Standing Above the Crowd Chapter Summaries and Excerps - Chapter 16: - Make An Agreement With Yourself

Throughout my life, whether as a professional athlete, a business owner, or a politician, I have come to realize that if we are not true to ourselves, we will get pulled back and forth without a stable support system by the various people and events we encounter. So as we come to the last couple of chapters in this book, I want to emphasize the importance of being true to yourself, and the best way you can do that is to make promises or agreements to yourself that you do not break.

One of the best books I’ve read in recent memory is The Four Agreements by Juan Miguel Ruiz. It gives a great overview of how we’re conditioned as young people, and then we spend the rest of our lives trying to deal with these “conditional” relationships we’ve formed with significant people (parents, siblings, teachers, and the like) in which we continue to grow further and further from who we “really are” in an ever-increasingly frustrating attempt to please them and fulfill whatever sense of attachment, appreciation, and love we seek. Ruiz explains, by contrast, that we really only need to make four agreements with ourselves and others. Below are the main points Ruiz makes, but I encourage you to read all of The Four Agreements for further understanding about making agreements with ourselves and others.

The Four Agreements

Be Impeccable With Your Word

Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Don’t Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you, or at least rarely is any of it directly because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dreams. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Don’t Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are tired as opposed to well-rested. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

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