Mental Health America of Porter County is joining our community in supporting National Suicide Awareness Month. According to the CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System’s national study in 2011, 15.8% of students had seriously considered attempting suicide. 12.8% of students nationwide had made a plan about how they would attempt suicide. 7.8% of students had attempted suicide one or more times. 2.4% of students had made a suicide attempt that resulted in an injury, poisoning, or overdose that had to be treated by a doctor or nurse.

Left untreated, depression can lead some youth to take their own lives. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-olds and the sixth leading cause of death for 5- to 14-year-olds.

Warning signs of suicide

Four out of five teens that attempt suicide give clear warnings. If you suspect that a child or adolescent is suicidal, look for these warning signs:

- Threats of suicide—either direct or indirect.

- Verbal hints such as “I won’t be around much longer” or “It’s hopeless.

- Obsession with death.

- Overwhelming sense of guilt, shame or rejection.

- Putting affairs in order (for example, giving or throwing away favorite possessions).

- Sudden cheerfulness after a period of depression.

- Dramatic change in personality or appearance.

- Irritability.

- Hallucinations or bizarre thoughts.

- Changes in eating or sleeping patterns.

- Changes in school performance.

What Should Parents and Other Adults Do if They Think a Child Is Suicidal?

- Ask the child or teen if he or she feels depressed or thinks about suicide or death. Speaking openly and honestly allows the child to confide in you and gives you a chance to express your concern. Listen to his or her thoughts and feelings in a caring and respectful manner.

- Let the child or teen know that you care and want to help.

- Supply the child or teen with local resources, such as a crisis hotline or the location of a mental health clinic. If the child or teen is a student, find out if there are any available mental health professionals at the school and let the child know about them.

- Seek professional help. It is essential to seek expert advice from a mental health professional that has experience helping depressed children and teens.

- Alert key adults in the child’s life—family, friends, teachers. Inform the child’s parents or primary caregiver, and recommend that they seek professional assistance for their child or teen.

- Trust your instincts. If you think the situation may be serious, seek immediate help. If necessary, break a confidence in order to save a life.

If immediate assistance is needed, call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room. For local emergency services you can call Porter-Starke Services 219-531-3500. Someone is available 24 hours a day at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or 877-SUICIDA (784-2432) . People in Northwest Indiana can call the Crisis Center 219-938-0900 or 800-519-0469.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=15462

James Donaldson on Mental Health - It’s not just the winter blues. Seasonal affective disorder can hit in the summer, too

- Leif Greiss

Seasonal affective disorder, most common during the winter, can also happen in the summer, doctors say.

In many cultures throughout history, spring and summer have been associated with rebirth, life and vitality, and are celebrated. But for some people, this time of year is anything but celebratory. For them, warm weather brings on feelings of anxiety and persistent agitation.

In the popular consciousness, Seasonal affective disorder is most often associated with the feelings of depression that arise during cold, overcast winter months — but there is a warm-weather variant as well.

Jami Dumler, regional clinic director for Thriveworks in Pennsylvania, said warm-weather SAD is more associated with anxiety and agitation than depression, and is less common.

“With winter seasonal depression, that might look like increased sleeping, weight gain, lacking energy, withdrawing from your social circles, versus that more agitated summer SAD might look like insomnia, weight loss, agitation or mood swings and anxiety as a whole,” Dumler said.

Winter SAD’s onset is associated with the changing of the seasons and the cold weather, being stuck indoors, shorter days and less sunlight exposure. However, Dumler said, there is a correlation between extreme heat and agitation. People on psychiatric medications such as antidepressants or mood stabilizers, for example, may have more difficulty regulating their body’s temperature, she said.

Dr. Dhanalakshmi Ramasamy, psychiatrist at Pennsylvania’s Lehigh Valley Health Network, said increased sunlight also can lead to sleep disturbances, which can have a downstream effect on mental health. However, Ramasamy added, SAD during warm weather months is not quite as well understood as the winter variant and more research is needed.

Dumler added that for people who are already prone to depression or anxiety, the onset of summer SAD may have a compounding effect. Even beyond SAD, summer and spring can create mental health challenges for some. Suicides and suicide attempts tend to be higher in spring.

“It can be a challenging time of year when folks are turning a corner and seeing the joy and brightness of summer, getting out and getting active, and if you are still struggling, that can feel really alienating and lead to people stepping more into that suicidal space,” Dumler said.

The warm weather months and all that go with it can cause flare-ups or problems for people with other mental health conditions or mental illnesses, doctors said.

Dr. Jordan Holter, psychiatrist with St. Luke’s Penn Foundation, said going to pools or the beach may have impacts on people with body dysmorphia, as wearing more revealing clothes may be triggering.

Holter added that for children with conditions like autism spectrum disorder or who have intellectual disabilities, the loss of a structured environment may be disruptive and exacerbate their condition. For children with ADHD, depression or anxiety, the return to school and all the stresses and pressures that come with it may lead to visits to the emergency room, he said.

“By having them be outside of a structured setting, that can oftentimes exacerbate those symptoms and that can cause anxiety,” Holter said. “Oftentimes, what happens too is they call it like a like a drug holiday — people that have been diagnosed ADHD are on stimulants oftentimes, will frequently be recommend to go off of the medication for a brief period of time, usually during the summer months where they don’t really have the same kind of academic demand, where they need to focus and concentrate. Because of that, you can oftentimes have a remission, reemergence of those symptoms.”

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Ramasamy said that overall, LVHN sees fewer children presenting to emergency departments during the summer but those who do show up usually present with more severe and complex issues.

All the mental health professionals The Morning Call spoke to said that taking care of your mental health during summer is possible with available tools.

Dumler said that for her patients, she prioritizes social connection, physical health and mental health.

“Often, if you have both or all three of those things going, you’re going to have more impact than just focusing on one,” Dumler said.

Getting exercise, eating a healthy diet with lots of fiber, and taking time to plan things with family and friends can all play a part in improving mental health during the summer. She added that light therapy can help in treating both summer and winter variants of SAD.

Holter said selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, antidepressants and traditional therapy are, of course, options as well.

Ramasamy said one of the things she recommends is making lifestyle modifications that allow people to increase the levels of vitamin D in their bodies. She said another is adopting good sleep hygiene habits like going to bed at a consistent time and not spending time on devices right before bed.

“We cannot exclude suicidal thoughts and things like that,” Ramasamy said. “If it’s getting worse, of course, they can go to the ER, call 911, the suicide hotline to get the support they need.”

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-its-not-just-the-winter-blues-seasonal-affective-disorder-can-hit-in-the-summer-too/

- Leif Greiss

Seasonal affective disorder, most common during the winter, can also happen in the summer, doctors say.

In many cultures throughout history, spring and summer have been associated with rebirth, life and vitality, and are celebrated. But for some people, this time of year is anything but celebratory. For them, warm weather brings on feelings of anxiety and persistent agitation.

In the popular consciousness, Seasonal affective disorder is most often associated with the feelings of depression that arise during cold, overcast winter months — but there is a warm-weather variant as well.

Jami Dumler, regional clinic director for Thriveworks in Pennsylvania, said warm-weather SAD is more associated with anxiety and agitation than depression, and is less common.

“With winter seasonal depression, that might look like increased sleeping, weight gain, lacking energy, withdrawing from your social circles, versus that more agitated summer SAD might look like insomnia, weight loss, agitation or mood swings and anxiety as a whole,” Dumler said.

Winter SAD’s onset is associated with the changing of the seasons and the cold weather, being stuck indoors, shorter days and less sunlight exposure. However, Dumler said, there is a correlation between extreme heat and agitation. People on psychiatric medications such as antidepressants or mood stabilizers, for example, may have more difficulty regulating their body’s temperature, she said.

Dr. Dhanalakshmi Ramasamy, psychiatrist at Pennsylvania’s Lehigh Valley Health Network, said increased sunlight also can lead to sleep disturbances, which can have a downstream effect on mental health. However, Ramasamy added, SAD during warm weather months is not quite as well understood as the winter variant and more research is needed.

Dumler added that for people who are already prone to depression or anxiety, the onset of summer SAD may have a compounding effect. Even beyond SAD, summer and spring can create mental health challenges for some. Suicides and suicide attempts tend to be higher in spring.

“It can be a challenging time of year when folks are turning a corner and seeing the joy and brightness of summer, getting out and getting active, and if you are still struggling, that can feel really alienating and lead to people stepping more into that suicidal space,” Dumler said.

The warm weather months and all that go with it can cause flare-ups or problems for people with other mental health conditions or mental illnesses, doctors said.

Dr. Jordan Holter, psychiatrist with St. Luke’s Penn Foundation, said going to pools or the beach may have impacts on people with body dysmorphia, as wearing more revealing clothes may be triggering.

Holter added that for children with conditions like autism spectrum disorder or who have intellectual disabilities, the loss of a structured environment may be disruptive and exacerbate their condition. For children with ADHD, depression or anxiety, the return to school and all the stresses and pressures that come with it may lead to visits to the emergency room, he said.

“By having them be outside of a structured setting, that can oftentimes exacerbate those symptoms and that can cause anxiety,” Holter said. “Oftentimes, what happens too is they call it like a like a drug holiday — people that have been diagnosed ADHD are on stimulants oftentimes, will frequently be recommend to go off of the medication for a brief period of time, usually during the summer months where they don’t really have the same kind of academic demand, where they need to focus and concentrate. Because of that, you can oftentimes have a remission, reemergence of those symptoms.”

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Ramasamy said that overall, LVHN sees fewer children presenting to emergency departments during the summer but those who do show up usually present with more severe and complex issues.

All the mental health professionals The Morning Call spoke to said that taking care of your mental health during summer is possible with available tools.

Dumler said that for her patients, she prioritizes social connection, physical health and mental health.

“Often, if you have both or all three of those things going, you’re going to have more impact than just focusing on one,” Dumler said.

Getting exercise, eating a healthy diet with lots of fiber, and taking time to plan things with family and friends can all play a part in improving mental health during the summer. She added that light therapy can help in treating both summer and winter variants of SAD.

Holter said selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, antidepressants and traditional therapy are, of course, options as well.

Ramasamy said one of the things she recommends is making lifestyle modifications that allow people to increase the levels of vitamin D in their bodies. She said another is adopting good sleep hygiene habits like going to bed at a consistent time and not spending time on devices right before bed.

“We cannot exclude suicidal thoughts and things like that,” Ramasamy said. “If it’s getting worse, of course, they can go to the ER, call 911, the suicide hotline to get the support they need.” https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-its-not-just-the-winter-blues-seasonal-affective-disorder-can-hit-in-the-summer-too/

- Leif Greiss

Seasonal affective disorder, most common during the winter, can also happen in the summer, doctors say.

In many cultures throughout history, spring and summer have been associated with rebirth, life and vitality, and are celebrated. But for some people, this time of year is anything but celebratory. For them, warm weather brings on feelings of anxiety and persistent agitation.

In the popular consciousness, Seasonal affective disorder is most often associated with the feelings of depression that arise during cold, overcast winter months — but there is a warm-weather variant as well.

Jami Dumler, regional clinic director for Thriveworks in Pennsylvania, said warm-weather SAD is more associated with anxiety and agitation than depression, and is less common.

“With winter seasonal depression, that might look like increased sleeping, weight gain, lacking energy, withdrawing from your social circles, versus that more agitated summer SAD might look like insomnia, weight loss, agitation or mood swings and anxiety as a whole,” Dumler said.

Winter SAD’s onset is associated with the changing of the seasons and the cold weather, being stuck indoors, shorter days and less sunlight exposure. However, Dumler said, there is a correlation between extreme heat and agitation. People on psychiatric medications such as antidepressants or mood stabilizers, for example, may have more difficulty regulating their body’s temperature, she said.

Dr. Dhanalakshmi Ramasamy, psychiatrist at Pennsylvania’s Lehigh Valley Health Network, said increased sunlight also can lead to sleep disturbances, which can have a downstream effect on mental health. However, Ramasamy added, SAD during warm weather months is not quite as well understood as the winter variant and more research is needed.

Dumler added that for people who are already prone to depression or anxiety, the onset of summer SAD may have a compounding effect. Even beyond SAD, summer and spring can create mental health challenges for some. Suicides and suicide attempts tend to be higher in spring.

“It can be a challenging time of year when folks are turning a corner and seeing the joy and brightness of summer, getting out and getting active, and if you are still struggling, that can feel really alienating and lead to people stepping more into that suicidal space,” Dumler said.

The warm weather months and all that go with it can cause flare-ups or problems for people with other mental health conditions or mental illnesses, doctors said.

Dr. Jordan Holter, psychiatrist with St. Luke’s Penn Foundation, said going to pools or the beach may have impacts on people with body dysmorphia, as wearing more revealing clothes may be triggering.

Holter added that for children with conditions like autism spectrum disorder or who have intellectual disabilities, the loss of a structured environment may be disruptive and exacerbate their condition. For children with ADHD, depression or anxiety, the return to school and all the stresses and pressures that come with it may lead to visits to the emergency room, he said.

“By having them be outside of a structured setting, that can oftentimes exacerbate those symptoms and that can cause anxiety,” Holter said. “Oftentimes, what happens too is they call it like a like a drug holiday — people that have been diagnosed ADHD are on stimulants oftentimes, will frequently be recommend to go off of the medication for a brief period of time, usually during the summer months where they don’t really have the same kind of academic demand, where they need to focus and concentrate. Because of that, you can oftentimes have a remission, reemergence of those symptoms.”

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Ramasamy said that overall, LVHN sees fewer children presenting to emergency departments during the summer but those who do show up usually present with more severe and complex issues.

All the mental health professionals The Morning Call spoke to said that taking care of your mental health during summer is possible with available tools.

Dumler said that for her patients, she prioritizes social connection, physical health and mental health.

“Often, if you have both or all three of those things going, you’re going to have more impact than just focusing on one,” Dumler said.

Getting exercise, eating a healthy diet with lots of fiber, and taking time to plan things with family and friends can all play a part in improving mental health during the summer. She added that light therapy can help in treating both summer and winter variants of SAD.

Holter said selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, antidepressants and traditional therapy are, of course, options as well.

Ramasamy said one of the things she recommends is making lifestyle modifications that allow people to increase the levels of vitamin D in their bodies. She said another is adopting good sleep hygiene habits like going to bed at a consistent time and not spending time on devices right before bed.

“We cannot exclude suicidal thoughts and things like that,” Ramasamy said. “If it’s getting worse, of course, they can go to the ER, call 911, the suicide hotline to get the support they need.” https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=15459

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Helping Girls Deal With Unwanted Sexual Attention

How parents can arm daughters to protect both their safety and their boundaries

Writer: Rae Jacobson

Clinical Expert: Dave Anderson, PhD

What You'll Learn

- Why do girls find it hard to respond to unwanted sexual attention?
- How can parents empower girls to push back against unwanted advances?
- How can parents help girls feel comfortable with saying “no”?
- Quick Read
- Full Article
- Take it seriously
- But don’t catastrophize
- Ditch the blame
- Help her set boundaries
- Pay attention to what she’s watching
- Talk about street harassment
- The dad dilemma
- Staying safe
- Be supportive

For many girls and women, unwanted sexual attention is a fact of life. This ranges from catcalls on the street to romantic or sexual advances that they don’t welcome. Many girls struggle with how to decline unwanted advances because they’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. And when the attention is aggressive or comes from someone older, it can be hard to know how to push back.

Parents can help girls protect both their safety and their boundaries. The first step is taking it seriously — not telling girls who feel uncomfortable or unsafe that they should just get over it. Instead, parents should focus on empowering girls to become their own advocates. An important way to empower her is to help her find — and practice — the words to use if someone isn’t respecting her boundaries. For example, she could say, “I don’t like that and I want you to stop.” Or, “I’m just not interested” or “I’m not comfortable doing that.”

Girls should understand that no one has the right to touch them if they don’t want it. That includes an arm around your shoulder, a kiss or any kind of sexual contact. It’s important for parents to help girls get comfortable with saying no.

For many girls, not being seen as mean or unfriendly is a major concern. Girls often get the message that to be liked, they have to be nice and accommodating and pleasing. But the message should be that anyone worthy of their attention should respect their feelings.

If something does happen — whether it’s a classmate who won’t take no for an answer, a pushy friend, or a stranger making lewd comments in the street — let your daughter know you have her back, even if she’s not ready to talk about it right away. When she is ready to talk, take her seriously and make it clear that you love and support her, no matter what.

“Hey beautiful, gimme a smile.”

“Why won’t you text me back???”

“I know you like me, even if you won’t say it.”

Sound familiar? If you’re female, the answer is probably yes.

Unfortunately, for the majority of women, unwanted sexual and romantic attention is a fact of life. Often beginning around puberty, it can range from awkward to annoying to downright terrifying. Many girls struggle with how to decline a romantic or sexual advance because they’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. And when the attention is aggressive or comes from someone older, it can be hard to know how to push back.

Parents can lay the groundwork to help girls protect both their safety and their boundaries by making sure they’re armed with healthy coping strategies.

Take it seriously

The first step to getting girls geared up to deal with unwanted attention is taking it seriously.

“What parents have to acknowledge is that from the moment their daughters hit puberty they’re likely to get attention,” says David Anderson, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, “and that some of that attention, whether it’s a lewd comment from a stranger, or a boy who won’t take no for an answer, is going to be unwelcome, uncomfortable or even scary.”

While most parents, he says, are aware that unwanted attention happens, what some parents — especially dads who probably haven’t experienced it themselves — may not realize is how common, and how upsetting, it can be.

“We have a tendency to downplay these experiences,” says Stephanie Dowd, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. “But when we say, ‘Oh that’s no big deal, it happens to everyone,’ or suggest that it’s just part of life as a female, we’re implying that girls who feel victimized or upset are overreacting.” Instead, she says parents should send girls a clear message: “their feelings and boundaries are valid, and deserve to be respected.”

But don’t catastrophize

On the flip side, Dr. Anderson says, it’s also important to fight the urge to overreact. “As parents it’s natural to want to protect your child, but realistically you won’t be able to be by her side every day for the rest of her life,” he says. Tempting as it may be to hire a full-time bodyguard, parents should focus on empowering girls to become their own advocates.

“Part of staying safe and feeling comfortable is having the ability to recognize when something is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe,” says Dr. Dowd, “And having the confidence to say, ‘What you’re doing is making me feel bad, and I don’t deserve that.’ ”

Ditch the blame

“One of the biggest mistakes we make when discussing unwanted attention is suggesting that women have somehow brought the problem on themselves,”’ says Dr. Anderson. “Girls who are sexually harassed are not causing the harassment, sexual harassers are. But many end up feeling that without knowing it, they’ve somehow brought this negative interaction on themselves by wearing the wrong outfit, or being ‘too nice.’”

One thing that makes girls more likely to feel they are to blame is the implication that their bodies are somehow dirty or shameful. “Body positivity is so important,” says Dr. Dowd. “If a girl gets the message that her body or sexuality is a bad thing, and then gets attention for it, she’s very likely to feel ashamed, or humiliated.” Likewise, she says, she is less likely to seek help if she experiences sexual harassment or assault.

In the end, Dr. Anderson says, the message needs to be, “This is not your fault and it should not be your problem, but in case someone behaves badly I want to make sure you have the tools to deal with it in a way that helps you feel, and stay, safe.”

Help her set boundaries

When it comes to setting boundaries parents should start — but not stop — with the basics. “First things first,” says Dr. Dowd. “No one has the right to touch you if you don’t want them to. Whether it’s an arm around your shoulder, a kiss or any kind of sexual contact.” Adds Dr. Anderson: “It’s important for parents to help girls get comfortable with saying no, even if they’re experiencing pressure from friends — or from the other person.”

For many girls, not being mean, or being perceived as mean or unfriendly, is a major concern — and a major pitfall, Dr. Dowd explains. “For example, if a boy has a crush on a girl but she doesn’t feel the same way she might think, ‘He’s a nice person, and I really don’t want to kiss him, but I don’t want to be mean…’” Or maybe she does have a crush on him, but she isn’t ready for the kind of relationship he wants. Telling him no can be hard because she might be afraid he’ll think she’s a prude, or won’t like her anymore..

Girls often get the message that to be liked they have to be nice and accommodating and pleasing. This, Dr. Dowd explains, results in “a struggle to feel like we’re deserving of our boundaries, especially when someone is questioning them.” It’s important to help girls understand that they don’t owe anyone attention, no matter how nice, or popular, or pushy a suitor may be. And any boy worthy of your attention should respect your feelings.

To help your daughter assess her feelings when things get tricky, try coming up with a mental checklist she can run through:

- Does this feel good or bad?
- Are you saying yes because you’re worried about hurting this person’s feelings?
- Does spending time with this person make you happy?
- Do you worry that asking this person to leave you alone could have consequences?
- Are your friends pressuring you to hang out with this person even though you’re not that interested?
- Is this person asking more from you — socially, romantically or sexually, than you feel comfortable giving?

Another important way to empower her is to help her find — and practice — the words to use if someone isn’t respecting her boundaries. For example, she could say, “I don’t like that and I want you to stop.” Or “I’m just not interested” or “I’m not comfortable doing that.”

Pay attention to what she’s watching

“A lot of girl-oriented media focuses on the narrative that being liked or getting attention from boys is something girls should aspire to and be grateful for,” says Dr. Dowd. “We want girls to take a second look at that and ask, ‘But…wait. Does she like him? Is she having any fun?’ ” Parents, she says, should work on helping girls become savvy consumers by teaching them to take a critical eye to media messaging. For example:

- Make time to watch your daughter’s favorite movies or shows together, and use the chance to point out examples of negative (and positive) romantic interactions. For example, “It seems to me like she’s said no a lot of times, but he won’t leave her alone. Does that seem okay to you?”
- Spotlight shows, books and movies that have an empowering message.
- Talk with her about what she reads, posts and watches on her social media feeds.

Talk about street harassment

According to the organization Stop Street Harassment, by the time most girls are in their teens up to 99% have experienced some form of public sexual harassment. “Being catcalled on the street may seem like no big deal, but for a lot of girls the harassment can be deeply unsettling,” says Dr. Dowd.

Parents should be careful not to normalize or dismiss harassment. “Street harassment may be common, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay,” notes Dr. Dowd: “If something happens, make sure your daughter understands that it’s not her job to grin and bear it. Parents can help by talking openly about street harassment and working together with girls to come up with a plan for how they’ll react if it happens. Some ideas could include:

- Asking another woman or a family to walk with her until she’s out of range. “These guys are yelling at me and making me feel uncomfortable. Could I walk with you to the end of the block?”
- Calling a friend or family member and staying on the phone until she feels safe.
- Going into a store or restaurant.
- Crossing the street.
- Taking a picture of the harasser with her phone.
- Calling the behavior out, if she feels safe responding in the situation, for example: “That’s disgusting and it makes me feel really bad.” “Actually, women hate this!”, “Would you talk to your own daughter like that?”

The dad dilemma

While most moms are likely no strangers to unwanted attention, the learning curve may be steeper for dads.

“Culturally, men just don’t get the same messages as women,” says Dr. Dowd. “They’re less likely to have experienced the scary side of unwanted attention, and for a lot of them, hassling or hitting on women might even be something they thought was just fun, or complimentary in the past.”

The reality, she says, is that for a lot of fathers, having a daughter may be the first time they find themselves having to imagine what these experiences are like for women. If dads find themselves struggling to understand why unwanted attention can be so upsetting, they can start by asking the women in their lives if they’d be willing share their own experiences of sexual harassment or unwanted attention.

Staying safe

As girls get older, it’s important to talk honestly about staying safe when they’re hanging out with their friends. Some common sense ground rules include:

- Avoiding alcohol and drugs.
- If she’s going to a party or concert, attending with a group of friends, and making an agreement to watch out for one another.
- Making sure her phone is on and charged, in case she needs to call for a ride or ask for help.
- Not accepting rides from strangers, even ones her own age.
- If someone is making her feel unsafe, make a scene: Get loud, and get out. Do whatever it takes to get away from the person and keep yelling until someone comes to help.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Be supportive

If something does happen — whether it’s a boy who won’t take no for an answer, a pushy friend or a stranger making lewd comments in the street — let your daughter know you have her back, even if she’s not ready to talk about it right away. “Let your daughter know that it’s okay not to feel okay,” says Dr. Dowd. “It’s common to have residual feelings about being harassed, and sometimes it takes a little while for the feeling to set in.” When she is ready to talk, take her seriously and make it clear that you love and support her, no matter what.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can parents help girls deal with unwanted attention?Why do girls have a hard time dealing with unwanted attention?

Many girls have a hard time dealing with unwanted attention because they do not want to be seen as mean or unfriendly. Girls often get the message that, to be liked, they must be accommodating and pleasing.

What should parents do if a girl is getting unwanted attention?

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-helping-girls-deal-with-unwanted-sexual-attention/

How parents can arm daughters to protect both their safety and their boundaries

Writer: Rae Jacobson

Clinical Expert: Dave Anderson, PhD

What You'll Learn

- Why do girls find it hard to respond to unwanted sexual attention?

- How can parents empower girls to push back against unwanted advances?

- How can parents help girls feel comfortable with saying “no”?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Take it seriously

- But don’t catastrophize

- Ditch the blame

- Help her set boundaries

- Pay attention to what she’s watching

- Talk about street harassment

- The dad dilemma

- Staying safe

- Be supportive

For many girls and women, unwanted sexual attention is a fact of life. This ranges from catcalls on the street to romantic or sexual advances that they don’t welcome. Many girls struggle with how to decline unwanted advances because they’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. And when the attention is aggressive or comes from someone older, it can be hard to know how to push back.

Parents can help girls protect both their safety and their boundaries. The first step is taking it seriously — not telling girls who feel uncomfortable or unsafe that they should just get over it. Instead, parents should focus on empowering girls to become their own advocates. An important way to empower her is to help her find — and practice — the words to use if someone isn’t respecting her boundaries. For example, she could say, “I don’t like that and I want you to stop.” Or, “I’m just not interested” or “I’m not comfortable doing that.”

Girls should understand that no one has the right to touch them if they don’t want it. That includes an arm around your shoulder, a kiss or any kind of sexual contact. It’s important for parents to help girls get comfortable with saying no.

For many girls, not being seen as mean or unfriendly is a major concern. Girls often get the message that to be liked, they have to be nice and accommodating and pleasing. But the message should be that anyone worthy of their attention should respect their feelings.

If something does happen — whether it’s a classmate who won’t take no for an answer, a pushy friend, or a stranger making lewd comments in the street — let your daughter know you have her back, even if she’s not ready to talk about it right away. When she is ready to talk, take her seriously and make it clear that you love and support her, no matter what.

“Hey beautiful, gimme a smile.”

“Why won’t you text me back???”

“I know you like me, even if you won’t say it.”

Sound familiar? If you’re female, the answer is probably yes.

Unfortunately, for the majority of women, unwanted sexual and romantic attention is a fact of life. Often beginning around puberty, it can range from awkward to annoying to downright terrifying. Many girls struggle with how to decline a romantic or sexual advance because they’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. And when the attention is aggressive or comes from someone older, it can be hard to know how to push back.

Parents can lay the groundwork to help girls protect both their safety and their boundaries by making sure they’re armed with healthy coping strategies.

Take it seriously

The first step to getting girls geared up to deal with unwanted attention is taking it seriously.

“What parents have to acknowledge is that from the moment their daughters hit puberty they’re likely to get attention,” says David Anderson, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, “and that some of that attention, whether it’s a lewd comment from a stranger, or a boy who won’t take no for an answer, is going to be unwelcome, uncomfortable or even scary.”

While most parents, he says, are aware that unwanted attention happens, what some parents — especially dads who probably haven’t experienced it themselves — may not realize is how common, and how upsetting, it can be.

“We have a tendency to downplay these experiences,” says Stephanie Dowd, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. “But when we say, ‘Oh that’s no big deal, it happens to everyone,’ or suggest that it’s just part of life as a female, we’re implying that girls who feel victimized or upset are overreacting.” Instead, she says parents should send girls a clear message: “their feelings and boundaries are valid, and deserve to be respected.”

But don’t catastrophize

On the flip side, Dr. Anderson says, it’s also important to fight the urge to overreact. “As parents it’s natural to want to protect your child, but realistically you won’t be able to be by her side every day for the rest of her life,” he says. Tempting as it may be to hire a full-time bodyguard, parents should focus on empowering girls to become their own advocates.

“Part of staying safe and feeling comfortable is having the ability to recognize when something is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe,” says Dr. Dowd, “And having the confidence to say, ‘What you’re doing is making me feel bad, and I don’t deserve that.’ ”

Ditch the blame

“One of the biggest mistakes we make when discussing unwanted attention is suggesting that women have somehow brought the problem on themselves,”’ says Dr. Anderson. “Girls who are sexually harassed are not causing the harassment, sexual harassers are. But many end up feeling that without knowing it, they’ve somehow brought this negative interaction on themselves by wearing the wrong outfit, or being ‘too nice.’”

One thing that makes girls more likely to feel they are to blame is the implication that their bodies are somehow dirty or shameful. “Body positivity is so important,” says Dr. Dowd. “If a girl gets the message that her body or sexuality is a bad thing, and then gets attention for it, she’s very likely to feel ashamed, or humiliated.” Likewise, she says, she is less likely to seek help if she experiences sexual harassment or assault.

In the end, Dr. Anderson says, the message needs to be, “This is not your fault and it should not be your problem, but in case someone behaves badly I want to make sure you have the tools to deal with it in a way that helps you feel, and stay, safe.”

Help her set boundaries

When it comes to setting boundaries parents should start — but not stop — with the basics. “First things first,” says Dr. Dowd. “No one has the right to touch you if you don’t want them to. Whether it’s an arm around your shoulder, a kiss or any kind of sexual contact.” Adds Dr. Anderson: “It’s important for parents to help girls get comfortable with saying no, even if they’re experiencing pressure from friends — or from the other person.”

For many girls, not being mean, or being perceived as mean or unfriendly, is a major concern — and a major pitfall, Dr. Dowd explains. “For example, if a boy has a crush on a girl but she doesn’t feel the same way she might think, ‘He’s a nice person, and I really don’t want to kiss him, but I don’t want to be mean…’” Or maybe she does have a crush on him, but she isn’t ready for the kind of relationship he wants. Telling him no can be hard because she might be afraid he’ll think she’s a prude, or won’t like her anymore..

Girls often get the message that to be liked they have to be nice and accommodating and pleasing. This, Dr. Dowd explains, results in “a struggle to feel like we’re deserving of our boundaries, especially when someone is questioning them.” It’s important to help girls understand that they don’t owe anyone attention, no matter how nice, or popular, or pushy a suitor may be. And any boy worthy of your attention should respect your feelings.

To help your daughter assess her feelings when things get tricky, try coming up with a mental checklist she can run through:

- Does this feel good or bad?

- Are you saying yes because you’re worried about hurting this person’s feelings?

- Does spending time with this person make you happy?

- Do you worry that asking this person to leave you alone could have consequences?

- Are your friends pressuring you to hang out with this person even though you’re not that interested?

- Is this person asking more from you — socially, romantically or sexually, than you feel comfortable giving?

Another important way to empower her is to help her find — and practice — the words to use if someone isn’t respecting her boundaries. For example, she could say, “I don’t like that and I want you to stop.” Or “I’m just not interested” or “I’m not comfortable doing that.”

Pay attention to what she’s watching

“A lot of girl-oriented media focuses on the narrative that being liked or getting attention from boys is something girls should aspire to and be grateful for,” says Dr. Dowd. “We want girls to take a second look at that and ask, ‘But…wait. Does she like him? Is she having any fun?’ ” Parents, she says, should work on helping girls become savvy consumers by teaching them to take a critical eye to media messaging. For example:

- Make time to watch your daughter’s favorite movies or shows together, and use the chance to point out examples of negative (and positive) romantic interactions. For example, “It seems to me like she’s said no a lot of times, but he won’t leave her alone. Does that seem okay to you?”

- Spotlight shows, books and movies that have an empowering message.

- Talk with her about what she reads, posts and watches on her social media feeds.

Talk about street harassment

According to the organization Stop Street Harassment, by the time most girls are in their teens up to 99% have experienced some form of public sexual harassment. “Being catcalled on the street may seem like no big deal, but for a lot of girls the harassment can be deeply unsettling,” says Dr. Dowd.

Parents should be careful not to normalize or dismiss harassment. “Street harassment may be common, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay,” notes Dr. Dowd: “If something happens, make sure your daughter understands that it’s not her job to grin and bear it. Parents can help by talking openly about street harassment and working together with girls to come up with a plan for how they’ll react if it happens. Some ideas could include:

- Asking another woman or a family to walk with her until she’s out of range. “These guys are yelling at me and making me feel uncomfortable. Could I walk with you to the end of the block?”

- Calling a friend or family member and staying on the phone until she feels safe.

- Going into a store or restaurant.

- Crossing the street.

- Taking a picture of the harasser with her phone.

- Calling the behavior out, if she feels safe responding in the situation, for example: “That’s disgusting and it makes me feel really bad.” “Actually, women hate this!”, “Would you talk to your own daughter like that?”

The dad dilemma

While most moms are likely no strangers to unwanted attention, the learning curve may be steeper for dads.

“Culturally, men just don’t get the same messages as women,” says Dr. Dowd. “They’re less likely to have experienced the scary side of unwanted attention, and for a lot of them, hassling or hitting on women might even be something they thought was just fun, or complimentary in the past.”

The reality, she says, is that for a lot of fathers, having a daughter may be the first time they find themselves having to imagine what these experiences are like for women. If dads find themselves struggling to understand why unwanted attention can be so upsetting, they can start by asking the women in their lives if they’d be willing share their own experiences of sexual harassment or unwanted attention.

Staying safe

As girls get older, it’s important to talk honestly about staying safe when they’re hanging out with their friends. Some common sense ground rules include:

- Avoiding alcohol and drugs.

- If she’s going to a party or concert, attending with a group of friends, and making an agreement to watch out for one another.

- Making sure her phone is on and charged, in case she needs to call for a ride or ask for help.

- Not accepting rides from strangers, even ones her own age.

- If someone is making her feel unsafe, make a scene: Get loud, and get out. Do whatever it takes to get away from the person and keep yelling until someone comes to help.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Be supportive

If something does happen — whether it’s a boy who won’t take no for an answer, a pushy friend or a stranger making lewd comments in the street — let your daughter know you have her back, even if she’s not ready to talk about it right away. “Let your daughter know that it’s okay not to feel okay,” says Dr. Dowd. “It’s common to have residual feelings about being harassed, and sometimes it takes a little while for the feeling to set in.” When she is ready to talk, take her seriously and make it clear that you love and support her, no matter what.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can parents help girls deal with unwanted attention?Why do girls have a hard time dealing with unwanted attention?

Many girls have a hard time dealing with unwanted attention because they do not want to be seen as mean or unfriendly. Girls often get the message that, to be liked, they must be accommodating and pleasing.

What should parents do if a girl is getting unwanted attention? https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-helping-girls-deal-with-unwanted-sexual-attention/

How parents can arm daughters to protect both their safety and their boundaries

Writer: Rae Jacobson

Clinical Expert: Dave Anderson, PhD

What You'll Learn

- Why do girls find it hard to respond to unwanted sexual attention?

- How can parents empower girls to push back against unwanted advances?

- How can parents help girls feel comfortable with saying “no”?

- Quick Read

- Full Article

- Take it seriously

- But don’t catastrophize

- Ditch the blame

- Help her set boundaries

- Pay attention to what she’s watching

- Talk about street harassment

- The dad dilemma

- Staying safe

- Be supportive

For many girls and women, unwanted sexual attention is a fact of life. This ranges from catcalls on the street to romantic or sexual advances that they don’t welcome. Many girls struggle with how to decline unwanted advances because they’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. And when the attention is aggressive or comes from someone older, it can be hard to know how to push back.

Parents can help girls protect both their safety and their boundaries. The first step is taking it seriously — not telling girls who feel uncomfortable or unsafe that they should just get over it. Instead, parents should focus on empowering girls to become their own advocates. An important way to empower her is to help her find — and practice — the words to use if someone isn’t respecting her boundaries. For example, she could say, “I don’t like that and I want you to stop.” Or, “I’m just not interested” or “I’m not comfortable doing that.”

Girls should understand that no one has the right to touch them if they don’t want it. That includes an arm around your shoulder, a kiss or any kind of sexual contact. It’s important for parents to help girls get comfortable with saying no.

For many girls, not being seen as mean or unfriendly is a major concern. Girls often get the message that to be liked, they have to be nice and accommodating and pleasing. But the message should be that anyone worthy of their attention should respect their feelings.

If something does happen — whether it’s a classmate who won’t take no for an answer, a pushy friend, or a stranger making lewd comments in the street — let your daughter know you have her back, even if she’s not ready to talk about it right away. When she is ready to talk, take her seriously and make it clear that you love and support her, no matter what.

“Hey beautiful, gimme a smile.”

“Why won’t you text me back???”

“I know you like me, even if you won’t say it.”

Sound familiar? If you’re female, the answer is probably yes.

Unfortunately, for the majority of women, unwanted sexual and romantic attention is a fact of life. Often beginning around puberty, it can range from awkward to annoying to downright terrifying. Many girls struggle with how to decline a romantic or sexual advance because they’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. And when the attention is aggressive or comes from someone older, it can be hard to know how to push back.

Parents can lay the groundwork to help girls protect both their safety and their boundaries by making sure they’re armed with healthy coping strategies.

Take it seriously

The first step to getting girls geared up to deal with unwanted attention is taking it seriously.

“What parents have to acknowledge is that from the moment their daughters hit puberty they’re likely to get attention,” says David Anderson, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, “and that some of that attention, whether it’s a lewd comment from a stranger, or a boy who won’t take no for an answer, is going to be unwelcome, uncomfortable or even scary.”

While most parents, he says, are aware that unwanted attention happens, what some parents — especially dads who probably haven’t experienced it themselves — may not realize is how common, and how upsetting, it can be.

“We have a tendency to downplay these experiences,” says Stephanie Dowd, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. “But when we say, ‘Oh that’s no big deal, it happens to everyone,’ or suggest that it’s just part of life as a female, we’re implying that girls who feel victimized or upset are overreacting.” Instead, she says parents should send girls a clear message: “their feelings and boundaries are valid, and deserve to be respected.”

But don’t catastrophize

On the flip side, Dr. Anderson says, it’s also important to fight the urge to overreact. “As parents it’s natural to want to protect your child, but realistically you won’t be able to be by her side every day for the rest of her life,” he says. Tempting as it may be to hire a full-time bodyguard, parents should focus on empowering girls to become their own advocates.

“Part of staying safe and feeling comfortable is having the ability to recognize when something is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe,” says Dr. Dowd, “And having the confidence to say, ‘What you’re doing is making me feel bad, and I don’t deserve that.’ ”

Ditch the blame

“One of the biggest mistakes we make when discussing unwanted attention is suggesting that women have somehow brought the problem on themselves,”’ says Dr. Anderson. “Girls who are sexually harassed are not causing the harassment, sexual harassers are. But many end up feeling that without knowing it, they’ve somehow brought this negative interaction on themselves by wearing the wrong outfit, or being ‘too nice.’”

One thing that makes girls more likely to feel they are to blame is the implication that their bodies are somehow dirty or shameful. “Body positivity is so important,” says Dr. Dowd. “If a girl gets the message that her body or sexuality is a bad thing, and then gets attention for it, she’s very likely to feel ashamed, or humiliated.” Likewise, she says, she is less likely to seek help if she experiences sexual harassment or assault.

In the end, Dr. Anderson says, the message needs to be, “This is not your fault and it should not be your problem, but in case someone behaves badly I want to make sure you have the tools to deal with it in a way that helps you feel, and stay, safe.”

Help her set boundaries

When it comes to setting boundaries parents should start — but not stop — with the basics. “First things first,” says Dr. Dowd. “No one has the right to touch you if you don’t want them to. Whether it’s an arm around your shoulder, a kiss or any kind of sexual contact.” Adds Dr. Anderson: “It’s important for parents to help girls get comfortable with saying no, even if they’re experiencing pressure from friends — or from the other person.”

For many girls, not being mean, or being perceived as mean or unfriendly, is a major concern — and a major pitfall, Dr. Dowd explains. “For example, if a boy has a crush on a girl but she doesn’t feel the same way she might think, ‘He’s a nice person, and I really don’t want to kiss him, but I don’t want to be mean…’” Or maybe she does have a crush on him, but she isn’t ready for the kind of relationship he wants. Telling him no can be hard because she might be afraid he’ll think she’s a prude, or won’t like her anymore..

Girls often get the message that to be liked they have to be nice and accommodating and pleasing. This, Dr. Dowd explains, results in “a struggle to feel like we’re deserving of our boundaries, especially when someone is questioning them.” It’s important to help girls understand that they don’t owe anyone attention, no matter how nice, or popular, or pushy a suitor may be. And any boy worthy of your attention should respect your feelings.

To help your daughter assess her feelings when things get tricky, try coming up with a mental checklist she can run through:

- Does this feel good or bad?

- Are you saying yes because you’re worried about hurting this person’s feelings?

- Does spending time with this person make you happy?

- Do you worry that asking this person to leave you alone could have consequences?

- Are your friends pressuring you to hang out with this person even though you’re not that interested?

- Is this person asking more from you — socially, romantically or sexually, than you feel comfortable giving?

Another important way to empower her is to help her find — and practice — the words to use if someone isn’t respecting her boundaries. For example, she could say, “I don’t like that and I want you to stop.” Or “I’m just not interested” or “I’m not comfortable doing that.”

Pay attention to what she’s watching

“A lot of girl-oriented media focuses on the narrative that being liked or getting attention from boys is something girls should aspire to and be grateful for,” says Dr. Dowd. “We want girls to take a second look at that and ask, ‘But…wait. Does she like him? Is she having any fun?’ ” Parents, she says, should work on helping girls become savvy consumers by teaching them to take a critical eye to media messaging. For example:

- Make time to watch your daughter’s favorite movies or shows together, and use the chance to point out examples of negative (and positive) romantic interactions. For example, “It seems to me like she’s said no a lot of times, but he won’t leave her alone. Does that seem okay to you?”

- Spotlight shows, books and movies that have an empowering message.

- Talk with her about what she reads, posts and watches on her social media feeds.

Talk about street harassment

According to the organization Stop Street Harassment, by the time most girls are in their teens up to 99% have experienced some form of public sexual harassment. “Being catcalled on the street may seem like no big deal, but for a lot of girls the harassment can be deeply unsettling,” says Dr. Dowd.

Parents should be careful not to normalize or dismiss harassment. “Street harassment may be common, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay,” notes Dr. Dowd: “If something happens, make sure your daughter understands that it’s not her job to grin and bear it. Parents can help by talking openly about street harassment and working together with girls to come up with a plan for how they’ll react if it happens. Some ideas could include:

- Asking another woman or a family to walk with her until she’s out of range. “These guys are yelling at me and making me feel uncomfortable. Could I walk with you to the end of the block?”

- Calling a friend or family member and staying on the phone until she feels safe.

- Going into a store or restaurant.

- Crossing the street.

- Taking a picture of the harasser with her phone.

- Calling the behavior out, if she feels safe responding in the situation, for example: “That’s disgusting and it makes me feel really bad.” “Actually, women hate this!”, “Would you talk to your own daughter like that?”

The dad dilemma

While most moms are likely no strangers to unwanted attention, the learning curve may be steeper for dads.

“Culturally, men just don’t get the same messages as women,” says Dr. Dowd. “They’re less likely to have experienced the scary side of unwanted attention, and for a lot of them, hassling or hitting on women might even be something they thought was just fun, or complimentary in the past.”

The reality, she says, is that for a lot of fathers, having a daughter may be the first time they find themselves having to imagine what these experiences are like for women. If dads find themselves struggling to understand why unwanted attention can be so upsetting, they can start by asking the women in their lives if they’d be willing share their own experiences of sexual harassment or unwanted attention.

Staying safe

As girls get older, it’s important to talk honestly about staying safe when they’re hanging out with their friends. Some common sense ground rules include:

- Avoiding alcohol and drugs.

- If she’s going to a party or concert, attending with a group of friends, and making an agreement to watch out for one another.

- Making sure her phone is on and charged, in case she needs to call for a ride or ask for help.

- Not accepting rides from strangers, even ones her own age.

- If someone is making her feel unsafe, make a scene: Get loud, and get out. Do whatever it takes to get away from the person and keep yelling until someone comes to help.

#James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Be supportive

If something does happen — whether it’s a boy who won’t take no for an answer, a pushy friend or a stranger making lewd comments in the street — let your daughter know you have her back, even if she’s not ready to talk about it right away. “Let your daughter know that it’s okay not to feel okay,” says Dr. Dowd. “It’s common to have residual feelings about being harassed, and sometimes it takes a little while for the feeling to set in.” When she is ready to talk, take her seriously and make it clear that you love and support her, no matter what.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can parents help girls deal with unwanted attention?Why do girls have a hard time dealing with unwanted attention?

Many girls have a hard time dealing with unwanted attention because they do not want to be seen as mean or unfriendly. Girls often get the message that, to be liked, they must be accommodating and pleasing.

What should parents do if a girl is getting unwanted attention? https://standingabovethecrowd.com/?p=15408

James Donaldson on Mental Health - What to say and how to help if someone close to you has attempted suicide

Adam Pretty

If someone close to you has attempted suicide, you may be feeling scared, confused or overwhelmed.

You’re not alone – the most recent data shows more than one in three Australians have been close to someone who has died by or attempted suicide.

Talking about suicide can be really hard. But your support can make a big difference. Here’s what you can do to support someone after a suicide attempt.

It’s OK not to have all the answers

The days and weeks after a suicide attempt are often full of intense emotion — for the person who attempted and those who care about them.

Your loved one might feel guilt, shame, anger, confusion or relief. They might also be tired, both physically and emotionally. Meanwhile, you might feel worried, shocked, helpless, or unsure about what to say.

All of these feelings are normal. There’s no “right” way to feel in this situation. But staying connected and offering care (even in small ways) is one of the most powerful things you can do.

How you can help: emotional support

It’s OK to acknowledge the suicide attempt – avoiding it can add to feelings of stigma or isolation. But you don’t need to ask for details, and if you feel overwhelmed it’s also OK to set gentle boundaries.

If you’re unsure what to say, you can be honest about that.

Just be there. Let your loved one know you’re there to listen, without pressure or judgement.

Don’t rush the conversation. If they’re not ready to talk, that’s OK. Let them set the pace.

Avoid guilt or blame. Saying things like “how could you do this to us?” can make someone feel worse. Instead, say something like: “I’m really glad you’re still here. I care about you.”

Reassure them. Tell them they’re not alone and that it’s OK to ask for help.

How you can help: practical support

Offer help with everyday tasks, such as going to appointments, making meals or tidying up.

Encourage (but don’t force) activities they enjoy – maybe a walk, a movie, or just hanging out quietly.

If you’re not sure what would help, ask. Try: “What would make today a bit easier for you?”

Try not to take it personally if they seem withdrawn or say “nothing will help”. They may be feeling overwhelmed.

Stay with them, if they’re open to it, or check in later with a text message. Small acts that don’t require a response, such as dropping off a meal, can go a long way.

You don’t have to do this alone

Supporting someone after a suicide attempt can be both physically and emotionally draining. You might find yourself constantly alert, watching for signs they might be struggling again. This “hypervigilance” is normal, but remember – you don’t have to do this alone.

One person is not a support network. While your care and support make a real difference, professional help is essential too, whether from a psychologist, doctor or counsellor.

It can also help to bring in other trusted people, such as siblings, parents, friends or teachers. Ask your loved one who they’d like to involve, and how.

Support works best when shared.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

If you’re worried it might happen again

Mental health professionals often help create a safety plan after a suicide attempt.

This is a step-by-step guide for what to do if suicidal thoughts come back. It usually includes information such as warning signs, how to reduce immediate risks, and strategies to use in the moment.

A plan can also involve personal motivations to keep going and a list of resources, trusted people and emergency contacts.

Lifeline has a free app called Beyond Now, where a plan can be written, saved, and shared with trusted people.

If you want to – and your loved one is open to it – ask if you can be part of the plan or at least know what to do if they’re in crisis again.

Don’t forget: your wellbeing matters too

This situation can take a toll on your own wellbeing. You might feel anxious, tired, sad, or even guilty, and struggle with sleep or appetite.

It’s OK to not be OK.

Make time to look after yourself – eat well, rest, move your body and talk to people you trust. You don’t need to share private details about your loved one to get the support you need.

If it feels overwhelming, speak to a doctor or therapist. Your GP can help set up a mental health treatment plan, which helps you access subsidised counselling.

And if you ever have thoughts of suicide yourself, or you’re deeply worried about someone, reach out – help is available 24/7.

Recovery is different for everyone

Recovery after a suicide attempt doesn’t follow a set path – it’s different for everyone. It may involve professional support, medication, changes in routine, or time off from work or school. Rebuilding takes time and often comes with ups and downs.

Patience and compassion – for your loved one and yourself – can make all the difference.

Remember, you’re not alone, and there is help available.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-what-to-say-and-how-to-help-if-someone-close-to-you-has-attempted-suicide/

James Donaldson on Mental Health - ‘It’s the perfect storm’: why are people with eating disorders at risk of suicide? A qualitative study

Eating Disorder
- Una Foye, Saakshi Kakar, Niamh McNamara, Agnieszka Musial, Tom Jewell, Jessica R. Griffiths, Carol Kan, Gerome Breen, Rachel Rowan Olive, T. Suratwala, Aman Sidhu, Lizzie Mitchell, George Mycock, Katie Graden, Saskia Evans Perks, Elia Chitwa, Holly Whitehead, Ulrike Schmidt, Rina Dutta & Moritz Herle 

Abstract

Background

Eating disorders (EDs) are associated with elevated all-cause mortality, with suicide cited as the second leading cause of death among individuals with EDs. Evidence suggests that individuals with anorexia nervosa are 18 times, and those with bulimia nervosa seven times more likely to die by suicide, relative to gender- and age-matched comparison groups. Limited research has focused on why people with EDs experience such high rates of suicidality. The study aims to gather perspectives from people with lived experience of an ED and clinicians working with EDs to understand suicidality among people with EDs.

Methods

Using a qualitative design, we conducted semi-structured interviews with people with lived experience of an ED (n?=?30), and clinicians who work with people with EDs (n?=?19). Participants with lived experience presented with a range of EDs. Clinicians worked across a range of service settings as well as adolescent and adult services. We used a multi-perspective reflexive thematic analysis to code the data and generate the themes.

Results

Key themes identified include ‘no way out’: the unique role of eating disorders in suicidality across illness and recovery, the outsider experience: feeling unseen, misunderstood, and burdensome, sparks of hope: protective Factors against suicidality, and ‘they only see weight’: how gaps in ED care reinforce isolation and risk. These findings underscore the complex and multifaceted reasons why people with EDs are at risk of suicide, acknowledging the unique risk factors associated with the illness itself as well as the various risk periods that affect those with EDs.

Conclusions

The results are novel and illuminate psychological processes that are not currently incorporated within existing theoretical models of suicide, indicating that prevailing frameworks may lack the specificity or sensitivity required to account for the distinctive experiences of individuals with EDs. Consequently, these findings provide preliminary evidence to inform the development of a more nuanced theoretical model of suicidality specific to this population. Moreover, they suggest potential targets for intervention and highlight the need to critically evaluate treatment approaches that prioritise rapid symptom remission, which may, at times, exceed individuals’ psychological capacity to cope.

Peer Review reports

Background

Eating disorders (EDs), such as anorexia nervosa (AN), bulimia nervosa (BN), binge eating disorder (BED), avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID), and otherwise specified feeding and eating disorder (OSFED), are a major global health concern, with rising incidence rates internationally since the COVID-19 pandemic . While reported mortality rates have decreased over time , EDs remain associated with elevated all-cause mortality risk . Suicide is a leading cause of death among people with EDs, and suicidal behaviour and self-harm are elevated in this group relative to the general population . Studies have found that people with AN are 18 times more likely to die by suicide, and those with BN are seven times more likely to die by suicide, relative to gender and age-matched comparison groups . Figures show that up to a third of people with lived experience of EDs, across the range of diagnoses, have attempted suicide . Furthermore, studies have shown that people with EDs have significantly higher rates of both non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) and suicidal ideation compared to healthy and psychiatric control groups .

Although previous literature has consistently demonstrated that individuals with EDs are at heightened risk of suicide, limited research explores the underlying reasons for the elevated rates of suicidal ideation and behaviour in this population. A meta-analysis found that having an ED alone does not fully explain the high suicide rates observed in this population . The findings indicate that disordered eating symptoms are weak predictors of suicide attempts and do not predict death by suicide.

Various explanations for the co-occurrence of suicidality and EDs have been suggested. Previous explanations explored this link using existing psychological theories of suicidality, such as the Interpersonal Theory of Suicide (IPTS) . The IPTS is one of the most influential theories in suicidality and proposes that individuals are at risk of suicide if they simultaneously experience three factors: thwarted belonging (e.g. the feeling of being alienated from others), perceived burdensomeness (e.g. the feeling of being a burden or liability to others and belief that others would benefit from one’s death) and Acquired Capability for Suicide (ACS) (e.g. lowered fearlessness about death and an elevated tolerance of physical pain resulting from habituation to painful and/or provocative events) . Reviews of research findings suggest this theoretical framework does not fully explain the complex nature of EDs increased risk of suicide . Reviews have identified a wide range of factors, including illness severity, co-occurring psychiatric illnesses (including borderline personality disorder and substance abuse), excessive exercise, and alexithymia, as possible risk factors explaining the ED-suicide link . These exemplify the complex challenges faced by suicide theories in accounting for the ED–suicide link .

Overall, the literature highlights that EDs are consistently associated with elevated rates of suicidality, including suicidal ideation, attempts, and completed suicide. However, the nature of this relationship remains poorly understood. While numerous studies have demonstrated a strong link between EDs and suicidality, it is unclear to what extent EDs directly contribute to increased suicide risk or whether this association is influenced by other psychological, biological, or social factors. Existing theoretical models of suicide do not fully account for the unique experiences and risk mechanisms specific to individuals with EDs. Therefore, further research is needed to elucidate the pathways through which EDs may elevate suicidality, which could inform the development of targeted interventions and refined theoretical frameworks.

Qualitative research can support such development by exploring novel themes that intertwine across theories and thus provide insights into the driving factors for suicidality in this group, as exemplified by qualitative work in the area of self-harm . To the authors’ knowledge, there are no studies to date that utilise a qualitative interview methodology to explore suicidality risk for people with EDs.

Aim

The purpose of this research was to develop a more detailed and nuanced understanding of the inter-relationship between EDs and increased risk of suicidality. We aimed to do this through exploring the experiences and perspectives of people living with an ED and healthcare participants who work with EDs. By including both perspectives, we aimed to provide a range of diverse perspectives on this issue to further inform treatment interventions.

#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation
website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy

Click Here For More Information About James Donaldson

Methods

Design

We used an exploratory qualitative approach and conducted semi-structured interviews with people with lived experience of EDs and suicidality, and healthcare professionals who have experience working with individuals with EDs.

Sample selection, eligibility, and recruitment

The study recruited two groups of participants: those with lived experience of an ED and suicidality (lived experience participants), and those who had experience working with people with EDs (healthcare participants). Inclusion and exclusion criteria are described in Table 1.Table 1 Eligibility criteria for participants

Full size table

The study was advertised via social media platforms (e.g. personal and institutional X accounts), the MQ Participate platform (a platform that connects researchers who are looking for participants for their research), and via a range of healthcare professional and charity networks, e.g. First Steps ED. Advertisement posters included information about the study, e.g. the study title and aim (‘we are recruiting for a new study entitled ‘Why are people with eating disorders at high risk of suicide?’ that we would like to invite you to take part in. This project will help us to better understand why people with eating disorders are at a high risk of suicide.’), inclusion criteria, and a link to a Microsoft Forms screening questionnaire in which participants were provided with additional information about study participation (e.g. ‘taking part in this study would involve having a 1–2-1 interview with a member of our research team about your experiences and views on this topic, which may involve asking some sensitive questions about suicide, self-harm, eating disorders’) followed by a list of questions to register their interest in participation, their contact details, and screening questions to confirm eligibility. Eligible participants were sent the relevant Participant Information Sheet (PIS), with separate versions for lived experience and healthcare participants. Participants were asked to read the PIS and consider if they wished to participate and were given time to ask any questions about the study. Interested participants were placed on a waiting list for an interview date. Due to high interest, quota sampling was used to ensure diversity of participants. Quota sampling is a method for selecting numbers of subjects to represent the conditions to be studied with the goal of inclusion of people who may be underrepresented by convenience or purposeful sampling techniques . For those with lived experience of an ED, we considered diversity in recruitment related to key demographics such as gender (to ensure the inclusion of male, non-binary and trans people), a range of ethnic and cultural backgrounds, those with neurodivergence, a range of ED diagnoses, and a range of treatment experiences (including those with no experience of treatment, community only and inpatient treatment experience). For healthcare professionals, we aimed to include a diverse range of participants from a range of disciplines, care settings, and years of experience working with ED. To ensure diversity, we used targeted recruitment (e.g. contacting organisations such as male ED charities to circulate recruitment materials via their networks) and kept an ongoing record of the key demographics and backgrounds of people we interviewed, reviewing this routinely to ensure we were accessing a range of experiences and views from a diverse group of participants. Ineligible participants and those who were not selected for interview due to high interest were sent an email thanking them for their interest.

Procedure

Semi-structured individual research interviews were conducted between December 2023 and April 2024. Drawing on existing literature, semi-structured interview topic guides were developed in collaboration with our Lived Experience Advisory Panel (LEAP). Guides consisted of key questions on topics related to EDs and suicidality, including asking about their experience of this, why they felt people with EDs were at high risk of suicide, and what protective factors against suicidality exist for people with EDs. Questions included asking about participants’ experience of having an ED and suicidality or working with people with EDs who experienced suicidality, exploring if participants’ view on the ED-suicide link (e.g. ‘thinking about your own experiences, do you think eating disorders are linked to high rates of suicidality, and why/why not?’, ‘why do you think people with EDs might experience suicidality?’), what factors may be associated with suicide risk for people with EDs, and what protective factors help people who have EDs and experience these risks/suicidality. These topic guides were used as a flexible tool to direct participants towards the key research questions.

Participants were invited to take part in an interview with the lead author (UF) at a time and date that was convenient to them, either remotely or within the university. Prior to the interview, participants were provided with a copy of the PIS and consent form that would be used on the day of the interview. Eligible participants were sent copies of the participant information sheet at least 24 h before the interview. Due to the sensitive nature of the interview, the lived experience participants were asked to provide contact details for a family member or friend that the research team could contact if they had concerns for the participant’s safety during the interview.

Interviews were scheduled for 1 h with an additional 15 min before and after to obtain informed consent and answer any questions. Participation was voluntary and participants were free to withdraw at any time. Informed consent was obtained from all participants prior to the interview, either in written form or verbally recorded. Interviews were audio-recorded and saved to an encrypted server. To thank participants for their time and sharing their experiences, we offered a £25 voucher following the interview. Audio recordings were transcribed verbatim by an external company, and the research team checked the transcripts for accuracy and pseudonymised data. All transcripts were allocated a unique ID number and imported to NVivo for analysis.

Philosophical positioning and analytic approach

This study employed reflexive thematic analysis (RTA) , underpinned by a critical realist perspective. This position recognises that participants’ experiences are real and meaningful, while also shaped by wider social, cultural, and relational contexts . The analysis aimed to explore not only what participants reported, but how they made sense of their experiences.

Interpretation was informed by existing literature on EDs, suicidality, and mental health, which helped contextualise findings and highlight meaningful patterns. Themes were viewed as constructed through the analytic process, shaped by the studies’ questions, and researchers’ values and interpretive lens.

Data analysis

Interviews were recorded, transcribed, and anonymised prior to coding. We undertook a multi-perspective RTA following the phases and definitions outlined by Braun and Clarke . The aim of this data analysis was to develop an understanding of participants’ experiences and beliefs around if and why suicide risk is high among people with EDs, and the risk and protective factors associated with suicide among people with EDs. The analysis used an inductive approach to the data coding in which themes were selected based on the data collected rather than to fit pre-existing codes. This method enabled deep exploration of the data due to its flexibility, which allowed themes to highlight the similarities and differences between differing participant groups involved in the research. Guided by the overarching study aim, members of the research team (authors UF, SK, AM, and MH) read and re-read the interview transcripts to identify preliminary codes.

https://standingabovethecrowd.com/james-donaldson-on-mental-health-its-the-perfect-storm-why-are-people-with-eating-disorders-at-risk-of-suicide-a-qualitative-study/