial-hardship-can-aggravate-mental-illness-but-theres-help-for-those-in-crisis/
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